May
Daphne came into the kitchen shaking her head.
"Whatsamatter?" Deacon asked as he leaned against the counter and scrolled through listings on his phone for the nearest repair service. "Of all the things in this damn giant fancy house," he muttered. The central air conditioning had decided to go up in smoke the afternoon before, and it had to coincide with the first sweltering heat wave of the year. To top it off, it was heading into a long holiday weekend, and it seemed every damn HVAC guy in three counties was off duty, no matter how much he offered to pay.
"She wants me to paint her toenails," Daphne whispered in a low voice, so her mother on the couch nearby couldn't overhear. "Again. Because she doesn't like the color from yesterday. She can't even see her toes." She cocked her head, gesturing.
Maddie was on her way to the refrigerator to grab the pitcher of lemonade and pour her mom another glass. She paused and sighed. "I know she's really, really pregnant, Dad," she glanced toward the couch and lowered her voice. "But she's driving us crazy! It's not much longer, right?"
Giving up on finding an A/C guy, Deacon dropped his phone on the counter. He gave the girls a sympathetic smile, and slung an arm over Maddie's shoulders. "Just a few more weeks. Try not to take it personally, okay? She'll be back to normal soon. I hope."
"I can still hear y'all. I'm pregnant, not deaf." Rayna said, annoyed, not even looking up from her laptop, where she was basically running Highway 65 from her semi-permanent spot on the sofa.
Maddie raised her eyebrows and pressed the cold glass of lemonade into Deacon's hand, straw, perfect amount of ice and all. "You're turn. Good luck, Dad."
The girls smirked at him and quickly made their escape for the stairs. With a sigh, he headed for the living room.
Rayna was propped up on the couch, with her hair tied up in a haphazard knot on top of her head, wearing stretchy black yoga pants and an old Bluebird Café tshirt. Her bare feet stuck out in front of her, and her laptop balanced on her belly, papers and reports spread out around her. It wasn't working out too well, he could see. Every time the baby shifted and kicked, the laptop tipped dangerously to one side, and she had to reach out to catch it. It would have been comical if she didn't look so exasperated.
"Hey, stop that," she chided, poking at her stomach. "Mama's trying to get some work done, here."
Deacon stood there with the glass in his hand and watched her for a minute, and it was pretty damn hard not to smile. He knew she was miserable as hell, but at the same time she was the sweetest, most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.
He couldn't wait to meet their son.
She glanced up at him, sensing his gaze. "What?"
"Nothing. You look damn cute, is all."
"Deacon, I swear to god, if you start singing "Having my Baby" one more time, I will find a way to get off this couch and smack you silly if it's the last thing I do."
He shook his head and smiled. "I wouldn't dare," he said, handing her the glass of lemonade. "Drink this. You don't need to get dehydrated. It's hotter than hell in here."
"Thanks. Any word on that A/C guy?"
"No, Baby, I'm sorry. No one will come fix it until Tuesday," he sunk onto the sofa next to her, defeated. "I'm ready to go out there and fix it myself. With a hammer."
"It's okay. Not your fault." Rayna leaned her head back and pushed a loose strand of hair off her forehead. Of course, there was an oscillating fan she'd made Deacon run out last night and buy at midnight last night about 3 feet away, but it wasn't helping to do much but blow the hot air around and mess up her papers. It was absolutely sweltering in the house, even with every single window open on the first floor. "But this," she gestured to her giant belly with two hands. "This is definitely your fault. And not gonna lie, I'm relieved we both agreed this will be the last time it happens."
She knew she didn't have much room to complain. Considering all the circumstances, and the stress of dealing with Deacon's illness, she'd been blessed to have an extremely easy pregnancy with little to no complications, much easier than it had been with both of the girls.
Deacon reached a hand out and ran his hand across the bump, and was met with a flurry of activity. "He's moving around a lot today, huh?" It wouldn't be long now at all. It was thrilling and scary as hell at the same time. Dealing with teenage girls was one thing. Someone handing him a brand new human and telling him not to screw the kid up was completely another.
"More than usual," she grimaced. "I don't know how he's even got any room left."
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Hang in there, he's almost here."
