Like a River

By Kadi

Rated: M

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

Chapter 14

[August 2012]

The transfer had come at good time. Sharon was feeling as though she needed a change in her life. She had not discussed with her children why their father was no longer in her life. She said only that they were different people now; she told them that they had changed and learned that they could no longer live together. She didn't tell them that Jack had slipped, or that he had left. It was a mutual separation. If either of her children truly believed that, she didn't know. Ricky didn't seem to, but he accepted that she wasn't willing to go into any greater detail.

If anyone that she worked with noticed that her husband was no longer around, they didn't speak of it, and neither did she. Sharon simply moved forward, as she always had, with the same professionalism that had always been at the center of her work. Andy seemed to realize, very quickly, what had happened. The sympathy in his gaze was almost more than she could stand. She avoided him, whenever possible, and if they were a little more civil to one another, she appreciated that.

They were adults, and they were professionals, and they needed to conduct themselves as such.

That was something that was going to be tested in the days to come, Sharon knew. The timing of her move to Major Crimes was personally advantageous, but professionally questionable. She knew that she was going to be met with hostility and doubt, and Chief Taylor had not assisted that in the least.

There was something else too. Sharon had known that once it sank in, Andy would come to her. He was just as irate about it as she imagined that he would be. He caught up with her outside of the building that housed the county morgue. Sharon was thankful that there was no one to see them as he pulled her around the side of the building and out of view of the entrance and parking lot.

His dark eyes were burning with anger and questions. He pointed the file in his hand at her and glowered as all of the emotion, all of the frustration and distrust, uncertainty and hurt moved through him. A flush of color moved up his neck and into his face as his temper rose. "What the hell is going on, Sharon? When did you decide that you were looking for a career change?"

Sharon smoothed the skirt of her dress down and wished that it had pockets. She found the ones in her blazer instead, and it was an awkward angle, but she slipped her hands into them. "When I was approached to take over command of your division. Deputy Chief Johnson's retirement left a vacuum of power that needed to be filled." That was the official answer, and the only one that she would give him.

"Cut the crap," he snapped. "So what, you just decided to throw all of your rules aside for a cushy new job? I don't buy it."

"I haven't thrown anything aside," She replied patiently. Sharon drew a breath. It was going to take every ounce of patience that she had to make this transition successful. Certainly, working with Andy would not be simple, but she wanted to believe that they were mature enough to find a balance between their pasts and their professional present. "All of my rules are still firmly in place, and I believe, as do others, that your division would benefit from a new approach."

"Bullshit." He called it like he saw it. Andy ground his teeth together. "You can believe whatever you want to believe, but you're just the yes man they're going to use to save their own asses," he said of Taylor and Pope. "What I want to know, Sharon, is why the hell I had to find out about it at that little stunt that you and your new BFF pulled earlier. Don't you think that this is something that we should have talked about?"

She blinked at him. She was genuinely confused. "Why?" Sharon's head tilted. "We honestly do not have anything to discuss, Andy." Whatever had transpired between them was long over and firmly in the past as far as she was concerned. If he was privy to certain personal details about her life, she fully expected him to keep them to himself.

Andy shifted where he stood. He drew a breath through his nose as his temper threatened to move beyond his ability to control it. His jaw ached from how tightly he was clenching his teeth together. Was she trying to piss him off, or was she really that much of a bitch? He wasn't sure if he knew the answer anymore. He thought that he did, but he was starting to wonder if he was wrong. Was he wrong about everything? Was she really that ambitious? "Because I thought," he explained in a low, clipped tone, "that our relationship rated at least a heads up if you were about to become my boss."

Sharon drew her hands out of her pockets. She folded her arms across her chest. Her back straightened. "We do not have a relationship," she stated firmly. "What we have is an uncomfortable professional situation that I expect us to handle in a civil and mature manner, Lieutenant."

It was the biting tone that had him drawing back. It was the dismissive way that she looked at him that made his eyes narrow. Andy leaned close. "That's right," he hissed, "I forgot. I'm just the guy that you screw when you're husband's not in town to scratch your itch. How is Jack, by the way?"

Her eyes widened, just a fraction, before she managed to school her features. She had forgotten just how mean that Andy could be when he felt like he was backed into a corner. Her arms dropped at her sides and she took a step forward. "I think, Lieutenant," her voice dropped an octave. She spoke carefully, so that there could be no mistaking her words, "that you should take a walk and clear your head. You are going to want to think, very carefully, about what you say and do next. Are we clear?"

