I think this is the longest chapter I've written for the story, right? 4,851 words in total.
How long was I dead for? Like, months, correct?
Anyways, this was supposed to be posted on Halloween, but then I kind of forgot about it and it was just sitting in my folder for Paper Sun since, and then I was in the writing mood and suddenly remembered this.
Enjoy.
-Anders, Clinic.-
She smiled at him. That one, the very one that held such warmth, such love and it was finally directed at him and that made him a little breathless. She sighed and leaned against him, wrapping her arms around him and simply holding him.
"No, Anders, you're not broken, merely…bent," she chuckled at her own word, "You can love if you want to-you're not incapable of it like you think you are." she whispered, touching her forehead to his. "But I think it's a little odd that you came to me for love advice, considering my relationship consisted of a two men who thought they weren't good enough for anyone, and didn't know how to choose,"
Anders frowned to himself, ceasing in his writing as the unwanted memory played itself in his mind. Faintly, he could feel Justice bristle at the words spoken, at the reminder of what they both gave up.
He could remember that day. Oghren and Nathaniel had been making jabs at him for loving Faustine, someone who was obviously Titan's-who'd been unattainable from day one. Especially given the fact that she declared as such. But how did she feel now, after all this time? He didn't know the answer, couldn't write to her, afraid of her reaction.
He gave a weak chuckle at that, not quite sure how her relationship worked out, only that Oghren declared both Zevran and Titan as 'lucky nug humpers' with this weirdly fond leer on his face.
He still didn't know how a leer could even seem fond…
Still, Hart's words of Hawke's arrival being tomorrow morning clung to his mind and wouldn't let go. He used to wonder how Hart seemed to know things before them, but Hart was a mysterious woman and prone to keeping secrets from everyone so he reluctantly let it slide.
It'd best he close shop and go to bed, just in case Hart was right.
-Hawke, Deep Roads Expedition.-
He should have listened to Hart.
Nigel could only remember how Hart had frowned at him, when he had decided he was going to take Bethany with him into the Deep Roads. He could still hear her tell him to be very careful and to keep an eye on his little sister, saying she knew what the Deeps Roads were like and to not let his guard down.
Especially if you're going to go in so deep. No one has ever gone so far in the Deep Roads. Even the Wardens and they live to kill the evil that lurks where you're going.
He remembered being told to make sure none of the tainted blood got into open wounds, or were swallowed. Once the taint is inside you, there's no hope. You either find the Wardens down there, or you kill the person who's dying.
Nigel suddenly wished he had listened to Hart as the Warden-Commander lead his baby sister away from him.
But he noticed certain features in the female Warden-Commander that reminded him of Hart. But the differences were startling. Whereas Hart's eyes were a harsh bright blue, the Warden-Commander's were a warm green-blue and their faces were the same shape, but they had different skin colours. While the Warden-Commander's skin was a lovely shade of tan, Hart's was a little paler, more…Nigel stood from his crouched position at the feel of Varric's hand on his shoulder.
This was no time to be making observations about two totally different women. Right now was the time to move, to leave. And so he did, ignoring Fenris' little questioning look and Varric's voiced concerns.
He wondered how he was going to tell his mother that they had lost almost lost Bethany to the Deep Roads, then saved her by having the Warden-Commander finding them. Only to lose her to the Wardens.
Nigel's jaw clenched and he silently cursed himself again, wishing he had brought Hart with him instead of Fenris, or Bethany. She would have known what to do, how to react. She had tried to give him advice, and he had foolishly brushed it all away like it was nothing.
He wondered how many other regrets he was going to have on their trip towards the surface, and what they'd have to face. How hard would they have to fight?
They'd already fought demons that shouldn't have existed, pieces of rocks that were possessed by said demons and a wide range of Darkspawn. But then again, Darkspawn were a guarantee here, so it wasn't much of a surprise.
The hardest part was just…surviving all of this.
Nigel sighed, eyes lazily roaming the area they were in and wondering how much longer they had to travel before getting back to Kirkwall. He'd never thought he'd miss the disgusting place, but miss it he did. At first glance, Kirkwall looks creepy and terrifying and it'd be correct but Kirkwall had nothing on the Deep Roads and it's many horrors.
He almost missed bickering with Hart, and going to go visit Anders in his dingy little clinic. Seeing Isabella in the Hanged Man and following Merrill and Hart around Kirkwall just to listen to Merrill chatter and Hart respond.
He almost missed Gamlen, but he definitely missed his mother.
