Not Alone

***Sorry for the wait. Can't say I've been busy, just lazy I guess. Nevertheless, here it is! Please read, enjoy, and leave a review! Thank you***

"Umm… no."

"Come again?"

"No." He gave me a pat on the leg, a quick smile and kiss to my forehead before getting up to leave. This was not how things were supposed to go.

"So you don't do it when I'm willing? The game's not as fun then?" I asked, a little perturbed by his reaction. He was hell-bent on torturing me it seemed, whether he was granting me pain or denying me it.

"I don't do it when you're my brother's girlfriend. I'm not some whore here at your disposal. That's just not how I roll sweetheart. I take what I want when I want it and you're mine, so until you start acting like it I'm not gonna cater to your apparent needs. See you when I see you." And with that he opened the door to my room, but once again I stopped him from leaving, grabbing his wrist in my hand and tugging, as if that would be any help against his superior strength. It did make him hesitate, though, giving me ample opportunity to proceed with my new plan, formulated in approximately two seconds.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you for anything. I am yours, as you say, so tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'll be at your disposal." I reached down for the button on his jeans, undoing it slowly, a sexy smirk unfurling on my face. Confidence Elena, be confident. He can't resist your charms. "Whatever you want…" I trailed off, licking my lips and glancing up shyly as I began to sink down onto my knees, kissing around the waistband of his pants, tugging them down with my teeth. I peeked up at him while doing this, catching him staring down at me with a slightly amused expression on his face. And it was pretty hot. That's when I realized I actually did want to do this, that it wasn't a game to me. I wanted to go down on Damon, and I wanted him to like it.

I gripped his exposed thighs, kissing them lightly as I pushed his boxers up for greater access to the pale skin, suckling on it gently. I then moved my teeth to the annoying fabric, wanting to get rid of that which was hiding the object of my ministrations: Damon's dick, when I felt a familiar sharp heat flash across my cheek, a feeling that was becoming too damn normal for my liking, so much so that it wasn't even a surprise anymore. Damon had slapped me. What's new?

"What I want is for you to break up with Stefan, not suck me off." He said, seeming somewhat disgusted and angry, pulling his pants back up so that they sat dangerously low on his hips, not even bothering to button them. "Until then, don't try to contact me again."

"Wait! Damon, hold up." But it was too late. The door was open and he was leaving, revealing a confused looking Stefan on the other side, just standing there with a strange expression on his face somewhere between anger and sadness. Shit.

"Stefan! What a surprise!" Damon said happily, pulling his brother into a giant hug, grinning like they hadn't seen each other in years. Stefan didn't return the hug, merely stood there stiffly, glancing uneasily at Damon's jeans, unbuttoned, and then turning his gaze to my horrorstruck face, lips moistened and eyes teary. This might go down in history as the worst day of my life besides the one where I was first held hostage by Damon. And that was saying something.

"Well I'll leave you two to talk it out then. See you at home brother." He flashed Stefan another toothy smile and wink, ignoring me completely, and left me standing there looking anywhere but Stefan's face. I wasn't ready for that heartbreak yet.

"How long were you standing there?" I asked sheepishly, desperately needing to break the silence. All I could hope for was that he had just gotten there when Damon had been leaving, the betrayal in his eyes and hard line of his mouth based on assumptions instead of concrete evidence. There was a slim chance maybe…

"Almost the whole time. I followed you home because I was worried about you and, well, Damon was here instead." He said, voice catching a little as he said his brother's name.

Oh god, not like this! I was prepared to break up with him, yeah, but never in a million years did I want the circumstances to be like this. I felt like such a slut, and I guess it was true. I really fucked this one up, didn't I? I deserved it, getting involved with Damon. Never a good idea. But once I fell for him there was no going back, and now I had to deal with the effects of my selfishness in leading Stefan on.

"Oh." Was all I managed to eke out, despite knowing he deserved an explanation. But then again, how was I supposed to tell him this all came about? Your brother threw himself upon me, abused me physically and mentally, and somehow I came out in love with him? For some reason I didn't think he'd take too well to my account of the things Damon had done to me, and the entire situation would probably end with one dead brother.

"Yeah… care to tell me what's going on here that I'm missing?" Stefan asked, moving a step closer to me, an angry frown forming at the edges of his perfect lips. God, he was still beautiful and lovely and more than I could ever hope for, but he just wasn't… Damon. He wasn't Damon. "I heard what you were doing to him. I heard what you said. You said you were his."

"That would be true. I am kind of his now. Sorry that you had to find out like this." I said, kicking at imaginary dirt for lack of anything better to do. I couldn't look at Stefan so the ground was the next best option.

"His? What the hell does that mean? You don't belong to him, Elena." Stefan said, now looking a little concerned. Crap, how to explain this situation…

"Umm… I don't really know how to explain this Stefan. All I know is that I really do love him, okay? I figured that out while you were gone and now I need to let you go. I'm sorry, I still love you too, but it's just something different with Damon. You understand, right?"