"I know," Rayna sighed. She knew she was driving them all crazy, and the influx of Highway 65 people running in and out of the house off and on for days wasn't helping a bit, but Deacon's infinite patience over the last months with all her crazy pregnancy cravings and mood swings and crying jags amazed her. She was more than ready to have their baby boy arrive and go back to feeling halfway human again.
"You need to give up on all this for now," Deacon said, gently taking the laptop out of her hands and setting it on the coffee table. "You've got Tandy at the office again now, let her and Bucky handle everything til after he gets here."
"I don't think I can argue with you," she admitted. "You know what would be the most amazing thing right now? To feel the breeze blowing off the water…."
"Rayna. Don't even say it."
"At the cabin," she finished.
"No. No way. That's over an hour away from the hospital and there's no cell reception. I'm not taking you up there," he said firmly. "What if something happened?"
"Deacon," she said reasonably. "Even something crazy happened and I went into labor, this baby is not coming out in an hour, trust me."
"Said how many guys who then delivered their children in the backseat on the way to the hospital!"
"The cabin has air conditioning."
"No."
"Well fine," Rayna said, setting her chin in a line. "Then I'm going to the office. There's air there, too. I'll call Bucky to come back and get me."
"Sure," Deacon agreed. "As soon as you can get off this couch on your own."
She glared at him. "That's not fair."
"Baby, I'm just trying to take care of you."
"Then take me to the cabin," she insisted stubbornly.
"Nope. No way."
Two hours later, they were flying down the highway with the windows open to the wind and Maddie and Daphne in the backseat of the truck, loaded down with enough supplies to last the next three days.
Deacon glanced over at her as he drove. She looked happier and more relaxed already.
I never could say no to her, he thought, amused, watching as she laughed with the girls and sang along to an old Willie Nelson song on the radio. He knew she was still uncomfortable though, just by the way she kept shifting around.
He just hoped to god that baby boy Claybourne was planning on staying put for at least a few more days.
By the time they got up to the cabin late afternoon, the heat of the day had cooled significantly and storm clouds were building in the east. He banished Rayna to taking a nap in their room in the a/c while him and the girls unloaded duffel bags and groceries. Soon after that, they quickly disappeared hauling the keyboard and a couple guitars down the hall to Maddie's room, and he knew he wouldn't see them for hours.
He walked out on the front porch, watching the sky intently.
"Hey," Rayna came out the door walking slowly, awkwardly, a little unsteady on her bare feet, bracing her hands in the small of her back. Her toes were purple now, thanks to Daphne. Not that she could actually see them. "God, that breeze feels good, doesn't it? I told you it would."
"Yep. Storm's coming, though. I thought you were taking a nap?"
"Couldn't get comfortable," she said wearily, and eyed the hammock in the corner of the porch hanging from the rafters. "Been a long time since we watched a storm up here. Sit with me? Even though I'll probably never make it back out of that thing."
"You don't gotta ask me twice." Deacon threaded her hand through his and pulled her towards the hammock, tucking her in under his shoulder, setting them in motion gently with the toe of his boot.
"This is nice, isn't it," she said with a contented sigh, closing her eyes and burrowing in closer to him. "This is exactly what we needed, one last weekend away just the four of us."
The thunder rolled, and the rain came straight down in buckets, but they were secure and dry under the cover of the porch. She'd never felt more safe than she did with him holding her.
His arms tightened around her, and he kissed her forehead.
"What you thinking, Babe?" She murmured.
"Just about when I first bought this place," he said quietly. "I wanted us to spend the rest of our lives here together. Have a family…Sometimes I just can't believe we finally got this far."
She tilted her head to gaze up at him. "We did. This is it, Deacon. A life that's good. We got the fairytale. Maybe we took the long road, but we made it."
"Yeah," he said softly. "We sure did."
They spent three days at the cabin fishing, relaxing by the campfire, and making music together. It was heaven, exactly what they needed. Time away from everything else as a family before their family got a little bit bigger.
"I'm bummed we have to go," Daphne pouted as they packed up on Monday afternoon to head for home.
"We'll be back," Deacon said as he locked up and walked with her towards the truck where Maddie and Rayna waited. "Once school is out and the little guy is here, we'll have all summer."
