December 14

Emily was startled awake by the shrill ringing of her landline. She actually jumped. Hotch was already reaching over her for the phone, though, and she hunkered back down into the blankets, having a feeling she already knew who it was. From the look on his face, he knew it too and though he did look tired, he didn't look as just-woken-up as she did. She sighed. He hadn't been sleeping.

This wasn't the first time Hotch had been confronted with his separation anxiety, but it was the first time he'd been forced into the role. He'd had no control over this particular separation, no choice, and Emily wondered if it was the same feeling he'd had when Jack and Haley had gone into protective custody. And it didn't take a genius to see where Jack was coming from.

The last time his daddy hadn't been around his mommy had gone.

Her eyes fluttered open as he moved from her bed, going to the window. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. He was not considering going out in this! Jack would be fine for the next couple of hours and it would be better than him being killed trying to get to him. Well, assuming it was still snowing. But since her human thermos had gotten up, she realized it wouldn't kill her to check for herself. After all, if she was going to have to argue with him, she needed all of the logical facts first.

"It's okay, buddy. I'm still here."

She could hear Jack's little sobs as she stepped up beside him, putting her hand on his back and resting her head tiredly on his free shoulder. It was still coming down outside, heavier than it had been when they'd be driving home. She could barely make out the glow of the street lights below and sighed.

"Okay, okay," Hotch said and moved to pull away from her. But Emily refused not only to move her head, but her hand fisted in his t-shirt.

"You're going to get yourself killed," she said tiredly. She wanted to be asleep right now, even though her own concern for Jack was strong. Still, she recognized that if they could make it through one night, they could probably make it through a day just fine.

"Emily, he's-"

"I can hear him, Aaron," she replied, raising her head. Her eyes were compassionate. "And it's got to suck, but you're risking too much."

"There's no such thing as too much when it comes to Jack," he snapped back at her.

She did her best to stave off the exhaustion, to wake herself up a little bit more to have a rational conversation. "Can I have the phone please?" she asked quietly.

"Emily..."

"Trust me and please give me the phone," she said again, and for good measure added an almost-pout to the mix.

He looked at her dubiously, but handed her the little device. She winced slightly as Jack's wail came over the phone. "Jack, sweetheart?"

"I want Daddy!" he sobbed.

"I know you do, honey and he's right here beside me," Emily tried to soothe.

"I want Daddy!" the five-year-old repeated.

"Can you take a deep breath for me?" she coaxed, her grip tightening on Hotch's shirt. He was not going out into this storm. That was a death wish, and too many forms of stupid and...

Jack inhaled shakily, then sobbed again.

"Another one, sweetie. Take another deep breath for me, okay?" she said again, her voice gentle.

"I want Daddy." This one came out as a whimper and she steered Hotch back to the bed, sitting him down on the edge.

"I know, Jack," she said. She put her hand on the microphone. "Lie back."

He was outright glowering at her, but she could see the fear in his eyes. His little boy was panicking. Every instinct in him was telling him to go to his child, regardless of the danger and she understood that. Still, she also knew it was going to be too dangerous for him to be driving in weather like this. The last thing Jack needed was to lose his second parent so soon after the first.

"Aaron, you need to trust me, okay? Logically you know you shouldn't go out driving in this. You're going to get hurt, or worse, killed. There's absolutely no visibility out there. I know that's not what you want for Jack."

Again with the Jack card, but it had been effective in the past. It was this time too and even though he continued to glower at her, he leaned back against the headboard. She climbed over him, the phone still pressed to her ear. Then, she pressed herself against his side, holding the phone between their ears so they could both hear.

"Your daddy's right here, honey," she said, glancing up at Hotch.

"Daddy?"

"I'm here, Buddy."

"Can you come and get me? I wanna sleep with you."

Emily reached for his free hand, squeezing it tightly. His words, so small and quiet, with the remnants of tears, clenched her heart too, but she had to hold on. She was the only voice of reason and probably right now the only thing that would keep him from getting killed.

"Jack," she said. "Can you see outside? Can you go stand by a window for me?"

"Why?" Jack sniffled.

"Because I'm going to tell you a story, but it'll only work if you can watch the snow."

"I don't want a story, I want Daddy."

Emily looked up at him with pleading eyes. "You know I'm right," she said softly. "You can't go tonight, no matter how much you want to, no matter how much we both want to."

She wanted him to know that she wasn't doing this out of spite. She wanted to be there for Jack as much as Hotch did, but it just wasn't possible. Not tonight. Not with the way the snow was coming down. She was sure that if Foyet had not killed Haley, if this was a normal day – whatever that meant – that both father and son would see her logic. But it wasn't any other day, any other time. This was the reality, and the reality was, quite obviously, separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety that couldn't be immediately remedied by seeing each other.

Hotch closed his eyes. It was absolutely killing him to know that logically, Emily was very right. There was nothing he could do at the moment, not anything that would keep both him and Jack alive and deal with their anxieties. He swallowed thickly. "Buddy, I can't get to you tonight," he said, his voice choked. "The weather is too bad."

