Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
A/N: So sorry about that long wait! This is why I hate writing fight scenes. -.- I hope this is good… ish…? Bleh. Just read and review. Like it, hate it, whatever. Thanks. :)
.x.x.
Chapter 14- The Worst Betrayal
.x.
The shadow walks
By fire's side
But doesn't like the moon abide
Above, aloof
Still and strong
Fast and free
Of longing gone
To darker worlds
Where shadows live
Upon the soul
In moonlight's stead
Where I have gone
In darkened nights
When I
Betray
My life.
.x.
Inuyasha and Miroku stood side by side in the pre-fight area.
It was dorms 20-25 which had been offered up for this fight, and the Noble—a man named Gatenmaru, and the man who would choose which men were ripest for the slaughter—stood just inches in front of them. Close enough to strangle, except for the fence which would get in Inuyasha's way, should he decide to try.
His fingers closed around the bars as Gatenmaru passed, a low hiss escaping his throat.
The moth demon, Gatenmaru, stiffened and turned, raising an eyebrow at Inuyasha. "Did you say something?" he drawled.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Not sure. Could've been that your face is ass-ugly, or where are your wings or something like that. Take your pick."
Gatenmaru didn't need to ask how Inuyasha knew he was a moth demon; it was obvious from Inuyasha's triangular dog ears and silver hair that he was a half dog demon, and dog demons were known for their keen sense of smell.
"You are aware of whom you are speaking to, yes?" Gatenmaru asked, voice rising to a slight hiss. Eyeing Inuyasha's ears, he smirked and muttered, "I know you have only half the blood, but do you have half the brain, too?"
Oh, how Inuyasha loathed this fence.
Inuyasha opened his mouth to retort, but Gatenmaru was already walking to the guard who had let him in—Kouga. Miroku sent Inuyasha a quick grimace, eyes tight, but Inuyasha didn't return it; he knew he should have kept his mouth shut, but self restraint had never been his strength.
Gold eyes narrowed, Inuyasha watched Gatenmaru and Kouga, listening.
"Describe him," Gatenmaru ordered the guard, jerking his head toward Inuyasha.
Kouga followed his gaze, eyes narrowing when he spotted Inuyasha. The tiniest smirk fell across us face as he said scathingly, "A moron. Reckless. He's in for whipping every other week, but he keeps acting up. The only reason he hasn't been killed is because of his performance in the arena."
Gatenmaru smirked. "I take it he's impressive. But how would he stand a chance against a demon, being only half?"
Inuyasha's claws dug into the iron fence. Like he knows anything. I'd stand a chance against ten demons, let alone one. He watched Kouga, waiting for him to denounce him, waiting for him to say he was a weak half breed… but he didn't.
Their gazes clashed for the briefest of moments, and then the slightest smirk lifted Kouga's lips.
"His impressiveness depends on the opponent." Kouga's voice was like satin, easy and casual, smooth and sly. "He tries to kill as fast as he can. Usually decapitation or slicing a body in half. Nothing too splashy, no gloating. When he gets a weak opponent, the fight is usually quick and boring." All this was true enough, but hearing these facts set Inuyasha on edge. Why wasn't Kouga insulting him? Why wasn't he sneering and scathing, mocking and cynical?
"Now, a strong opponent, though…" Kouga trailed off just long enough to smile, just long enough to gloat, just long enough to look Inuyasha in the eye right before saying, "That's when it gets interesting."
Inuyasha and Miroku froze.
An icy fury pervaded his mind as Inuyasha realized the truth. He's bragging about me, he thought. Fuck. The bastard's TRYING to get me into the arena.
And from the way Kouga reacted when Inuyasha growled in anger, he knew he was right.
"If you're going to pick him, I'd recommend trying to find a guy who you think could do him in in less than a minute," Kouga said carelessly, not giving any indication of caring that he was about to send Inuyasha to his very possible death. It was for sport, for tips, for money, for his job… that was all. Inuyasha was nothing.
But Inuyasha knew that in his and Kouga's case, he wasn't nothing; he knew that they shared a rivalry which went back much farther than slave and slaver, a rivalry which made them, on certain terms, equals.
And it seemed that Kouga was ready to end that rivalry.
Shit, Inuyasha thought. Why now? Why didn't he ever get me killed before, when I've insulted him, punched him? There had been many times when Kouga could have had him executed, tortured, flogged to within an inch of his life. And flogged Inuyasha had been… often by Kouga himself… but never killed.
With a sudden rage, Inuyasha jumped to a conclusion he would rather not have faced.
No. You've got to be fucking kidding me.
The Noble laughed, saying, "But that would hardly be very exciting, either. I'm beginning to question your judgment, my friend." But Inuyasha barely heard him. He barely saw Kouga grin wryly, barely saw him look him in the eye and make some joke which made the guard laugh. He was too busy thinking, too busy raging, too busy imagining what it would be like to kick Kouga in the groin until he couldn't walk again.
