The Better Deal
John sat at the table, worrying over the waistcoat that was laid out before him. No matter how much of an effort he was making, nothing was shifting the stain marked just above the pocket. Putting the chalk back into the box defeated, he went back to being preoccupied with the thought that had remained on his mind ever since his Lordship had made the offhand remark. His common sense seemed to have deserted him in these months of endless bargaining, but now it seemed to slot into place. Another foolish decision he had made. He should have known that there was a quite different method to everything Vera said or asked. There wasn't anything definite that could link him to buying the poison, not that he could think of. Still, he wasn't sure that he could keep quiet entirely – the fact was tormenting him enough even now. What a stupid man you are.
He lifted his gaze to find Anna rounding the table, taking her seat next to him. She tried to smile, but there was a cloud over her features preventing it. Unlike him, she did not keep her anxieties to herself for long.
"Sir Richard cornered me before." John's eyes flashed. "I told him that I wouldn't be going to Haxby with him and Lady Mary. But that wasn't his offer. He wanted me to spy on Lady Mary. Well, maybe not spy, but report on all of her actions. Who she saw, and what not."
"That sounds rather like spying to me."
Anna nodded, halfway between shock and sadness. "I've told Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson, and I ought to tell Lady Mary, I know. I'm just a little worried, in case she thinks bad of me."
John frowned. "She has no reason to. You're defending her, as any good servant should."
"I just wish that I could do more," she sighed, downcast. Her eyes shone with a faded glimmer as she looked to him, and she reached her hand over the table. "I'm sorry. You have enough to think about."
He swallowed, taking her palm into his. "Don't ever think you can't come to me with your troubles. I'll do whatever I can to make them go away, even if it's just listening."
She beamed a terrific smile, unaware of her own power to make him forget the shadows for a few peaceful moments.
"I hope that Lady Mary will come to her senses in time," she commented, gazing down at their entwined fingers forming a perfect circle. "Mr Crawley is out of the question, but there has to be someone better." Anna exhaled a breath and John found he was fascinated by this smallest of movements. "Still, I feel sorry that she should have second best."
"Many would say it's better than nothing," he remarked, regretting now the decision that had marred his life and chance for true happiness.
Her golden head lifted defiantly. "I told her it wouldn't do for me. It was you, or nobody. We might not have it easy, but I know that I have the better deal by far."
He wasn't sure that he could be deemed the best for anyone, and certainly not for someone so much higher than him as she was. Yet once more, it was her belief that made him not resign himself yet.
And for that reason, he smiled back.