Okay so I owe all my followers & favourite-ers a massive apology. This story IS NOT ABANDONED. I have just had the craziest last month or so, and haven't had time to do ANYTHING, never mind write. This is a longer chapter than usual to make up for my absence, and there will be more to follow soon. I am so sorry to everyone who has been PM-ing me & reviewing begging for more of this story. It means SO MUCH that you all love it that much, & I'm really trying to not let any of you down.
Please be warned - this is NOT a happy chapter. It's pretty much the lowest that it gets. BUT THERE'S A REASON FOR IT. You gotta go low before you can go high! :)
I will re-edit this chapter to include a personal thankyous & replies to each reviewer in the morning. Right now it's late, & I just wanted to get the chapter up ASAP so you guys know I'm still with you.
Thankyou so much for your continued support. Love you all.
The Refusal.
Talia's eyes softly flicker open, her sight bleary and her mind confused. After a moment she sits up, and finds herself alone in Bane's bed, looking forward out of the only window; a hazy, pink dawn beginning it's stretch across a winter sky. It takes less than a second for her memory of the previous night to return to her, and her stomach lurches slightly as she pictures her friend almost storming from the room. The same uneasy confusion washes over her; Talia genuinely has no idea what she'd done to make him so upset.
After he'd left, she had dallied; inwardly warring with herself. It could have only been a fraction of a second, but the desire to follow him clashed against a vague feeling of resentment. There was no doubt that Talia was greatly hurt by his unsubtle rejection, and for hours after Bane disappeared she'd experienced a sour combination of guilt and chagrin. But now,in the clear light of a new morning breaking on the horizon, Talia found that she was just angry.
The righteous indignation is kept at bay while she readies herself for the day ahead. Talia quietly slips from Bane's chambers and returns to her own bedroom, where she dresses in her training gi. Each tie, each knot, each buckle is put together slowly and purposefully, the concentration held in place in order to keep Bane from her thoughts.
When she arrives in the training hall and begins to follow her usual group in basic four-step kumite, she cannot help but notice her protector's absence. Although she is determined not to waste time wondering where he is, Talia makes a mental note of how remarkably out of character it is for Bane to miss martial training - especially for something so trivial as a domestic problem. Maybe since he is only just returned from a mission, he is given time off to recuperate…?
Even in the mess hall, when Talia, Mohan and the rest of their sparring team regroup to each lunch, Bane is nowhere to be seen. Desperate to be unconcerned about his whereabouts, Talia focuses on her friend's conversation and tries to join in. There is always, however, a small, constant voice in the back of her mind, telling her she ought to be worried. Bane is nothing if not a creature of habit, and his respect for both the League and for Ra's means he would not just simply go AWOL for no reason. Talia finds that she has lost her appetite, and hands out the rest of her day's rations to Mohan. He eyes her with a wary grin of thanks, but says nothing.
As the cold winter sun finally begins to set over the distant mountains, and Talia finishes her final lesson of the day, she already knows that she is unable to continue the charade any further. Without any further hesitation, she heads in the direction of her father's study.
Talia is not even halfway there before she runs into Ra's, who is deep in conversation with another two recruits. When he notices her approach he smiles, and dismisses the League members with a flick of his hand. They silently bow, and take their leave. Before Ra's is even able to speak, the burrowing concern that has been eating at Talia's conscious for the entire day suddenly explodes outward, and she cannot help the tumble of words that escape her lips;
"Do you know where Bane is?"
Ra's mouth is halfway open - no doubt a warm word of greeting on his tongue - when Talia speaks. He raises his eyebrows, presses his lips together, and smiles.
"Good evening to you too, Talia."
She stops short in front of her father, already regretting her manners, or lack thereof,
"Apologies father. I am, of course, happy to see you."
Ra's nods gratefully, "And I you, dearest daughter."
He leaves a beat of silence before continuing, "And in answer to your question; yes. I do know where Bane is. What concern it is of yours where I send my recruits off to is, however, more of a mystery…?"
He tone is slightly bemused, and there is a warm smile on his hawk-like features, but Talia knows there is an air of authority colouring her father's words. If, indeed, he has sent Bane off to do the League's bidding, Ra's is quite right to remind Talia it is none of her business. That doesn't, however, stop her from enquiring further.
"I just… I haven't seen him all day. I was worried. Especially since he only just got back from Laos. Surely he can't have been sent away again so soon…?"
Although the bitter taste of anger from the previous evening remains, Talia's overriding concern for Bane's wellbeing prevails for the moment. The thought - however unlikely - that he has been immediately sent away again, perhaps even further across the world this time, threatens to engulf Talia in an all-too-familiar despair. She briefly wonders whether she'd be able to handle such loneliness again so soon.
