Some things you never grow out of, but may learn to love more…

Rugrat /All grown up

Hey guys, long time ey... Sorry about that... Just had a bit of writers block for this chapter... I will try and update more regular from now on... Anyway thanks for the reviews and sorry for keeping you in suspense so long...

Chapter 14: Two's a couple, Eight's a gang… (Part 3)

Disclaimer: I do not own Rugrat/ All Grown up or any of their characters

Tommy nodded, knowing that tonight they have went too far to turn back now… He straightened out of her embrace, his eyes growing hard. He wanted to turn away from her stare like a coward. But he was done being a coward. He was done running from what he did. From what he was. And he knew that after this nothing would be the same ever again. Kimi watched how the emotions played on his face, hurting at each in every one of them. With his eyes never leaving hers she could only stare in widened shock at his whispered admission. "I'm the reason, Nathan Mitchell is dead…"

"What?" Kimi asked in her dumbstruck state. Never in a million years would she have registered what Tommy just confessed to if she never saw him do it with her own eyes. She still had a hard time understanding. "I don't understand…"

Tommy stood, his back to her. He didn't want to feel like she had to face the monster he was. He couldn't bear to see the disapproving emotions in her eyes. He hugged himself repeating the one thing that stole his sleep at night. "Nathan is dead, Kimi. It was my fault. What is not to understand?" He said his voice cold and harsh.

Kimi was able to stand through her shaky legs. She shook her head. "I don't believe you Tommy."

Tommy whirled around, his laugh was full with despair. He walked towards her, his eyes dark, his expression pained. "What do you expect me to say, Kimi? That this is some elaborate hoax." He laughed dryly again, driving a shiver down her body. He placed two rough hands on her shoulders. "I assure you it is not! A boy is dead. A nineteen year old boy, Kimi. He had his whole life ahead of him. And now he is dead and it's all because of me!" A sob ripped from his throat as his legs gave way. "Because of me…" He cried as her arms instinctively wrapped around him. "Because of me…" He breathed into the crook of her neck.

Kimi held on tight as if both their lives dependant on it. She was in shock no doubt but she couldn't seem to let go. She refused to see Tommy through his own distasteful eyes. He just wanted capable of it, of anything with in those terms. She squeezed her eyes tight as she let him ride out this wave of tears. "Shshsh…" She cooed. Eventually they were both standing in silence, both wide eyed and stung. Kimi pulled back slightly, looking up into his handsome face. She ran a hand through his hair their gaze never failing. He stared at her, unbelieving to his eyes the empathy it had, the empathy he didn't feel he deserved. He tried severing their stare but she held him in place shaking her head. "I need to know what happened…" Tommy's eyes grew wide. "Please Tommy, tell me what happened. I don't want to hear it from some play, I need to hear it from you." His eyes shut, feeling the breeze stream through his hair as he nodded…

Flashback LA

"Okay that's a wrap!" Tommy shouted from his director's chair with a grin. Every one disembarking the set, conversations going on in every direction for the holiday break. Tommy opened the cap off his water bottle taking a generous sip. He set it back on the table turning around to see his favourite intern leaning against a beam a smug smile on his face. Tommy grinned at the nineteen year old African American boy with warm chocolate eyes and killer dimples. In short he was the cute smart guy that every woman he came into contact with fell hopelessly in love. And his talented vision reminded Tommy of himself at that age. He could see the kid would go far. "What?" Tommy stopped dead, looking around his person to make sense of Nathan's smile.

Nathan grinned as he handed Tommy his lunch bag. "You've got some explaining to do Mr. Pickles."

"Nath, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Tommy? You make me sound old and I'm only five years older than you." Tommy rolled his eyes.

Nathan considered him with humor in his eyes. "That is pretty old."

"Oh-ho." Tommy set his lunch on the table, eyes narrowed. "You want to go Kiddo?" He raised his fists.

Nathan chuckled like it was the most hilarious thing in the world. "My mama sez I'm not allowed to hit senior citizens."

Tommy couldn't help but chuckle himself and picked up his lunch. "Shut up kid. So what do I need to explain to you?" He asked as they entered his trailer.

Nathan relaxed onto the couch kicking off his shoes and setting them of the rim. He felt at home in Tommy's trailer and Tommy never expected any less. "Oh I don't know…" Nathan beamed. "Maybe this…" He held out a photo, fanning himself with it.

