Title: Images 14/15
Rating: PG
Pairing: Addison/Derek
Summary: A series of one shots set during seasons 1 to 3 of Greys Anatomy following the build up then subsequent break down of Addison and Derek's marriage. In this chapter...Addison leaves to see Naomi.
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shonda's.
Reviews are love and much appreciated.
The dream never turns out the way it should. Her dream once, was for Derek and herself to one day have children and be a proper family. That dream has now shattered and she's all alone. Now, her dream is simply not to be alone any more. She's tried with Derek, tried with Mark and even Alex Karev but all three relationships have diminished. She didn't expect to be hurt this much, especially by Alex, but his words hurt her because after his, then Mark's dismissal it only serves as a reminder that she has no one else here. As she leaves the hospital after being shot down by Alex she stops to gaze at the hospital she thought was her home.
She then realises that things have to change.
They have to change and she's going to have to make them change for herself. She's tired of waiting. She has to make it happen.
As she returns to the hotel that she's been calling a home since she moved out of the trailer, she makes a decision. To take some personal time away from Seattle and focus on what it is that she wants to do. What she wants is a baby. No more waiting. She takes a extra long shower, trying to wash Alex off her, along with the emotional baggage of the day. Pouring herself a glass of wine she tries Marks phone to see if she can get an answer out of him for his behaviour today. Out of the both of them she didn't expect that it would have been her to follow her desire and lust. This led to Mark the first time around, which has now lead to Alex.
Bad choice.
All she can do now is cut her losses and walk away with her head head high and know that she's making the right choices now. This choice is a fresh start, a break, a time out from the grey rain of Seattle and a new focus.
One without Seattle men.
Derek's moved on, so she should be able to move on too.
On the plane she thinks about the varying decisions she's made about children so far. A part of her wishes she would have had children with Derek when she had the chance. Maybe then she wouldn't of slept with Mark and things would of turned out differently.
Maybe not.
She wasn't ready with Derek when he was and she's unsure whether they would have stayed together just because children were involved. She does wish though, that the baby she carried for a short time would have been Derek's rather then Marks. At least it would have been a chance for them to save their marriage. Maybe things would have been different. Maybe.
She doesn't know what this break will lead for her but even if she comes back with nothing she won't of lost anything. She hasn't got anything left to lose, it was all lost in Seattle.
When Naomi gives her the news all she can think is that it's a cruel twist of fate. She had the man, wasn't ready for children, got accidentally pregnant with the wrong mans baby, and now can't have children with any man.
It's cruel, and she feels cheated. The new dream she was so looking forward to pursing snatched away from her in a matter of seconds. Apart from the breakdown on the stairs and in the lift she manages to keep her feelings reasonably in check until the plane ride home. Then she cries silent tears for the loss of her dream, the loss of her marriage, and everything that's broken in her life.