I hadn't seen Dimitri for the rest of the evening. I was told he had gone running, something he apparently did to clear his mind, and vent his emotions. That was unusual to me, as Lord's did not exert themselves unnecessarily. It most certainly was not common practice for people like that, though I understood. I, myself, found that escaping the confines of the home, and perhaps society, just for a few hours, could cleanse one's mind and give you a glimpse of freedom away from expectations and prejudice of our modern day society.

Thus, I had been sent to continue with my maid's duties, after a wash that was.

As I retired for the night, my mind kept wandering on its own accord about the day's events. The more I thought about it, the more I wished to speak to Dimitri. I was not known for bottling up my thoughts and emotions, and could not rest until I sorted something out. Too many questions whirled around in my head. Did he care for me? Did he mean what he said, that I was his? Did he want me now? Or would he return back to how it was and pretend nothing had happened?

I had laid in bed for an hour or so, and when no sign of sleep showed itself, I decided to untangle myself from the sheets, and go from a walk.

I had now grown confident of the maze like halls of the manor, and knew from the most part where everything was.

I crept along the hallway, careful not to make noise so as to not disturb anyone's slumber.

After a few minutes of racking my brains, I knew where he would be.

I found Dimitri in the drawing room. It was a small room, with a roaring fireplace on the left hand side cream coloured wall that gently cast a warm, dim flow on the room. There were two plush red sofas and a chair, lining the corner of the wall, and on the other side stood a writing desk, with ink and various papers scattered about. He was seated in the lone chair, sprawled out comfortably, well, as much as his long limbs would allow, reading a book.

He looked completely at peace, there was no harshness to his face at all, no evidence of the crippling burden that comes with being a Lord, trying his best to look over his female cohabitants. There was no sign of the stress, which by looking now, had aged him considerably beyond his years. He looked younger, and my heart actually tugged when I saw what his position had cost him; his youth.

His hair was loose, and he wore a very simple white shirt, that was buttoned low enough to show me a hint of his chiseled body.

He hadn't heard me enter, and I stood awkwardly at the door frame. I suddenly wish that I had chosen something other than my flimsy white lace nightgown, that, In a certain light such as this one, did little to cover my modesty.

I wrung my hands trying to think of the right words. I felt…. I felt like I owed something to him. And though I wasn't sure why, as I did not believe I had done wrong internationally, it pained me to see him distressed, and more so knowing I was the cause of it.

But I knew that, deep down, underneath all of the insults, ridicule and shame he had laid upon me, he did save my life, and gave me a shot at a life that I never deemed possible. And I was continuously forgetting that, and how gracious I truly was.

"I'm sorry." I whispered softly, and his head snapped up instantly, and took on a look of surprise when he saw me. His eyes traced the outline of my figure, that was clearly visible my the translucent dress. He swallowed harshly, and scanned over my body as if he could not get enough of it. My cheeks were flaming at this point, and my mouth had gone dry. He noticed my flushed state, and mistook it for embarrassment, as opposed to the lust his gaze was making me feel.

I saw his eyes begin to glaze over as he began guarding his emotions. Something I did not wish for him to feel the need to do.

I immediately leapt back, I did not want him to lose what sort of peace he had before I entered. It was clear that I had disturbed him, and disrupted his relaxation.

I turn to leave before bowing, and began making my way out, when he called me back.

"What…. What are you sorry for?" I turned around to stare at him, and found his face bewildered.

I played with the lace on the hip of my dress, and looked down not meeting his eyes. I took a deep breath, and told him everything I had wanted to say to him, to lighten the burden off my shoulders.

"Isn't is obvious? I have been nothing but ungrateful to you since I arrived here. Yes, we have not always seen eye to eye, but just because you may not like me, does not excuse my behaviour. You took me off the streets, gave me food and shelter when I had none. And most importantly, you gave me a family; a home. I do not know what might have happened to me had I not been found by you. So thank you, sincerely, thank you.

And my apology is for the way I have been. I should have acted the way I feel; thankful and respectful. And I am ashamed of my actions."

