12. Times are Changing

What is this? An update? This is crazy! But here it is! Thank you SO SO much to everyone who has been keeping up with this and I hope you enjoy!

When I burst through the room of our apartment, Alice gave me a questioning look.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I managed to get out, while making a beeline towards my room. The look in her face told me she knew I was lying, but regardless she let me go.

Once I heard the door shut I sat own on my bed and put my head between my hands. I felt as though I was drowning in the multitude of feelings swimming about in my mind, and I grasped desperately for some kind of preserver.

This was wrong. He is not mine—he never was mine. He was Alice's. I could have had a chance weeks ago but I didn't pursue it because quite frankly I despised him. I placed him to be a handsome man with an ugly inside, but now I knew that wasn't true. He was caring, and kind, and genuine, and…complicated.

I liked him. I would even go so far as to say I had a crush on him, and some part of me deep down always knew this. But I didn't, couldn't pursue this! Crushes are dangerous, dates are dangerous, because crushes and dates can lead to caring and sex and worst of all…love. And then all of the sudden it's not just your back you've got to watch out for, it's there's too, and I could barely manage my own! It was too risky. I couldn't commit to any kind of relationship knowing it would be built on lies and secrets.

But…it didn't mean I didn't want to. As selfish as this sounds, I wanted him to be mine. All mine. I wanted him to care about me. I wanted to…be wanted. Was that too much to ask?

I fell asleep later on, my thoughts still turmoil in my mind. The whole night I twisted and turned, dreaming odd, terrifying dreams. The scariest repeated several times throughout the night. I was in a dark room, and I could hear someone yelling to me, but I couldn't understand what they were saying, and I couldn't tell if they were good or bad. Meanwhile the darkness slipped closer and closer until I was hyperventilating.

…

The next two days passed very slowly and very awkwardly. Work was painfully uncomfortable, as expected. Edward didn't seem to know what to say to me, which I completely understood. For God's sake the man spilled his heart out to me only to be rejected! Well not exactly, but running out on him was the equivalent.

We kept things strictly business, only communicating with each other when we had to. Carlisle seemed not to notice anything was wrong, which made me assume Edward hadn't told anyone.

Home was better, but still not quite the same. Alice must've known what Edward was going to tell me, how else would've she known I was going to talk to him? And even though I didn't tell her, I'm sure she figured out the basis of what happened easily enough.

I didn't know how to feel, and it was very stressful.

Thursday came and when I arrived at work I was surprised to see Jasper sitting in one of the worn recliners drinking a cup of coffee.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?"

He looked up and smiled. "Bella! You couldn't have forgotten I was coming to stay today, could you?"

Indeed I had. All of the sudden I remembered the conversation that took place the day of our date. "Of course not! It's great to see you! I was just wondering what you were doing at the store!"

"Well school starts tomorrow, and Esme's been in a frenzy of excitement getting my room and everything ready for me, even though I told her not to stress, so I thought I'd hang out here for the day."

"Oh, cool! So how was the move?" I asked, making conversation.

"Pretty good considering the distance! I flew back down Monday, but had to drive the whole way back from Texas yesterday, which was far from fun let me tell you, at least I wasn't alone."

"You weren't alone?" I questioned.

"No, I brought my good friend Emmett along with me! Emmett!" he called. Suddenly a bear-sized man came out from around the corner a few shelves down, with a coffee cup in one hand and a muffin in the other.

"You called?"

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my best friend, Emmett McCarthy. Emmett, this is Bella Swan."

"Nice to meet you, Bella!" Emmett exclaimed, sticking his muffin in his mouth so that he could shake my hand. Despite his bear-like size his face had a childlike quality to it that I found hard not to like.

"You too, Emmett. So, have you ever been to Chicago?"

"Came up with Jasper last year, and loved it so much that when he said he was moving back I saw the opportunity and took it."

"Have you transferred to University of Chicago too?"

"Yes I have. Start tomorrow." He said, smiling.

