Author's note: I had two scenes in my head when I started writing this story. The first one was at the beginning where Maura returned, waiting on the steps of Jane's building. The second one is the one you are about to read. Oh, bonus points to those of you who find the quote directly taken from a certain season 3 episode - but now put into a different context.

Chapter 14

The sound of the rain hammering on the roof her penthouse was loud but monotone. Jane lay on her back; her hands folded behind her head, and stared at the ceiling. She had kicked the sheets away from her and they lay in a messy pile at the end of the bed. She had been tossing and turning for the last hour and couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep in. In fact, she couldn't sleep at all. Her mind was in overdrive, playing the moment her lips had brushed against Maura's over and over again. She couldn't erase it from her memory and every time she was confronted with those hazel eyes again, Jane groaned to herself. She was frustrated, angry and confused and she didn't know what the hell to do with herself anymore. Her eyes darted to the alarm clock beside the bed. 1.13 AM.

She reached for her cell phone. She had considered calling Maura but every time she came to pressing the call button, she put her phone back down. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know what had happened. It hadn't really been a kiss but what had it been? Maura had looked so hurt, so broken. It had reminded Jane of herself in the first few weeks after she left. Maura had only been back and already it felt like she had always been here, like she never left, but tonight had painfully reminded them that although it may have felt like nothing changed, things most definitely had.

Jane sighed and sat up. There was no way she was going to get any sleep tonight. She ran her hands through her unruly curls and slipped out of the bed. Dressed in a pair of sweatpants, socks and a simple tank top she padded across the room towards the large windows and pushed the curtains aside. Boston's skyline was lit up by thousands of lights. Even with the raindrops sliding down the darkened glass it still looked mesmerizing. It was a beautiful view but it didn't change anything to fight the loneliness.

Jane was about to turn away when she suddenly spotted something. The car parked across the street looked strangely familiar and her eyes narrowed. The longer she looked the more convinced she became she had seen it before. She stepped away from the window and her eyes darted around the room as if to look for something that wasn't there. Jane took a deep breath and without really thinking she left her penthouse, slammed her fist against the elevator button and stepped inside when the doors slid open. Her heart pounded as she made her way down into the lobby and it wasn't until she reached the entrance door that she remembered that she was in her pyjamas and it was raining outside.

She ignored the cold rain on her skin when she stepped outside. The pavement was cold and wet underneath her feet. Within seconds her socks were drenched and the grey cotton of her top clung to slender her frame. Strands of hair fell into her eyes as she crossed the street towards the car parked alongside the pavement. She knew that bright blue Prius as well as she knew her own car and when she knocked on the window she wasn't even surprised to see Maura's face behind the rain stained glass.

Maura opened the door in shock. "What are you doing outside? It's raining!"

"Well done, genius!" Jane countered. "What are you doing outside my building? How did you even know where I was?"

"I followed the cab that drove you home," Maura admitted.

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "You did what?!"

"You're not the only one with detective skills, Jane."

"Apparently," Jane said and stared at Maura. By now they were both positively soaked and at any other moment she would have laughed about the absolute craziness of this. Maura still wore her designer dress and Jane was in her pyjamas and without shoes. They looked like a scene ripped straight from a movie and Jane blinked against the rain now dripping into her eyes from her hair. She brushed the drops away and stared at the medical examiner. "Maura, what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," Maura said and her hazel eyes found Jane's dark brown orbs. There was something flickering in Maura's eyes that Jane hadn't seen before. A sense of desperation. Maura's voice cracked when she spoke again. "And I need for you to not say anything. I just need you to listen to me, Jane. Can you do that?"

"Ok," Jane whispered softly. "Ok."

Maura's eyes briefly fluttered shut and she suddenly was grateful for the rain. Now Jane couldn't see where the rain ended and the tears began. She swallowed hard. "I left you, Jane. I left you when you needed me the most and that is something I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life." Her eyes slowly trailed up and found Jane's. "It is something we are both going to have to live with. What happened isn't something we can change but I'd like to think that we can move past this. We're both adults, Jane."

"You didn't just leave," Jane said and she was surprised by the hurt that echoed in her voice. "You walked out and everything… everything I knew just fell apart, Maura."

