CHAPTER 13 – NOBODY'S FAULT BUT MINE

~SOUNDTRACK: Mary Lambert – When you sleep~

Melody didn't rush to her room. She didn't slam doors, she didn't throw her fists in the air and she didn't yell. She was a silent storm. Though she wanted nothing more than to skin Dean alive, she figured Emma would've preferred him to be alive if she came back. When she came back. Because they would find her, there was no mistaking that. If she had to leave no stone unturned, Melody would find her sister and bring her back home. So for that, she needed her head clear. She closed the door to her room with a soft click and she let herself drop on her bed, breathing slowly to keep herself from breaking down and trying to come up with a strategy to find Amara and rescue her sister.

Truth be told, she didn't exactly blame Dean and she felt bad for using that hell card on him when she knew just how hard guilt was still eating him up. But she needed someone to point her finger at, just as always. She seemed to do that an awful lot lately. She knew she'd have to apologize to Dean once all this was over, since Emma would probably make her do it otherwise. But for now, she held on to all that anger and used it to fuel her search for Emma.

She heard a soft knock on the door and sighed. It couldn't have been Dean after their scene from earlier, so that only left Sam. Which didn't make it any better. She couldn't help but remember the way they'd left things last time they'd seen each other, but she didn't have the energy to deal with that, not right now. So she kept sitting on the edge of the bed, hoping that he'd eventually go away and save one tense conversation for another day. But she should've known better.

Not ten seconds later, the door creaked open and Sam peaked his head inside.

"Hey," he whispered timidly, and Melody hated how her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice when she was supposed to think about saving Emma. "Can I come in?"

She sighed and ran hand throw her blonde curls.

"You already did."

He walked inside and closed the door behind him, lingering awkwardly around, not daring to approach her, let alone touch her. Their only reassurance was to see that the thread tying them hadn't been entirely broken, but it had never been thinner. Fixable, however. Sam scratched the back of his head.

"I was crazy worried, not hearing anything about you these days," he commented as he would've talked about the weather.

Melody rolled her eyes and groaned, standing up and turning her back on him. Emma was in Amara's hands, probably hurt, probably tortured, maybe worse, and he wanted couple therapy?

"Can we not do this?" she spoke sharply. "Now's really not a good time, Sam."

"Mel—" she heard him come closer, but didn't turn around.

"Let it go, Sam. Emma's out there, hurt, if she's still alive at all," she started raising her voice. "We knew this whole Amara being connected with Dean was bad, and yet I left. If Dean couldn't bring his ass to kill the Darkness, then I should've been there to do it. It's my fault as much as it is his. Except I left her, I left to chase some crazy revenge fantasy."

She buried her face in her palms, not even knowing where all of these feelings came flooding from. Her whole body was shaking and she felt the guilt choking her, cutting off her air supply until her lungs started burning. Good God, how true everything was. She'd been so blinded by raw hatred and rage and selfishness, she'd been so wrapped up in her insane plans that she hadn't stopped to take in the real threat hanging above their heads. And now, said threat had her sister.

"Melody," she heard Sam behind her and she felt his hands at her shoulders, turning her around. "Mel, hey. Mel. Look at me." She turned around facing him, and he raised her chin until they were eye to eye. "At me. Breathe, okay? Just breathe."

She followed his lead and forced her lungs to expand with a deep inhale. She willed her muscles to relax and her body to stop shaking and her brain to start functioning. Sam cupped her cheeks in his big palms.

"That's it, baby. Keep breathing. Calm down, okay? We'll find her."

"We will," she nodded forcefully. "We'll find Emma. And when I have Amara before me, I will give her the hell I crawled from. I'll show the Darkness just how dark I can be."

She felt Sam's grip on her weakening, but she didn't allow herself to regret her words. For months now, he'd asked for the truth and she'd been reluctant when it came to offering it. He wanted to know how she felt? Well, that's how she felt. She'd come back from hell with a part of herself missing, one that she'd left down in the pit and that had been replaced with tiny black holes. And she'd tried to fight them ever since, but now she knew there's no escaping your monsters. You gotta let 'em in and tame them, ride them into battle. Whether Sam could handle that knowledge or not, that was entirely up to him.

His touch left her skin little by little until there was nothing more but cold where his fingertips had been.

"I know you will," he replied. "That's your thing, isn't it?"

He ran his hand over his face and forced a reassuring smile, but Mel couldn't keep up the pretenses. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why did you come here, Sam?" she asked him. "Last time we talked, you didn't seem so eager to be my Band-Aid anymore."

He shrugged helplessly. "You needed me. I come when you need me."

Ain't that the truth, Mel thought. Sam had stoically stood by her side for months, rocking her back and forth after every nightmare, wiping away every tear, kissing every scar on her body, loving her back to life to remind her there was a life to be loved back to. Yeah. He always came when she needed him. Even when she didn't know she did. She sat on the edge of the bed again and he crouched in front of her, placing his hands over her knees. And she knew there were other things to freak out about, but for now, the warmth of his big rough palms cupping her knees felt like home.

