T/W For panic attack in last scene
Chapter fourteen
"You're staring,"
"I'm not staring, I'm waiting," Regina deadpanned, though she instinctively pulled her phone out of her pocket as if it would convince her friend that she wasn't doing want what he accused her of.
She also didn't want Emma to look over and think that she was in fact staring.
However, she quickly found herself empty-handed when her friend pulled the device away, which meant she had to turn to face him and hope that her raised eyebrow was enough to convey her annoyance.
"I'm waiting to give Emma a ride home," Regina replied, to the unasked question.
"And you have to stare to do that?" The male teen asked only to receive an eye roll from his friend when she made an attempt to say something else, he added, "are you sure it has nothing to do with trying to figure out if they're dating?"
Regina clenched her jaw and looked back over to the pair of blondes talking at Alice's locker.
After finding a reason that Henry so desperately needed to leave the diner, the cheerleader had spent the next couple days agonising over whether she had bailed her brother out of a date or a platonic get-together.
It didn't help that she had never seen Emma smile so naturally as she did when she was around Alice. Right now, envy was flaring up in her stomach at the sight of Emma laughing at whatever Alice had just said.
Why did she have to turn into an awkward mess whenever she interacted with her? Why couldn't she just make Emma smile like that?
Instead of admitting any of this, she just said, "there's not much else to do right now."
Killian rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
He'd personally been witness to Emma and Regina's growing friendship and it was somewhat infuriating that neither of them seemed willing to even hint at their feelings for the other.
He understood why Emma wouldn't be the first one to go for it but he'd never known Regina not to go for something that she wanted. Then again, he'd never actually known her to actually be this attracted to another female, so maybe there was also the factor of being afraid what her parents would think?
"You should invite her to Kathryn's party," he offered, deciding that now was hardly the time to go into depth about Regina's crush.
Regina frowned and finally gave her friend eye contact again. She'd been very careful to make sure that there wouldn't be a repeat of what happened at the mall. So Emma technically had yet to talk to either Ruby or Kathryn, which was made much easier by then act that the blonde tended to have lunch with Alice now.
"That sounds like a terrible idea," Regina replied, internally cringing at the prospect that Emma could have another panic attack because of her.
Emma wasn't exactly the most social of people, but then again, Cora hadn't been the only one shocked that the blonde had made a friend at school with no adults forcing it. Through Cora was much happier about it than Regina was.
"I know that she probably won't go but it would be nice for her to know that you want her there...you would want her there, right?"
Regina felt blush creep up her neck at his question.
He knew very well that Regina would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with Emma which was exactly why he was currently waiting for the blonde who had insisted that she would be fine walking back to the mansion.
Killian laughed at the lack of response and said, "you got it bad, Mills."
"Shhh," Regina hissed when she noticed that Emma was finally coming over.
Killian clamped his mouth shut rather dramatically and Regina had to stop her from rolling her eyes at him again.
Emma didn't seem to notice though as she just came over and shot Regina that adorable smile that she looked forward to everyday (though she always found herself comparing how natural it was to the one that she offered to Alice).
"Hey Swan," Killian said and she gave him a small wave rather than replying.
Killian nodded, he always to the distinct sense that something about school was exhausting to Emma (most likely the hours of interaction with people she wasn't particularly comfortable with) so he was never too worried when she didn't reply verbally,
"See you both later," he announced and made a point of nudging Regina just before he walked away.
Regina scowled at his back, but her mouth soon formed back into a smile when Emma pushed her glasses up her nose and adjusted the straps of her backpack.
It was honestly unfair how cute she was.
"Ready to go?" The brunette asked.
Emma nodded and proceeded to follow the cheerleader towards her car.
She still wasn't completely sure why Regina instead on taking her to school and giving her a ride home.
Originally, she thought that it was a way to get out of trouble with Cora, but she had also noticed that Regina had taken an interest in her low-EQ more than she thought she would and as far as she knew the cheerleader hadn't been broadcasting her efforts to her parents.
Was there a chance that Regina actually cared about her?
The comfortable silence continued until they got to Regina's car and Emma slipped into the passenger's side with practiced ease and Regina started the car a moment later.
"So...how was your day?" Regina asked as she did everyday. She always older herself that she would come up with a more natural way to start the conversation, but the same words slipped out everyday.
Emma never seemed to mind the predictability though and she just replied, "it was okay."
That was also the standard response from Emma.
There was no point asking her what she learned because it was pretty much guaranteed that she already knew everything that the teachers attempted to teach the eidetic girl.
However, school and low-EQ were usually the only things that they ever talked about and Regina was desperate to move passed that.
She'd considered trying comic books but ultimately decided that she was way too behind and she didn't want Emma to be reminded of her little brother during their first conversation.