"There is no cause for alarm," Ra's crisp voice cuts through her spiralling thoughts, "Bane approached me last night, hoping I had some new task for him. Like you, I thought it would be too soon to send him away again, so instead he has embarked on a short training exercise, collecting flora from the mountainside. The venom used within the valves of his mask is made from one of the rarer plants that grows on the Eastern side of the cliff edges, and he volunteered to collect some. All being well, he will return before tonight is through."
Talia takes a steadying breath, already embarrassed at her dramatised version of events. Ra's studies her for a moment, his head cocking at one side.
"He seemed extremely determined to leave the compound, all truth being told. I perhaps wondered if something had happened between you two…?"
Talia is unable to reach her father's gaze, simultaneously amazed and frustrated at his perception. She still has no idea what the strange mix of emotions and instinctive reflexes that she experiences in Bane's presence means, but it is somehow far too intimate to be sharing with her father.
Ra's takes her hesitation as a confirmation, and places a slender-fingered hand on one of her shoulders.
"Talia," His voice is warm but authoratitive, "I cannot begin to understand the bond that you and Bane share, after all you have been through together. I know that to you, he is a protector, and a friend. But perhaps you should try seeing this from his point of view…?"
She looks up at her father finally, and his blue eyes twinkle in return.
"Bane was a man grown when you were just a child. There are few men that walk the earth that would take on the responsibilities of a young girl - a child not of their own blood - never mind a man that lives in such a place as the pit. Every day he had to split his water, his food, his time between two. And for what? You had nothing to return to him, to thank him with. You were just a child."
Talia's eyes narrow. Does he not think I know this? How can he not see that this guilt lingers over me every second of the day? Why is he talking like this?
"Now, however, you are safe, you are fed, you are cared for. You are where you belong. Bane has given so much to you, and through you, to me. You must consider that he wishes to spread his wings, to see the world that forgot him, to truly taste the freedom that we repaid him with. Don't you see, dearest daughter? I know that for you Bane is a friend, but you must consider that perhaps to him, you are just a burden."
Something catches in Talia's throat, but she swallows it down. A burden? Is that truely how he sees me? She doesn't want to believe it, but a small voice in the back of her mind tells her to consider Ra's words. She is, after all, still a child in Bane's eyes; it's entirely possible that what her father is saying is the truth. A man like Bane, who has spent so many precious years of his manhood trapped inside an underground cage, would obviously want to experience everything the world had to offer. It makes sense that now Talia has repaid his kindness with his freedom, he should want to rid himself of her need of him.
But he can't. I do need him.
Ra's squeezes her shoulder gently, and Talia smiles back up at her father, though secretly she feels as if she has been punched in the stomach.
"Thankyou for your wise counsel, father." She replies with a dry mouth, words coming automatically.
Ra's leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead.
"Retire to bed now, child. I shall see you for your lessons in the morning."
It is a few hours later when Talia is sprawled across her bed, book in hand, that there is a quiet but determined knock at her door. Puzzled, she pulls her kimono tighter across her waist before padding over to the door. When she slides it open, she finds Bane stood at her threshold.
Instinctively, she finds her fundamental desire to close the space between them, to have his strong arms fold around her in a crushing embrace is matched almost perfectly by the simultaneous impulse to roundhouse kick him away from her quarters and slide the door shut in his face. She suppresses both thoughts instantly, and settles for simply raising a quizzical eyebrow.
Bane's black eyes find her own, and Talia immediately softens.
"I have come to apologise to you."
The rasping thrum of his metallic voice weakens her resolve further still. With a sigh, Talia nods for him to enter, and goes to sit at her bed.
Bane follows suit, his enormous weight making her mattress creak in protest. A secret, quiet part of Talia notes that he has not chosen to leave a conspicuous space between the two of them as they sit together, and his warmth at her side makes her smile softly.
"I am sorry for the way I acted last night, little one." He murmurs, eyes staring forward and away from her, "I had greatly anticipated returning to your side after completing your father's work… Yet I ruined our reunion. I was tired, and it had been a while since I'd shared a bed."
Bane's head turns fractionally toward her, and his onyx eyes glitter when they find her face, "I hope I did not upset you in any way."
As she looks back upon her friend's masked face, Talia's eyebrows knot together. I wanted an apology, and here it is… Yet somehow, it is not enough.
There is a heartbeat of quiet whilst they watch each other's expressions, but it is apparent that Bane has said all he meant to.
"Is that all?" Talia queries in hushed tones.
His eyes squint in confusion, "I am sorry, little one, truly. I thought it would be best if I left the compound for a few hours, in order to clear my head. I have done so, and it is obvious I wronged you. Please accept my apology."
