Katie & Trin are just awesome. There isn't any other way to say it.

I owe Bernstein so much for Jake. She says Jake/Edward is her new favorite bromance.

I don't own Twilight, its characters, or anything else that is publicly recognizable. Dexter, his family, and these words are mine. Please don't steal.

You tried to give me up,
You flirted with my time.
I guess you broke the promise
you made somewhere down the line.
Oh, you're a struggle.
-Sick Man Blues, Bobby Long

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. I punctuated each word by banging my head against my desk.

Why had I just agreed to have lunch with Bella?

A little voice in the back of my mind was telling me it was because I still had feelings for her, no matter how much I tried to ignore them. Another voice reminded me of Maggie and all the fun we had together.

Seeing her outside coffee shop had been so awkward. Maggie was far too perceptive for her own good and called me on my bullshit answer of "no one" when she'd asked who Bella was. Eventually I told her Bella was just a girl I'd known in Washington, but it had taken me a few minutes to realize why she looked so familiar. I didn't think Maggie bought that either, but at least she stopped questioning me.

I had an hour until I was supposed to meet Bella at the Billy Goat Tavern. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to concentrate on work. I decided to buzz my boss to ask if I could take the rest of the day off because I didn't feel well. It was much truer than I wanted to admit.

I needed this. I needed closure with Bella, because while I'd said what I thought I needed to in Forks, I needed to know for sure that the feelings I had for her were gone, or at least had diminished to something more platonic.

The thought of being with Bella in public, even though we were on my home turf as it were, was nauseating.

I slowly packed up my things and started out of the office. I ran into my boss in the hall and fought the urge to chuckle when he told me I looked a little green. "Go home," he said, "And get better. Don't forget your trip to Santa Fe next week. I need you healthy by then."

With a curt nod, I stepped into the elevator.

The walk back to my apartment was forgettable because of all the thoughts running through my head. I could not fathom why Bella would be in Chicago, why she would have been at that particular cafe so early in the morning, and why she'd want to talk to me.

Without really knowing why I was bothering, I changed into my favorite pair of jeans and a shirt Bella had mentioned liking on me. I changed into a different shirt before I left, because I didn't want her to think I was trying to impress her.

She was sitting at a table in the corner when I walked into the dark, dingy restaurant. With a sigh, I headed over to her.

"Edward! I'm so glad you came!" she exclaimed.

"They don't wait on you here," I said as I gestured toward the counter. "You have to order your food from up there."

Her face fell a fraction of an inch, but she forced herself to keep smiling. "Okay. Do you think I'm all right to leave my stuff here?"

"It's not like you can't see it from the line," I shrugged.

She stood and tried to give me a hug, but I just stood there with my arms at my sides. Completely awkward.

The person in front of me was not the Bella I was used to dealing with. That Bella wouldn't have ever tried to hug me in public. She wouldn't have forced herself to keeping smiling when she was obviously uncomfortable either.

I tried to subtly sniff the air around her to gauge whether or not she'd been drinking already, but all I smelled was the burgers cooking and stale beer from years of people drinking and spilling.

We placed our orders and I was surprised when she offered to pay for my meal. Surprised, and a bit suspicious. After we'd sat down at the table and started to eat, I broke the silence. "Bella, what are you doing here?"

"Having lunch with you?"

"I mean, what are you doing in Chicago?"

She fidgeted under my gaze for a few minutes before sighing quietly. "I came to talk to you. You weren't answering any of my texts, and I didn't want to bother trying to call just to have you ignore me. I wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. What are you on? You came all the way from Forks to see how I'm doing? That's . . . kind of pathetic, Bella."

It was amazing - in a few short months, this person I'd been so attached to for nearly a year had changed so much that I didn't recognize her at all. In that moment, I realized Bella needed help. Not the funny kind of help Jake needed. Serious help. Perhaps medical intervention.

She was thin. Her eyes were alight but dead, like the fire had gone out. She wasn't the girl I knew, and I found myself wondering if anyone else was aware of what sat in front of me. Part of me wanted to find a way to save her. But I knew in that moment, I couldn't be that for her. She had to it this on her own.

"I . . . I . . . Edward, I'm not trying to be pathetic. Or even clingy. I care, okay? I just wanted to see how you're doing, maybe tell you a bit about what Tanya and I have talked about. Did you hear I'm going to finish my degree?"

"Bella, can I be perfectly honest with you?" Her eyes grew wide and she nodded. "You look like shit. I don't know what you've been doing, but it looks like you've just come off a three day alcohol bender-"

"I haven't had a drink since the night before you left," she said so quietly I barely heard her.