Just then Edward came in from the back entrance. I involuntarily stiffened.

"Good morning." He said, with an awkward nod towards me, which I returned in the same manner. Jasper looked between us, confusion written plainly across his face. Edward then looked at Jasper, as if seeing him for the first time.

"Jasper, Emmett, what are you doing here? I thought you two were staying at Esme and Carlisle's?"

"I am, but Esme's being Esme, so I thought I'd give her some space."

"Understood." Edward answered.

We then all stood there for a minute, the atmosphere semi-awkward.

"So, um, Edward, do you need me to do anything?"

He looked up and caught my eye. We both stared at each other for longer than the appropriate amount of time before he said, "Uh, there's a new shipment out back, if you want to help me." Without breaking his gaze.

"Okay." I said, finally looking away. I saw Jasper looking at us very suspiciously while Emmett slurped his coffee, oblivious. I then followed Edward to the back of the store.

When we got back I saw several piles of books laying neatly in stacks.

"Um, okay. That pile is young adult, those are children's, and these are mysteries…" Edward explained, casually although somewhat jerkily gesturing to different piles in the room. We both started towards different piles but just before he was about to leave I grabbed his arm, again signaling an electric shock.

"Wait, Edward. Can I talk to you?" I stammered. What was I doing? Holy shit I had no idea what I was doing, this was all spur of the moment, I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

"Um, yeah. I guess so…" he seemed as hesitant as I felt, which was not motivating, but I still prevailed, there was no going back now.

"I just wanted to…apologize for my behavior the other day. I didn't know what to feel, I was…scared I guess. But um, maybe we could hang out sometime?" I stammered, every word coming out painfully, like I was drudging each one physically from the pit of my stomach.

He just stared at me a moment, an unreadable stare that terrified me. Then he spoke.

"Bella, I appreciate you apologizing, I really do, but I don't need you to go on a pity date with me. It's cool, we can move on, you don't have to feel guilty."

"No! It wouldn't be a pity date! The truth is… I still don't know how to feel about you but I DO know that being friends isn't enough."

He stared at me, the kind of stare that penetrated my very soul, trying to unravel me. I involuntarily shrunk, desperately closing all my mental walls, but I didn't take a step back, and tried to look determined.

"How about dinner on Friday? I'll pick you up at 8?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah! Sounds um, good."

He smirked. "Well, I'm looking forward to it." Then he left, carrying a stack of cooking books.

I sat there dumbfounded for a minute. What just happened? Did he just ask me on a date? Did I just say yes? My hands started to shake as I leaned down towards some books. I couldn't go on dates, dates were dangerous!

Oh shut up. You deserve this. You need this.

Said a voice in my head. Was it true? I definitely wanted this but did I deserve it?

Yes.

Well, I guess that was settled.

The morning was pleasant, the atmosphere changing drastically with our conversation. The presence of Emmett and Jasper also lightened the mood, they were both easy going and hilarious. Lunch came around and Alice stopped by to say hi. I was quickly and discreetly telling her what happened when Jasper came around the corner.

"Bella, you know where Carlisle stores the creamer—well, um hello Miss." Jasper said, an empty coffee cup dangling in his hand, his eyes glued to Alice.

"Hello, sir." Alice replied, with a sweet smile and a hint of blush on her cheeks.

Wait, what was happening?

"Jasper, Jasper Cullen. It's a pleasure." Jasper said, somewhere awestruck, extending his hand for Alice to shake.

"Nice to meet you Jasper. I'm Alice, Alice Brandon." She replied.

"Wait, Alice as in Bella's roommate…?"

"Yes." I answered for her. "And Alice this is Jasper as in Edwards' brother." A look of recognition crossed across Alice's face. "I'll um, leave you too alone." Then I walked away to find Emmett and Edward.

Once I found them I called both of them over. "It seems that we have a connection between Alice and Jasper." I said, looking pointedly at the two, who were deeply engrossed with each other, both wearing googly eyes.