"Probably a good idea anyway," Daphne wrinkled her nose. "Because Mom is not looking too good. At all."
Daphne was right, Deacon realized not too long after they hit the highway for home. In the passenger seat next to him, Rayna looked awful, wiggling all over the front seat of the truck trying to get comfortable, and her face just looked a terrible shade of green.
"I think you need to see the doctor when we get back," Deacon said quietly, so the girls wouldn't overhear. "Like tonight."
"I'm fine," Rayna insisted, wincing and pressing against the side of her stomach. "And I'm seeing the doctor on Wednesday," she grumbled. "My due date isn't for two more weeks, and I was late with both of the girls. He's not going anywhere."
"Well this isn't the girls," Deacon said firmly. "And you look like hell."
She glared at him. "You do not," she enunciated. "Tell a giant miserable 9 months pregnant woman that she looks like hell, Deacon!"
Maddie and Daphne watched from the backseat with wide eyes.
"She's not gonna have him right now or something is she?" Daphne whispered.
Maddie poked her. "Shut up, dummy! Dad wouldn't let that happen."
Deacon silenced them with an exasperated look, and then turned back to her.
"Rayna," he said calmly. "Call the doctor. Or I will."
########################################
By the next morning, she was no longer in any shape to argue with him, and they were in the doctor's office by 9 am.
"You should have brought that hospital bag you packed," Deacon said as they sat in the waiting room listening for the nurse to call her name.
"I won't need it." Rayna insisted stubbornly. "We'll be back home in two hours." But she winced, and gasped a little as her stomach tightened. Besides all the other discomforts, false labor contractions had started a few weeks ago already.
Deacon just looked at her and didn't say a word.
The nurse called her name then, and he helped her to her feet.
After the usual vital things, the doctor came in a few minutes later.
Deacon listened, getting not only worried but a little pissed off as Rayna admitted to the doctor that she'd been having dizzy spells and feeling sick for the last week.
"It's not only that," she added. "Something about the way he's laying doesn't feel right. I don't know, it's just…off. It's not the same as it was with my girls. His feet feel like they're coming out any second, and it hurts like hell."
Dr. Martin listened intently and nodded. "The reason you're probably having some nausea and dizziness is your blood pressure is high, but why don't we do an ultrasound, just to check positioning, and then go from there," he suggested.
Deacon stared at her. "Jesus, why didn't you tell me that?" he demanded. "I never would have let you ride all the way up to the cabin in the truck."
She was too exhausted to argue with him.
"You were right," she murmured, as she laid back on the table and closed her eyes, feeling absolutely miserable, and the baby felt like he literally was going to kick his way out through her belly button. "Don't make me say it again."
He didn't give a damn who was right. At that moment, it was pretty hard not to be anything but worried about both of them.
In a minute, it was the same routine they'd been through a few other times in the last months, and Deacon watched the doctor squeeze on the gross jelly stuff and run the wand over Rayna's stomach.
"Looks like you were right too," the Doctor said cheerfully, gesturing toward the black and white imagine on the screen. "That's definitely some tiny feet that are not where they are supposed to be."
Dammit, Rayna thought silently, her heart sinking. There went all the carefully made delivery room plans. I knew this going way too easy.
"You gotta clue me in here," Deacon said, glancing at her worriedly, his eyebrows furrowing.
"He means the baby is breech."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"He's upside down," she sighed.
"And it means we're scheduling a c-section as soon as possible," the doctor added. "It's not worth taking any chances. He's fairly large, and your blood pressure is very high, which can signal pre-eclampsia."
"So we're having him today," Deacon was still trying to shake the stunned look off his face.
Damn, I thought we had two weeks.
"Yes, you are. You can go right over to the hospital from here. I'll have the nurse at the front desk call and let them know you're coming."
He might have been sitting there silently panicking, but Rayna had never looked so relieved. "Yes please," she said. "Just get him out of me. That would be so great."
Everything happened in such a blur after that, that neither of them had much time to think, checking Rayna into the hospital, calling Tandy and the girls, making arrangements for Bucky to drop off that bag that she had insisted she didn't need.
They had a quiet moment before the nurses came to take them into the O.R., and Deacon sat on the edge of the bed next to her, fixing up the strings on the back of the hospital gown she already detested.
