Chapter 14:

'I know you better than anyone else'

"...Do you know what happened?"

Michonne slowly inhaled as she gazed over Rick's parent's back yard, "No… they couldn't really give me direct answer…"

Maggie pursed her lips as she thought about it, "Did you hold him?"

She nodded her head against Maggie's, "Yeah. He didn't feel like he weighed anything"

Maggie's eyes slowly crossed the yard, "You didn't name him, did you?"

She sighed, "Nope. Didn't even have anything for him. It was like he wasn't even meant to be here"

"You can't look at it like that and you can't blame yourself for it either. That won't do you any good at all"

Michonne bit her lip, believing her friends theory but not ready to apply it yet, "Tell me about Demi?"

A small smile crossed Maggie's lips, "She looks more like me than the other two. And she's loud like me"

Michonne's eyes lit up only a little, "How's Glenn coping?"

Maggie's smile fell, "He's like a new parent all over again"

She snickered, "Wouldn't expect anything else"

Maggie huffed, looking down at their clasped hands, "How's Rick?"

Michonne's eyebrows rose, "He's… he's trying. But I can see it's all just weighing down on him"

Maggie nodded, "Yeah. Think I can see it too… you two talk about everythan'?"

"No", Michonne answered flatly, "He wants to. I don't"

"Why?"

She frowned into the distance, "I don't even know anymore. I'm just so sick of everything-"

"But he's hurting too"

"I know. That's what makes it so much harder. It's easier for me to stay away from him because whenever I look at him I can just see he's hurting just as much as me… but I can't see past my own rage right now"

"I understand, hell, I've been there but, you have to let go before you get used to it all. You don't wanna forget that you do love each other"

Michonne almost didn't recognise her friend's words. To be completely blunt with herself, she had forgotten that she loved him and how much she loved him.

"Aunt Michonne?"

The two women turned their heads towards the porch door, where Gerald leaned against the frame.

"Uncle Rick's… getting ah… a little-"

"He doesn't want to talk anymore?", She finished for him.

"Yeah", He nodded, his mop of blonde curls bouncing as he nodded.

Maggie's raised her eyebrows at her, "He needs you"

"He does".

…

Michonne lazily combed her fingers through Rick's hair as he lay between her legs, his head on her chest. She stared up at the ceiling, not particularly thinking about anything, but feeling as if there was so much to consider. She knew he was awake, his breathing gave it away, though she didn't mind.

"Are we gonna see her?"

His question didn't deter her movements, she was expecting him to ask about their friends new-born. After her encounter with Maggie, she was feeling a little braver when it came to the discussion.

"Yeah", She breathed, frowning in the lamp shade, "...I think we should try counselling…"

He tensed, "Counselling?"

Her eyes slid down to the top of his head, "Yeah"

He shifted his weight to his forearms so he could look at her, "Why?"

"Because it might help?"

His brow furrowed at her, "You don't think you can talk directly to me?"

She tried not to sigh, "I think it might help to have someone help us see each other's views"

"What is this about?"

"Everything, Rick"

"I know what I did wrong. I've admitted what I did wrong, I've apologised for it, so what's left?"

She couldn't hold back the sigh any longer, "It's not that simple"

"Then tell me. Tell me what makes it difficult?", his eyes were studying hers with great intensity.

She exhaled, "I don't think you respect my opinion, I think you feel like you have to have final say on almost everything but expect me to come to you before I make even the smallest decisions… and I don't think I trust you anymore"

With everything that had already happened, she would think it impossible to see any new pain register on his face, but she was wrong.

"You don't trust me?", He repeated, his voice hoarse.

"I don't think I do", She corrected.

"What do you mean you don't trust me? You think I'm messing around?"

"No. Not like that. I think I can't trust you when it comes to us and other people…"

"What does that mean?"

"It means… it's meant to be me and you making decisions that can affect our family, and when you decide to fly solo then-"

"When have I decided to fly solo?" He shifted again, leaning over her with both weight over his arms.

"When you make serious decisions on your own-"

"I gave Lori some money. I was the world's biggest idiot for that. I know that now and it won't happen again-"

"It's the fact that it even happened in the first place, not that you realised where you went wrong. I never would have expected you to hand anything over to her so easily-"

"I told you why I did it"

"And I told you why I don't think it can trust you now"

His jaw clenched as he let his head hang, "And our son? You wanna talk to everyone but me about that too?"

"I never said I didn't want to talk about it with you-"

His head rolled up, "No. You said you wanted to handle it on your own"

"You can't tell me how to deal with this-"

"I'm not!" He hissed as he leaned down, his face inches from hers, "I know I need you, I have never denied that, but you're using him to punish me for what I did-"

"I am not using him-"

"You need me. I know you need me but you're still angry about what I did, and you're still upset about what I did but you chose to deal with it alone to punish me and to punish yourself"

She stared at him defiantly, though he had left her no room for any argument.

