A/N Thank you so much for all the fantastic comments on the last chapter. It's been a long hard week so far, but because you've all been so fabulous, I managed to squeeze the next chapter out in my breaks. I hope you enjoy it. This one goes out to Lamb! who gave me the phrase 'fucked up mentor' for Anthea.
14 Glastonbury Part 1
Emily
Don't touch her, Emily. Don't even think about touching her. Don't even think about thinking about touching her. But God, wouldn't this just be the perfect fucking moment? We were standing at the very top of the ribbon tower at Glastonbury, looking out over the lights of a festival the size of a small town. It was the night before it officially opened to the public, but the infrastructure was all in and there were thousands of people here already. Traders, crew, performers like us, and many punters who had been able to get the time off work to get here early.
"Wednesday night is the new Thursday night," Naomi had told me with great authority, as she insisted we all go out for a group wander. "Best night of the festival. It's all about the sense of anticipation..."
Of course I had to take her word for it. It was no surprise that she and Cook had been here many times before, But I was a Glastonbury virgin, and Naomi was just loving showing off her wordly experience to me. I didn't mind putting myself in her hands. After all it had brought us here. The festival spreads itself out over several hills, and the ribbon tower stands in one of the highest fields. It is built out of scaffolding and rises 60 odd metres into the sky. It is decorated with hundreds of colourful ribbons and flags, that flutter in the wind and look particularly spectacular once it is lit up at night. It looks beautiful, but of course the real prize is revealed once you have reached the top, and the most fantastic view of the whole festival is spread out beneath you, lights twinkling in the darkness across fields stretching almost as far as the eye can see.
It would be so easy. I played the scenario out in my mind. I stand next to her as we gaze out across the fields, listening to the fragments of random sound rising into the night air. Slowly, subtly I take her hand in mine. Once I sense that she's comfortable with that, I whisper her name and we turn to face each other, our hands still entwined. I tell her how much I admire her, how she's changed my life, how incredible it feels to be in the air with her, and during this speech I subtly manoeuvre our bodies until I'm pressing her gently back into the railing. In my mind she's not resisting, she's waiting for me to make my move. I move my free hand up towards her face and softly stroke her cheek with the backs of my fingers. She closes her eyes and takes in a long deep breath. It is a breath of arousal. This is my moment. I reach up to kiss her, and her lips are already slightly parted the way they were that night. The night of Anthea's cabaret. The best night of my life.
Until I turned into such a spectacular cunt. I had never felt a desire so pure and beautiful as the one I felt for Naomi that night. Yeah, I know I was filled with a filthy, carnal and animalistic lust as well. How could I not have been when we were anointing each other with blood? It felt like some crazy pagan ritual preparing the virgins for a right royal fucking. Any other girl and sexmonster Fitch would have been released and bugger the consequences. But Naomi is not any girl. I love her, and the more I fall for her, the more scared I become of doing anything that might hurt her or freak her out. The only time I feel brave enough to express even the slightest hint of the things I'm feeling is when we're onstage and it can all be camoflaged as part of the act. I know I fucking pushed my luck that night, stretching the boundaries of our 'professional' relationship to the very limit. I licked her fucking breast for Christ's sake! I was so hyped after that I did a fucking one armed pull up! I didn't even know I had it in me, but she makes me feel fucking superhuman. The power I feel when we are in that perfect moment of connection is better than any drug, better than any sex. And it made me lose my mind. When I kissed her that night, I fucking meant it. There was nothing professional about that kiss. It wasn't our characters kissing, it was me kissing the woman I'm in love with, and for those few seconds in the air we were all that mattered and I felt certain that she wanted it too.
But then we hit the ground and the real world came rushing back to destroy us. Naomi was no longer the perfect dream woman who I was going to run off into the sunset with. She was my boss who would rather fuck that scrawny little no mark Justin than have anything to do with me. I should have stayed with her. I shouldn't have let anyone take that perfect moment away from us. I should have had the balls to see if what I thought I felt from her was true. But in my uncertainty, I let Shayna in. I was so scared of being rejected by Naomi, I clung to the one person I was sure of. I needed someone so badly after that show, and Shayna was the uncomplicated option. I know it's quite common for people to fantasize about someone else whilst making love to a partner, but before that night I had never actually done it. I let Shayna feed me coke and fuck me on that desk, but my head was full of blonde. I closed my eyes and saw the naked blood-smeared torso of my unobtainable love, as my girlfriend's fingers thrust hard into my body. I groaned as I imagined it was Naomi's hot tongue that was pushing it's way into my mouth. And as I came so hard I thought the fucking building was going to fall down, it was all I could do to stop myself from screaming her beautiful name.