"She's hot. I'd tap it, good for him." Emmett said, quickly assessing Alice.

"Woah. I don't know how to feel about this. Is it weird that I'm kind of…happy?" Edward questioned.

"No, I feel the same way." I answered, not taking my eyes off of them.

Alice stayed as long as she possibly could for lunch, attached to Jasper's side every minute of it, and as soon as the boutique closed at 4:30 she was back. We had to rush home at 5 so she could get ready for her date with him at 7.

"How is he Edward's brother? I mean, they both certainly have the handsome gene but he's so…so… I don't even know how to describe him! Have you seem my eyeliner?" Alice hollered from her place in front of the bathroom mirror.

I sat on the couch and smiled, this was one match I wouldn't never put together but was extremely happy of its existence regardless. Alice dating Jasper was the key to it being okay to Edward, and I couldn't be happier.

…

I twisted my hands together, trying to stop the shaking. As I waited for Edward to arrive at our apartment I stared in the hall mirror and fidgeted with my appearance.

"You look beautiful. I should know, I did all this." Alice said, gesturing to my hair and clothes.

Ding dong.

Oh God. Oh God he's here.

My breathing hitched, and I suddenly didn't feel like going.

Alice took one look at me and knew I was not capable of opening the door. "I'll get it." She murmured, making her way over to the front entrance.

I heard muffled greetings, her light, pixie-like voice mixing with his deep. I took a deep breath and turned the corner.

He looked absolutely stunning, as always. But what was most attractive was his eyes, which looked as stunned, if not more as I was. I felt a blush creep up my neck in response.

"You look beautiful Bella." He said, with a little crooked smile.

"You too, I mean, um." I nervously laughed. Why was I nervous? This is Edward, I know him.

Because this is your first date ever.

True. Well, here goes nothing.

The drive to the restaurant (a Japanese place) was much more comfortable than at the apartment, but something was in the air around us, and it scared the hell out of me and made me smile at the same time.

"So, ever had Hibachi?" Edward asked after we had been seated.

"No, um, this isn't like raw fish, right?" I mentally shuddered at the thought of eating that.

"No, that's sushi." He answered with a wink. "This has vegetables and rice and any kind of meat if you want it, and it's all cooked."

"Awesome, sounds good."

"If it wasn't, I wouldn't have brought you here." He smirked.

"So… I heard Alice and Jasper's date went well."

"Oh yes, she's all he can talk about!" he laughed. "But it's not weird at all, strangely. Just shows how artificial my attraction was to her… I'm actually really happy they met each other."

"I am too. They just seem… right, you could almost hear the choir sing when he first laid eyes on her." I laughed. "It was beautiful actually."

I looked up to see him staring into my eyes, with a slight smile on his face. "Yeah, beautiful…"

The waitress, a busty bottle-blonde, came over then to get our orders.

"Hello, my name is Rachael, can I start you off with drink?" It did not escape my eye that she had only asked Edward, her eyes glued to his jawline.

"Um, I'll have a water!" It was only then that she turned to me, appraising me with her eyes. She seemed satisfied with my ordinary features, which lowered my self-esteem just a tad.

"Water for me as well." Edward said, oblivious of the showdown between the waitress and I.

"I'll have those out for you right away." She said with a sweet smile in Edward's direction.

"How's living with Alice treating you?"

"Good, great actually. She's very easy and fun to live with, I couldn't have asked for a better roommate if I had the choice. I'm so glad she ran into me that one day on our way to work." I answered honestly.

"Seriously though, was it weird at home these past few days…? I'm so sorry if it was,,," I knew exactly what he meant.

"Um, truthfully yes, it was very weird for a little bit there, but she has Jasper now…"

"Exactly," He smiled. "I'm so glad for that. For both of them."

Rachael came back then bearing two glasses filled with water and we ordered our hibachi. I was trusting Edward on this, because just the name scared me a bit.