"I accept your apology," Talia confirms with a nod and a quick smile, reaching out and placing one delicate hand across the top of her friend's, "It's just… Well… Why did you leave in the middle of the night like that?"
She can feel blood already beginning to rise to her cheeks, the serpent of snakes in her gut, but she ignores them. They've danced around this for long enough, and with Ra's words still spinning around her head, more than ever Talia needs to bring it all out into the open; she needs to know if he feels what she feels - the strange, curling heat in the stomach when they touch, the sweet, hungry ache when they are separated. It's something new, and it's frightening, but it has never once felt wrong. She is more than aware that it is not something to feel shameful of, or to get angry with. And yet, Bane is the only one she can talk to about this. Somehow I need to make him understand. Her eyes bore into his, unconsciously searching him for some kind of answer.
His metallic voice is less booming than usual when he responds, "What do you mean?"
Talia sighs, exasperated, already knowing he has a perfectly good idea of what she is referring to. She tries a different angle.
"When I left the pit the first time, I was just a child. I could never have understood what leaving you behind would do to me."
She removes her hand from his, and instead places it against the side of his face, gently sweeping the pad of her thumb across his cheekbone. Bane stares back at her, hardly moving.
"Those four years without my protector, without my friend… I was numb inside; like there was a big, black hole." Talia's spare hand instinctively clasps at her stomach, and Bane's eyes follow it for a second, "When I returned to you, when I found you… The relief - I cannot put it into words. The hole was gone, and over this past year or so, as you've gotten stronger, so too have I."
Bane remains unmoving as she speaks, seemingly absorbing the very words spilling from her mouth. When she mentions her relief, he nods absent-mindedly.
"You understand, don't you?" Talia face breaks into a smile, and she can feel the first pricks of tears behind her eyelids, a wash of emotion overcoming her at sharing such an intimate experience with the only other person on this earth that could possibly comprehend what she means, "I know you do. But now…"
Her words trail off somewhat, and Bane looks on with concern. Talia drops her gaze slightly, so that she is speaking to the valves on his mask.
"Now it feels different. Now, when we are separated, it isn't the same. When you were in Laos, I was not numb, or empty. I was filled with… With…" She growls a little, frantically searching for the right words, "With a burn. With a sore. It hurts me to be parted from you, Bane."
He looks as if he might speak, but Talia continues before he has chance; it feels as if she is getting somewhere, and she is so very desperate to make him understand.
"But that is nothing. Nothing. Not when compared to what it feels like when we're close. Like this."
She chances a flicker upward, looking at him through her eyelashes. The soft expression of acknowledgement on his masked face is gone; replaced by a very definite picture of confusion.
"It tears at me," She blurts out, not knowing how else to describe it, "At my soul. Like a fire. It rages inside me and the closer we get, the more it roars. And it's only with you; it's only ever been with you… I just need to know if you feel it too,"
Her voice has gotten quieter with each word; the enthusiasm deflating by Bane's less than immediate reciprocation. Talia peels her palm from his cheek, dropping it into her lap, and keeping her gaze low; embarrassed by the uncomfortable silence that now follows her bearing her heart to him. Father was right.
"I love you." She manages. It's almost pitiful, and so soft it's a wonder he even hears it. But Talia feels him stiffen at her side, and knows that he has.
"Talia…" His rasp cracks a little behind the mask. Bane puts one hand on the side of her head that's closest to him, stroking her shoulder-length hair, "You are still only a child. You cannot know what love is."
It is said almost as a condolence, but his words rip through her harder and sharper than any blade. She immediately looks to his face, wounded.
"I am the only constant that's ever been in your life," He continues, entwining thick fingers through her soft curls, "And I wouldn't have it any other way. But it is not love that you feel, little one. Affection? Devotion? Admiration? Yes. These are all things I feel for you, too. But it is not love. It... cannot be."
Talia feels as if she might throw up.
"It cannot be? Why not?" She snarls, standing off the bed and tearing her head away from his touch.
Bane looks confused at her sudden indignation, and for some reason that makes her even angrier.
"You are so young…" He shakes his head, and Talia could swear his is smiling. Is he laughing at me?
"I am ten years your senior," He offers patronisingly, "You were not more than a toddler when you came into my care."
Her mind reels, "What does age have to do with anything?"
Bane simply stares at her - quite obviously mystified at Talia's reaction. She in turn is mortified, a throbbing pain made up of confusion, rejection and embarrassment pinning her to the spot. Tears are no longer threatening to spill, they simply fall of their own accord. She grits her teeth, refusing to sob, just letting them streak down her face. The silence becomes unbearable, and finally, Talia ends it.
"Leave. Now."