"Look, Mel. You gotta know I didn't mean a single word I said that night."

She laughed humorlessly. "You mean every one of them, Sam."

He sighed and dropped his gaze. And Mel's heart shrunk as she thought he'd agree with her, stand up and leave, crying 'uncle' for good this time. And she realized she wasn't ready to be left alone just yet. She was tired of being alone now that she saw she'd chosen to stay alone while being surrounded by so much love. But when Sam raised his eyes to hers again, she nearly gasped at how the green of his irises still shone up at her. His adorable dimples showed as he shot her a tired half-smile and his hands started travelling up her thighs, making a small gasp escape her lips.

"You're wrong," he whispered. "You wanna believe I meant what I said to fuel your guilt. But when we get past this, too, when we're done with Amara and all that and it's all quiet again, I will show you, I will remind you exactly just how much I love you. So that you have no reason to doubt it again."

Mel sighed loudly as his touch did crazy things to her brain and she was sure he was enjoying the hell out of it. Eventually, his hands left her thighs and grabbed her wrists, leading her hands up and placing them around his neck. Almost as a reflex, Mel rested her forehead against his and she felt it snap inside her like the pull of a trigger.

Sam. God, she still had Sam. Everything would be fine if she still had Sam. And she would not allow herself to get so close to losing Sam again. With him by her side, she could conquer the world from Heaven to hell. Quite literally. The force with which she'd missed him nearly knocked the air out of her lungs and she let out a sharp breath.

"God," she breathed, her warm breath tickling his lips. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sam. I love you. I'm stupid and reckless and I'll keep making mistakes, but I love you so much."

He turned his head and kissed the inside of her wrist, leaning into her touch.

"Then I'll keep forgiving you for them," he replied. "It's what I do. What I'm here for. I told you I can't lose you, Melody. I love you with every stupid decision you make, and I'm not letting you go this easy. You're the best thing that's happened to me in this mess up of a life."

I love you with every stupid decision you make.

Oh, well. While they were at it. Bad decisions and recklessness seemed to be her middle name lately. But if she wanted to do this and make sure he'd still be there for her at the end of the road, then she needed to be open with him.

"And you're the best thing in mine," she traced the lines of his jaw with his fingertips, enjoying the way he shuddered at her touch. "And it's time I treat you like it. This stupid revenge ain't getting me anywhere."

Sam's eyebrows shot up.

"So you're done?" he inquired. "With the revenge and the search for answers?"

She smiled sadly. "Almost. I've got one more stupid thing I need to do to end things. And then I'm pretty certain you're all I need to keep me sane."

He was quiet for a moment, pondering her words. Mel tensed, still half-expecting him to get up and leave the room, declaring it was more than he'd signed up for. She couldn't ask him to put up with her demons when she was having a hard time with them herself. But still, Sam had stayed. Every damn time. He hadn't gotten rid of those demons of hers and he hadn't tamed them, but he'd made them adore him just as much as she did until they fell helpless to his feet, bendable to his will. And after a few more minutes of silently thinking about it with pursed lips, Sam spoke.

"Do I wanna know?"

Mel bit her lip against a bitter smile. "Probably not."

"Will you be safe?"

"Probably not," she repeated. "But I'll make my way back to you. Like I always do. I promise."

And then he placed a chaste kiss on her lips, making her heart whole again. An explosion of colors burst behind her eyelids and it took her aback, how easily the broken pieces of herself fit back together once she'd accepted he was the only answer she needed. How had she taken so long to see this? When they broke away and their eyes met, she was not even surprised to realize he had the power of reaching within her and pulling out just what was needed in order to fix them.

She smiled up at him and he pulled her in his arms in a tight embrace.

"But first," she murmured in his chest, "we raise hell on that bitch's ass."

"You have a plan, don't you?"

She raised her head to gaze at him wickedly. "Don't I always?"

~SOUNDTRACK: The Heavy – Same Ol'~

"Here's how this is gonna go," Melody leaned on her palms against the table in the library. "There's two things we gotta do. Get Amara away and get Emma out. Easy as that."

Dean sighed deeply. Melody could read the desperation in his eyes, but she didn't allow herself to give in to the compassion. Sure, her nerves were a little calmer after her talk with Sam, but that didn't absolve Dean of the role he'd played in whatever Emma was going through right now.

"Absolutely," Dean low-key mocked. "Should be a piece of cake."

"I think we're skipping a step," Sam chimed in. "Before getting to saving Emma, aren't we supposed to find them first? We've got no lead on their location."

Melody crossed her arms over her chest. "Like Dean said. Piece of cake. We track Emma's phone. She had it on her when Amara took her, right?"