Nigel caught sight of something from the corner of his eyes, a faint blue glow coming from up ahead. It sort of reminded him of something he had seen once, back in Ferelden but he couldn't place where, or even when he had seen it.
Jogging up to it and ignoring his comrades, he picked up the strangely glowing sword and inspected it. Two notes were delicately tied to the handle of the long sword, the first one being addressed to him and the other to Hart.
Suspiciously, Nigel untied his note and opened it.
Hello Hawke,
I'm going to assume you've already run into my Faustine and she has taken Bethany to the Keep to begin her training, seeing as you've come this far. I would have stayed to talk to you properly, but I have things to do, people to kill and places to go, so I'm leaving this note with Starfang and asking you, nicely, if you'd please bring it to Hart when you return to Kirkwall.
Seeing as Faustine is going to join me soon enough and then disappear not long after, I'd feel safer if one of my dear Ladies would have Starfang on them since I cannot be with either. And knowing that Faustine will disappear where she will be safe, and Hart will be in danger in Kirkwall, well, you can see my reason.
I'll know if my Starfang doesn't make it's way to Hart, Hawke, have no doubt of that. And if it is not delivered, and the spell that was cast on it not activated, I will come back to Kirkwall and kill you.
Titan, Warden-Commander.
Nigel stared at the letter before turning his gaze back to Starfang and turning it this way and that, before starting to laugh. So the woman he had run into was Faustine, the Warden-Captain. And this man was the Warden-Commander…his lips twitched in amusement.
Well, didn't Hart get even more interesting?
"What's wrong with the blade?" Varric asked, eyeing it suspiciously.
Considering it's glow, much like the Idol, Nigel could understand. "This blade, Starfang, belongs to the Warden-Commander who defeated the Blight," he answered in amusement, sheathing the sword in the case that he found beside it and tying it to his belt.
"The Warden-Commander?" Fenris' raised an eyebrow at that, the disbelief written in his eyes.
"Read this, if you don't believe me." he handed the note to Varric and only listened half heartedly as Varric read the note to himself and Fenris aloud. And by the time Varric had finished the note, Nigel had already been making his way towards where he assumed the exit to Kirkwall was and paying no attention to either of them.
"Seems as though Hart has more then a little baggage on her, huh?" he could hear the smirk in Varric's voice and wanted nothing more then to kick him.
He didn't know how Varric had come up with the notion, or if someone-more then likely Isabella-had given it to him, but he seemed to think there was more then there was between him and Hart. As in, they might as well have feelings for each other, what with all the fighting they did.
He was glad Hart agreed with him that Varric was stupid with his little idea of them.
-Hart-
Hart let out a sigh, leaning against a bloodied cot in Anders clinic as the child who had been sobbing finally quieted.
The child's mother stroked his hair, a weary look on her face from rushing from wherever she worked to here. But in her eyes…there was this light in them, the glow of love shining there, of determination as she stuck by the boy's side even though it was obvious that she was bone tired.
The sight reminded her of back in Amaranthine, at the Keep with everyone. How she would have stuck by anyone's side when she had been Faustine, how she would have refused to leave until she was sure that they had been okay.
How she had vowed to protect the lot of them. From anything. From themselves.
And yet here she was, running around in Kirkwall, with this brand new hero and his own companions as they try to balance the world now that the Blight was over. And she knew what was to come, knew that everything happening was inevitable and that she could only make little changes.
Changes that could hopefully work in her favour.
Hart frowned and looked away from the weary mother and child, catching Anders honey coloured eyes instead before he quickly looked away and went back to work.
Anders confused her now. Before their little bonding moment in the woods, he had been wary of her, openly hostile, and now…now it seemed like he was opening up. A little bit. Not as hostile but still wary, still suspicious. Sending her little searching looks, examining her for something.
Though it was probably more her looks then anything. Even if she did cut her hair and forced Torpor to change the colour of her eyes, she still looked like Faustine.
She was merely different and suspected that was throwing Anders off.
A smirk replaced her frown and she looked to the entrance, at how dark it was. Shadows of the less fortunate could be seen lurking, huddling around fires and sharing body heat. It was a sad site, and one she knew Justice would be sympathetic for-though in her own mind, it was more along the lines of Vengeance thinking like Justice.
If she wasn't who she was now, she would have called it heartbreak, to see them as they are now. But as she is, she was merely disappointed, sad, even-but she also knew it was their choice to share a body, to suffer in this path that Fate carved for them.
It made her wonder how she could think Anders and Justice were worth saving.