"So you seriously have never been to a Japanese place? Didn't your parents ever take you to one?"

Oh god, I needed to change the subject. I was not in the mood for more lying, or half-truths, or whatever the hell my life consisted of.

"Um, no, they didn't. So what about your parents? Tell me about them."

Edward went rigid. I had not expected this response, until I recalled that Carlisle and Esme were his Aunt and Uncle.

"Oh, gosh I'm sorry, I forgot that…um…" Here I was trying to stay away from my secrets by prying into his!

"No, no, it's fine. Um, that's a story for another day." He winked, trying to lighten the mood.

"So… do you go to the University like Alice or…?"

"Yes, I'm studying psychology. I just love studying human behavior, it's almost like I can read someone's mind."

Well, that's a little freaky.

"What about you? What are you planning on studying when you decide to go to college?"

I had never thought about it actually. College always seemed like a faraway dream, even when I was with my parents.

"Um, maybe English? I've always loved reading and writing…"

"Well, you're at the right job then."

"Yes, I really am."

"How do you guys live the way you do? If you don't mind me asking…I mean, a bookstore owner can't make that much…"

Edward laughed. "Oh no, the store is just a hobby of Carlisle's, he was a brain surgeon for twenty years!"

Oh, wow. Interior designer and brain surgeon? There's the money.

"That's cool! So did you get your interest in the human brain from him?"

"I did, actually. I knew the parts of the brain and their functions before I could name all fifty states." He chuckled. "One of the many things I owe them…"

I sensed a more serious underlying manner, and decided to change the subject again. But before I could the food arrived.

"Wow, that was fast." I commented, looking at my ginormous plate of food, which actually looked pretty good.

"I know, that's why this place is my favorite. They're extremely fast and the food is always excellent."

Without any delay, we each dug in. The food was heavenly, especially when covered in this orange sauce, dubbed "yum-yum sauce". I couldn't get enough. After several minutes of enjoying the food in silence, I decided to say something.

"This is actually good, I commend you on the restaurant choice."

He smirked. "Only the best for you, my darling." Although he said it sarcastically, I felt a blush creep up my neck and my lips curl into a small smile.

"When was the first time you came here?"

"Oh god, we've been coming here for years… Esme went to college with the owners wife, so that's how we found it, but we kept coming back for the food." He smiled. As if on cue, a Japanese man around Carlisle's age suddenly came up to our table with a sizable grin on his face.

"Edward! Oh, you are getting so big my boy! Who is pretty lady with you?" he asked in a heavy Japanese accent, shaking Edward's hand.

"Kenji, this is my very good friend Bella Swan, Bella, this is the owner of the restaurant Mr. Kenji Miori."

"Please to meet you Miss. Bella!" Kenji exclaimed, shaking my hand.

"Same. The food is excellent."

"Oh, thank you young lady! So nice!" He said, fervently nodding his head.

"Nice seeing you Edward, tell Esme and Carlisle I said hello! Bye-bye Bella!" and with a wave, he was off to greet other tables.

"Well, he seems very nice."

"They both are, him and his wife, good people." Edward stated, returning back to his meal.

The rest of dinner past with good conversation and better food. I was so full when we left that I almost fell asleep in his car, a silver Volvo, on my way home.

When we got to the apartment he stopped, and the sudden quiet made me alert. Oh God, was he expecting me to kiss him? Did I want to kiss him?

Yes.

But I didn't know what I was doing! I nervously looked over, to see him staring into my eyes. His look made me melt, and I felt all nervousness slip away.

He leaned closer and whispered, "Is this okay?"

"Um…" I was in no state for coherent words.

Then it happened.

Short and sweet, and absolutely beautiful. He pulled away after a minute or two, although I wasn't keeping track of the time, and we both smiled.

"I've been waiting a long time to do that."

And then I realized, I had too.

Ah! Bella finally got her first kiss! There is SO much more to come, thanks for reading!