"All good," he said, kissing her neck. "Gotta love these getups they give you. I remember way too well."
"Kinda like déjà vu, huh," Rayna said softly, thinking of that week they'd spent in the hospital after his surgery. "At least we're here for a happy reason this time."
"Yep," he reached for her hand and squeezed it hard. "Let's never come back after this, alright?"
She laughed. "Can't argue with you there. You ready for this?"
"Guess as ready as I'll ever be." He smiled. "I know you are."
"I am," she admitted. "I can't wait to see his face."
He reached over and ran his hand lightly over her stomach. He got kicked in the palm in response. "Me too."
"Alright," a nurse in scrubs walked into the room cheerfully. "Let's go meet your baby."
##############################################
It went so fast, Rayna thought as she laid there on the table, numb from the chest down, thinking of all the hours of labor she'd gone through with both of the girls. Almost too fast. Too easy. Deacon stood next to her in the scrubs they'd given him.
"Alright," the doctor's voice rang out on the other side of the blue sheet. "Here we go."
"I'm right here, Ray." Deacon murmured, his hand stroking her face. "You can't feel anything, right?"
"Not a thing," she said, trying to force a smile.
"You scared?"
"A little," she admitted. "Don't tell."
He kissed her forehead. "Just a few minutes, Baby, and he'll be here."
She closed her eyes.
And finally, they both heard one of the nurses announce. "Here he is!"
Rayna could only watch Deacon's face, and she knew the exact he saw him, the way his eyes changed. A minute later, the sound of a lusty wail filled the air.
Tears ran freely down the side of her face. "Can you see him? Is okay?" she whispered.
"Yeah," Deacon said, somewhere halfway between laughing and crying. "He's beautiful, Ray. Kinda gross right now, but they're cleaning him off and he's kicking his feet like crazy. He's a big one, I think. Not that I'd know I guess but he looks pretty big."
"He's a nice big boy," the nurses were saying. "Got a good set of lungs on him, too. Maybe you'll have another musician in the family."
They swaddled him up, and one of the nurses carried him over. "Here you go, Daddy."
It was the most powerful thing Rayna had ever seen, watching them put their son in Deacon's arms. He didn't hesitate for a second, like all the doubts of the past couple months had just melted away. It just looked so right, so perfect, like the culmination of everything they'd ever fought for. This is it, she thought through her tears. This is what made it all worth it.
The baby didn't cry now, just peered up at him with tiny dark eyes.
"Hey there," Deacon said softly as he cradled him in the crook of his arm. "We're gonna have a lot of fun together, you and your sisters and me. And your mama too. She's right here." He brought him down next to Rayna's face.
Tears were still running from her eyes, and she kissed the top of his sweet baby head, aching to hold him. On the other side of the blue sheet, though, the doctors were still fixing her up. It would be awhile before she got him in her arms.
"We're going to take him to get weighed and measured and checked out now by the pediatrician," the nurse said with an apologetic smile after a few minutes. "And get mom to her room."
"We have to give him back?" Deacon reluctantly handed the baby over.
"Just for a little while," the nurse said with a laugh. "Then you get him for the next 18 years."
#######################################################
When Rayna woke again, she was in her private room.
Deacon was sitting in the chair next to the bed, with the tiny bundle in his arms, talking to him softly.
"Hey there, mama," he said with the biggest smile she'd ever seen. "You want your little boy?"
She hurt all over, and the numbness was definitely wearing off, and the pain was starting to set in. But she wouldn't have traded it for anything.
"Hey," she said with a tired smile. "Of course."
Deacon gently settled the baby in her arms, and it struck her already, how naturally he could fall into such a thing, like he'd been doing it forever. A part of her hurt so badly, knowing he had missed this with Maddie.
"Oh Deacon, he's beautiful," she said reverently, examining every finger, the curve of his tiny nose, the light dusting of dark hair across the top of his head. She wondered how it was possible to fall so in love with someone you'd just met, but she was. Instantly.
"That he is," he agreed, settling on the bed next to them. "You did good, Ray."
"We," she corrected softly, unable to keep her eyes off that solemn little sleeping face. "We made him, can you believe that? Such a perfect little thing. He looks like Maddie did. And she looks like you. The girls are going to be over the moon to see him."