Just like he'd done in the Square, except a thousand times more painful.
At the thought of the Square, Inuyasha grimaced. He's not… he's not really doing this because I was with Kagome… what the hell does he care…? He doesn't even know her!
But was that true? His eyes tightened as he thought, It definitely seemed like she knew him…
He caught Kouga looking at him, almost as if he had been waiting to catch his gaze before saying his next words. Just to gloat, to smirk, to say I've got power over you and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want with it, right before telling Gatenmaru, "Take my advice. You'll be surprised at his strength. It's really unlike anything I've ever seen—I have no idea where he gets it from."
Inuyasha wasn't sure if Kouga meant these words or just wanted Gatenmaru to pick him, but he couldn't help but thinking, Of course you don't. You don't know what it's like to live with the walking dead. You don't know what it's like to fight becoming one of them every day.
And, obviously, the guard didn't know what it was like to harbor a different identity, to house a ruthless killer inside one's own mind… to feel that demon emerging, just when one would think he was at death's door.
This was something only a half demon could ever understand.
"Inuyasha," Miroku muttered, voice low and restraining.
Inuyasha knew without asking that the monk had sensed the sudden rise in his demonic aura. He took deep breaths, calming himself. You're not on the battlefield yet, he growled to himself. You're not on death's door. You're fine.
His fists clenched when Gatenmaru turned to look at him.
"I choose him," he said, gesturing to Inuyasha. "And… that one. The big, purple demon which resembles a dinosaur with blue hair on its back. Large horns. Red eyes."
Nobody needed to turn to know who he was pointing at, but they still did, and Inuyasha didn't miss the way Miroku's mouth fell open.
His opponent was Goshinki.
Miroku looked at Inuyasha with subtle panic, muttering, "Inuyasha—"
"Shut up. I can take him," Inuyasha snapped automatically, eyes not on Miroku but on his new enemy.
The demon he would soon be meeting on the battlefield.
Kouga's laughter echoed in the pre-fight area, reverberating tauntingly in Inuyasha's ears. "Good choice," he said, grinning. "Goshinki is a formidable foe. May look like brute strength, but he has an incredible mind… a mind which can penetrate others' minds."
Gatenmaru's mouth curved into a pleased smile as he realized, "He can read minds!"
The guard nodded, obviously pleased that he could provide this Noble with such a satisfactory pairing and obviously hoping that he would get a large sum for his knowledge and help.
Obviously hoping that Inuyasha would soon be torn to pieces.
"Alright! 821, 894, get out on the arena!" Kouga snapped. "NOW!"
Gatenmaru left to go find his seat in the arena. Inuyasha and Miroku knew they had no time to speak, and this was good, in a way. After all, what could they say?
Inuyasha clapped Miroku heartily on the back, throwing him a smirk. "I'll be back in ten minutes. See you soon."
Miroku might have eyed Inuyasha uneasily, might have doubted him, but he knew him too well and had heard these parting words too many times to bother to question them. They were an automatic response, a response which boasted a confidence which sometimes amazed Miroku. Not that Miroku wasn't confident. In general, he was far more optimistic than Inuyasha, but when it came time to fight, Inuyasha was in his element. Inuyasha was almost relaxed.
From his lazy smirk and casual wave, anyone who didn't know him might have thought he enjoyed killing. But Miroku, who knew to look in his words for bullshit and in his eyes for truth, knew better.
Inuyasha walked out of the pre-fight room and into the arena… smirk gone.
.x.x.
There was no deafening applause, and the crowd was small.
It was not like gladiator fights in the Colosseum of Ancient Rome, though of course nobody present could have made that connection. The Warriors wore no armor, no helmets. In fact, Kagome realized in surprise, they did not even wield any weapons. It was just them, standing there in their own glory, waiting for permission to begin… sizing each other up, minds and hearts racing all the while.
Just Inuyasha and the Warrior who was his opponent.
Her fists clenched, her breathing came fast as she stared out the small window unseeingly. She heard the gasps of Sango and Koharu when they noticed Inuyasha, but took no notice of it. She felt Kagura's confusion, felt her eyes rove between the three of them, but did not respond.
None of that mattered; the only thing that mattered was Inuyasha.
Kagome was suddenly very conscious of the corpses behind her.
No, she thought breathlessly, Maybe I'm wrong. Yes, it's called a fight. Yes, these are corpses of Warriors from the fights. But they aren't carrying weapons… maybe they aren't going to hurt each other… maybe that's not what this was about…
Even Kagome knew that it was wishful thinking.
She couldn't fully comprehend what was about to happen. Not until it began could she really understand the magnitude of what "show-fighters" did. All she understood in her haze of panic was that there were two men on the field: Inuyasha, and a stranger.
A stranger who looked like a monster, but who Kagome knew could be just as much a person as she or Inuyasha.
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked over to see Koharu, face white, staring straight ahead. "Kagome…" she said softly. "We're sorry."