My train of thought changed course immediately. She hadn't had a drink since that night? I felt the smallest glimmer of hope. Maybe some things were finally getting through to her? I was suddenly angry. All those months I spent trying to help her get through her grief, and the one time I spoke my mind - really spoke my mind and told how pathetic her drinking habit was - she actually listened? What the fuck?

Suddenly what she expected to gain from this impromptu trip to Chicago became clear. "I'm not moving back to Forks just because you quit drinking and are going back to school."

I was furious and I was scared to death. Furious because I was there, right there the whole time; scared because I wasn't able to give her what she wanted. Even though part of me wanted to, I just wasn't that guy any more.

"I'm not asking you to move back to Forks!" She slammed her fist down on the table. "I'm trying to make some fucking progress here, okay? Part of that, for me, is to try to rekindle the friendship we had. So," she stared down at the napkin she was shredding, "tell me about the girl I saw you with this morning?"

I relaxed infinitesimally and felt myself smile a little, though I was suspicious. "Her name's Maggie."

"Alice told me. I didn't know about her before I came here, by the way. Seeing you this morning was kind of like a punch to the gut."

I shrugged. "Sorry. But it's nice to know Alice kept that particular secret for me. I've known Maggie forever, literally. Our parents are friends."

"Is it serious?" she asked softly.

"I . . . don't know yet. I think I'd like it to be," I offered.

"Does she . . . why her, Edward?"

I sighed heavily. "She makes me laugh."

"Oh." For the first time, I saw through her façade of strength. "That's good, right?"

"It's very good," I said gently. "I can't remember the last time I laughed so much."

I felt a bit guilty for being so honest with her, but it was stupid. I'd always been honest with her, even when I knew she didn't want me to be. And if she was really here because she wants to rekindle our friendship, I was going to talk to her like I would any friend.

"She's easy," I said, sputtering a little. "I mean, she's easy in that being with her is easy. I don't have to worry about how she's going to react when I grab her hand, or when we run into people we know while we're out."

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?" she snapped.

"How so?"

"It's obvious you're talking about how I was when we were out together in Forks, or even Port Angeles."

"So what if I am, Bella? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to constantly walk on egg shells because I didn't know how you'd react to something? Or how much I hated it when you pulled away from me?"

"No," she admitted, "but I do know how much I hated pulling away from you." She sighed heavily and gave me a small smile. "You were right. That town is just toxic. I can't even depend on my own mother to be supportive anymore."

"So leave."

"I've thought about it a lot lately. Maybe Seattle, because Port Angeles is just too fucking close to home."

"That might be good for you," I muttered, more to myself than to her.

We ate in awkward silence until she cleared her throat. "Why did you really leave?"

I choked on my drink; I wasn't expecting her to be so forward. "I told you when I left. I had to do it, for me. Everything I did - from the time I moved there, to when I left - was for someone else, mostly you. I hadn't done anything for myself in a long time, and I just couldn't let that happen any more."

"Are you happy?"

I sighed and let the question roll around in my head before responding, "Yeah, I'm happy."

###

I didn't see Bella again before she headed back to Washington, though we talked on the phone once.

I successfully avoided telling Maggie about lunch with Bella, but Jake was another story. I needed to bounce the entire situation off of someone and despite Jake's feelings about Bella; I knew he'd be honest with me.

He was on his way out the door when I called him, so I told him I'd meet him at the grocery store. When I got there, I saw two of his three daughters running circles around him. When he turned to face me, the third daughter was strapped to his chest.

Normally, I didn't notice what other guys were wearing, but the shoes Jake wore with his muscle shirt and designer jeans were just too much. "Crocs, Jake? Really?"

"Shut up, di-" Jake clamped his mouth shut. "Shut it. They're really comfortable. Besides, they match the kids." He shoved a piece of paper in my hand and smirked. "You're on my turf now. Get the things on the list while we talk."

I grabbed items off the shelves as we walked through the store and bit back laughter while Jake had a five minute conversation with a woman on the benefits of Paula Dean's cooking over that of Giada De Laurentiis.

"Look lady, I'd be a lot happier with more butter in my life," Jake said with a note of finality in his voice. "And more sex," he added under his breath.

We were walking down the cereal aisle when I told Jake about having lunch with Bella.

"Are you stupid? Why would you do that?"

"Daddy, Mommy says you shouldn't call people stupid," Jake's oldest piped up.

"I know, Emily. I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again," he said, rolling his eyes. "So did you tell Maggie about Bella yet?"

I squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "No. I'm not okay telling Maggie about the entire Bella situation. I'm just not ready. I don't think Maggie is ready to hear about what a moron I am."