"Yeah." Andy stepped back from her. His gaze swept her form. He shook his head. "We're very clear, Captain." His lip curled. There was more that he wanted to say, a lot more. He didn't really feel like getting fired, though. Andy backed away from her and turned. "We're crystal clear," he growled, and walked away.

Sharon watched him go. Her shoulders slumped as she deflated. She leaned back and felt the brick of the building though her blazer. She tipped her head against it and exhaled a long sigh. Her eyes closed. This was not going well at all. First Provenza and now Flynn. Her transfer was going to be a complete failure before the first day even finished at the rate that she was going. More than that, his words stung. Did he really feel like she had used him? Sharon thought that she was very clear about where they stood when that relationship began. She could also remind him that he had pursued her. She shook her head. It didn't matter now, it was over. She wasn't really sure that he felt that way. Andy knew better. He was just angry. He was angry and hurt, and he was lashing out. She couldn't entirely blame him. She would like to lash out too. She simply couldn't afford to do that.

She drew another deep breath and let it move through her, let it cleanse her mood before she straightened. Sharon swept her hands down her clothes and lifted her chin. They would need to find some common ground. She had to find a way to make all of this work, but for now, they had a case to solve, and her presence was being awaited in the morgue.

Sharon did not know which was most difficult to swallow. The distrust, or the belief that she did not belong. They regarded her as though she was completely unknowing. It was as if they had forgotten that she had been a police officer for more than thirty years, and that she had spent a year shadowing their team. They seemed to completely disregard her ability, and her authority.

From Tao speaking so slowly during the autopsy review to Andy lecturing her in the morgue, and Lieutenant Provenza almost refusing to cooperate at all, she was beginning to wonder how anyone expected her to be able to pull this division back together. Was she really that terrible?

Sharon was considering that as she stood amongst them, all but pleading with them to do their jobs and give her the briefing that she required. She was met with stony silence instead. Even Detective Sanchez did not look entirely willing to accept her authority. She was failing miserably, and while she was trying very hard to not let it affect her visually, Sharon felt her gaze wandering the murder room. It landed on Andy, and that was the last place that she wanted to look. He was still angry when he joined her in the morgue. He had lost his temper with her again, but managed to rein it back and get back on topic. Maybe that was why she looked at him now. Once he had blown, once he had said his piece, he seemed much calmer. Sharon's brows lifted only slightly. She almost breathed a sigh of relief when he stood up and began speaking.

Get Flynn, get Tao, and let Provenza have his sulk, and the rest would fall into place. It looked like Andy was the first domino that needed to fall. Lieutenant Tao and Detective Sanchez followed quickly, as did the others. Lieutenant Provenza would do his job, but he wasn't happy about it. Buzz was upset with her for another reason, but needing him to babysit Rusty Beck could not be helped at the moment. The boy was a material witness and could not be lost in the system.

They made it through day one without any great catastrophes. Sharon couldn't call it a win, but she wouldn't call it a disaster either. They still needed to wrap up their case, but now they were close to that. They had to figure out what to do with Rusty Beck too, but she would worry about that later. Right now he was in emergency care at the clinic with a uniformed officer watching over him. That would suffice for the night, but it wouldn't work indefinitely.

Sharon was in her new office, still contemplating the events of the day when a light knock sounded at the open door. She found Andy standing there. She thought that everyone had gone home. She wasn't sure if she had it in her to withstand another confrontation with him. Sharon clasped her hands together against the top of her desk and plastered a carefully polite smile on her face. "Yes, Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

Andy rubbed the back of his neck as he walked into the office. He hesitated for a moment just inside the door. He had to do a lot of thinking during the day. It had given him one hell of a headache, but he had come to the conclusion that she wasn't going anywhere. Neither of them were. This job was all that he had left. He couldn't lose it, and he wouldn't walk away from it either.

He walked around and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Andy braced one hand against the edge of the desk and shrugged. "About earlier," he began carefully, "that was out of line."

Sharon studied him closely. She regarded him cautiously as she leaned back. She let her clasped hands rest against her stomach instead. "It was," she agreed, "but I think that we can file it away as an awkward side effect of things that shouldn't have happened." Sharon looked down as she said that, because she had never fully regretted their time together. "I didn't take this position to spite you," she admitted quietly.