"Don't apologize," Kagome said quickly, face white as a sheet.
"Let's just watch," Sango breathed. "A strong man, he is. You couldn't understand until you've seen him fight."
But Kagome didn't want to see him fight—Kagome didn't ever want to see him do anything that involved putting himself at risk for show. She didn't want to see him rip the other man to pieces, didn't want to see him take a life to preserve his own; for she understood by now that this was a real fight, and that only one of these two men would end up the victor.
And yet… much as she didn't want to see him ruthless… the emotion stronger within her, the emotion which rooted her to the spot and glued her eyes to the stadium, was fear for his life.
Fear that he would be hurt.
She knew in that instant that she would rather see the other man ripped into shreds than Inuyasha scratched.
"Just breathe, Kagome," Sango muttered. "Hold my hand. Breathe and watch."
"I know what they're going to do," Kagome whispered in near delirium. "I know what's going to happen… oh, god, Sango…!"
Sango squeezed her fingers gently, and taking this as an invitation, Kagome crushed her fingers in her own grip until she could have sworn she was breaking the bone.
"Hey," Kagura muttered. "What's going on? What's wrong with you guys?"
Sango glanced toward Kagura. "Kagome… ah…"
I'm tired of people speaking for me. SPEAK, Kagome! Take charge!
"I…" Kagome trailed off, realizing that she wasn't sure how to explain her relationship with Inuyasha. What could she say? That she cared for him? That he intrigued her? None of these things would portray her feelings… none of these things would earn Kagura's respect…
But what does it matter if I earn Kagura's respect? Kagome challenged herself. Why should I always look for approval in others? Why do I need it?
And, smiling slightly, Kagome knew that she didn't need it. All she needed was approval from herself.
Approval to feel what she felt. Approval to speak her mind.
Acceptance… from every part of her, every corner of her heart.
And so she said firmly, eyes not on Kagura but on Inuyasha, "I have feelings for Inuyasha, the Warrior."
Dead silence.
She knew that Sango and Koharu would want to speak to her about this. She knew that Kagura might tease her about it. She even knew that she herself would be facing emotional repercussions soon enough; Kagome couldn't ignore the consequences of this revelation for long, and she would have to deal with them.
But for now, all those things were on hold.
I have feelings for Inuyasha.
These five words Kagome knew to be wholly and completely true. These five words moved her in a way she had never been moved before, caused a shift in her heart which left a fault… easily vulnerable to earthquakes, tremors of the heart and soul, fractures of the reality she had always taken to be true.
The fault would always be there, so long as the feelings would be there, and the feelings, too, would always be there, so she would remain vulnerable. Vulnerable to pain… vulnerable to hope… vulnerable to disappointment… vulnerable to happiness. Open to possibilities: groundbreaking, life-changing possibilities which gripped her in terror and excitement, threatened to crush her with their sheer weight.
But she was not crushed. So long as Inuyasha was there, breathing… so long as he kept these emotions alive within her, gave her a reason to continue to hope… she would never be crushed.
And that was why he could not die.
That was why she nearly screamed when the gong was sounded to begin, and he charged at his opponent.
.x.x.
Fighting wasn't something which Inuyasha needed to think about.
It was instinctual, habitual, natural; a slash here, a jab there, a clawed hand raking through exposed flesh… of course, in the past he'd had a sword, but such privileges weren't given to demons in the Cells. Inuyasha had long grown used to fighting with his bare hands, with what nature had given him: claws and teeth.
And of natural gifts, he had plenty.
"Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!"
The words ripped from his mouth as he leapt at the man who had been designated his enemy. They were automatic, those words: they surged with power, channeled his anger, his fury, his strength. Those four words channeled everything churning within him, the fear and fury and need, into a deadly attack—or an attack which should have been deadly, had Goshinki's skin not been covered in steely scales.
Fuck! Inuyasha's teeth were sinking into his lip as he backed away, circling Goshinki, analyzing the demon's body armor. There was no way his claws could pierce that skin… no way they could draw blood through scales like that…
Fine. I'll just have to find another way.
And so Inuyasha backed up, coiled his muscles, and charged again, this time aiming for the eyes. "Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!"
They were words of power, words which had taken down countless foes. Perhaps they sounded juvenile, comical, those words… perhaps they sounded like a child's words. But if they did sound like a child's words, that was only because they were a child's words.
He could still hear the sound in his mind, coming back to haunt him, just like it did every time he used the attack: clapping. Ominous, empty clapping which rang in the air, rang only in his mind, disembodied and nonexistent.
Inuyasha's claws raked downward, splitting the air with a vicious swipe, and clashed with Goshinki's own claws. The demon met his attack with equal force and greater strength, and Inuyasha could feel his arms shaking already, feel himself losing his balance, feel himself toppling out of the air. He spun away, landing evenly on his feet, taking a small step of retreat… and counted to five.
One.