"Daddy, Edward said-"

"I know what Edward said, Emily. I'll make sure Edward's mommy punishes him later. Take your sister and pick out cereal. Anything goes. I don't care what your mom says; you can have as much sugar as you want."

Emily squealed and grabbed her younger sister by the hand. "Let's go, Rebecca! Daddy says we can get whatever cereal we want. Oooh, let's get Cheerios!"

Jake shook his head, muttering, "Damn woman has them brainwashed." He turned to me and raised his voice. "What kid picks Cheerios out as a treat cereal? My kid, because my wife has them brainwashed into eating nothing but fiber and mother fucking granola."

"You know why you have daughters, Jake? It's karma's way of paying you back for being such a manwhore."

"What's a . . . a manwhore? And why are you one, Daddy?" Rebecca asked. These kids were fast when Cheerios were involved.

I knelt down in front of her and gave her a big smile. "A whore is what Miley Cyrus will be in a few years."

"Oh, okay." Rebecca nodded and took off down the aisle toward her sister. "Em! Edward says Miley Cyrus will be a whore in a few years!"

Jake was trying, and failing, to keep his laughter in. When he noticed me looking at him, he composed himself and glared. "You know I'm going to hear about that. I think I really am going to call Esme to have her punish you for your dirty mouth."

"Please, Jake. Have you heard my mother on a good day? Her mouth is so much fouler than mine," I said, reaching for a gallon of milk.

"That's not organic."

"It's milk. The list says 'gallon of milk.'"

"Sure, but the heading is 'organic,' so you have to make sure to get the organic milk."

"What? Jake, it's milk. It comes from a cow. What's the difference?"

"Look, in my house, if we're not drinking organic milk, Leah says we're all going back to breast milk. I don't know about you, but if I'm drinking milk from a teat, it better be a teat on a cow."

I snorted. "Did you just say teat?"

###

Several nights after my grocery store run with Jake, my office had a dinner party on the Spirit of Chicago. Maggie came with me and stole the attention of every man in the room.

After the boat had docked, she and I walked hand in hand down Navy Pier. She was quiet for a bit, and then tugged on my hand on pulled me to a bench to sit. "Edward," she said softly.

"Maggie," I smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips. "Thank you so much for coming with me tonight. I would have been bored out of my mind without you."

She gave me a wry smile and shook her head. "Good. I'm glad to help. But I have to ask . . . when do I stop being your friend, and start being something else?"

I realized then that when I'd introduced her to anyone at all during the dinner part, I'd called her "my friend, Maggie."

"You know you're important to me," I told her. "Do we have to label this?"

"I know that logically, but yeah, the girl in me wants a label. I know guys don't like labels, and I'm breaking all the rules by saying this, but I need to put this out there." She stopped to take a breath. "I'm crazy about you, Edward. You're smart and you're funny and you're the same guy I went to high school with but you've grown up. I don't . . . I don't want to waste my time if we're not going anywhere. I want something real and tangible.

"And I know I'm not supposed to be forward, but I want to be with you. I know we're more than friends, Edward. But what are we, exactly?"

My head banged against the back of the bench as I leaned back. "I don't know how to define what we have, Maggie. You're important to me. I love spending time with you, and I love that you make me laugh."

She nodded and waited patiently for me to continue.

It was hard to even have a desire to define what I had with Maggie, and I wondered if that was because of how Bella had resisted defining what she and I had been.

But Bella and I had never spent so much time together. We kissed sometimes. She fell asleep on me when we watched movies and I had always relished the feeling of her in my arms. Maggie and I kissed. We fell asleep together often, and she spent several nights of the week at my place.

We still hadn't slept together, but that was entirely my fault because I just wasn't ready for it. If Jake ever found out that I wasn't sleeping with Maggie, he'd probably revoke my man card or something.

"I just . . . Okay, so the thing with Rosalie was defined, and look how that turned out for me. I spent so much time focused on this girl . . ." I trailed off, not wanting Maggie to figure out I wasn't talking about Rosalie. "It just turned out badly for me, you know? So it's hard. I don't even like the word girlfriend."

"It's not my favorite word in the world either," she said gently. "What about . . . significant other? Or partner? No, that makes it sound like your name should be Edwina, not Edward. Paramour? No, that won't do because neither of us is married."

"Stop," I gasped, leaning forward to hold my stomach as I laughed. When I'd calmed down, I smiled at her. "Girlfriend is too juvenile, but that's what you are."

No killing me over the last line, please.

So there might be a little more lag time between updates for a while. RL is kicking my ass. Be patient with me, please?

Twi thread is here: http : // bit (dot) ly / 9JpJCO

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