"No. I don't understand anything. How do I leave for a few weeks and come back to a completely different Elena who is suddenly in love with my brother? You were about to give him a blowjob for god's sake! And he is the one who pushed you away because you were still technically my girlfriend! Please tell me you haven't fucked him yet. Please." He said, sending me this weary look as if he already knew the answer. This was worse than I thought. If he cried, I swear to god…

"I can't explain it either, Stefan. My feelings make no sense to me." That was actually the truth. There was no rational reason for me to love Damon, yet it was the reality. "And honestly, we've fucked several times. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner but I wasn't sure about any of it and I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want to admit my love for Damon but now it's too evident to suppress. Sorry you had to hear what you did and that this all happened."

"Shit, well, that's… I didn't think… Jesus Christ, Elena. I should go." He said, shaking a little as he exited, leaving me no time to further explain myself. Apparently he'd heard enough for now, and had left without even crying or yelling, which made me feel like an even worse person. I was awful.

Why was Damon everything Stefan wasn't and Stefan everything Damon wasn't? They were polar opposites and yet I somehow came to the conclusion that the evil one was my true love and hurt the one who had been nothing but wonderful to me since we had met, saving me countless times and loving me through all of my bitchy moments and all of my breakdowns. Heck, I bet he still loved me now, despite all of the shit I just put him through.

Speak of the devil…

….

"Shhh. It's okay, you did the right thing." A soft voice whispered, warm hands hugging me tightly to a strong chest, letting me soak their shirt with tears. It was a loving gesture, an affectionate one, something I never would have expected from Damon of all people. He was rubbing my back soothingly, whispering reassuring words in my ear and kissing my hair like a good boyfriend, something that Damon just wasn't. At least, not before now anyway. It was weird, but comforting, exactly what I needed right now.

"I'm a horrible person." I sobbed. God I was pathetic, crying like an idiot when Stefan was the one who should be really hurt. Why was I all sad and distraught?

"No you're not, you're good for ending it with him. Breakups happen all the time Elena, it's completely normal. He'll recover soon enough, don't worry." Damon just kept crooning these sweet words in my ear, telling me everything would be okay in the end and that Stefan was just hurt for now, that we'd go back to being best friends soon enough. Yeah, right.

"I shouldn't have slept with you though." I cried. "I was lying and cheating the whole time and he caught me! It wasn't fair to him to do what we did while he was gone. He should hate me. I hate me."

"It's not your fault, I made you most of the time. I did this on purpose and you know it, so stop blaming yourself. And he doesn't hate you, he loves you. Yeah, he's slightly confused and upset, but he just needs some time. Now stop crying and eat something please."

I realized that he was right, considering I had been unable to finish the pancakes Stefan made me and hadn't eaten anything else all day. I had been here crying for two hours now. How time flies when you're… feeling sad? Whatever, my stomach was growling and I knew exactly what I wanted.

"Sorry for crying so much." I said, wiping away my tears and taking a deep breath, struggling to repress the sobs that wanted to escape my quivering lips. I managed to hold them in by staring at Damon's face, studying its perfection, looking at the man I loved. Wow, it felt good to say that. The man I loved. "You're right, it is your fault. Therefore, can you make me your pancakes to make it up to me?" I asked in a childish voice, tucking a few stray hairs behind my ear in an innocent gesture that made me seem completely helpless and irresistible. 'Cause I'm good like that.

"Didn't you just eat those with Stefan?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, lips quirking up at the edges as he tried to stifle a smile.

"Yes, but I didn't finish them. And, well, yours are better." I muttered, blushing furiously. Suddenly I found myself slightly nervous around Damon, fidgety like some little girl with a crush just because I had finally fully admitted my feelings to myself, giving myself to him totally. Before I had always had Stefan as a backup, an excuse, but now he was gone and I was left with untainted love. It was kind of weird.

"Okay. Whatever you say princess." He said, the smile taking over his face as he deposited a chaste kiss on my forehead, looking a little nervous himself. Did he just blush too? But before I could decide one way or another he was gone, headed to the kitchen to cook. Jesus, since when did I get these warm fuzzy feelings when he touched me, this quickening of my heart that wasn't from fear or anger?

I headed to the bathroom to get a quick shower, feeling rather disgusting with syrup and tears matting my hair, and took about ten minutes to just stand under the warm water, lathering my body with soap and letting the steam do its job to relax me. I loved showers and definitely needed some time to think. Or not to think.

After wringing my hair of as much water as possible I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, not really caring that I looked like complete shit. Somehow I felt that Damon wouldn't mind.

The smell of cooked pancakes wafted up the stairs and drew me down before I even applied any makeup, sending me walking into the kitchen like a zombie, completely entranced by the sight of Damon at the stove with an apron on flipping my delicious breakfast/lunch/whatever meal this was. He looked pretty hot doing it, which was sadly more than I could say for myself. I was a terrible cook.