"Jane…"

"No!" Jane said sharply. "You have apologised over and over again but I don't think you know what it was you did, Maura. You don't know what it's like to be told the man you cared about died on the operating table and you never really got to say goodbye. You don't know what it's like to come running to your best friend, desperate to feel safe and not feel like the world around you is crashing down, only to find out that she did the very same thing." The tears in Jane's eyes were of anger, not just of pain. "You left without saying goodbye and if you think that a damn letter is going to make any difference then you have another thing coming."

This was it. This was the inevitable explosion between them that needed to happen. For too long they had walked on thin ice, waiting for the cracks to get too big and for them to plunge into the cold water that would wake them up. There were things unsaid and not even a confession of 'I missed you' was going to undo the hurt that had been caused. The rain washed away the tears that trickled down Jane's cheeks and her eyes darkened as she looked at Maura. The hurt flashing behind her eyes made Jane's heart ache.

"What else do you want me to say, Jane?" Maura suddenly said. "What is you want to hear?"

Jane looked at Maura, dark brown eyes now almost pleading for an answer. "I want to know why."

"You know why."

"Do I?"

"Yes, Jane," Maura whispered. The sound of the rain almost took her voice away. "You do."

"Because you loved me." The words were out before Jane really realised she had actually spoken them out loud. It was enough to make Maura look at her and they stared at each other in the middle of this Beacon Hill road, in the pouring rain, and the world around them slowly faded. "You wrote that you loved me."

Maura cocked her head. "If you know the answers then why ask?"

"Because I don't understand why you left. Why you felt like you had to," Jane said softly. "Maura, why did you walk away after telling me? Why didn't you come to me…" She raised her hands and Maura's gaze was subconsciously drawn to the scars on Jane's palms. They had come so far since that first terrible moment. "Why, Maura?"

"Why?" Maura asked. "You're asking why, Jane?" The tears in her eyes stung. They tasted bitter on her lips. "Have you ever wondered what it feels like to see the one person you love look at someone else?" Her words carried all the hurt she had bottled up inside for the past year. Suddenly it was out there and every little bit of reservation that Maura had just slipped away. "Whenever he walked in, my heart broke, Jane. Because of the way you looked at him and because I knew you would never ever look at me that way." Hazel eyes, now full of tears, found Jane's. "And tonight, when i knew you were with someone else... Do you know how that feels, Jane? Have you got any idea how much that hurts?!"

Jane didn't answer. She had never seen Maura pour all her emotions into words the way she did now. In fact she couldn't remember ever seeing Maura this upset. The tears on her cheeks laced seamlessly with the rain. Her dress was ruined but she didn't seem to care. Dark drops of mascara ran down her cheeks.

Maura shook her head. "You deserved someone at your side who could be happy for you if Casey survived, Jane. Someone who would smile the moment she saw you in a wedding dress and who would whisper words of happiness in your ear on your wedding day." She swallowed hard as the words struggled to come out. "I deserve someone who feels that way about me too, Jane."

"Oh Maura…"

"Don't," Maura raised her arms up when Jane walked towards her. "I don't know what I was thinking when I came back to Boston. I didn't have a choice. I was going to give myself a month to make up my mind. It would be long enough to decide if I wanted to transfer to another state. I thought I had done enough, had gone far enough, to get away from this, from you, but when I came back to Boston I realised I hadn't."

"What do you mean?" Jane wanted to know and she desperately searched Maura's face. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing's changed, Jane," Maura whispered. "I thought I had done enough to protect myself. Maybe I even believed that I was stronger now but I know I was wrong." She made a helpless gesture with her hand. "Look at us, we're standing in the pouring rain, shouting things at each other but we're not going anywhere." When she captured Jane's eyes she sadly smiled. "Where are we, Jane?"

"Beacon Hill?" Jane tried but when Maura didn't smile she hung her head. "I don't know, Maura."

"Tell me how you feel."

"Maura…"

"I need to know, Jane."

Jane stared up at the dark sky over their heads and the rain poured directly into her eyes. "I don't know, Maura. I was angry when you left. I needed you and suddenly you weren't there anymore." She felt her heart sank as she remembered the moment she had found the letter. "But when you were gone, after a while, I realised that I wasn't angry anymore." She slowly walked towards Maura and stopped right in front of her. They weren't as close as they had been earlier that night but she could see every raindrop sliding down Maura's cheek just like she had seen the tears. "I realised I missed you and all I wanted was for you to come back."