"And you want us to see a counsellor? I just laid everything out in front of you. We know what we need to fix, the question is, do you want to?"

She couldn't keep her eyes on his any longer, and chose to run her hands over her face instead. She couldn't explain the feelings that she had towards him but she knew she felt deflated. It was if she couldn't even find the energy to find the words.

He returned to his forearms, resting his head beside hers, "I love you, Michonne"

Her eyes rolled open.

He kissed up the side of her jaw, and sensation was almost alien to her. Her arms laced around his shoulders and she enjoyed being cocooned beneath him again. She wished they could go back to a happier time and stay there. Even if it was the same day on repeat for the rest of her life, she'd take it.

What started off as soft, little pecks, quickly evolved to firm, little bites on her neck. His tongue swept over the skin he took between his teeth and her fingers made their way back to his hair. She didn't know how far he was intending on going but she wasn't going to stop him. She wanted the passionate side of him, the side that didn't ask any questions.

His lips found hers and she moaned into his mouth when she felt his member against her crotch. He repositioned himself, using his free hand to tug her t-shirt up, only breaking the kiss to allow her to pull it off. His hand roamed over her breasts, his fingers tugging at her nipples. She craved for him, she sucked his tongue into her mouth with urgency, causing him to groan before breaking away from her again.

He sat back on his knees, his eyes trailing down her stomach as he reached for her shorts. His fingers had just slipped inside her waistband when he stopped. A wave of sadness hit her.

She grabbed her tank top as she sat up, about to put it back on when he grabbed hold of her arm.

"You can't hide that from me"

She huffed, running her hand down the side of her face.

He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair in frustration, "What will it take, Michonne?"

Her eyes rolled closed, "Please, just-"

"No, I'm asking you out right, what will it take for you to stop pushing me away-"

"I don't know!" She snapped at him, the tears she held back earlier were back with a vengeance, "I don't know, okay? All I know is that- it hurts. I wake up and it hurts and I got to sleep and it still hurts and I don't blame you, I know you're sorry, and I know you're trying so hard to make things right again but I'm just so angry at everything... I'm just tired and hurt and angry"

He bit his lips together as he watched her, absorbing her outburst. He finally sighed, lying back down beside her, "Come here"

She sniffed, resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. His hand stroked up her bare back and she closed her eyes, finally feeling some kind of comfort since their world turned upside down. He was in his element, and so was she.

"I love you too"

…

"So you and that sheriff, huh? How'd that happen? Quite the odd couple"

Michonne gave Negan her best unimpressed expression as she sat across from him in the police departments meeting room.

"I'm just curious", Negan threw his hands up in the air, "He's obviously a hot headed asshole, and you seem to be the complete opposite"

Milton snickered, and Negan raised his eyebrow at him, causing Milton's face to fall blank.

"Are you done?", She asked her client, tilting her head at him.

"You haven't answered my question…", Negan grinned, clasping his hands together on the table.

"If I thought it would help your case, then I would answer your question, but it won't, so I won't", She sighed, gathering her papers.

Negan followed her movements like a hawk, "It would help me a lot"

She paused, her eyes darting up to meet his.

"I'd love to know what kind of woman can handle a man similar to myself"

Michonne rolled her eyes as Leon walked into the room.

"Alright, let's go", The officer instructed, resting his hands on his side as he looked down at Negan.

"Such a shame", He pouted at Michonne, "I look forward to our little visits. Next time leave your Butler behind"

Milton frowned at the insult.

"Goodbye Mrs Parker", He chanted like a naughty school boy as he was escorted out the room.

She was glad to see him leave. The man made her uncomfortable, and she couldn't place why, though his seedy advances were part of the problem.

Her time at work was a long one, and she almost counted down the seconds until she could leave. With Rick off from work because of his loss, she wanted to be home with her family. She was slowly beginning to calm within herself and she was feeling better for it, so the last thing she wanted things do was be away from them all.

When she arrived home that afternoon, she was greeted to the smell of popcorn and the TV blaring. She hung her jacket up and stepped into the living area, where Rick was sat in the middle of the couch, with Carl on one side and Judith tucked under his arm on the other. The sight warmed her heart.

"Hey mom", Carl called, having noticed her first as he shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

"Hi Mama", Judith chimed, though her eyes didn't leave the screen. She walked around the back off the couch and kissed them both on the head.

Rick tipped his head back to look at her, "You alright?"

"I should be the one asking you that", She frowned as she looked at the screen, "What is this?"

"Some cartoon Carl picked out, what is it? Last fantasy?"