There it was again: the clapping, the sound with no maker, for she was gone. She was gone, she was dead, and yet the sound of her clapping infected his mind, reverberating in his eardrums even when she was not there to make the sound.
Two.
Her laugh. Her pealing laugh as she giggled, watching him tear apart trees and sticks. The clapping, again—her way of crying 'encore,' her way of telling him she loved it, she loved him. The laughing continued, growing louder and freer, escaping the boundaries of reality just like it always did when he heard it. The happiness, the joy, the elation… it was all there, as always. As it always was, whenever he used the attack.
Three.
Her smile. In his mind's eye he could see her smile, see her violet eyes glowing with fascination. He could feel her touch on his claws, feel her gently pulling apart his fingers, as if trying to discover what deadly weapon he hid inside his palms.
Four.
The clapping. The laugh. The smile. The scream.
The scream.
The scream she had screamed when they had raided their village, the scream she had screamed when they had torched their home. The scream she had screamed when they had put grubby fingers on her arms and dragged her away; the scream for help which she had screamed when she saw him running toward her, and the scream of pain she cried when she realized there was nothing he could do.
The scream.
Her scream.
Inuyasha let loose a scream of "Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!" and sunk his claws into Goshinki's eyes.
.x.x.
How could she describe it?
How could she describe the horror of watching the man she cared about more than any other man in the world blind another man, intent upon taking his life? How could she describe the terror of watching the stranger retaliate in cold-blooded fury, bringing his fist up under Inuyasha's chest? How could she describe the pain of hearing his ribs crack, of watching him fly backward and land dully on his back?
How could she describe the sheer paralysis which gripped her in iron chains?
There was no way for her to describe it; no name for the ferocity, the fury, the pain, the horror, the fear. It simply couldn't be named, identified, labeled. It could only be comprehended, and comprehension was something which could only be achieved by those there to see it.
Kagome was very much there, and very much seeing it, but she wasn't sure if she would ever comprehend it… and she certainly wasn't sure if she wanted to comprehend it.
The man introduced as Goshinki roared in pain, throwing his fists over his face.
Kagome stared at him—unwillingly enraptured and utterly terrified. In that instant, as he roared, he sounded utterly inhuman. Beastlike. Well, Kagome thought, He is a demon.
But demon or not… inhuman or not… he was a person.
To her surprise, Kagome found that she almost felt guilty that he would have to die. She shook her head vigorously. What am I thinking…?That isn't a man… that's a… a monster, a beast, a… a…
She stared at Inuyasha, doubled over what looked to be a cracked rib… eyes wide with pain, hair wild and frenzied. And she knew, in her gut, that it didn't matter who was a man. It didn't matter who was alive, it didn't matter who had a family somewhere out there, looking for them, waiting for a beloved who would never return. That could be either of them and it could be none.
It could be both.
But Kagome knew instinctively that it didn't matter now. Not while Inuyasha straightened his shoulders and prepared to spring, not while Goshinki tried to stem the bleeding in his eyes. In this instant, their rights as people barely mattered at all… all that mattered to her was that Inuyasha would win.
The idea unnerved her.
She couldn't help it, she argued vehemently. Of course she couldn't help but be on Inuyasha's side. She knew Inuyasha, she cared for Inuyasha. What did she know of Goshinki, of his beliefs, of his morals? What did she know of his kindness?
Nothing. He is… just another man. Another deadened prisoner.
And if this is a fight to the death, then Inuyasha will have to kill him.
She tried to tell herself it wouldn't matter, that it was like killing a corpse, a zombie, killing the living body of a man who had long since died. That was all it was, she told herself. That was all Inuyasha had to do, she told herself.
In a place like this, anyway, ethics take second place…
But hasn't Goshinki done terrible things? Kagome reasoned. The Warriors… most of them… are terrible. Goshinki is no exception. Goshinki… is probably as evil as the guards.
Probably. Probably.
Kagome hated saying 'probably,' because it meant that it might not be true. Maybe Goshinki was evil, maybe he was cruel, maybe he was a deadened man. But maybe… maybe he wasn't. Was there even such a thing as evil? Could she judge someone that way?
It was something they would never find out, and therefore, Kagome told herself, it was something they couldn't waste time worrying about.
.x.x.
For obvious reasons, Inuyasha never went into deep thought about his opponents while trying to kill them.
Even if he had had time to concentrate on something besides his tactics and his life, he would never have tried to reach out to Goshinki, to apologize for things out of his control… he would never have wanted to, and he didn't feel that he needed to.
That was the pact between Warriors.
It was an unspoken agreement the likes of which maybe only existed in the Cells. As soon as a man became a Warrior, he was no longer him, himself… not to the other Warriors. To the other Warriors, he was just a Warrior, and likewise were the others to him. This was the case for Inuyasha, for Goshinki… this was why Warriors did not make friends in the Cells.
You never know who you're going to kill next.
Friendships were dangerous; killing a friend, for many men, would be the same as suicide… imagining facing Miroku in the stadium would be intolerable.