Tommy jerked up, realizing what he had, trying to pry it out of Nathan's hands. But Nathan was already up using his height as an advantage as much as he could in the vertical restricting trailer. "Who is she Tommy?" Nathan teased him with the small snapshot.

"No one." Tommy jumped up trying to grab at it.

Nathan's eyebrows rose. "Doesn't seem like no one by the way you acting." He grinned letting Tommy pry it right out of his hand.

"She is no one, okay!" Tommy snapped.

Nathan smiled knowingly. "Touchy I see…" Earning him a glare from the director as Tommy stuck the photo into his pocket. Nathan sat back down, turning the aircon up using the remote. "She is really pretty, you know."

Tommy took a sip of his water and sighed. "I know."

"So does no one have a name?" Nathan closed his eyes, arms tucked behind his head.

Tommy took a deep breath, letting it out as he relaxed back into his sofa. "Kimberly Finster. But she hates it when you call her by her full name, so Kimi." A small smile played on his face.

"Ah, when did you meet her?"

"I don't remember, actually I don't remember a time not knowing her."

"So you were childhood friends?"

"Yes, but there were eight of us." Tommy smiled at the memory of his friends.

"Close friends?"

Tommy's face held some hurt in it as he spoke dazed. "The closest…"

"So when did you figure out you were in love with her?"

"When I was elev-" Tommy broke out of his stroll down memory lane and glared at his friend, realizing he just got suckered. "Dammit Nathan, you are worse than Phil!"

Nathan chuckled in his deep voice. "Who is Phil?"

Tommy grinned shaking his head. "One of my friends that could pry anything from us."

"You know what I find weird Tommy?"

"What's that?"

"That if they are such close friends how come I have never heard you talk about them?" Nathan inquired.

"It's just I'm preoccupied most of the time with three big movies coming up…" Tommy shrugged as he headed into his bedroom.

"That's a stupid excuse and you know it."

Tommy whirled around. "You do know I'm the boss, right?"

Nathan gave him his signature good-natured grin. "I think I heard something about that…"

Tommy shook his head unable to conceal his smirk. "I should fire you on the spot."

The intern waved his friend off. "I get paid peanuts anyway, what difference would it make?"

Tommy rolled his eyes as he shut his door. "Just get dressed would you? We got a party to attend."

Nathan smiled, pulling his shirt over his head. His toned abdomen glowing in the dying sun as he opened the closet pulling out a fresh shirt. As he buttoned up his shirt he knew that this conversation was far from over.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Tommy and Nathan were inseparable ever since the start of the internship. Tommy taking Nathan under his wing seeing a spark in the young talent. He just couldn't explain it but whenever the kid was near him he didn't miss his own friends as much, possibly trying to fill a void that had dug into him deeply. To him his career and being the best at what he did was the utmost priority. Together they walked into Vertigo, a new up and coming exclusive night club. The place was filled with Hollywood's neon light vibe and the music had a classy beat. Nodding to the beat they met their acquaintances at the corner of the VIP lounge.

"Tom!" One of the blonde models screeched as she engulfed him in an enormous hug.

Tommy chuckled. "Hi Liz, how are you?" He kissed her cheek. It was just one of the formalities of being an important big time director and the elite entourage that came with it.

"I'm great, isn't this place great?" She beamed those perfect white teeth at him.

"Oh, yeah…" He grinned awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. It was a bit to neon for his liking but at least the music was good.

She turned her attention to Tommy's studly six foot companion. "And who might this be?" She gave Nathan a flirtatious smirk, running the tip of her nails down his arms.

Tommy grinned at the flustered look the intern wore. "This is my intern Nathan… Nathan, I'm sure you know Elizabeth Ranger."

Nathan could only nod dumbly. She was one of the best new talents of the year, taking the modeling world by storm. "Um, nice to meet you…" He shuffled his feet.

Liz giggled with her hand in front of her mouth. "Oh Tom, he is so adorable where did you find him."

Tommy chuckled at the shy nature of his intern. "Actually he found me. He is really good."

"Well I do learn from the best…" Nathan cut in trying to involve himself in the conversation instead of being its subject.

"Well that is true…" Tommy smirked, confidently.

Liz smiled slowly, seductively at the intern. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"I'm underage…" He admitted sheepishly.

"Hmmm, well that is too bad." She leaned up and whispered in his ear. "When you decide you're not, I'll be in the lounge." She let her tongue briefly touch his ear before strutting away, leaving the poor intern shell shocked.