"It's Final Fantasy", Carl corrected dryly, his tone suggesting that he had corrected his father more than once already, "And It's anime"

"Oh…" Michonne raised her eyebrows as she nodded, then looked down at Rick, "I made us an appointment…"

He tipped his head back to look at her again, this time he was confused, "Appointment?"

She nodded enthusiastically, hoping she wouldn't have to go into too much detail around Carl.

His lip curled as he tried to figure out what she was talking about, "For?"

"For that… course I wanted us to take…"

He winced at her for a few seconds, then he finally caught on. He quickly removed himself from the chair, and she followed him out the room.

"We don't need to see anyone-"

"It might actually help-"

"We're fine! We know what our issues are, we're working on them-"

"Rick. There's nothing wrong with just hearing someone else's advice"

He stared at her, as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"We can just go to one session, see if we can use whatever he has to-"

"I don't need anyone telling me about you. I know you. I know you better than anyone else-"

"It's not about who knows more, it's about working together as a couple and handling our problems in a healthy way"

He snarled at her, "You sound just like one of them-"

She glared back at him as she ascended the stairs, "We are going and that's it"

He groaned, turning back to the living room. She knew having him on board with counselling would be like pulling teeth, but she genuinely wanted to give it a try, and hoped he would do the same.

…

"Well first off, I'm so glad you both could make it! I think it's the first positive step a couple can take when they're trying to rekindle their love and respect for each other…"

Michonne noticed Rick shift uncomfortably in his seat and gave him a warning glance.

"As I said earlier, My name is Aaron, and my job is to help the two of you understand what led to the break down in your communication and how we can lay a better foundation for your relationship…"

Michonne nodded, while Rick stared at the man indifferently.

"So, how about you give me a little background information about your relationship?", Aaron clasped his hands together as he leaned forward and looked at them both with concerned eyes.

"Well, we were married for eight years… divorced for just over two years...and we've been back together for almost a year", Michonne explained.

"Oh okay, and you have children?"

"Yes, a fifteen year old boy and seven year old girl"

"Oh that's great, so would you say your problems stem from the children or is it purely just the two of you?"

Rick sighed and Michonne ignored him, "The two of us"

Aaron nodded, "Okay, how I like to get started is by understanding what brought the two of you here, what conflicts are you struggling to resolve? And if it's okay with you Michonne, I'd like Rick to answer"

She turned to Rick, who sighed before speaking, "I did some stuff that I shouldn't have"

"What kind of stuff…", Aaron probed.

"Thangs", Rick bit out.

"He hides things from me. He never comes to talk to me, I have to find out or back him into a corner for him to speak to me", She informed, knowing he wouldn't go into any more detail.

"Uh huh, and why do you think that is?", Aaron sat back in his chair and looked between the two of them.

"Depends on what it is; sometimes it's because he thinks he's protecting me and sometimes it's because he thinks I'm inferior"

"What the hell Michonne?", Rick winced at her, sitting forward to look at her face.

"Okay, now, this is good", Aaron held his hands up to the two of them, "Rick, you obviously don't agree with that, so why don't you tell her why you feel the need to withhold information?"

His eyes never left the side of Michonne's face, "Because I just don't like bothering you with stuff, I think if I can handle it then I will and I don't want you to carry the stress"

"So you are protecting her in a sense and she does see that", Aaron agreed, "So you are almost on the same page. What else?"

She sighed as she looked around the room aimlessly, "I don't know if I can trust him anymore because of the fact that he holds things back"

"And what happened for you to feel that way?"

Rick groaned and Michonne ignored him, "He gave my son's birth mother three thousand dollars"

Aaron's brow furrowed and his mouth tried to form words.

"My son isn't my biological son. His mother abandoned them when he was still an infant, but she came back a few months ago trying to get in contact with him. And he gave her money"

A disbelieving expression flashed on Aaron's face but he quickly composed himself, "I see, now is that something that's been hanging over your heads?"

"Yes. I mean he's apologised and I try to forgive him but… it's hard"

"Very understandable. So we have two very big things that we need to work on, and to get the ball rolling, I like to start and every session with a couple telling each other one thing that they love about each other. I know it sounds silly but you'd be surprised how hard that can be for some, and these sessions can get a little intense, so it's more of a reminder of why your both here in the first place. Rick, why don't you go first?"

Rick dragged his hand over his face, "Uh… I love her… laugh"

"And what do you love about her laugh?"

Rick frowned as he thought about it, then smirked as his eyes crept over to hers, "She sounds like a seagull when she finds somethan' really funny"

She bit her lips together in a bid to stop her smile.

Aaron grinned at the two of them, "That's lovely, and what about you Michonne?"

She tapped her finger on her knee as she considered her answer, "He's very romantic… he always surprises me… I don't think I'd ever be able to pull off what he does"

"Oh that's sweet! Well I'm glad that wasn't so hard for the two of you, but now, for the ugly side… let's get started"