Inuyasha sucked in a deep breath, letting his ribs screech in agony, letting his pierced left lung whistle its dying breath. He knew that in a few minutes the blinding pain would fade, his ribs would right themselves, his lung would heal its rupture, but he didn't have a few minutes. He only had then, he only had now, he only had that moment: the moment while he stood stooped and panting, while Goshinki roared, blind and furious.
That was all he had, and he had to use it to his best ability.
Inuyasha inhaled, blocking out the pain.
Now. While he's distracted.
He had the vague memory of something that bastard, Kouga, had said about Goshinki: something important, something which could, maybe, be a threat even to him. He had the notion that it was vital that he remember this detail, this secret weapon… but his mind was clouded and his vision was reddening, even as he fought to repress the demon which roared within him.
What the hell am I supposed to remember…?
When Goshinki stopped flailing and raised his bloody head, Inuyasha knew that he didn't have any more time to waste doing something stupid like thinking. So instead, he charged.
.x.x.
The Inuyasha of the battlefield was a very different Inuyasha than the one whom Kagome had presumed to know.
She didn't recognize this man, this Warrior… this ruthless killer who stalked his prey, who gouged out a pair of eyes with his bare claws. She didn't recognize this lithe hunter, this demon who jumped ten feet into the air and latched onto Goshinki's blind head, holding on while the larger demon thrashed.
This Inuyasha, this bloody-clawed, wild-eyed, face-twisted-with-fury Inuyasha, was a stranger to her.
And yet at the same time… he wasn't. She would look into his eyes as he leapt, listen to his voice as he roared that strange battle cry of his, and she would see… him. She would see her Inuyasha, the Inuyasha who meant more to her than was logical or natural for a man whom she had only known for a week. When his eyes burned with wild rage and determination, when his voice shivered with inexorable power… she could find the man she knew.
But Kagome wasn't sure what she would rather see on the battlefield: the man she knew or the stranger he became.
.x.x.
Inuyasha used to play a game with himself while fighting these fights.
It used to sicken him, fighting his own people, killing men who had given their lives and freedom for the same cause he had: their families. Their starving mothers and father and sisters and brothers and wives and children. Not the wives and children in Inuyasha's case, but he knew that there were some men who had made it to that part of their lives.
Inuyasha was glad that he hadn't; the only thing that made living in the Cells tolerable was the knowledge that there was no one outside waiting for his return.
I'm killing a father, a brother, a son, he used to think. An uncle, a cousin, a friend. He couldn't sleep nights, couldn't live days… and he knew that eventually, if he kept going on like that, it would kill him.
Dying would be a betrayal of the worst kind.
Inuyasha had begun using tactics to keep himself alive. The first he had tried out was a game, a simple game of mental gymnastics which he played with himself every time he went onto the battlefield, every time he sank his fist through someone's gut. It wasn't him on the battlefield, he would say. It wasn't Inuyasha killing the fathers and brothers and sons. Instead, it was someone else, it was the stranger he became.
This tactic hadn't lasted long; Inuyasha wasn't stupid.
Of course it was him on the battlefield, of course it was him killing the fathers and brothers and sons. Of course it was him with his hand in someone's lungs, of course it was him feeling the pain. There was no 'other him.'
Except my demon, Inuyasha thought. Except the one part of me I can't control…
The part he could feel, roaring beneath the surface, at this very moment…
Goshinki took advantage of his distraction by tearing him off of his head and smashing him against the ground, a loud crash reverberating throughout the arena, followed by the hoots and hollers of the watching guards. Kouga's loud whooping rang out loud. He was the loudest to laugh and the last to stop… the last to realize that Inuyasha wasn't moving.
There was dead silence as Goshinki took his time in striding arrogantly toward the crumpled Inuyasha.
This had been the key to coping with the endless slaughter. This moment, this pain, this fury. This had been the moment which, long ago, had taught Inuyasha how to survive the battlefield without killing himself on the inside.
This had been the turning point for life in the Cells.
Inuyasha couldn't remember which man had been the first one to show him how to live. Whoever he was, he was dead now. But still… Inuyasha owed him, and the idea that he could never pay him back made him furious.
He'd always hated debts.
Inuyasha couldn't remember the man, but he could remember the moment: much like this one, except more terrifying, for this was one time in a long line of times and that had been the first. Much like this one, except more infuriating, for Inuyasha had thought he was helpless.
Much like this one, for during both moments Inuyasha felt rage churning in his gut, propelling him to his feet despite the pain.
The crowd gasped as he straightened his back, cracked his knuckles, and cast an arrogant smirk into his audience… right to Gatenmaru and Kouga.
The sudden unease which befell their faces was the real victory.
The key to surviving the Cells, to surviving the battles, to surviving the slaughter, was this: to fight not against his opponent, not against the Warriors, but against the Cells itself. And when Inuyasha charged forward, when Inuyasha cried the battle cry his sister had made up for him long ago, his intent was not to kill the Warrior, but to bring himself one step closer to defying the Cells—for good.