Tommy just chuckled, holding his stomach. "Shut up." Nathan glared at him.

"Dude, I can't believe you didn't take her up on her offer." Tommy still laughing. "She is Elizabeth Ranger."

"To be honest, she scares me." Nathan shook his head laughing as well.

The director just grinned, smacking his intern playfully on the back. "As that you should be. Welcome to Hollywood kid."

They both mingled with a few more famous people, dancing with models and actresses, before retiring to the lounge. Tommy kicked his legs up on the red soft sofa. He was glad to be out of the main area. It wasn't as if he didn't like clubs and parties, it was just he preferred the simpler things in life. He just had to keep up appearances for his own reputation.

Nathan arrived with their drinks in hand and gave Tommy his wine, while he sipped on his Coke. "Strange, they didn't ask for my I.D." He grinned.

Tommy tasted the blood red liquid against the tip of his tongue. "They wouldn't, the fact that you are in the VIP section is enough for them. You got a lot to learn kid."

"And you gonna teach me?"

"You bet…" Tommy had a serene smile on his face.

Nathan plopped down on the sofa, arms stretched out against the back rest. He had a thoughtful expression on his face. "Tommy?"

"Hmmm?" Tommy was swaying his foot to the rhythm of the music.

"Do you want this?"

Tommy raised his head, looking at his intern who wasn't offering him anything tangible. "Um, what?"

Nathan tapped his lip with his finger. "Well, this." He gestured around them, Tommy raising a brow in confusion. "You know, this life…"

Tommy frowned. "What do you mean? Are you having second thoughts about being a director?"

The intern shook his head. "No, not at all. I still want to be a director, it's always going to be my life's calling."

"Then what are you talking about, Nath?" The director sat up.

"Um, well this. This lifestyle. I mean hell, it is pretty cool. The parties, the women, the social scene."

"But?"

"But don't you want more?" Nathan raised a brow. "Like something waiting for you at home. Something to make what you do all the more worth it. Instead of occupying your life with all these parties that you hate." He smiled. "Maybe someone?"

Tommy smiled sadly at that. "Sometimes…"

"Then what are you waiting for?" Nathan asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you have that, back home…" Nathan rolled his eyes. "And I'm not talking about the penthouse off set. I'm talking about your hometown. I'm talking about Kimi…"

Tommy's head jerked up. "What about Kimi?"

Nathan sighed. "Tommy over the last few months, do you agree that we have become good friends?"

"Yes, very good. Why?"

"Well, over the last few months you have been the greatest director, the greatest mentor and most importantly the greatest friend I have ever had." Nathan grinned. "But I have noticed something about you…"

"What's that?" Tommy frowned.

"That even though you work very close to people and are swarmed by them all day, you look like something important is missing in your life. Like some sort of light is missing and you try to hide it going about your daily routines." Nathan looked into Tommy's eyes. "You look lonely."

Tommy stared at him for a very brief moment and then started laughing. "You don't know what you are talking about…"

"Then why is it today was the first time I heard about your friends?" Nathan shot back.

"Today was the first time they came up." Tommy started getting agitated.

"Bullshit Tommy, If I didn't find that photo, you would have kept them your dirty little secret. You would have harbored the one monumental thing that is missing in your life. They are the light Tommy. I saw it when you spoke of them, it was like something just clicked and that solemn look in your eyes briefly disappeared…"

"I have plenty of friends right here in LA, you know." Tommy waved him off.

Nathan smiled. "That is true, but you want to know something I think you already realized…"

"What?" Tommy growled.

"They are not them…" Nathan said smugly as the light flickered in Tommy's eyes. "They are not what you are looking for, and you don't give a damn about them."

Tommy pressed the bridge of his nose. "Look, I miss my friends granted. But my life is here. Making movies is all I ever wanted…"

"And who is asking you to give that up?" Nathan countered.

"It's not so simple."

"No, I'm fairly certain it is. You are just afraid." Nathan sat up straighter. "You are afraid they won't accept you back, that things won't be the same as they were in your youth. Well, how will you ever know, if you don't go back?"

"I can't go back…" Tommy declared. "I told you my life is here now."

"What life? What life will you lead here, if your heart is back in your home town?" Nathan watched as Tommy stood. "You can make new friends, date as many women as you want. But none of them will be Kimi…"

"They don't have to be!" Tommy shot back, feeling his defenses rising.

"Don't they?" This time Nathan laughed at the baffled look Tommy portrayed. "C'mon Tommy don't tell me you haven't noticed."