"I know." He sighed. "It felt like that, but it was stupid. With the way that Taylor is strutting around here claiming victory for getting you out of Internal Affairs, I can pretty much guess what happened." He doubted that they had given her much of a choice.

"Hm." Sharon would neither confirm nor deny. She swept her tongue over her lips and then rubbed them together. "I was ready for a change," she admitted. "It is a good opportunity. I didn't exactly run from it, Andy."

"Who would?" He leaned back in the chair and tugged the vest of his three-piece suit down. "It got a little personal earlier today," he continued. "The last thing I shoulda done was use Jack against you. That wasn't easy," he said, knowing how hard it was to watch a marriage fail, "It won't happen again."

"Thank you," she said quietly. Sharon looked at her hands. "I know this is going to be awkward, Andy, but I am going to need your help. I know that Lieutenant Provenza is upset, and he has every right to be. This transition was not handled as well as it could have been. I also know that given my past work experience that the rest of your division is not going to immediately trust me, and that is something that I will have to earn. The situation between you and I…" She trailed off and looked up at him. "We were able to work well together once. I would really like for us to be able to do that again."

He met her gaze. There was sadness there, but hope too. Andy sighed. He nodded slowly. What else could he do? They both needed this job and if they couldn't find a way to work together, then things would get pretty unbearable and pretty fast. "It might take a while," he warned her. "But I can give it a try if you can." He didn't want her holding it against him either.

There was caution in his gaze, and a wariness. He was as uncertain of her as she was of him. Sharon nodded once. "I can." She could put it behind her. Whatever they had been to each other, temporarily, had no place in their working relationship. "There is no reason that this situation has to be difficult. I am your ranking officer, and you are a member of my team. Anything else is secondary and has no place within these walls. Outside of that, if you would like to discuss it, we can, but…" Sharon paused to take a breath. She let it out slowly. "I would really like to leave it in the past, if at all possible." She was putting her life back together. That was never easy post-Jack, and she was both kicking herself for letting him back in and questioning why it ended this time. Sharon wanted to put all of it behind her. Concentrating on her work would allow that.

"No," Andy told her. "We don't have to talk about that." He didn't want to rehash it. It was easier just to leave it alone. It would be better if they just moved on and forgot about it. Maybe they couldn't forget that it happened, but they could get past it. He shrugged a shoulder and offered a grin. "How about we just start new. Neither of us is going anywhere, so we just, let that be it."

It may not work in the long run, but Sharon nodded. "I would like that." She pushed out of her chair and stood in front of him. "And now, Lieutenant, it is very late. I think that you should go. We have a lot to accomplish tomorrow and I am sure that it will be an equally trying day." They would have a lot of those throughout the transition, she was sure.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Andy stood up with her. "Look, about Provenza…" He gestured between them, "it might take him a while to get over it, but he will. He's going to be a real pain in the ass about it, but don't take anything that he says personally. They screwed him over, and it's not the first time. He came to this division because he was recommended, but he was also sick of Taylor sticking the knife in. Now he's just giving it a good, hard twist, and Provenza is going to end up taking it out on you."

He was looking out for his partner. Sharon smiled gently at him. "I understand. Don't worry, I am sure that the Lieutenant and I will find a way to work together. If we don't, then… well, we will cross that bridge. I don't expect this transition to be easy. There are going to be a lot of changes ahead of us. I will do my best to make it work for everyone."

"Yeah, but…" Andy sighed. He shook his head. She didn't know Provenza. He ran a hand over his face. "I guess we'll have to see how it goes." He turned away from her. Andy stopped at the door and looked back. "Hey, you know, about the kid…" He had seen how she was watching him. Sharon had a bleeding heart, something that few people knew about her. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?" He didn't know how many more blows that she could take this year.

She simply smiled at him. "I will take that under advisement." Sharon wasn't surprised that Andy knew what was going on in her head. It was also a good sign. It meant that they could still read each other, and it would help them to move forward as colleagues. She wasn't really certain that she was ready to accept the plan that was already forming in her mind, the one that pertained to a certain material witness. Sharon was still thinking about it.

She watched Andy shake his head as he left her. Sharon's gaze slowly dropped. Her lips pursed. It was time for a change. Perhaps she needed something to focus on other than her job and her failed marriage. It was time to get out of her own head and focus on someone else's needs. This could be an opportunity for that. It could be a good thing, and not only for her. It was really something to consider.