Dean huffed and Mel rewarded him with a glare.

"You can't expect it to be so easy, do you?" he asked. "Your sister ain't stupid. She wouldn't risk being found by people or things that we don't want to find us by keeping her GPS turned on."

Mel gritted her teeth. "Won't hurt to check," she struggled to keep calm. "And if her GPS is off, then you call her and Amara picks up. That'll set the scene for you baiting her out, either way."

Both brothers raised their eyebrows at her words. In fact, the plan was pretty flawless. Sure, lots of things were bound to go wrong, but she was pretty confident. She had to be. Because she was finally damn ready to kick some serious ass, and she had to believe there'd be enough ass to kick.

"Look, pretty eyes," she stared him down. "You've known my sister for not even a year yet. I've known her my whole life. I know how she thinks, I know how she does things. We've had policies about what to do if we ever got separated back when we were on the run. So if I'm telling you there's a solid chance her GPS is on, then trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Dean bit his lip and his gaze lost focus as he processed everything. After a few minutes, he broke the silence.

"Okay," he muttered. "Okay, we're doing it your way. Lead the way, Rapunzel. So I'm baiting Amara out."

She nodded. "If we track down Emma's location, you go somewhere as far as possible, in some thick as fuck woods. And you distract her. I don't care if you gotta recite her Martin Luther King's speech by heart, you buy us time to get Emma out. Got it?"

"Got it," he nodded. "I'll find something."

"Good. Now all that's left to figure out is how you'll make a run for it once we have Emma. "

"Yeah, don't sweat it," Dean replied. "I'll figure something out. I'll freestyle my way out of it. You worry about getting Emma out safe and sound, okay?"

Melody looked at him with harsh eyes. She stayed silent and took him in and, with a loud exhale, she let it go. She let go of the grudge, because what she saw in front of her was a tormented man, one that had just had the woman he loved taken away from him and who felt guilty as hell because of that. Perhaps Dean didn't deserve the comfort of her forgiveness, but he needed it. So even if she felt like throttling him, seeing as he was already fighting off a hurricane, she wasn't about to become another thunder in the middle of it.

So Mel placed a hand on his shoulder and offered him a smile. The shocked expression on his face was so freaking worth it.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, pretty eyes," she told him. "Don't worry. We'll find her."

He looked at her surprised with glassy eyes for a minute, before nodding. Melody knew for a fact desperation tasted bitter on his tongue, since with Emma in Amara's hands, she was well to acquainted with the feeling herself.

"Guys," Sam's voice from behind her broke her train of thoughts. "I ran the GPS app. I found her. I found Emma."

~SOUNDTRACK: Sam Tsui – Safe and sound (Taylor Swift cover)~

She was cold. So cold. Amara had no intention of putting her out of her misery, so Emma was stuck feeling sorry for herself, stuck wishing to die, stuck feeling terrified of the torture each hour brought, stuck holding on to the hope that they would come for her. They had to come for her. Sam. Melody.

Dean.

Dean would come for her.

She heard footsteps approaching and her whole body froze. She didn't dare move a single muscle. Perhaps, if she feigned sleep or if she played dead, she would leave her alone for now. At least for now. She didn't want to feel pain anymore. But pain seemed to be all there was left to it anymore. Pain was her only reminder that Amara was keeping her alive and, the longer she stayed alive, the greater the chances they would find her. That her Dean would find her. She knew he would never give up on her. She knew that whatever connection had existed between him and the Darkness, Amara had shattered it the minute she dared lay a hand on Emma. She was that confident in how much Dean loved her. Because the two of them were the yin and the yang. He'd been shadow and she'd been light. He'd been the edge and she'd been the bottom. Back when all he knew was sinking low, she'd been the one who taught him that heights were nothing to be scared of. And as a result, they'd slowly learned to even each other out until they became two halves of the same whole. Just like Melody and Sam. Their lives, their meeting, it was never random. They'd been meant to complete the whole. She'd been meant to save him and he'd been meant to love her.

So she held on to that. Because that was all she had left as Amara crouched before her.

"Well, well," she spoke in that voice that sent shivers down her spine. "Seems like your Dean is calling for me, little Emma. Count your breaths. I'll be getting what I wanted really soon."

With no other word, she stood up and left her. No torture. Perhaps she'd just thought the bit of information she'd shared with her was torture enough. But she had no idea, really. She had no idea that her words offered Emma the greatest relief possible. If Dean was calling for her, then they had a plan and he was the distraction.

Oh, she knew. They were truly coming for her.

Once again, I'm terribly sorry for taking so long to update. Finals are getting the best of me and I've had my birthday a couple of days ago and I've been busy, busy, busy.

But in the meantime, don't forget to check out my original story, Smoke and Mirrors, that's got dragons, smoldering pirates and medieval drama. You can find it on fictionpress under the username dianesky.

Lots of love,

xoxo