Goshinki met him with equal vigor.
The Cells was not a place for selflessness, for martyrdom—not in Inuyasha's opinion. The Cells was a place to escape at all costs, the Cells was a place to defy and resist. And although Inuyasha could not tear down its walls like he tore up Goshinki's face… he knew that by fighting each fight with the hope that it would be his last, and by feeding his hope with aggression and determination, he was slowly weakening the Cell's iron hold.
Eventually he would escape. Eventually he and Miroku would run free, and live their lives not as dictated by an uncompassionate King, but as dictated by themselves and they alone…
And maybe, Inuyasha thought, We could take Kagome with us, too.
These were his priorities, these were the things which he lived and fought for. And Inuyasha knew that if he had to kill a hundred men to get there… he would do it. He would do whatever it took.
He knew that Goshinki and the Warriors understood that, and were possibly fighting for the same goal, if they were alive enough to have any goals at all.
Inuyasha stepped back, faced Goshinki, and prepared to kill him.
He had already taken out the demon's sense of vision, but he knew that Goshinki's hearing and sense of smell were probably acute in the extreme. When it came to demons, vision didn't necessarily mean anything… but for a demon like Goshinki, Inuyasha knew that the pain would be overwhelming for a time.
Apparently, that time had passed.
Goshinki stared him down with his empty sockets, never wavering in his cold gaze. Shit… it's like he can see me anyway, Inuyasha thought reluctantly, forehead creasing. Why the hell isn't he doing anything…?
He could have sworn he saw Goshinki raise an eyebrow at him, but he dismissed the thought quickly as absurdity. There wasn't time to worry about such things. There was only time to fight.
Inuyasha took a deep breath, looked into Goshinki's eye sockets… and knew what he had to do.
Thumbs through the sockets. Crush the skull. Straight to the brain.
It would be quick and easy.
His steps were rapid, his claws bared as he charged toward Goshinki and opened his mouth to yell his battle cry for the final time, to take the last leap of the day. Once he might have smirked, once he might have cried in joyous victory, but that was long ago. That was before he'd come to the Cells, that was when he'd been facing enemies… that was when he'd better fighting for something besides his own life.
Not that my life isn't a hell of a thing to fight for, he added wryly.
"But it's gonna be a hard thing to win, half breed," Goshinki growled.
Inuyasha stopped dead.
Just that pause, that moment of shock which immobilized him in midair and stopped his hand in mid thrust, was enough to turn the tides, for it was all that Goshinki needed to grab him around the waist with one enormous fist. And it was here, dangling in midair, unable to move and beginning to suffocate, that Inuyasha finally remembered what Kouga and Gatenmaru had said.
"…has an incredible mind… a mind that can dig its way into others' minds…"
"He can read minds."
Inuyasha's mind blanked.
He had never been a man of many words. He was imaginative, sometimes even thoughtful, but these were parts of him which he never showed, for they were wholly unnecessary. What amount of imagination could earn a half demon like him a place in society? None. The only thing which redeemed him for his birth were his fighting skills, and still, they were sometimes not enough.
Inuyasha was not verbose like Miroku, and he'd never felt that he needed to be, because in his opinion, one word summarized his situation just fine:
FUCK.
.x.x.
Kagome was not like Inuyasha in that regard.
Kagome could not watch the closest man to her in the entire world dangle from the fist of a man intent upon killing him and say just one word to describe her feelings. She couldn't scream, curse, swear… none of that had ever helped her, anyway: cursing. She'd always thought that it was ridiculous that one word should be much more powerful than another.
Words don't kill, she thought numbly. Words can't gather the one who keeps you alive and threaten to take him away… words can't crush his ribs…
Words could hurt… but they couldn't draw blood.
Nor could they take away Kagome's agony.
The only thing that kept her from screaming was the sheer untruth of it; the only thing that kept her from crying was its simple impossibility. And while her friends gawked in shock, while frantic eyes strayed from Inuyasha, dying on the battlefield, to Kagome, paralyzed in the body shed, the only thing which kept Kagome from losing control was the knowledge that it simply couldn't be.
Inuyasha… could not die.
It isn't naivety, Kagome thought, It's just the truth.
It was only what she knew, wholly and completely, inexplicably and irrevocably, in her heart.
And somewhere deeper in her heart, she knew that this faith was fictional.
That was what made the first tear make its way to the brink of her eye, dangling on her eyelashes, threatening to spill over onto her cheek. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. It was a chant, a hollow intonation, a prayer made to no one from a small, lost voice. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. But he didn't believe in prayer, did he? For that matter, did she? Would he want her to beg for his life to a divine force which he didn't believe in?
And did she want to trust his life to a force she could not see?
Hands shaking, she muttered, "I'm not begging. I'm NOT BEGGING."
