Chapter 14: Two Kunoichi
(The next morning)
Hitomi wasn't completely convinced that everyone had slept, much less well, in the single room they shared. She, for one, had been too jittery, both because of what had transpired with Neji and the resulting tension with Tenten but also with re-convincing herself of her likely survival rate and the success of her plan. Not to mention it felt like her parents' ghosts breathing down her neck rather than a draught whistling down the metamorphosis chamber. She had spent much of the night on her side, head pointed south, watching a spider skittering over the floor.
She was grateful when morning came and the shinobi trio seemed to decide, unanimously, to go train together before seeking out breakfast, and leave her to prepare. She spent a good couple of hours by herself clearing out the metamorphosis chamber - a cylindrical space maybe ten feet in diameter and stretching up at least two stories, criss-crossed with stone buttresses carved by past apostles - and making it as clean as possible. She could hear Ku outside warming her body in the sun, gathering energy for the coming night, but did not feel she could speak to her yet.
Hitomi dashed the last bucket of rinsewater over the centralmost rock, turning it a glossy black in the morning light. It created a dais of sorts and would be the spot where she constructed her own cocoon, and thus should be the cleanest, most sacred space. She placed the bucket behind her and watched the water dribble away into sandy gaps into the rocky floor.
"Miss Hitomi?"
She blinked dry eyes; the rock was dry too. How long have I been standing here?
"Miss Hitomi?"
Turning, she was surprised to see Tenten standing at the entrance.
Tenten smiled, "If you're hungry, we've managed to make breakfast."
Hitomi beat back a dozen other replies and questions, remembered decorum. "Thank you, but the only thing I can ingest from now on is the nectar."
"Lee and I have that ready for you, as a matter of fact," Tenten said. Hitomi didn't notice that her cheery disposition had faded, nor that a long moment had passed, until the kunoichi asked, "Are you all right?"
Hitomi smiled wryly to herself. "You don't need to worry about me."
A pause. "If you mean last night...about Neji…"
Hitomi looked at her then. Tenten didn't look sure how to continue, but was trying. Hitomi wasn't sure how to talk about it either with Tenten of all people, but she was certainly grateful for the opportunity. "I want you to know it meant nothing," she tried. She bowed, "Please accept my apology."
Another weak smile. "There's no need to apologize - it doesn't bother me. We're teammates - that's all."
Hitomi wasn't sure she believed it. But for the sake of fluency of the group, they both had to tell themselves things they didn't fully believe. She smiled back at Tenten, "Good then, I'm glad," she said, and clarified, "It was a mistake - one that we're putting behind us. I feel rather ridiculous, as it happens - when I get home again I'm actually due to become engaged."
This brightened Tenten's expression, as she figured it would. "Oh? Congratulations! Neji had mentioned that you were actually engaged already, though?"
Hitomi bit her lip, felt the cut there from the night before. "A half-lie. It's...been something understood between our families. I imagine once they rein me in, they can settle it formally."
"The Land of Iron is so different, isn't it," Tenten mused to herself. "You're only our age."
Hitomi hesitated, thinking of Neji's suggestion the night before - that she need not return there, nor stay here. "It's different, yes," she said. She turned on her heel to look around at her handiwork in the chamber.
She'd thought Tenten would want to avoid her as much as possible, so it was unexpected when she didn't leave and, in fact, continued, "Was that part of why you left? An arranged marriage?"
Hitomi smiled to herself as she thought of Noboru. "No. It really was as simple as I've told you. But…" Why was she thinking of these things? Talking about them? She felt heavy, and sat down wearily.
Again to her surprise, Tenten came away from the doorway and sat with her on the dais. "But?" she prompted.
Hesitating, Hitomi rubbed at the callouses on her hands, looked at the torn cuffs of her shirt and the men's hakama she still wore. What a far cry she was now from when she'd left - not that that was a bad thing.
She'd never had a chance to talk about it - the words were flowing from her before she could stop them. "When I turned thirteen...do you know what they did? They bathed me in milk and roses. Told me I was beautiful and would make a good wife. All things I had wanted to hear but when I did hear them, I felt pain. They did nothing wrong. They were kind. What do you do with all that kindness and love, that expects so much? Sometimes kindness is a cruelty."