Like I said, I behaved like a spectacular cunt. I lied to myself, I betrayed Naomi, and I used Shayna. And the saddest thing of all is that I was probably going to carry on doing it. Naomi had seemed a little distant when we got back up to Bradford, and for the life of me I couldn't work out if it was because I had gone too far that night in London, or because I hadn't gone far enough. I looked across at the goddess in human form who was currently consuming my every waking thought, and it physically fucking hurt me. She was just too fucking wonderful. I still thought that she deserved better than the invisible boyfriend, but I knew for sure she deserved better than a lying, horny little shit like me.
Fortunately the moment was shattered by a large crashing sound, followed by an industrial level volley of expletives. Anthea, our delightfully fucked up mentor, had insisted upon blagging a much sought after guest ticket out of us. Ostensibly, it was so that she could make sure we were not neglecting Effy in such an unstable environment as this, but really I suspect it was so that she could get shit-faced and behave like a teenager. She needn't have worried. Ever since we got here my sister seemed to have adopted Effy as her new baby twin, and seemed to be on a personal mission to keep her from falling over the edge.
"Bloomin 'eck, Anthea," said Pandora arriving shortly after. "You wanna watch out or you'll do yourself a damage."
"I'll try and remember that," replied Anthea caustically, but of course it bounced off Panda's consciousness without registering.
"Thommo, Cookie," she yelled back down the steps. "Get on up here. This view is totally whacker!"
Cook bounced up the stairs and started racking out lines on the lid of his spliff tin. We had a show tomorrow, but suddenly that didn't seem to be bothering anyone.
"It's Glastonbury," he shrugged as if it were self-explanatory. "None of the normal rules apply here."
I glanced up at Naomi for confirmation of this contradiction and was shocked by the glint of mischief I saw in her eyes.
"It's a whole different world," she winked at me.
"You leave your inhibitions at the gate," grinned Cook.
The pair of them smirked at me with open invitation. Seems like Anthea wasn't the only one who was going to be behaving like a teenager. No Justin, no Shayna, no inhibitions, no rules. This could only lead to trouble of the best possible kind.
"Let's go fucking MENTAL!!!!!!" yelled Cook, and we all hurtled down the stairs and ran off into the night.
I woke up at midday the next day, with a banging hangover, still dressed in last night's clothes and with my duvet only vaguely pulled over my body. There was no sign of Katie and it looked like her bed hadn't been slept in. Must have pulled, I guessed. I remember the first couple of hours after the ribbon tower, the whole gang of us on a random wander through the fields, checking out whatever crazy things we happened upon, everybody bumping into people they knew at some point, just free and stupid with no worries in the world. It all starts to get a little fuzzy after that. There were cocktails in some random bar, shots in another. We knocked up Gina at some point in her bus out the back of the Tribal Fountain and all did more lines together. There were teepees, sculptures made out of cars, fire swingers, and strange creatures on stilts. Performance poetry, a calypso band, some people chanting shit. Fucking....just fucking stuff, I don't know what it was, but it was good. All of it was good cause there was beautiful Cook and even more beautiful Naomi, and my gorgeous sister, and Crazy Effy and her wonderful shitfaced mum, and lovely Panda and Thommo and my sweet faced juggler boys and it was all so beautiful and I loved them all and the pretty lights and then somehow it was morning and the sun was coming up and I loved the world and then........
I staggered out of my caravan, and looked around the camp. Naomi was sitting on the steps of her truck. Her hair was a mess and she didn't look like she had been up much longer than me, but even in her crumpled state she was radiant.
"That was some night,huh?" she grinned at me.
It felt like someone had set off napalm in my heart. Could I be any more in love with this woman? I was infected. She was in my blood.
"Yeah," was all I managed. Inarticulate, stuttering, lovestruck fool.
"You wanna train today, hun?" she asked me, the endearment sending flutters through my heart. Actually, the way my body felt right then, all I wanted to do was crawl into some corner and quietly die. But training meant Naomi, physical interaction with Naomi. Her hands on my body, the glorious intimacy that only she and I cold share, separated only by a millimetre of lycra.