A wail sounded and both of them winced.

"Jack," Hotch said, almost sternly, enough to startle his son. Then he softened. "Jack, you are perfectly safe at Aunt Jessica's," he went on gently. "Nothing will hurt you, okay? And Emily and I are going to come and pick you up in the morning."

Jack sniffled.

"The bad man is gone," Hotch went on, squeezing Emily's hand in his own, taking in her scent, absorbing her comfort. "There is no more bad man to hurt you, Buddy. You're perfectly safe, and I'm perfectly safe."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise, Jack, nothing will happen to you or to me, and I promise the minute I wake up in the morning. I promise you."

Jack sniffled again, and hiccupped. "Em'ly?"

"I'm still here, honey," she reassured him.

"Will you tell me the story now?"

It was another hour until they were both off the phone and Emily sighed as she placed it on the bedside table beside Hotch. He was shaking, outright shaking, and his hand still gripped hers like a lifeline. She leaned her head on his chest.

"You did the right thing," she said quietly. "You did the only thing you could to keep you and Jack safe and sound."

Hotch swallowed. "Is it always going to be this hard?"

Emily blinked. The insecurity and vulnerability was new. Of course, she probably should have anticipated it, but it still hurt to hear. She very much didn't like it when he was in pain. "I don't know," she said honestly, entwining their fingers.

"What about when I go away on cases, Emily? What happens when I return to work? How am I going to be able to do my job when I can't be without my son?"

He was getting frantic, and Emily used her free hand to stroke through his hair, massaging his scalp as best she could. "You have time. You don't have to make the decision tomorrow, or even the next day. You don't have to worry about it until the New Year, and if you need more time, you can take that time. No one's rushing you back into the field."

If he was honest, at that particular moment, he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to return to the field. Jack's sobs had torn his heart and until Emily had stepped up, he'd seriously been considering going to Jessica's to get him, screw the weather. It wasn't easy for him either and though he was an adult and logically knew that there was nothing that could happen to Jack at his aunt's house, he was still afraid that his son would disappear again. He wasn't sure how he'd take it the second time.

"Come on," she said quietly, squeezing his hand. "Try and get some sleep. There's nothing you can do until morning." She kissed his cheek. "And I know you weren't sleeping before. You told Jack nothing would happen, now you have to believe that yourself."

"Em..."

"Do I have to tell you a story too?" she asked playfully, her eyes shining as she looked up at him.

"No," he promised, the corners of his lip twitching. His other arm slid around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. "Thank you."

"Whatever for?" she replied. "I only told you things you already knew."

"I would have gone for him," Hotch answered. "Knowing it was dangerous, knowing I could get killed I would have gone to Jessica's to get my son."

"Yeah, but then you wouldn't have confronted your separation anxiety," she replied cheerfully, even as her eyes drooped. Now that the drama was over, she was tired again. "This way, maybe the next time the decision is taken out of your hands, you won't think about doing something stupid to try and fix it. He's going to grow up eventually and-"

"I'm going to have to let him go."

The sadness in her voice made her push herself up a little bit, looking him in the eye. "Aaron, it won't be letting him go. He'll just be living his own life. But he'll never forget you."

Hotch's lips tilted up slightly. "You know, you're really smart."

She was thankful for the dark, since her face heated up quickly. "Nah," she answered snuggling down. "I'm just really good at pretending to be."

She was seconds from drifting off when she felt him press a kiss to her hair and say, "Sweet dreams, Emily."

You know what's funny? In every Christmas fic, the 12-15 bracket are always the one's I'm uncomfortable with. They're like a plateau in the growing mountain and it's like, nothing significant happens (potentially this chapter excluded because, well, separation anxiety is a something) and these are no different. I'm not sure I like this one, simply because I'm not totally sure I dealt with the separation anxiety correctly. I feel like it should have been different, but since they were so separate... and it feels like Emily was a little harsh at the beginning, but she was tired and a little cranky from being woken so early...

So, next chapter is kind of what was originally going to be this chapter. And it was kind of funny to see how many reviewed to say that I could have dealt with the separation anxiety more. I figured everything would be okay until like early morning when Jack had a nightmare. Like, he'd be perfectly fine with it at the time because it's no different than before, but then he has this nightmare and BANG, he's freaking out.

Funny story number 2: this is almost like the beginning of Jack starting to deal with his mother's death. I know, it's ominous, but you really didn't think I was going to let even the little guy get off easy, did you?

By the time you review this, I will have written my exam. Or I will be writing it. Either way, that leaves me day after day after day to write this story! So I'm taking requests for what else should be updated, because I can't update this twice a day, that goes against everything I hold near and dear. I have a request for Emily pregnant, so I'm going to try and work something out with that, but I know there's at least a few of you who want to see Fair Winds updated. Any other takers?

Review please! I had a fight with my mommy and reviews make my day.