I kept my head lowered, and waited for a response. Except none came, I a

glanced up, fearful of his reaction. Would he be angry that I had only just realised this?

But his reaction was quite the contrast. His features were soft, and still rather shocked. It was then I realised he had not said anything because he was speechless.

I stood there awkwardly, debating whether or not I should leave, when he called me.

"Roza….." he whispered softly, his voice heavy with emotion. He shook his head, and patted the chair next to me for me to sit down. I hesitated, but he did not change his mind, so on shaky feet, I brought myself to the chair and sat down. Since my revelation of my feelings for him, being this close to him did not feel so good.

I could smell his cologne, a manly, earthy scent, that I wished nothing more than to bury myself in.

I looked up at him to find him studying me. God only knew what he saw. A pathetic, grovelling girl.

He cleared his throat, and started speaking so softly, that I understood why he wanted me to sit next to him.

"I have gone my entire life working hard to conform to the image my society expected of me. My father… he was a cold man. And to him, emotion was a weakness. One that had to be punished, many times." I knew he was referring to the times that his father had beaten him into submission, and my heart tugged for him. I placed my hand on his, and he smiled gently at me.

"And so, since then, I have worked hard to hide my emotions. And over time… the pretense of hiding them, the act…. I began to fulfill it. I buried my emotions so far down to hide them, that they seemed to disappear altogether. I did not feel anything. Sure, I had instincts, such as my protective nature over my family, but not much else hit me" he gestured to his heart, "right here."

"But that all changed when I met you. Ever since I saw you in that street with those…. Vermin clawing at you, I felt something. I have never been struck by something so much. Something so beautiful." I scoffed loudly, and said, "I had not bathed for weeks, and not ate for days. I was filthy and scrawny and a wretch of a person."

He laughed softly, "Be that as it may…" I swatted his hand light-heartedly in mock offense, and laughed. It was nice, seeing this side to him.

"No,in all seriousness… even in that state you were by far the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You were striking, feisty and determined. You fought for yourself, and I had never seen such passion before."

He moved his hands until they gently cupped my face. His warm breath lightly tickled my face, and he was so close, that if I were to move just two inches, our lips would be touching. "You are like a beautiful Rose growing in a dull and ugly garden; you stood out from anything else in my life."

Tears started forming in my eyes. I had no idea he felt so much for me. "That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me." I laughed softly, not bothering to catch the tears that now began to fall.

He shook his head in disbelief, "I cannot, nay, shall not believe that!" I smiled meekly and nodded, to which he responded, "then you have been associating yourself with the company of the blind and ungrateful."

He caught a lone tear with his finger and said, "I meant what I said outside. You do deserve more. I have been thinking since earlier this day. And seeing you with this man… it broke me. Not just because I care for you, but because I could not stand the thought of you having the same fate as poor Sonya."

"I'm sorry" I replied, and he shook his head. "You weren't to know. And the way I have been treating you, I do not blame you at all. It is me who should be sorry." I began to protest, "You have taken me in and-" he placed a finger on my lips, and brought his head department enough so our foreheads touched.

"You have been the greatest thing to enter my full life, so believe me when I say you have nothing, nothing to apologize for. Lord knows you made me angry at times, but you have always made me feel something, and from that, I am eternally grateful, my Roza".

Our breathing got heavier now, and I could feel myself going light headed at out proximity.

His dark eyes bore into mine, and even had I wished to move away, I could not. I was like a fly trapped in honey; addicted to its own downfall.

He slowly leant in, and our lips gently caressed each others'. Unlike our previous kiss, it was soft and tender, gentle and sweet. Yet it conveyed so many emotions. His lips moved against mine slowly, and I met his with equal fevour. His tongue licked out and stroked my lower lip, begging for entrance which I greedily accepted. His tongue explored my mouth, and I moaned loudly. It was exactly like the first kiss, so passionate and so thrilling. My whole body tingled, and my core became wetter with each stroke of his tongue. I lashed out my own tongue, and they danced in a battle for dominance. I bit his lip playfully and he growled, low and deep from his chest.