"You might have to give me a moment," I croaked huskily, my eyes squinting aginst the sun. I was rewarded by another one of those smiles, which answered my own question. Yes, I could be more in love with this woman. I fell a little deeper every time she smiled.
It was about an hour later when we finally managed to drag ourselves into the tent and started warming up. It was already pretty hot in there, but it felt good to stretch my muscles, and even better just to be hanging out with Naomi, chatting idly and doing our thing. That was the wierd thing, there were times around her when I wound myself so tightly I could barely even speak. But other times, I just felt so comfortable with her company it was like I'd known her all my life. It turned out there were plenty of things I still didn't know about Naomi, as I was about to find out. We had just about finished our stretches, and Naomi was stood up by the king pole lowering our trapeze into place on its pulley system, when Effy poked her head into the tent.
"There you are," she said, as though she had been looking for us. "It seems we have a mutual friend," she said to Naomi.
Moments later a striking tall blonde woman with an infectious smile walked into the tent.
"Wow, Naomi. How lovely," she exclaimed, before walking straight up to her and kissing her full on the mouth. My eyes nearly popped out of my head.
"Cassie, hi," said Naomi sheepishly. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
I could tell she was as stunned as I was. When I noticed Naomi's hand still resting on Cassie's hip, my eyes involuntarily sought out the one person here who actually knew what the fuck was going on. Effy was already smirking at me. She raised one eyebrow and broadened her grin. Whoever this Cassie person was, she had brought her here for a reason.
"I'm Emily," I said, reaching out my hand in greeting.
She ignored it and instead pulled me straight into a beautiful friendly hug. Then she pulled back but kept her hands on my shoulders as she looked me up and down.
"Wow, you look like the other one. How gorgeous," she said. "But different too. Fascinating."
Normally when people start to bang on abut the twin thing, I find it intensely irritating, but this girl just seemed so genuine, I found myself automatically forgiving her.
"So how do you and Naomi know each other?" I asked her.
"Oh, we met in New York when I was living there," said Cassie. "She was on holiday, and we had two wonderful weeks together. I introduced her to the power of the pussy."
Effy Stonem you're a fucking genius.
"Oh really?" I said, turning my gaze pointedly towards Naomi. "She never mentioned it."
Naomi's eyes widened in panic. Cassie looked between the two of us.
"Oh right," she said knowingly. "Wow, well Naomi doesn't like to define herself by her relationships or sexuality. She's strong like that. It's part of what makes her so alluring, but then you already know that."
What did I know? I'm sure I knew loads of stuff. All kinds of interesting facts and useless trivia, but in that moment I had forgetten all of it. My brain had zeroed in on the one fact that suddenly seemed to be the most important piece of information in the world. Naomi Campbell had slept with a girl, and judging by the residual electricity still evident between her and Cassie, she had fucking liked it.
"Yeah, she's quite something," I grinned smugly. Got ya now Campbell. But the smile was soon wiped off my face as Effy decided in the spirit of fairness, that it was my turn to be exposed.
"So, I take it Sid never found you," she said to Cassie.
"He came to look for me?" she said in surprise.
"Who's Sid?" Naomi and I chorused in unison.
"Sid is my brother's best mate," said Effy. "Cassie was his true love, but they kept fucking it up, and in the end he lost her."
"That was careless of him," I said. "If I ever found my true love, I'd make sure I hung on to her."
It just slipped out before I thought about it, but Effy was onto it like a lion leaping onto a zebra.
"So Shayna isn't your true love," she said calmly.
Effy Stonem, you are an evil, evil girl. I could feel Naomi's blue eyes boring into the side of my head, but I refused to turn to meet her glare for fear of melting under it.
"Yeah well, I'm not sure I believe in all that stuff anyway," I blurted, trying to rescue the situation. "The One, and all that. It's hardly logical, is it? Love is just an accident of timing and geography."
"Wow, that's like so true," nodded Cassie sagely.
"Come on, Cassie," said the demon Effy. "We should leave these girls to train."