"When it's the wrong type of kindness," Tenten said quietly. Her tone made Hitomi look at her - the kunoichi was looking at the ground, thoughtful. "I know a little about what you mean. Sometimes you find out the hard way that people don't have the same standards of you that you do for yourself, and it's tricky to get them to be kind to you, encourage you, in the way that you need them to."
Hitomi made a soft noise of agreement.
Tenten looked up into the space. "That's why you left."
Hitomi did too, and nodded to herself. "Yes."
After a minute or so of companionable quiet, watching the dust motes in the thin sunrays, Tenten shifted and with her, the mood. "I doubt boys have to have these kinds of thoughts when they decide to become shinobi," she grumbled.
Small laughs.
Hitomi looked at Tenten, smiling, "Those two are lucky to have you. Honestly. I know I for one barely deserve your patience and forgiveness."
"Hey, nevermind that!" Tenten chided, covering her mouth bashfully. She sprung to her feet and turned back to her cheerily with her hands on her hips. "Shall we eat? Well - drink, for you."
Hitomi wasn't sure she wanted to leave the chamber; she counted herself lucky to be back on good terms with Tenten and while she didn't think Lee could hold ill-will toward her, Neji was another matter entirely.
The doubt must have shown on her face because Tenten said, "Come on," and held out a hand.
Hitomi accepted the help to stand. As they left the space Hitomi grabbed the bucket and broom she'd been using and brought them with her, leaving them just outside the door. The two of them passed through the quasi-temple and onto the narrow veranda, beyond which blazed the morning sun. The waterfall and the small river glimmered like a ribbon of silver and Ku's spiky body seemed to sprout from it. Tenten stretched as she hopped down onto the moss and headed for where Lee and Neji sat on a relatively flat rock with food between them. Hitomi followed at a slower pace, using a long glance at the nursery - its doors open to the sun and air - to gather herself. Her pensive mood faltered a little when she caught Lee waving enthusiastically at them in her periphery.
"It smells good!" Tenten said as they joined them on the rock.
"Our cooking is not as good as yours, but hopefully it's enough!" Lee said.
Hitomi lowered herself to sit on her knees, her back deliberately to Ku. She avoided looking at Neji next to her but a quick glance told her her was avoiding looking at her, too. Lee's bandaged hand entered her view to place a bowl of steaming rice and grilled fish in front of her.
"Sorry, Lee," Tenten said for her, "Miss Hitomi can't eat or drink anything other than the hachimitsu nectar from now on."
"Is that so?" Lee said, disappointed.
Hitomi raised her gaze to him, giving the bowl a polite nudge away. "Unfortunately yes. It'll be more for the three of you, though."
"Why is it called 'nectar' if it comes from a fruit, rather than a flower?" Neji asked. He was still looking at the rock between them but she supposed at least he was trying for normality.
"I don't know, come to think of it," she said, trying in turn, and added a slight laugh for effect.
Tenten reached behind her, where a lidless barrel sat on the ground lower than the rock. She dipped a ladle into it, bringing it up full of dark amber nectar as thick as blood, and poured it into a large cup. Hooking the ladle on the side of the barrel, she then handed the cup to Hitomi. She thanked her and began to take regular, small sips of the fruity, somewhat salty and yet sour nectar.
"What is it for, anyway?" Lee asked.
Hitomi swallowed a second time to get her latest sip all the way down her throat. "Nourishment, of course, but it makes it easier for me to control nature chakra, too. It'll make it easier for me to enter my stasis this evening, and Ku will use it in the final anointment. I should warn you, though - as I drink more and more, as time goes on it'll essentially make me a little drunk. I'll...I'll need help getting from Point A to Point B," she shrugged sheepishly, "and I've heard it can sometimes make apostles talkative."
"Well, we're used to 'talkative'," Tenten assured her.
"Guy Sensei is very verbose," Neji agreed around a small bite of rice.
"He's encouraging us!" said Lee. "He has so much knowledge to share, we should be grateful he's forthcoming with it."
Hitomi caught Tenten's eyes as she rolled them, smiling.
Neji changed subject, "This 'stasis' you mentioned - what is it exactly, and do we need to do anything?"
She shook her head, stared into her cup. "No, not really. I'll build my own cocoon when the sun goes down, and stay inside it for the night while I gather chakra. The colony will hatch while it's still dark, and I'll emerge not long after. Then the Shining Week officially begins, and I can do what needs to be done."