Thanks to Killian, that left one thing that she could think to say, but she didn't want to freak the girl out.
"So…" Regina began, tapping the wheel as she drove, "Kathryn's having a party on Friday and I was wondering if you wanted to come?"
Emma's eyes widened slightly, that was definitely not part of their typical conversation.
"Errr...is Kathryn the one from the mall?" Emma asked, instantly clenching her hands around the bag in her lap.
Regina had to resist the urge to sigh, she knew this was a bad idea.
"Yeah she is...but she's actually more relaxed. She loses interest in things quite quickly," she said, and nearly cringed when she realised that she had just referenced everything that Emma had been through as 'things'.
However, she relaxed when Emma actually let out a little laugh. After all, why wouldn't she be happy that people were no longer interested in her? Especially when it occurred to her that Regina must have at least put some effort into making sure it didn't happen again to the point where Kathryn had stopped caring.
"And...you want me to come to the party?" Emma asked.
"I mean...only if you want to," Regina replied and pulled into the driveway of the mansion, though she continued to grip the steering wheel in anticipation of Emma's answer.
Emma was silent for a few moments as her brain ran through everything that could possibly happen, All of them were awful.
Regina bit the inside of her cheek at the sight of how uncomfortable the blonde looked, an idea popped into her head and she reluctantly added, "you can invite Alice if you want to…"*
Emma nodded, she'd never been invited to a party before and she couldn't imagine it would go well, but most of that was because of the thought that she wouldn't be able to talk to anyone, but that was alleviated by the thought that Alice would be there.
However, she still replied, "can i think about it?"
Regina just nodded, she was clearly considering going which was better than her agreeing and then coming up with some excuse closer to the party.
"Sure," Regina replied and reluctantly opened her car door.
She always hated when the car ride was over because she could hardly think of a reason to talk to the blonde outside of dinner time.
"She invited you to a party?!"
Emma rolled her eyes at Lily's over-excitement though she wasn't sure what she was expecting when she decided to ask her friend for advice.
"I said I would think about it," Emma replied, "but I don't know…"
"You get to spend time with Regina outside of school, what's the problem?"
The blonde drew he lip into her mouth and flopped down as she tried to figure out what exactly she was worried about.
There was many things that could go wrong that she wasn't really sure what was the primary issues.
Finally, she said, "if I have a panic attack again…"
"Then you know there will be someone there who can help. Killian will probably go to the party, right?"
"Well yeah but they probably won't want to deal with that when they're trying to have fun," Emma reasoned.
"Regina wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you to go, the way I see it she wants to be your friend so she obviously doesn't see you as any kind of burnden. You just need to figure out if you think you would even enjoy going to a party," Lily replied, "if not then it makes sense not to go but if you do then you can just talk to Alice if you don't like it."
Emma nodded slowly, though she knew that the other teen couldn't see her, it was a very rational argument, which Lily obviously knew would appeal to her friend.
"I guess that makes sense, but do you think she would be mad if I don't want to go?" Emma asked in close to a whisper.
Lily's as silent for a moment before she replied, "honestly Emma, if she thinks that you would go to a party, I don't think she knows you very well."
Emma pushed herself up with her eyebrows scrunched together.
She wanted to argue that wasn't true, but she realised that it was very true that she had never so much as gone to Homecoming let alone a party, so Lily was very right.
After all, she couldn't think of anyone less likely to willingly go to a room filled with people they didn't know.
However, on the off chance that Regina was actually interested in being more than friends with her at some point in the future, then surely she would want someone who could deal with sustained human interaction without becoming a pile of nerves.
"You know, you wouldn't need to worry about any of this if you just asked Alice out on an actual date?" Lily asked, interrupting Emma's spiral of imagining what a relationship between her and Regina would be like. She honestly wasn't even sure if she understood enough about emotions to actually have a girlfriend for long.
"Alice?" Emma repeated, since their initial meeting when she'd found the British girl's accent attractive, she hadn't even considered the possibility that they could be anything more than friends, especially since she told her that she had a crush on Will Scarlett in their class, "we're just friends."
"Are you sure about that, Swan? You don't have a good track record with stuff like this."
Emma rolled her eyes and said, "I'm sure, she told me that she likes a guy named Will…"
"That's great!" Lily announced.
"It is?" Emma asked with a sceptical lilt to her voice.
"That means that you can focus on Regina but you can still make her jealous if she thinks that you're with Alice and no one has to get hurt," the brunette explained.
The blonde pinched her brows together as she tried to figure out if that made any sense. She was pretty sure that there was a flaw in the plan somewhere but she figured that if she attempted to point it out then she would only end up stuck in this conversation for longer.
She honestly wasn't quite sure why her friend was so set on her ending up with Regina considering that's he had never met the other girl.
