A/N: Hello! Thanks for the reviews! :)
This is chapter 14. Reference of 6X11- Under Fire. And guys? This is the last chapter. I'll write and epilogue after this to wrap it up.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

When I was six, I had chicken pox. My whole body was covered in rashes, and they itched all the time. I did not stop crying for a week, because it hurt, also because I looked so ugly.

When I was nine, I fell off my bicycle and broke my ankle. I tried, but I could not stop the scream or the sobs that were escaping me when the doctor mended it. It hurt so bad that I drew blood biting my tongue.

Afterwards I had to be in bed rest for three months and somehow it was even worse- I got a cabin fever of some kind and was depressed all the time. I would cry on-and-off, for no apparent reason. All I knew was I could not get rid of the bleakness.

My grandfather passed away when I was fourteen. We had been close, and after that I kind of shut off the world around me. I would sit on my bed, staring off to space, doing nothing, all the while feeling the impossibly painful and empty void inside of my chest.

I got my heart broken at eighteen. I was in love with my high school sweetheart, and I thought he was in love with me too. But right before graduation he told me he was actually in love with someone else- had been for a while. I do not know which hurt more, the break up or the feeling of being rejected, being replaced. I cried myself to sleep every night, feeling like things would never be okay again, that this was rock bottom. That it was impossible to feel worse.

And yet, I would take each one of these incidents and relive them for a thousand times- the pain, the hurt, the agony- everything- if it meant what is happening right now would not happen.

That the nightmare I am in right now, is just that- a nightmare.

It does not feel real. The leaping flames engulfing the collapsing building, the plumes of smoke, the fly car with flashing lights, firemen running around busily, and me watching all that from the inside of a paramedic ambulance, having contractions more and more frequently.

It does not feel real that the baby is coming, and Kevin is not here.

He promised. He has never broken a promise to me.

And yet he is not here. He is inside.

Inside the burning building.

And this is real. I am trapped in the worst nightmare possible, and it is real.

Lanie is beside me, holding my hand, trying to get me through the contractions. But I do not even feel the physical pain.

I wish I could, it would be much, much less painful to concentrate on that instead of what I am thinking of.

All I can think of.

Kevin.

When he did not answer his phone when I called him to test our system (I am three days past my due date) in the evening, I called Javier. When I found his phone to be turned off, I called Kate.

Kevin is not answering his phone, has she heard from him? No, she has not. Have I? No, I have not either.

And she told me to stay calm- something has happened.

'What?', I said, already sitting down because my knees were weak.

Kevin and Javier were investigating an arson homicide. They had gone to a factory in Arcadia Lane, and there was an explosion inside it. The building caught fire.

With them inside it.

And no one knew if they were alive.

I do not know how I managed to move at all, let alone find a cab and come down here, but I did it. The contractions started in the cab.

I was insanely screaming at a guy at the barricade when Lanie found me.

Kate said I should not be here, Rick said I should go to a hospital.

No way in hell I was going to listen to any of them.

I am not leaving without Kevin.

I told Kate, 'If he doesn't make it out, if this is it, I need to be here.'

I have been in the ambulance ever since.

When I said that to Kate, the not-making-it-out part, I did not really believe it. That was why I even managed to utter the words.

He has to make it out. He has to.

He cannot leave me.

He would not leave me. He would not leave our baby without a father.

But time is ticking by, and he is still not here. And I heard something about the firemen pulling out because it is too dangerous in there.

I am trying to ignore that, I am trying to be hopeful, to still believe, but it is becoming harder by the minute.

And I am very aware when the minutes are passing by- my whole body is a clock.

Suddenly Kate shows up.

'What, what is it?', I ask desperately, chanting 'Please let her tell me Kevin is okay, please let her tell me Kevin is okay' in my mind.

'It's him', she says, holding out her phone.

'It's Kevin?', I sit up and take the phone from her, finding it hard to believe.

'Is it you? Is it really you?', I say with a shaking voice.

'Yeah, yeah, it's me, beautiful!', his voice comes over the phone and I feel liquid relief course through my veins, intense and delicious.

It does not last long.

'Where are you? Baby's coming.'

'I'm inside.'

'Inside…', just like that the perfect moment is gone.

I look around, not willing to believe that he is still not found and rescued, half expecting him to be inside this ambulance, right here with me.