He turned around and flashed me a smile, sliding the cakes onto a plate, dousing them in the required amount of syrup before handing them to me, brushing our fingers together during the exchange, causing the most inexplicable feeling to run through me. And I knew exactly what it meant.

Without taking my eyes off of his I set the plate down on the table carefully (didn't want to break any more plates today. Bad luck.) and presented him with a kiss on the lips, probably the most slow and meaningful one we had yet to exchange. There was something different about it when compared to our others, something more passionate yet more gentle, lacking the vicious hunger and burning lust, instead a smoldering desire and building tension, a love that had always been absent. That was when the fireworks came, the inevitable spark, and I couldn't help but think that this should have been our first kiss, that this was how it was always supposed to be. I think we both felt it, actually.

I'm not sure how long this moment lasted, though it could never be long enough for me, being I was afraid if we separated the magic would be lost forever, for how could something like this even exist? To this date that kiss was the most surreal experience of my life.

But break it did, eventually culminating in a mutual agreement to pull away, looking deeply into each other's eyes as if this was the first time we had ever really seen each other.

"Your pancakes are going to get cold." He finally murmured, seeming as confused as I was about what had just transpired.

"You're probably right…" I said reluctantly, turning away for the briefest of seconds before saying "Oh, fuck it" and throwing myself upon him, locking our lips again only with slightly more force this time, stroking his tongue with my own and running my fingers through his hair, still a little wet from all of my tears (yes, I really did cry that much).

I wrapped my legs around his waist and hugged myself close, feeling the flat planes of his body shift under me, muscles tensing and relaxing as he turned us around so that I was the one trapped between him and the counter.

It was so different this time as he shed his shirt and subsequently removed mine from my body as well, moving us again so that I was laying across the table and he was hovering over me, trailing his lips all down my body as I writhed and moaned beneath him, arching my back to meet his chest and stomach, loving the firmness I was met with. It was different because it wasn't hard or violent or angry but gentle and compassionate.

We were making love.

…

Somehow Damon had moved us both back up to the bedroom to rest, the pancakes now cold and forgotten, both of us completely exhausted. I was cuddled into his side, his arm draped over my waist, one of my hands on his chest and the other running absentmindedly through his hair, and we laid like that for a while, taking comfort in each other's presence. This all just felt right.

I thought back to our recent rendezvous in the kitchen, how his thrusts hadn't hurt so bad I thought I might puke, how it was all pure pleasure without my head slamming into the table or his fangs piercing my neck sharply. He had bitten me of course, but only by my invitation, as I craned my neck and gave him an encouraging smile, pressing his mouth to the large vein myself.

I couldn't help but smile as I replayed the entire thing in my head, wondering how this was possible. I couldn't let myself forget who Damon was, that he was still the vampire who hurt me multiple times and wouldn't hesitate to hurt me again if the need or desire arose. I knew this, and I was willing to live with it for the sake of moments like these. Because I loved him dammit!

I shifted slightly so I could look up at his face, peaceful with a lazy grin that was barely detectable as he gazed down at me affectionately. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what was behind this newfound serenity, why he had so suddenly taken me with love and not just plain lust.

"I heard what you told Stefan." He murmured softly as if reading my mind, playing with the tips of my hair.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, seriously confused. What had I told Stefan that would make him so seemingly happy?

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! I won't make you say it again until you're ready, but it's nice to know anyway." Damon replied, looking at me like I really should know what he was talking about. To be honest, I couldn't remember half of what I said to Stefan. I had been so upset that most of the conversation was blocked from my memory.

"I really don't know Damon. Tell me, please?" I begged, giving my best puppy dog eyes. He just laughed and ruffled my hair like I was the cutest thing in the world, before a blush overtook his cheeks and he looked away in something I would classify as embarrassment, though he would never admit to being embarrassed.

"You said you loved me." He mumbled in a voice that was barely audible for a human such as myself. But as soon as I registered what he said I realized the impact of what he'd heard. I couldn't remember ever telling him I loved him before, at least not with so much truth in that context, so I understood that he must be feeling rather invigorated right now. I still remember when Stefan said he loved me for the first time, how my heart felt like it might burst. I was glad I was able to affect Damon in a similar way.

"Well I do. I love you Damon." I said truthfully, watching carefully for his reaction. He just gave a small wistful grin and reached out hesitantly to stroke my cheek.

"I love you too Elena. No matter what I do I will always love you."

I knew he was referring to earlier incidents that had inevitably resulted in my crying, trying to escape, and attempting to kill him, and I knew he was speaking the truth. He really did love me, and I really did love him, that one emotion surviving through all of our turmoil.

I pressed a close-lipped kiss to his mouth, lingering perhaps a little longer than necessary as I inhaled all that was Damon, remembering not too long ago when I was laying Stefan's bed and trying to inhale his essence. Funny how life can change course so quickly.

"If you want us to be together, though, we're going to have to set some ground rules." And it was not going to be easy.