MCMCMC

In the end, she did take Rusty Beck home with her. That young man required all of the patience that she could muster. She also learned, very quickly, just how wounded and starving for love he was. He was only a boy, an angry one, but still a boy. Sharon recognized in him the same hurt and abandonment that she was feeling. She was able to assuage those feelings by giving Rusty a home. She couldn't heal herself, but she could heal the young man who had been left to fend for himself.

Andy warned her, twice, in the days that followed to not get attached. Even as he did, he saw the inevitable happening. Sharon was opening herself up to that kid, and as much as he didn't want to see it, the boy had something she needed. He needed her. Andy realized, after sitting with Rusty at the bus stop, that the boy was putting on a good front. He was a sarcastic little pain in the ass, but there was a reason for that. It was a great defense. He had been hurt, and in ways that Andy knew only too well.

The kid needed someone to care about him. But watching Sharon get hurt by it wasn't something that Andy could stand to see. So he knew that he couldn't get anywhere near that situation. They could work together, but anything more personal was off limits. Andy decided that getting close to the kid was a bad idea too. He gave him a wide berth and steered him in another direction.

Andy pulled his partner aside when no one was looking. "I need you to do me a favor."

Provenza gave him a long, suspicious look. "I'm not dressing in drag and pretending to be your sister again."

"Shut up." Andy rolled his eyes at him. "Look, just keep an eye on the kid, okay?"

"What kid?" Provenza scowled. "Rusty? I'd rather not, thanks." He tried to walk around the other man but found his way blocked. "Flynn, are you trying to ruin my day?"

"I live for ruining your day," he responded automatically. "No, I'm being serious. The kid needs a role model, and I can't do it." He spoke in hushed tones. "Look, the Captain has got her hands full with him, and the little brat isn't going anywhere. He's not all that bad either. He's just…" he sighed. "His mom is an addict. She tossed him out like garbage and that's got to be rough."

His eyes narrowed. "The Captain, hm?" Provenza shook his head at his partner. "You had better not be doing what you shouldn't have been doing in the first place again. I mean it Flynn. Stay away from her."

"I am." His lip curled. "What do you think this is all about? Why do you think that I'm asking you to keep an eye on her kid, huh? Yeah, you heard me," he said when his partner grunted, "her kid. She's already gotten attached. Damned maternal instincts. It's going to blow up in her face, and I can't be anywhere near it, so you're up."

"Me?" He all but screeched it. Provenza looked around them and quickly lowered his voice. "Why does it have to be me? I can barely stand either of them!" Why was he getting dragged into his partner's nonsense? "Look, Flynn, this is none of our business. If Captain Raydor would like to play at being the old lady in the shoe, then let her. We will simply do our jobs."

His teeth ground together. "Yeah? What happens when Phillip Stroh is back out on the street and making our jobs harder because the best witness we've got against him is gone? What then? That kid could run, hell, we thought he did it the other night. If he disappears, the case against Stroh could fall apart. That is why you need to give a damn." He ran a hand over his face. "Also, because I'm asking. I will owe you one," he added, and rolled his eyes.

"You already owe me several." Provenza looked away from him. He grumbled. "Fine." He pointed his finger at Flynn. "But don't expect me to be all nice and want to braid her hair. I still don't like the woman. I'm only doing it for the kid. And the case," he added. "And because you will pay for all my drinks for the next month and drive me wherever I want to go."

"Yes," Andy drawled, "because god forbid you do it out of the decency of your heart. If you have one." He huffed a sigh. "Fine, I don't care. It's a deal; just don't be a jackass to the kid. I think enough people in his life have done that."

"Don't be an idiot." Provenza moved around him with some success this time. "I will save all of that for her!"

Andy rolled his eyes heavenward. "You already do," he muttered. He shook his head again. At least he would know that someone was looking out for them, if he couldn't. Provenza would grumble about it, and he would pay the price, but the old pain in his ass wouldn't be cruel. He would give the kid what he needed. How he might treat Sharon was another matter, but she was a big girl. Andy knew that she could handle it. He just felt better about the situation, and some of his guilt about almost losing the kid on his watch began to recede. He couldn't risk that again.

Sharon had been hurt enough. He would do whatever he could to keep it from happening again.

-TBC-