They were already walking down the path towards their ultimate destruction, with her as their shadow. So why didn't she just kill them now? It would be the easier option, the safer one-less people would die in the end. Hell, maybe if they died, then the whole war here in Kirkwall would never happen.
Meredith and Orsino though…
Her frown came back at the thought of them. The both of them were a disease in this world. Meredith with her anger at the mages, at how they were. How weak they were, turning to demons and blood magic because it was 'stronger', justified anger-but was it really justified? She knew not all mages were horrible, that some of them strove to make the world a better place. Like Wynne. Wynne was willing to die to save her charges. Willing to die for them all if the situation called for it. Even willing to die for the Templars who had made their way to her.
And Orsino…he was a hypocrite and a liar. Despite his claims that there were no blood mages in the Gallows, he was hiding them from Templar sight. If he were a smart man, he would have taken notice of them and reported to Meredith, not hide them away like a dirty secret. Like he was trying to overthrow Meredith's rule. And he was a fool for it.
Anything with life is worth saving. Wynne would have told her. And yet she is not here, is she? Torpor would say, an amused lilt in his tone. She is gone, far away. So who will judge you if you were to end something that is only just beginning?
Hart gave a disgusted growl at her own thoughts, pushing herself off the wall to leave. A hand grabbing hold of her forearm stopped her from leaving the clinic and she resisted the urge to punch the mother in the face for stopping her.
Instead, she replaced her irritated expression for her blank mask and turned towards her, shoving her anger deep within herself to deal with later.
The bedraggled mother seemed unsure of herself, but none the less determined. "I just…I wanted to thank you, for saving my son." she said quietly, as though afraid of her reaction.
Hart felt slight irritation at her words, but relaxed her defensive stance to appear more open towards the mother before tilting her head in acknowledgement to her words and watching the relief and happiness flash in her eyes before Hart was let go and the mother returned to her healing child's side.
She was tempted to look over at Anders, to see his reaction. Before, he had witnessed her shrugs off any thank you's that came her way from helping someone. But she just wasn't up to baiting him today or even humouring him.
So she left him, with a simple, "I have a feeling Hawke will be back in the morning. And since he was in the Deep Roads…well, you know how rough they are."
Hart didn't want to go home, back to Merrill and her searching gaze and cheerful smile.
Sometimes the girl was too naïve. She knew it was hypocritical for her to disapprove of Merrill and her blood magic, her own demon but she was. She never knew what she was getting into when she agreed with Torpor, had done it not for herself but for…
Hart scowled and veered away from her path, towards the docks.
She turned her thoughts toward the letter she had written, and the reply she had gotten. Titan was still missing, and she had an idea where he and Naga had gone too, and Nathaniel was glad she had written.-Even though you're here still. She could almost imagine him chuckle, glance to the side were Faustine would be before writing again. Things are a little strange. But then again, I'm writing a letter to you-with you only a few steps away from me, so I suppose that would be strange.
Hart let out a sigh, coming to a stop and simply lurking in the shadows. Her eyes were gazing at the ocean, at the way the moonbeams danced on the surface of dark blue water.
Thinking of home made her wistful. Everyone she loved was back in Amaranthine, and she was, whether they liked it or not, the Mistress of the castle. Household? Hart's lips twitched into an amused smile. Whatever the term was, she was the keeper of Amaranthine, and she was sorely missing home.
But Nathaniel…he was a very good leader. From his letters and from what she had managed to pry from Torpor and Sheba, the Keep was holding up very well, and the rebuilding was moving along fast.
But then again, she was there for the rebirth of Amaranthine so she knew that already.
Hart started chuckling suddenly, remember the look on Anders face when he had come to the conclusion that Faustine had belonged to Titan already. It was stupid of him, and yet not at the same time. In some way, she did belong to Titan but she didn't at the same time.
She hadn't been his lover, she hadn't even been his friend in the beginning. She could remember that for three whole months, Titan had called her Spirit until the fourth month, where they encountered the demons and blood mages in the Circle tower.
That was when their friendship began, and her life as human instead of ghost started.
That was also not long after Zevran had joined them. She could remember his attempt at humour when he saw they had placed him next to Shale, his surprise a few hours later at seeing Faustine and her brother joining them. His...
Hart scowled at herself, turning away from the ocean and beginning her trek back home to Merrill. The sun was just beginning to come up, which meant that Hawke was going to be here soon considering he was here as the sun rise into the sky. And she was sure Merrill and Anders wanted to be there for Hawke's return, if she was reading them correctly.
She pondered if she should go next door and wake Leandra, but considering the news Hawke had…well, Hart decided Leandra could stay home and be surprised, instead of having to anticipate what she assumed was both her children coming home, only to see Nigel with no Bethany.