As if she had read her mind, after a moment of silence, Lily seemed to think of an important change of subject, "oh yeah I forgot to tell you yesterday, I officially got permission to come to Storybrooke for winter break, Mal said that it looks 'very relaxing' in Maine, and there's a B&B right in town."
A smile tugged at the corner of Emma's lips at the thought of actually seeing her friend again after so long. It felt like an eternity since they had actually been in the same place and she knew that Cora or Henry Sr would have no issues with her spending time with her friend over the break.
"That's great," the blonde replied.
"And if you go to this party, then we might both be invited to one during the break," Lily added.
Emma sighed heavily and she finally said, "fine I'll go to the party."
-Friday-
Emma paced back and forth in her room.
It had been a couple hours since her and Regina had gotten home from school and she knew that the cheerleader was currently finishing up getting ready for Kathryn's party.
The teen had been fine all day, trying not to think about what was going to happen, but it was now all hitting her.
The buzzing of her phone brought her out of her panic and she walked over to the bed to pick up the device. However, when she read the message, she felt her throat constrict further-
'From Alice- Really sorry to cancel last minute Em, but can't make it tonight. My aunt can't find a babysitter and my parents are making me do it...promise I'll make it up to you'
The blonde reread the message a few times. It wasn't that she was mad at Alice or anything, this was a perfectly good reason for cancelling and she knew that they would probably do something together that she would much prefer, but she felt her breathing pick up.
The thought of being in Kathryn's house without Alice as a safety net was terrifying,
It wasn't like Regina would want to stick with her all night long and it wasn't fair that Killian would need to be on panic attack patrol.
She would probably end up sitting by herself waiting for Regina to want to go home and she could already imagine people staring at the weird orphan girl who didn't belong.
"Emma?"
The blonde recoiled when she felt someone place a hand on her arm and she forced herself to focus to see Regina holding up her hands in surrendering, as if she was promising not to touch again.
The blonde would later learn that the cheerleader had knocked to tell her that it was time to go and upon entering she'd discovered her foster sister having a panic attack.
In that moment, however, she was just trying to focus on getting her breathing in check while her vision became blurred with a few stray tears.
Regina felt panic raise in her stomach as it dawned on her that this was her fault. Emma was having a panic attack because she pushed too far just because she wanted to spend time with her at a party that she didn't even really want to go to.
She desperately tried to remember what Killian had told her about how he calmed Emma down at school and she said softly, "breath, Emma, it's okay."
The blonde's hyperventilation started to slow down significantly and Regina asked, "do you want to sit down?"
Emma nodded and allowed herself to be led to the bed, though Regina didn't actually touch her as they each sat down.
"I'm sorry…" Emma managed to say, though her voice cracked.
Regina drew her eyebrows together and asked, "what are you sorry for?"
"I…" Emma trailed off as a billion reasons why she should say sorry came to mind, but she wasn't sure which one she should say.
Sorry for being a burden? I'm sorry you're stuck with me? I'm sorry for ruining your night with a pointless panic attack when you probably only invited me to me nice?
I'm sorry I'm not normal?
The blonde finally just said, "I'm sorry but I don't think I can go tonight...you should just go without me…"
Regina was instantly shaking her head and she said, "I've probably been to a hundred of these parties, I probably won't miss much if I stay here."
"Why would you stay here?" Emma asked.
Regina quirked an eyebrow, she was hurt for a split second, but it quickly occurred to her that the blonde probably didn't realise why that could come across as insulting.
"Because we could just stay here and watch a movie...if you want to…" Regina replied, deciding not to voice the fact that there was really no way that she could leave now that she had seen the panicked look on her face. She didn't actually see the last panic attack, but she was now only feeling much more guilty that she hadn't been there for her then.
"Wouldn't you rather spend the night with your friends?" Emma asked with that adorable pinch of her eyebrows when she was confused about some social thing. Regina wasn't quite sure why, but it was really cute when the genius teen was actually confused about something.
"Yeah I do...which is why I invited you to the party…"
"Oh…" Emma simply replied and Regina could see that she would probably need some time to process what that meant.
She looked around and realised that there wasn't actually a TV in here since Emma probably watched it mostly on her laptop and the thought of sitting close enough to share a laptop made butterflies erupt uncomfortably in the cheerleader's stomach. It was for this reason that she instead asked, "do you want to come into my room and watch Spider-Man?"
"Which one?" The blonde asked with a little sniff as she wiped at her face
"Err…the third one?" the brunette tried but she was met with a grimace, she to cast her mind back to her knowledge of superhero movies but she hadn't been keeping up recently, so she just added, "or you can pick.."
Emma actually smiled at this and Regina felt her a tug in her heart when she noticed that it looked better than what she had dubbed the 'Alice smile'.
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