"Talked to them earlier," Deacon said. "They'll be here with Tandy soon."
"Maddie?"
"She's…not as excited as Daphne, to say the least. I think she'll come around when she sees him, thought. I hope."
Rayna nodded, digesting that fact.
"He still needs a name," Deacon reminded, reaching out to run his thumb across a tiny hand. "I've been sitting here trying to decide what he looks like of all those names we talked about, and nothing seems right."
"I want to name him after you," Rayna said quietly. "I want something with meaning behind it, a name he can be proud of."
He shook his head. "Ray, he needs a better name than mine. I don't want people calling my boy freakin' anything."
"Babe….I really think we should name him after you. It feels right. We can call him by his middle name if that makes you feel better," she insisted.
Deacon looked down at the sleepy face. The baby squinted and yawned, and snuffled his hand around his mouth, already looking for his thumb. The pride in his heart was overwhelming.
"If that's really what you want, Darlin."
"It is," Rayna said with a smile. "He's gonna have to make his place in the world, and he'll need a good strong name to do it."
"Then that's what we'll do."
True to her word, Tandy showed up a few hours later. Daphne clamored in the room right behind her, her arms full of presents and stuffed animals. Maddie was a little more hesitant in making her appearance known.
Daphne dropped all the stuff in her arms on the sofa, and came over by her mom. She peered down at the baby where he nestled in Rayna's arms. "Oh, he's so little," she breathed. "Can I hold him first?"
"Not really little," Deacon said wryly, standing up from where he'd been dozing on the chair in the corner. "9 lbs. No wonder your mama was so miserable."
Maddie hung back a little in the room, the uncertainty written all over her face.
Rayna shot Deacon a knowing look. The last couple weeks had been hard on Maddie, the closer it got to her due date. At one point there'd been a knock out, screaming drag out fight where she demanded she was moving in with Teddy until she graduated high school. "Absolutely not", Rayna and Deacon both said in unison as Maddie stood in her room shoving clothes into a bag. "Why do you even care," Maddie cried through teary eyes, gesturing towards Deacon. "He doesn't need me anymore anyways. He's getting a son."
Rayna knew those words had cut Deacon to the heart. Maddie had not been allowed to leave, and she'd apologized later, but the tension still hung in the air. Even at the cabin she'd been more quiet than usual.
"Hey," Deacon said, crossing the room to give Maddie a hard hug. "How bout you and me take a walk? I could use some coffee."
Maddie looked at her mom.
"It's okay," Rayna smiled. "He'll still be here when you get back."
The relief on Maddie's face was evident as they left the room.
"Well, he's got long fingers and he's loud," Tandy said wryly as she settled into a chair with the baby in her arms. He'd immediately protested at being removed from his mama, and let out a wail. "No mistaking he belongs to the two of you."
Rayna smiled. "Deacon and Maddie will have a guitar in his hands before he can walk."
"You look happy," Tandy said quietly. "And he's beautiful. Guess timing is everything, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Rayna smiled, thinking of all they'd gone through in the past few years. Sure, maybe it had taken awhile to get it right, but this right here. The girls, their baby…their family. It was everything. They'd just had to get the timing right. "I guess it is."
#############################################
Maddie was quiet as they walked down the hall, stopping for the requested coffee at the vending machine, then standing at the window that looked out onto the courtyard watching people sit in the sunshine.
"I know it's hard for you," Deacon spoke first. "It's hard for me too. I wasn't there when you were born. I didn't get to go through any of this the first time. It doesn't make him any more important than you. It just makes it different."
Tears blurred Maddie's eyes. "Everything's going to be a lot different now," she blurted out. "I mean, I knew it would, but now that he's here…."
Deacon nodded. "It is. Your mom has done this before twice, but me? I'm gonna need a lot of help from you and your sister, because to be honest? I have no idea what I'm doing. This is trial by fire for me. You, you're easy. All I gotta do is love you and give you a good talkin-to once in awhile. You do a pretty good job of keeping yourself alive."