Maura shook her head. "Don't say things you don't mean, Jane."

"Listen to me," Jane urged and suddenly she grasped Maura's hands between her own. Her fingers were numb and Jane resisted bringing them up to her lips to blow them warm. "I didn't know what happened, Maura, but I realised that I had been looking for something, I just didn't know what that something was. I wanted someone to make me smile, to make me happy and to make me feel safe. I wanted someone who was there when I needed them to be, someone who knew me better than I knew myself. I thought Casey was the person who did all of those things but it wasn't until he was gone that I realised I had been wrong all this time."

Maura's eyes darkened a few shades as Jane's words slowly sank in.

"You did all those things to me, Maura. I just didn't know it. I didn't know that it was you and when you were gone it was too late to tell you." Jane shook her head. The earth shattering realisation that she loved Maura had rocked her world and she had spent months trying to understand if there was ever going to be a way to make this right. "I should have taken my head out of the sand a long time ago and I should have seen the world for what it was but I didn't and it almost cost me the most beautiful thing my life has ever known." Dark eyes connected with Maura's. "It almost cost me you." She shook her head. "It was never Casey I loved." She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "We're just people, Maura. Two people who have been through some bad things and… I fell in love with you."

"Jane…," Maura whispered but Jane quickly covered her lips with her fingers.

"I know you said you've let me go and I respect that, Maura. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being a jerk and not seeing what was right in front of me all this time but I was scared. God, I am still scared now. I have never loved anyone before. Not like this, anyway." Jane smiled shyly. "I don't know what to do, Maura. Are things different when it's two women? Is it different when they're friends? I don't know what's going to happen next but I'd like to find out." She released her breath. "With you."

Maura's eyes fluttered shut and Jane nervously searched the medical examiner's face. "Maura, please say something…"

"I don't know what to say." It came out so quietly that Jane could barely hear her and she moved even closer to Maura. Her hands found their way onto Maura's hips like they had done at the art gallery and their gazes locked. "Where did we go so wrong?"

"It doesn't matter now," Jane said softly, her grip on Maura's hips tightening. "What matters is that from now on we get it right."

"What are we going to do?" Maura whispered.

"Start over," Jane answered as she slowly leant in. Her lips were maybe an inch from Maura's. She could see every tear drop; she felt her warm breath against her warm skin. Even now that she was soaking wet, she could still smell Maura's perfume. A slight smile spread across her face and one hand left Maura's hip and brushed a strand of hair from her face. Cold fingers brushed against wet skin. Jane's touch lingered, leaving Maura's skin burning in its wake. "Or move on."

Maura's whispered words reached Jane's ear. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," Jane answered and her lip ghosted across Maura's the same way she had done in the gallery. Tentative and hesitant, as if waiting for permission. The contact was minimal and yet it was enough to set Jane's insides on fire. Maura's arms somehow found their way around Jane's neck and up into her hair. All they felt was warmth breath against cold wet skin.

Jane softly pressed her lips against Maura's. A little firmer this time, a touch long enough to be felt but not long enough to invite anything more. It was a chaste kiss, still full of nerves and questions. Those feelings didn't start to fade until Maura leant in for another kiss, a little hungrier this time. Jane responded and felt Maura's fingers tighten around strands of her hair. When she felt Maura's lips softly tug at her bottom lip Jane moved deeper into the kiss eagerly and the tip of her tongue pressed carefully against Maura's mouth. When the honey blonde examiner slowly parted her lips and greeted Jane's tongue with her own, Jane felt her heart jolt in her chest.

It was a careful and slow first kiss but when they parted and Jane peered at Maura through her eyelashes she realised it had been everything she had ever wanted it to be. Maura looked back at her, hazel eyes full of questions, but the initial fear subsides when she noticed Jane hadn't pulled back. She rested her head against Jane's shoulder and the detective's arms wrapped protectively around Maura's body, pulling her closer.