"Which is?"
For the first time that morning her and Neji's eyes met. His face was stern, like he was testing her. After all, wasn't it obvious what she was going to do?
"Go back to Suguri," she said anyway. "I'm sure Arata and that kid are waiting for me."
"But you have no way of knowing if Arata killed your parents," he retorted. "That's purposeless."
Hitomi squinted at him, feeling unusually panicky at this pointing-out of a flaw in her plans.
"Neji," Tenten scolded.
Hitomi blinked at him, set her expression into one of composure, began, "They're Orochimaru's -"
His eyebrows drew down. "Orochimaru has hundreds of supporters and collaborators. Are you simply going to hunt down all of them in a single week by yourself? There's merit in eliminating the immediate threat of Arata and the other one, but unless you have concrete data on who you're specifically wanting to get your revenge on, heading out there is reckless."
"Not all of them, no," she said. Her grip tightened on her cup.
"Then what are you going to do?" his voice was louder, now. Offended, almost. Back to square one.
"What I can while I can!" Hitomi burst. Her throat felt tight. She stood and stalked back toward the temple, cup in hand, regretting having come outside.
In his periphery Neji saw Tenten get quickly to her feet, too, and snip something at him that he wasn't concerned about catching. She picked up the nectar barrel by its rope handles and went after Hitomi. Although distantly curious over why Tenten was taking her side all of a sudden, he was focused, instead, on Hitomi's retreating back, with its darkened line of sweat that had bled through her shirt from hours' work already. That was real - that work was real. Her lofty, half-formed ambitions, less so.
"Neji…" Lee began hesitantly as the girls disappeared into the shadows of the temple. "You said earlier - we all agreed - that things were all right now. But you're still not yourself."
"It's not something I want to discuss with you," Neji said.
"Then who are you going to discuss it with? You've upset both Miss Hitomi and now Tenten."
"That hardly matters."
"Doesn't it? We still have a long way to go before this is over, and once it is, you still have a team with Tenten on it."
Neji played with the tail of one of the tiny fish in the pause that followed. Though his appetite was gone, he knew he needed to eat. But that only served to remind him how Hitomi couldn't eat, and now Tenten had abandoned her food, too. Even the most basic of things felt like they were unraveling at the seams.
"I...I know you don't think me knowledgeable in such matters, and it's true we don't talk about it much -"
Neji groaned inwardly.
"- but it seems to me that in matters of the heart, sometimes it helps to -"
"I cannot think you ignorant in something I myself don't fully understand, Lee," Neji said through gritted teeth. That was the most he would indulge the topic. "As I said, I do not want to discuss it. It doesn't matter. We are here to fulfil a mission, even if it has rapidly gotten out of hand and is taking an uncustomarily long time for a C-rank."
Lee went quiet at last. When Neji looked up, his friend's own eyes were downcast and he had taken up the rest of his breakfast, eating slowly and silently.
Aware that Lee was trying his best, Neji's frown relaxed; his eyebrows pinched and rose. "I'm sorry," he offered, picking up his own bowl. A small bite hovered in front of him briefly before he let it flop back. "I'm...not used to having to juggle these things and Miss Hitomi...isn't helping."
Lee rested his bowl on his crossed legs. "She doesn't seem to be used to juggling things either. I'm sure she has a lot on her mind as well." He hesitated, then said, "And Tenten?"
"I don't like that I've upset her."
"So you're worried about Miss Hitomi, and you're bothered that things may have changed between you and Tenten. Those are two things you know. Those are still facts you can work with!" Lee said.
Neji had to smile at the attempt at encouragement, even if it didn't help much. "There's nothing I can really do about either. Now is hardly the time, anyway. We'll just have to see this through to the end - whatever that may truly be."
Lee was thoughtful for a moment, and oddly sincere when he said, "Time helps. Things have a way of becoming clear. And...you know it's all right to think of how you feel once in a while, right? To think of what you want for the future. Even the best of us do."
Neji bit back one of his usual snide retorts. Lee was right, after all, even if he didn't want to admit it. "It's hard to think about the future with two unpredictable kunoichi such as them. I just want to focus on the mission."
"They - and whatever you may think about them - are part of the mission now, whether you like it or not."