"Noticed what?" The director crossed his arms over his chest.

"The type of women you date. I mean I only noticed it today when you told me more about Kimi on the car ride over here." Nathan scratched his chin. "I mean the last girl you dated, was a journalist, just like Kimi."

"Yeah so?"

Nathan chuckled. "I'm not done. What about Sonya, she was Japanese. Trina had the long black hair, and dresses like Kimi. Danielle well she was the activist, you mentioned something about Kimi and charity and rights. Do you want me to go on…"

Tommy blinked twice and sat back down in a haze. "No, no… I can see where you are getting at but I don't see the point of it, Nath."

Nathan sighed. "Tommy you fell in love with her…"

Tommy's eyes widened before he averted his gaze to the floor. "That was a very long time ago…"

"Is it?" Nathan lips quirked.

Tommy groaned. "Why don't you stop the riddles and just spit out what you have to say."

"You are still in love with her. You never stopped…" Nathan revealed softly.

Tommy shook his head vigorously. "No, no. I'll admit that I fell in love with her." The director stood up. "But it was an entire lifetime ago… I'm not the same person I was then as I assume she isn't. I grew up since then."

"Well, you know what, Tommy…" Nathan also stood with a determined look in his black eyes as he towered over Tommy. "In life there are just some things you never grow out of…"

Tommy opened his mouth about to say something and then he snapped it shut again. What could he say that would make any difference? He would just be lying if he denied anything that Nathan had said was true. Worst was he would be lying to himself. "I'll meet you in the car." He said as he picked up his jacket and left the lounge. Nathan sighed shaking his head as he followed his mentor out of the club.

The night was warm and clear. Tommy stared up at the stars, thinking about something he hadn't allowed himself to think about in years. Opening the car door, he slammed himself in shut. Then heard the door open and close as his intern sat down. Nathan glanced over at Tommy who seemed to have his jaw clenched and looked like he was deep in though. A small smirk crept on the side of the intern's mouth as he turned to face the view outside of the window. The sports car roared to life before pulling onto the busy streets.

About ten minutes into the silent drive along the beach, Nathan let a heavy sigh. "Tommy…"

Tommy turned his head slightly. "Yeah?"

"Why don't you just go home?"

"That's where we headed." Tommy rolled his eyes.

"No I meant to your friends and family." He said softly.

Tommy stiffened and looked straight ahead, his face hard. "Nathan, I know we are friends. But honestly, you are still a kid. There is so much more you need to learn about life."

"I know that Tommy but you also need to learn there are also more important things to life than LA and things that make you unhappy."

Tommy jerked his head in Nathan's direction. His anger building up. "I'm not unhappy!"

"Yes you are!" Nathan shot back.

"Well who the fuck are you to tell me I'm unhappy? I mean what the hell do you know? You are young and naïve, and right now you don't have everything going for you. So maybe you should butt out of my fucking life and focus on your own!" Tommy raged, the veins popping out on his neck.

Nathan was taken aback by the force of Tommy's rant. "Tommy, I…"

"No, I don't want to fucking hear it okay! So stop fucking talking about my unhappy life okay." Tommy interrupted his eyes still on the intern.

"Tommy!"

"Enough Nathan, I said enough!" Tommy yelled, smacking the dashboard with his fisted hand.

"Tommy!" Nathan reached over lightening quick to grab the steering wheel, Tommy's eyes grew large as head lights consumed the front of his car. His vision going blank by the blinding white light. Nathan swerved the car just missing the truck by an inch as the car slipped into the small forestation and crashing hard into an oak tree. The front of the car crumpled and wrapped around the form of the trunk. Tommy hit his head on the steering wheel, a small gash on his head, soaking his hair with blood.

Slowly and groggily Tommy's eyes blinked open as he groaned, putting his hand on the cut. "Shit…" His vision was doubling on him. "Nathan…" He moaned. "Hey Nath…" He looked over to see Nathan leaning back against the seat, drenched in small spots of blood and unconscious. "NO!" He kicked opened his side of the door and stumbled out, falling onto the ground. Dragging himself up, he managed to round the car to the passenger side. The door was busted up. He used all his strength to yank the damaged piece of metal open. Then he slapped Nathan's face softly. "Nathan…" Slap. "Nathan, wake up…" Slap. "Nathan wake up dammit!" Nathan's eyes opened slightly as he moaned. Tommy's eyes lit up with relief, his tears mixing with the blood on his face and he unhooked the interns seatbelt and carried Nathan's body to the ground.