"We're going to catch our deaths out here," Maura whispered as she listened to Jane's heartbeat. They were wet and cold. Maura could barely feel her fingers. "You should go inside, Jane."

"Come with me," Jane whispered and when Maura looked up, arching an eyebrow, she shook her head, a sly smile tugging at her cheeks. "To sleep, Maura. I wasn't going to suggest anything else. I don't want you driving home like this." She kissed the top of Maura's head. "Stay with me."

"What if someone sees me?"

Jane grinned as she reached for Maura's hand. "I'll tell them you paid."

"Ok," Maura whispered and followed Jane across the street and back into the apartment building. They left wet marks all over the lobby floor and in the elevator. As the doors slid closed Jane looked at Maura. Their hands were still linked but they didn't speak. They didn't need to. Their eyes said what words could not begin to describe and when the doors slid open Jane went ahead and led Maura out of the elevator and across the hall tp the penthouse. Now that they were inside she realised how cold she was and she looked back over her shoulder to see Maura shivering.

"You should go and take a shower," she said softly as she opened the door and stepped inside. "I'll get you some dry clothes while you're in there."

As Maura walked past her the medical examiner unexpectedly turned and captured Jane's lips between her own. The kiss caught the detective unawares and for a second she didn't know what to do with her arms but ended up wrapping them around Maura's neck as the honey blonde pushed her against the open door. The contact with the wood surprised both of them and Maura broke away, her eyes flickering with all kinds of emotions Jane had yet to recognise, and she smiled. Jane rested her forehead against Maura's and smiled too.

In the dark of the penthouse Maura didn't get to admire its beauty and Jane just led her across the hall to the bathroom. Maura lingered in the open door as Jane went into the walk-in wardrobe and returned with an oversized sweater. When Maura raised an eyebrow in question Jane shrugged. "It's all I could find in the dark."

"Thank you," Maura smiled and took the clothes Jane gave her. She slowly turned away and closed the door behind her. Seconds later Jane heard the shower running and she used that moment to slump down to the floor, back against the bathroom door and ran her fingers through her hair. She felt the euphoria spread through her body and she giggled to herself like some giddy fifteen year old schoolgirl. Maura was here with her. She had come back for her, in one way or another. Or maybe they had come back to each other.

About ten minutes later Jane heard the shower go off and she quickly stood up. She heard footsteps on the other end of the door and a few seconds later it opened. Maura appeared, wearing the sweater and with her hair neatly brushed out of her face. All traces of make-up and tears had been washed away and she looked as beautiful as Jane ever remembered her being. Maura smiled shyly as she walked into the bedroom and sat down on the mattress, her eyes lingering on Jane.

"You should shower too," she said softly. "The water's lovely."

Jane just nodded and stepped into the bathroom. When she stepped into the shower she could smell the scent of coconut and picked up the same bottle of shower gel Maura had used. She quickly washed her hair, scrubbed herself down and allowed the warm water to slowly bring her body back to normal temperature. As she titled her head back to rinse out the shampoo, she couldn't stop thinking about Maura sitting in the other room.

She wrapped a towel around herself and dried her hair as best as she could before walking back into the bedroom. Maura had moved across the bed, now sitting up against the head board with a pillow behind her back and her legs pulled up towards her chest. Her hazel eyes followed Jane across the room and they both seemed to be very aware of the fact Jane only wore a towel. Jane felt a blush creep onto her cheeks as stepped into the walk-in wardrobe and grabbed the first t-shirt and shorts she could find. Now dressed she walked back into the bedroom and circled the bed. Maura sat where she had been sleeping earlier.

Maura lay down as Jane got into the bed and moved closer to her, eventually resting her head against Jane's chest. The soft, comforting rhythm of her heartbeat was soothing and she sighed contently when Jane's fingers laced through her hair. Jane's warm lips kissed Maura's forehead. "I'm glad you came back."

"Me too," Maura whispered. "Maybe sometimes you have to leave to find what you always wanted."

Jane chuckled. "Or maybe we're just idiots."

"It's not every day you find someone who can put up with you, Jane," Maura smiled into Jane's chest.

"Are you saying that I'm difficult?"

"I'm saying you're special."

Jane snuggled a little deeper into Maura and wrapped the sheets around both their bodies. "You're special too, Maura."