Now Sango's and Koharu's and Kagura's eyes were on her, now their eyes were wide, now their eyes were sad and shocked. Well, not Kagura's. Kagura's dark red eyes weren't sad… just surprised. Surprised and wary, as if wondering whether Kagome had finally given up her hold on reality.
"Inuyasha won't die," she whispered. "Inuyasha won't die."
Not begging. She didn't know who she was talking to, but it was not begging.
"Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die."
Her wet eyes narrowed as she thought, Dying would be a betrayal of the worst kind.
And Inuyasha… Inuyasha would never betray her.
Kagome would never forgive him if he did.
She felt like she was her younger self, sitting on the balcony in her manor once more, surrounded by candlelight which flickered and laughed, smirked as she cried. She felt as if she were lost, cold, confused and alone, with no one there to listen to her screams… no one there to comfort a broken girl.
It's just like then, Kagome realized, narrowed eyes widening just to gibbous moons. It's like when my mother died.
Watching the chaos. Wanting to scream. Knowing she couldn't.
Abandoned.
Strong, calloused arms pulled her into a tight hug, and Kagome knew just by the touch that it was Sango. "You don't have to watch," Sango said, biting her lip in concern. "We'll tell you how it ends. Don't worry… he'll be fine…"
But those were just the words she didn't want to hear, for she was not that little girl alone on the balcony anymore. Not that little girl surrounded by candles, crying for her mother… not anymore.
I'm not alone, Kagome thought, almost surprised. In that way… it's different than that time.
Contrary to how she had pushed away her nanny's comfort, she welcomed solace from Sango, and as she clasped her hands tightly over Sango's, she wondered aloud in barely a murmur, "Is this what it's like to have friends?"
They stared at her. "What?"
"Nothing."
She was surrounded by friends, she realized. Perhaps not Kagura, Kagome amended, But we could get there… in time. I need to earn her respect, to show her I'm strong. I need to prove that I can cope, that I will live… no matter what…
On the battlefield, Goshinki had thrown Inuyasha up into the air, and the small crowd was whooping. Their cheers were dulled by the shed walls, but Kagome could hear them loud and clear… the screaming, the hooting, the chanting.
The cheering for Inuyasha's death.
If he died… could I cope?
Was that what she needed to do to earn Kagura's approval? Prove that she was a fighter, a survivor, the toughest of the tough? That she was in league with Sango? That she could live, cope, survive… even if the impossible occurred?
Even if Inuyasha suffocated in Goshinki's fist?
Kagome took a moment and forced herself to imagine what she would do if he fell, crashed to the ground, broke his neck, and was stomped flat by Goshinki. If she never again met his golden eyes with her own… if she never again heard his voice… if she never again felt the brush of his hand on hers, felt tiny sparks stir within her skin, felt it heat up under his touch…
…If all of that were to just end…
…and the last time she saw him was from here, in the body shed in which he would soon lie…
She might not be able to live with it.
Her fists tightened… her breath sped… her heart raced the marathon, seeming as if it might overrun itself and run out of energy. And as her eyes began to close, as she began to hyperventilate, as she began to wonder if these would be the last moments of their lives…
Inuyasha's eyes began to glow red.
.x.x.
The pain was crushing him.
It wasn't just physical pain, though of course that part hurt. It wasn't just the sensation of being squeezed into a tube, of having his bones fragment slowly into splinters, of having his internal organs pierced and compressed. Though obviously none of that was particularly pleasant, it wasn't the part which made him feel like he was going to die.
Physical pain he could deal with. But emotional pain… fury… despair… rage… was the dark shadow which suffocated his soul.
Goshinki's fist tightened, his vision darkened, and the crowd's yells turned deafening.
His eyes were closing, his lungs failing, and Goshinki kept crushing. Breaking through skin, through bone, through blood. But the worst part, almost the worst part of everything, was Kouga's stare; knowing that it was hovering on his face, knowing that it was adorned by a triumphant smirk.
Inuyasha opened his mouth to yell at him, to call him a bastard, a jackass, an idiot. But instead of these words, what came out was blood.
He couldn't think, couldn't form whole sentences. All he knew was that he'd screwed up, screwed up bad, and this time he was going to pay for it. This time it was too much, this time he'd lost… this time it was his turn to be dragged into the body shed.
He wondered if Miroku was behind the door with his face pressed to the crack, watching everything.
It occurred vaguely to him that he was leaving Miroku alone, that he was letting Kouga win, that he would never see Kagome's face again, and that he would never grasp the freedom for which he'd longed for two years. But he was in too much pain, too much fatigue, to care.
His mind, along with his body, was failing.
His heart stuttered.
And there was Kouga's arrogant shouting, rising above the other voices, rising above the hoots and hollers. There was his face, hovering in Inuyasha's mind's eye, lips curled into a disgusting smirk. There was his mouth, moving.
You're nothing.
You lost.
I won.
The last thing Inuyasha thought before a red haze consumed his mind was a snarling, NO.