He cradled the intern larger form in his arms. "Tommy…" Nathan murmured, gasping loudly when he felt the puncture wound near his chest.

"Don't move." Tommy eyes strained when he saw the big piece of metal sticking out of Nathan's ribs. "You are going to be okay…"

"Tommy…" Nathan panted, each breath excruciating as his blood started to pool around them. "Tommy…"

"I'm right here… Nath, I'm not going anywhere. " He heard the sirens heading their way. "The ambulance is on its way."

"Tommy…" Nathan coughed out blood. "Are you okay?"

Tommy wanted to laugh, as tears filled his eyes again. It was so like Nathan to worry about others above himself. "Just peachy… You?" His voice broke.

Nathan laughed slowly and whimpered at the same time, his eyes closing. "I've been better…" He cried out as he shifted a little, his eyes shooting open.

"Don't move Nathan." Tommy tried to hold the squirming body still, his tears falling freely. "You hurt really bad…" Nathan's body calmed down and his eyes started to droop. Tommy was alarmed by the sudden change. He slapped the interns cheek. "No, Nathan stay awake. You need to stay with me! Stay with me." He slapped him again.

Nathan's eyes opening wider but were incoherent. "Tommy…"

"Stay with me buddy! Stay with me… The ambulance is almost here" Tommy held him tighter.

Nathan let out a serene smile. "Tell Kimi, I said hi…" His eyelids fell and his body stilled.

"NO! No!" Tommy shook his head. "You can tell her yourself! Nathan, no, stay with me!"He shouted slapping the intern's face again. "Nathan Goddammit, please wake up! Wake up!" A sob ripped from him as he held the nineteen year old's still form in his arms trembling. "Please Nathan! Please Nath, please wake up!" Tommy's blood mixed tears dripping onto Nathan's lifeless face. "Wake up!" Tommy buried his face into the interns crimson stained chest. "Nathan!"

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Present

Kimi's bit her lip as tears poured down her face. Tommy with his back to her hugging himself remembering the feel of Nathan's lifeless form in his arms. "It was my fault…" Tommy's eyes overflowed. "He was trying to tell me and I didn't want to listen…"

Kimi wiped her eyes with her sleeve and walked up behind Tommy. She slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, her nose tucked into his back. "It wasn't your fault… You couldn't have known…"

Tommy shut his eyes tight. "It was, he never do anything wrong. He never say anything wrong Kimi and I snapped at him. And when he was trying to tell me about the truck, I wouldn't listen… And he ended up dead because of me…"

Kimi turned him around to face her. She shook her head. "It was an accident…" She hugged him desperately. "It was an accident… And he wouldn't want you blaming yourself for it."

Tommy pulled out of the embrace. "How can you know what he would want? Kimi he is dead… He is dead!" He shouted. He whirled around on her. "It should have been me." He spoke in a daze. "It should have been me…"

Kimi's eyes widened. "It would have been you, Tommy. It would have been both of you."

"Kimi…"

This time Kimi shook her head vigorously. "No, Tommy, now you listen to me." She cupped both his cheeks in her palms forcing him to look at her. "You need to forgive yourself. Do you think Nathan would want you to go on punishing yourself for something you can't control now? I mean seriously what is wrong with you!"

"What?" Tommy arched an eyebrow.

"Is that how you want to remember Nathan, on the day he died? Or the days that he lived? It's a big burden to carry for the rest of your life. And from what I know of him, I know that is the last thing he would want you to do." She could see the internal battle in Tommy's eyes breaking her heart. She couldn't help herself as she pulled him down for a slow languid kiss. She released him, their foreheads leaning together. "I think we should go back to camp…"

"I,…" Tommy stuttered as he pulled away. He turned around to face the water. "I think I just need to think. I'll meet you there."

"Okay." Kimi sighed but nodded. "Look Tommy you either need to forgive yourself or not. No one can help you there, and as much as I want to even I don't have the power to." Tommy's gaze was fixed on the darkened lake. Kimi sighed again and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tommy I think you looking at this all wrong anyway…"

"How so?" He asked softly, not turning around.

Kimi smiled sadly. "You didn't end Nathan's life, Tommy. He saved yours…" Her hand dropped from his shoulder as she turned back treading back to camp leaving the young director staring into nothingness…

So that is chapter 14... If you want more of this story lemme know...

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