But again, this is real.

And every molecule in my body, my being wants to break down and cry, cry, cry for the rest of their existence.

Or maybe just stop existing.

'I…I'm sorry, I know I promised but…' his voice is breaking,he coughs, 'I'm not gonna be there.'

'Don't say that.' I beg him, trying to stop the tears, 'Please don't say that.'

'Sorry.', he says.

I gasp as another contraction comes, but I barely feel it.

I am flooded by flashbacks.

Our first date. Our first kiss. And the second.

Us getting drunk in a bar and singing at the karaoke machine.

Us in a dark staircase landing, half naked, devouring each other.

Him asking me to move in. Me ripping his shirt off in reply.

Him kneeling down before me, proposing.

Me walking down the aisle, and him looking at me, so happy, so happy.

'I love you more than anything.', Kevin says, 'Remember that. Always remember that.'

Our marriage.

How I do not do anything alone now, how I depend on him, how we do everything together, how I cannot survive without him.

'Kevin, please,' , I am crying, I am feeling like the fire, the burning is inside me, 'No, don't leave me!'

He gives a dry, humorless chuckle.

'Oh, I don't wanna…'

My baby is not going to see its father. My baby who does not have a name yet…

'We need a name.', I swallow, finding a grain of strength, for the sake of our child.

'For the baby. We need to do that together.'

He is panting, like there is not enough oxygen in the air. I almost lose it when I realize that must be the case.

'If it's a boy,', I know what he is going to say even before he says it, 'Javier.'

I nod.

'And if it's a girl?'

'Sarah Grace, after your grandmother.'

So, this is it. This is all we can do together for the baby. The rest I have to do without him.

And there is only one thing left to say.

I have said a thousand times, I have thought it a million times, it never stopped being true. And it never will.

'I love you so much, Kevin.', I whisper, barely managing the words to get past the lump in my throat, 'I love you.'

'I lve u t..' his voice is interrupted by static.

'Kevin?'

No response.

'Kevin?'

Only static now.

'Kevin!'

And then nothing.

He is gone.

I return the phone to Kate, my vision hazy with tears, body wracked by sobs.

And then it is all blurred. I tell Lanie I don't wanna do this without Kevin, she soothes me and then I am giving birth to my child.

My body registers pain now, excruciating, but all I see before my eyes is another time, flashbacks and memories.

Kevin and I, our life together.

Small things, just talking, laughing, walking together, just holding hands, just sitting in comfortable silence with his arms draped around me.

And the blue of his eyes.

Like ocean, like midnight, like Double Blue, like a clear spring, like twinkling stars, like the sky, like ice and fire.

Hundreds of shades- alight and dark, brilliant and dull, sharp and pale, glowing and dim.

Each with a memory.

The blue is my lifeline, my harbor, my home.

Without the blue, I do not know who I am anymore.

So I close my eyes and pray for a miracle.

One miracle happens.

Lanie gives my baby to me. It is a girl.

Sarah Grace. So beautiful. She has blond hair, like me.

And she has her father's blue eyes.

For a moment I forget the pain I am in.

And then, before it can return with a cruel, renewed force, impossibly, incredibly, unbelievably, the other miracle happens too.

I see Kevin.

He is standing right in front of me!

I cannot believe my eyes.

He scrambles up, kneels beside me and yes, yes I believe it now because he is here and we are kissing.

I am kissing Kevin, he is kissing me, he is here.

Kevin is alive, he is here. He is here. He is here.

'You're both beautiful.', he says, looking at our daughter.

'Kevin.'

He looks at me. I smile, still teary.

'I'd like you to meet Sarah Grace.'

But it is like he does not want to look away, does not want to take his eyes off me. It is like he does not know whom to look at, whom to see and memorize first.

He tears away his eyes from my face and looks at the little girl in my arms.

His shirt is dirty, his hair is messed up, he smells of smoke, his face is covered with soot, but his blue eyes sparkle like twin jewels as he strokes her head.

Then he puts his arms around both of us and buries his head on my shoulder.

He is here, and Kate and Rick are holding each other, and Javier is standing with his arm around Lanie- his face is cut but he is okay.

All the people I love are okay.

And when this all started I could not have imagined saying this at the end of it, but right here, right now, with my husband and my daughter, is the happiest moment of my life.