He gently pushed me back onto the sofa, and I wrapped my arms around him, pushing our bodies together. His hands explored my body, before entangling in my hair. My own hand wandered down his body slowly. I felt his breath hitch when I stroked his prominent member, throbbing and hard through his clothing. He stopped kissing me temporarily, and I tried desperately to pull his head back, but he resisted until his lips met my skin once more, this time on my neck. My body arched into him as he trailed kisses down to my collarbone, before settling on the arch of my breasts. He nipped the skin their teasingly, and I groaned out loud, "Dimitrriii"

His head snapped up at this, as if I had just slapped him out of a lust spell. He rocked backwards, until he was sat on the other end of the sofa. He buried his head in his hands, so that I could not see his face.

After recovering from his rash rejection, I sat up and brushed my hair over my shoulder to hide my own face.

After the initial hurt I felt, the realisation of why he had done that set in.

I knew why he had pulled away, he was torn. And I felt the same way.

As much as we wished we could be together, it just wasn't possible. He was set to wed another woman, and I… I was destined to the life of a maid. I would be lucky if I ever found a man willing to have someone like me, for reasons other than just sex. I was far too lowly, and men seemed to just use women like me, with motives other than wedlock.

But Dimitri… he was different. If he wanted me for just sex, he would never have pulled away. But he respected me and cared for me so much that he knew it would be unkind to do such a thing for his own pleasure, and leave me straight afterwards. And that made it hurt all the more. The fact that I had found my prince charming, but we were never meant to be.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Roza… I wish we could..." His voice sounded broken and pained, and I had never seen him so upset. I myself struggled to keep my tears at bay.

"I understand Dimitri, truly I do." And I did. We did not have a choice in the matter. It would be asking too much of him to harm his family in such a way, we the scandal of us being together would. His sisters would never wed respectably, and it would damage their lives if they could not marry into wealthy families. The Belikov name would be tarnished and ridiculed too. And then there was Tasha. Though I did not like the woman, out of jealously, it would be cruel of me to place my own happiness above her's. Dimitri knew this too.

He looked up at me, and I could see his eyes watering as if he was holding back his tears. We were both sacrificing so much for the sakes of others.

I wanted so badly to embrace him, but I feared we would not be able to control ourselves if we were so close again.

Instead I leant on his arm, and sighed deeply.

"It is better for me to pull away now so that we do not find ourselves falling for for each other. It would be selfish of me to do what I desire to do with you, because we can never happen. I do not want to hurt you any more than I already have." he said.

I swallowed harshly, and tried desperately not to let the tears fall again. I knew he was right, and I knew that this was the kindest thing he could do.

I whispered softly into his arm, "It's funny isn't it? Your reasons for not allowing us to be together only make me love you more."

He went complete still, and it was only then that I realised I had used the word love. I held my breath, waiting for a reaction. Positive or negative, I had said it pulled me closer to him, and wrapped his arms around me and leant his head on top of mine. "Oh Roza…" he breathed, and with that, the tears I had tried to keep from falling, gushed down my face as I could no longer hold back the tears.

"Why must life be so cruel?" I sobbed quietly. It felt so unjust that I would finally feel like I had discovered my rightful place, with the right person, only to have it stripped away from me.

Dimitri sighed deeply, "I don't know Roza. I do not know." He kissed the top of my forehead lightly, and held onto me as I gently cried myself to sleep.

Author's note

Thank you to those of you who reviewed! I know I said that I had a chapter in motion, but the past few days have been hard. I have an eating disorder, and it gets really hard to get out of my head as it completely takes over. So yeah, feel like I let you down a bit there and I'm sorry.

I just want to say that Sydney probably won't feature in this story. I want this to be all about Rose really, and I'm sorry to those of you that had hoped differently.

Touls: There's definitely more of Adrian to come!

And Sky, thank you for your review! I'm a huge bookworm too!

Sherlock Holmes series: Arthur Conan Doyle. Definitely one of my favourites. I've read it four times (Stick with it- it's worth it!)

Pride and Prejudice: Jane Austen

Great Expectations: Charles Dickens

Hope this helps! :)

Thank you to those of you who have read and reviewed! Please keep them coming!

Love,

Emma x