He wasn't nothing. He hadn't lost. And Kouga definitely hadn't won. Inuyasha would make sure of that, he knew it. Inuyasha would make sure that Kouga, that Goshinki, that the slavers and the captors and everyone else in the world would never see the light of the next day. On that day, he would make sure that he was the only one who walked out of the Cells alive.
They would see who was the winner was. Inuyasha would make sure of this.
They would see when they were all dead.
.x.x.
Gasps echoed in the body shed, gasps of relief and shock and fear. Kagome watched in utter disbelief as Inuyasha snarled a deafening, raging war cry. It rang throughout the Cells, obliterating her ear drums and wiping her mind of all thought. It chilled her to the core, filled her with an inexplicable terror, a sense of danger… and also a sense of fascination.
She stared in awe as his claws and fangs lengthened… gathering her wits just in time to see him rip Goshinki's hand apart.
Goshinki screamed in shock and pain, jumping backwards, releasing Inuyasha. He howled incessantly, howled in anger and agony, but it wasn't his shredded hand which he cradled. Instead, he clawed at his head, as if being tormented by invisible tortures within his own skull.
"What's wrong with him?" Kagome demanded, gawking. "What happened?"
"He's gone demon," Sango said, eyes widening.
"Demon? Isn't he already half demon? What does that mean?"
Sango shook her head quickly, as if to say that now wasn't the time. "Just watch. Don't worry. Just watch."
And Kagome watched.
Inuyasha had just seconds ago been an inch away from death. In fact, even now she could see his rib cage crushed, hear his wheezing, strained breath. Even now she could see blood leaking from his skin, even while he charged at Goshinki.
Even while he tore him to pieces.
First was a clean swipe down the center, slicing the head and shoulder off of the rest of the body. The rest of the dismemberment followed, skin and limbs flying until the man who had moments ago been Goshinki lay in a mutilated pile on the ground, beneath Inuyasha's feet. The crowd erupted into screams of surprise, whoops of excitement which shattered the air. But Inuyasha wasn't done. Inuyasha didn't even seem to know that the fight was over.
Instead of stopping, instead of breathing, Inuyasha sprinted toward the crowd, a threatening snarl bursting from his broken chest.
Kagome's eyes popped out of their sockets. "What the hell is he doing?" she demanded, unsure where the the hell part came from. Maybe her sheer panic, maybe the environment. Maybe the fact that Inuyasha had gone on a violent rampage… apparently going insane.
"He's gone full demon," Sango moaned. "He's not in control of himself. If he doesn't stop, he… he'll kill everyone."
"What?"
Sango turned to Kagome, looked her in the eye, communicating the urgency of the situation. "All half demons have this full demon side, which sometimes comes out when they're in mortal danger. In the form of a full demon, Inuyasha has incredible strength and speed, but he's ruthless. He can't distinguish between friend and foe. He'll kill anyone within reaching distance."
"Isn't that a good thing?" Kagome asked, struck by sudden inspiration. "If he killed the guards—"
Sango shook her head rapidly. "In his state, he'll run out of stamina before he can kill many. And once he's done… they'll kill him."
Possessed of a new fear, realizing that their ordeal wasn't done, Kagome turned her attention again to Inuyasha. To a red-eyed, cruel-faced, bloodthirsty Inuyasha who frightened and fascinated her.
An Inuyasha who was running towards his death.
She wanted to scream at him to stop, to run onto the battlefield and throw her arms around his waist. A part of her told her to do it, to run up the stairs and find a way to the arena and not stop running until she was holding him tight. A part of her told her to ignore logic, to ignore reasoning… to run with her heart.
But she didn't have time to do something which would have gotten her killed.
The guards' hands had went to their swords and Gatenmaru was up on his feet, but it no longer mattered. Inuyasha's heart stuttered, his feet tripped… his eyes widened.
And Kagome caught just the barest glimpse of gold before he tumbled to the ground in a pool of his own blood.
.x.x.
A/N: I'm evil, I know. But it was this or no update. xP
ANYWAY. What'd you think? I hope this wasn't too scattered, though I thought it was at parts. Feel free to agree or disagree. Any tips for writing fight scenes? I tried to guide the scene with the actions but focus on the tension and emotional reflections.
Thank you to feathersnow, Inu'sgirl4ever, KoishiiMiko, lannamoo, Krystology, Asche Angel 46, Allora Gale, 00-Wild-Fire-00, Regina lunaris, iheartinuyasha, ElvenMermaid, Alechaos Ogigio, Tomatosoup inc., Daichilover, and Ivorybreath for reviewing! You guys are much beloved (am I even using that word in the right tense? O.O) as always!
By the way, updates may be irregular from now on. School has started, and I have another fanfic as well as a non-fanfic to work on, so I'm going to be trying to update once a week at least. Sometimes more often, sometimes less. It all depends on two things: a) my mood and b) REVIEWS! So REVIEW, guys! And I'll see you soon, hopefully! :D