She laughed a little and swiped at the tears on her face.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Maddie," he said softly. "But I'm here now, and we're a family. We got a lot of stuff we need to teach that little guy. He needs a dad, but he needs his big sisters too. Both of them."
She got real quiet, just staring out the window. Thinking.
She's always been a thinker, Deacon thought silently. So much like him in some ways, and so much like Rayna in others. More like him, he knew that.
With a sigh, he drained the rest of the coffee, and tossed the cup into a garbage nearby.
"Can we go back now?" Maddie asked tentatively. "I don't want to make mom feel bad that we left."
A smile crossed his face, and he slung an arm over her shoulders as they walked. Maddie would be okay. Sure, they were all in for a hell of a life adjustment, but they'd face it like they had everything in the last year: together.
Back in the room, Daphne had already laid claim on her new baby brother, and was sitting next to Rayna on the bed, admiring every tiny piece of him and kissing his head, proclaiming him "the cutest baby in the world".
"Don't tell Juliette that," Maddie said wryly as they walked in.
"Hey, sweetheart." Rayna patted the spot on the bed next to her. "Come sit."
"Hi, Mom," Maddie sank onto the bed next to her tentatively. "Can I hold him?"
"Of course." Rayna handed over the baby, and they all watched as Maddie cradled him carefully.
Maddie's face broke into a smile of wonderment. "Look, Dad, he opened his eyes. I think he's looking at me."
Deacon leaned over them to look at the baby. "He sure is."
"What are we going to call him?" Daphne asked, tilting her head.
"Well," Rayna looked at Deacon and smiled. "We decided we're going to name him after Deacon, so we'll call him by his middle name…"
"Johnny," Maddie finished, looking down at him. A tiny hand wrapped around her finger, and her heart melted. "That's a great name. Johnny Claybourne."
The baby in Maddie's arms made a fussing noise.
"Don't cry, little guy," Daphne said, leaning over to pat his head. "Maddie, lets sing to him."
Maddie rocked him gently. "I like that idea."
Rayna leaned her head on Deacon's shoulder and watched their girls with him, and the love she had overflowed. There really were no words.
Deacon kissed her forehead. "Luckiest little guy in the world already."
"Remember that song you used to sing us when I was little?" Maddie asked her mom. "I remember being on the tour bus with you and you singing it….and when Daphne was a baby…"
Rayna stared at her. "You remember that? My goodness, I had the worst time trying to get you to sleep on that bus. That was the only song that would do the trick."
"I remember a little," Maddie said, and her voice rang out softly. "Sweet dreams til sunbeams find you, sweet dreams that leave all your worries behind you…."
"But in your dreams, whatever they may be, dream a little dream for me." Deacon finished the next line, and Maddie looked up surprised. He had a stunned expression on his face, and his eyes looked blurry. "Your grandma used to sing that to me and Bev when we were little," he said, clearing his throat. "One night you were on the bus with your mama, and you were maybe about a year old, putting up such a fuss. I sat up with you so she could sleep. And I sang you that song."
Maddie started to cry, and Rayna couldn't hold back her own tears.
"He did," she said softly. "And after that, that was the only song you ever wanted. I sang it to you every night for years. And Daphne too."
"So I guess you sang me to sleep after all," Maddie said, looking down at her baby brother. "Now we can sing it to him." She started in and little at a time the rest of them joined in.
Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seems to whisper "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me
Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
When I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me
Sweet dreams til the sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they may be.
Dream a little dream of me
When they finished the song, the baby had settled back into sleep, and Maddie handed him back to Rayna's waiting arms and sat down next to her dad.
"My sweet little boy," Rayna said softly, gazing down at him. "Welcome to the family, Deacon John Claybourne Jr. We'll sing and laugh and sometimes probably cuss and fight, but most of all, we'll love you through anything, Johnny."
"Cuz that's what we do, right?" Daphne said, pressing one more kiss to the baby's head. "We love each other through anything. That's the most important."
Yeah, Deacon thought, studying all of their faces in turn. His eyes landed on Rayna's, and her "I love you" didn't have to be spoken for him to feel it. It was in them, in the room, in this circle that was their family, in their girls and the baby in her arms.
Cuz that's what we do.
The lullaby was Ella Fitzgerald, Dream a Little Dream. Thanks for reading!