Hey everybody! Fire and Ice is almost over. Oh noes! The predicament between our beloved twins is soon to be resolved…

Stay tuned! Haha.

Beautiful Imperfection

The scenery felt eerily familiar, but this time the innocence was gone. Gusts of wind caused tine pink petals to dance and whirl, brushing gently against Kaoru's skin. The immense tree reached its branches toward the sun, letting the beads of dew that collected on its leaves disappear into the air. The grass that surrounded him was as green and lively as ever, and completely unaware of Kaoru's misery. No matter the state of man, the flowers and birds and trees will go on as they always have. This comforted Kaoru somehow.

In another time or place, the picture would have been beautiful, but the memories that rested beneath that cherry blossom tree filled Kaoru with nostalgia. As painful as the memory had once seemed, he would have given anything to return to that time. He wished for a time when his secret was safe, and ignorance was bliss. He sighed and leaned his head against the tree's bark, watching the petals soar above him. His eyes closed, and he slipped into an alternate reality. There, he and Hikaru lived the way they always had, completely free of confusion and sin.

"I'm such an idiot," he whispered to himself. I didn't have to tell him. What did I think would have come from it? Did I expect our lives to go on the way they always had? Did I expect him to love me the way I love him? No, he thought. Things will never be the same. And I'm to blame.

The emptiness of the courtyard mocked him. His brother was missing; Kaoru prepared to endure his absence forever. He didn't expect Hikaru to ever want to see him again. A movement in Hikaru's bedroom window caught his eye. For a moment, his heart stopped. He brushed it aside. Probably just a maid, he thought. Hikaru is probably long gone by now.

. . .

I don't understand, Hikaru thought, gazing at his brother in the courtyard below. He's my brother! How the hell can he feel this way? The sight of Kaoru's pained expression twisted the knife deeper in Hikaru's stomach. He stood up, letting the curtains fall.

"Has he always felt like this?" He said to himself, pacing his room. It made sense to him. Kaoru's constant worrying that they'd grow apart, his blushing during the brotherly love acts, the fact that he was always the first to suggest ideas for the scripts. The way his heart would start pounding when he looked into Kaoru's eyes, the warm feeling he always got when he heard Kaoru's voice, his willingness to give up Haruhi just to be with him…

"When the hell did the tables turn?!" He shouted to himself. "Why am I suddenly putting myself in Kaoru's shoes?" His head was spinning. He lay on his back like he had before, and a whirlwind of questions soared above his head. Why did he feel so miserable when Kaoru was away? Why is Kaoru the first person on his mind every day? Why did he love waking up to Kaoru's face on the pillow beside his? When he added it all up, he could only come to one conclusion.

"No!" He screamed, sitting bolt upright. His head spun faster. "It's wrong."

It wasn't normal for brothers to hold hands or sleep in the same bed. It wasn't right for two brothers to feel so comfortable while pretending to be in love. It wasn't normal to have such a strong relationship with his brother. But he always just thought that was how they were. They knew they weren't normal…but this? Hikaru couldn't accept this.

"But why not?" He heard himself asking himself. The sound of his voice made him jump.

"What the hell do I mean why not?! It's wrong, dammit! He's my brother!"

It was Haruhi's voice responding this time. But what about before?

He jumped again and looked around. The voice seemed incredibly real, as if she were in the room. He looked around, and of course, he was still alone. For some reason, though he was talking to thin air, he responded to Haruhi's voice.

What do you mean "what about before?"

Before this whole mess started, Haruhi's voice responded, did you love him?

Of course I loved him! I still do! Just not like that…

How do you know? Haruhi's voice taunted.

"Shut up!" Hikaru said out loud. "I'm talking to myself! Geez, what is wrong with me?!"

He threw himself back onto the floor again. He found himself repeating the words over and over in his head. "How do you know?" How did he know? How did he know that the weird, unorthodox relationship they had before didn't exist because they really…? How did he know whether or not every "I love you" they'd exchanged wasn't really…? How did he know their acts of brotherly love weren't truly…?

How do I know?

Okay, he thought, pacing the room again, let's think about this logically. When I'm around Haruhi, my hands get all clammy, my face gets hot, my heart starts to pound, and I can't think about anything else but her…

…and Kaoru.

It was true. Kaoru never left Hikaru's mind. Even when he was alone with Haruhi, which was rare, he still thought about Kaoru. A voice in the back of his mind was constantly questioning, "Where is Kaoru? What's he doing right now? Would he be upset that I'm with Haruhi? Was our act today believable?"

But all day today –Has it only been a day? – I've been thinking of nothing but Kaoru. Haruhi didn't cross my mind. Not once. He stopped dead in the center of the room. What was it that I said to Kaoru earlier?

He instantly recalled what he had said about an hour ago: "I guess I was so fascinated with Haruhi because she was the only person who could tell us apart. I saw in her. . .opportunity, I guess. But she doesn't love me, that much is obvious. Besides, that doesn't even matter now. I realized that I was completely overlooking the one person who always knew who I was and who I am." At that time, he had mostly said these words to keep Kaoru from feeling left out of his life...but where had they come from? He hadn't planned what he was going to say like he usually did; the words had just come out. He didn't even know what they meant an hour ago, but now it was all becoming clear.

Hikaru was lost inside his head, picking and deciphering every thought he'd had in the past sixteen years and trying to put the pieces together. "I know what we're feeling is wrong," he whispered to himself, "but why does it feel like this has been the right answer all along? All this time…I've been overlooking it. I…" He returned to reality when his toe slammed into something hard.

"Ow! Shit!" His loud curses were followed by an even louder crash. Beneath him on the floor lay his elephant statue. Pieces of its trunk were scattered on the floor. Luckily, the rest of the elephant was intact. He smiled, remembering the broken statue in Kaoru's room. He placed the colourful, porcelain figurine back on its stand and looked into its painted eyes. Finally he understood. "Well, how about that?" he said, still grinning. "They are still identical, even with their flaws. And somehow, they are both still beautiful. They may be broken and…disgusting…but they are broken together."

He hid the both of the broken elephants beneath his bed and said, "Nobody has to know."