I was all business during training. We had a show to do later, and I was feeling bad enough from our night of hedonism, without having to deal with this afternoon's revelations as well. The show itself was quite another matter. Naomi's performance had an extra wicked edge to it. There was something fierce about her, and whenever I caught her eye, her glance was way sharper than the knife she had taunted me with at Cabaret Extreme. She held my gaze unwaveringly during the waltz scene, I swear she didn't blink once. The defence mechanisms we had been using to protect ourselves from each other had been stripped away from us by Effy's cunning, and it seemed as if Naomi was searching for what lay underneath. What would she do when she realised it was love? I felt her hand inch it's way a little closer to my ass, and for the first time I began to wonder if she had been hiding too. By the time we got to the doubles, the tension between us had been amped up to about ten thousand volts. In Bradford we had both cooled the scene down a lot, but tonight we had made an unspoken mutual pact to increase the sexual content once more. Moves were held just those few seconds longer as our eyes locked, before one of us broke it and threw the other one away. Touches became more explicit, and the lines between the fight or fuck impetus for the characters became even more blurred. When she pulled my head back to bite me, she ran her tongue down my neck before her teeth closed around my tendon, and just as in London she didn't fake it. My eyes flicked wider open and I took in a sharp breath, before I regained my senses and pushed her into our next move. She must have known that my reaction was for real, cause just before our final sequence she flashed me such a look.
It was a question. A question asking me 'Are you feeling this too?' I didn't have time to answer her before we flung ourselves into the big tricks, but I knew what was coming up. When I slid down her body, all the cockiness I had felt in London had evaporated, there would be no one armed pull up tonight. Instead I returned the question, and I asked it with the kiss. Are you feeling this too?
When I put my hand on her shoulder in the final scene, I could feel a tiny spasm in her muscles beneath it. When she brought her own hand up to meet it, she stroked my hand subtly before settling into the grasp. She didn't let go of my hand during the blackout. She didn't let go of my hand during curtain call. Oh my fucking God, could it really be true that she felt something for me after all? After I changed out of my costume I sat in my caravan taking deep breaths to try to calm myself down.
"What the fuck's the matter with you?" asked Katie practically shoving her ass in my face as she struggled to beautify herself in the caravan's tiny mirror.
"Just hyped after the show," I lied. "I wasn't sure I was gonna get through it after last night."
"Well, you better come out with us again tonight," insisted Katie. "Effy swears she's found the new cool place to be."
"I think we can rely on Effy," said Naomi, leaning in our doorway, looking gorgeous. "After all, she only ever speaks the truth."
There it was again, that glint in her eye. Things were looking up. I shoved Katie out of the way and checked my look in the mirror. A wild night out in the new cool place to be with the most fascinating woman on earth who had more than a hint of seduction in her beautiful steel blue eyes. This could be interesting. I had just started to let a smile of equally evil intent spread across my face when Stanton Warriors 'Shake It Up' rang out across the caravan. I looked down at my phone on the table as if it had betrayed me. That was Shayna's ringtone. I had gotten her ticket to come with us, but at the last moment she said she wouldn't be able to make it, using work as an excuse as usual. I had been so mad with her at the time, but right now I was fucking ecstatic about it. Throughout the day I had somehow managed to convince myself that if she cared, she would have come, and her absence was almost a licence for any bad behaviour I might find myself indulging in with certain suddenly not so completely straight blonde girls. I picked up the offending electronic device and looked at the screen. Shit, I had five missed calls from her already. Better not blow her off again.
"Hey babes," I said, answering the call.
"What the fuck, Emily?" said Shayna. "Why have you been ignoring me?"
"I haven't been ignoring you," I said irritatedly. "I've been doing a show. Can't exactly take my mobile on stage, can I."
"Oh yeah," she said dismissively, as though it was unimportant. "Oh well, you've finished now, yeah? You can come and get me."
"What?"
"I'm here, baby," she said.
"What do you mean, you're here?"
"Managed to get cover at the club, and get a lift down with Davie Q and Cracksmacker. We're at a bar called "Crazy Dingo" in the Jazz/World field."
"Ok," I said, still in shock. "I'll come and meet you."
I cut off the call and looked up at the expectant faces of Katie and Naomi.
"She's here," I said numbly. "Like, in the next field."
"Fucking great," said Katie sarcastically. "Invasion of the shagmonsters."
"That'll be nice for you," said Naomi coldly, and walked away.
I would say I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, but I'm not. As the old showbiz saying goes - always leave 'em wanting more. The next one will be a while as we have dress rehearsal tonight, and we open tomorrow, then we have matinees (work of the devil) and zero time off till monday. I will miss you but, Stay Alive.....you know the rest. Hypes xx