Quietly opening the door to their little home, Hart eased the door closed and went over to their bedroom to wake Merrill. Hart was about to put her hand on Merrill's shoulder to shake her awake when she heard a very familiar chuckle come from behind her that made her tense. She slowly turned around and wished that it was just her imagination, only to scowl at the little smug looking kitten prancing into the room.
"Why hello there, been wondering what was taking you so long." Sheba's voice came from the white kitten purred, stretching on the bed before coming up to rub against Hart's face in greeting.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hart said, exasperated with Sheba as she pushed her new kitten form away from herself and glared at the innocent looking demon.
"Torpor wanted to be with you, but he's a rather important demon so he sent me instead, since I rather like you-after all, you make my Master happy," Sheba's green little eyes danced in delight as Hart hissed at her. "You mean Torpor wants to keep an eye on me,"
"Well, there is that, but Torpor only wants to protect his little bird…"
Hart turned her attention away from Sheba, intent on ignoring the desire demon even as Sheba purred and resumed rubbing up against her. "Merrill, did you want to go meet Hawke?" Hart asked, shaking her.
She wasn't as gentle as she should have been, but Hart also suspected that Merrill helped Sheba inhabit the porr kitten and thus didn't feel the least bit guilty as Merrill jolted up to Hart looming over her menacingly. Though she supposed the sight of Sheba purring and pressed against her legs kind of ruined the image as Merrill let out a sleepy giggle.
"Get up if you want to meet Hawke," she scowled, ignoring Sheba as she attached herself to her belt and crawled into a pouch she could fit into. "I'm going to go get Anders, as I'm sure he'd be estatic to know Hawke's coming back." Hart growled as she walked away, listening to Merrill's yelp and a hurried shout as Merrill scrambled to get dressed and follow her.
She took malicious glee in listening to Merrill rush around from outside the house and trip over things as she walked slowly, ignoring Sheba all the while.
She honestly didn't know how Anders felt about her tell him Hawke would be back, but it was obvious that he liked Hawke more then he liked her, so she was really only assuming things without having concrete evidence.
But hey, maybe that changed since she and Anders sort of bonded over the weeks Hawke was gone, who knew? She shook her head and ignored Merrill when she caught up to her out of breath but with a silly grin on her face.
"What is between you and Anders, I wonder…he seems to mean something to you," Sheba purred, nestling herself inside the pouch comfortably. When Hart didn't answer her and seemed set on ignoring her existence, Sheba smirked-as much as she could in this kitten form, "What, are you not going to answer me? How sad. I'm crying little kitten tears,"
Hart made an annoyed sound as she entered Anders clinic before going to the very back, where she knew he would be sleeping.
She hesitated a moment, feeling as though she was invading his privacy before pushing it aside in annoyance. Faustine would feel that way, but Hart was a totally different person from Faustine so she continued and shook Anders shoulder. "Hawke should be coming soon, thought I'd warn you." she said dully, simply raising an eyebrow at Anders feeble little lightning bolt he had shot-and missed.
"I'm heading over to the entrance with Merrill," she grunted, turning on her heel and ignoring how thin he looked. Especially since it wasn't hidden with his usual magi clothes.
It's his own fault, she reasoned with herself. He choose to abandon Faustine and the Wardens to merge with Justice and try to bring so called peace to Kirkwall. And it's Justice's fault for being corrupted, even though he knew it was a possibility, he still did it. And now he's nothing more then another demon, another spirit of Vengeance.
A few moments later, much like Merrill, Anders came rushing up half dressed but missing his staff. Something she was grateful for seeing as she had already taken care of any trouble that may have came their way.
She saw Anders glance down at her wiggling pouch and see Sheba, pretending she didn't see his questioning look and wanting to hurt something or someone for making her life just a little harder.
"Hello there, little guy," she heard Anders say quietly and rolled her eyes at Sheba's answering meow. "Sheba's a girl," Hart said, noticing Sheba glaring up at her. "Where'd you find a kitten?"
"Merrill found her and wanted her, but I guess she just liked me more," she said dryly, grabbing Sheba by the scruff of her neck and placing her in Anders arms, seeing how he itched to hold her.
She remembered the first time Faustine had shown Anders Sir Pounce, and how Anders had beamed at the kitten before snatching him from Faustine's grasp to coo at the little thing. "Why Sheba?" his question brought her from her thoughts and she gave him an amused side glance in return. "Because she responded to the name,"
Anders kept questioning her about Sheba, how she was able to find a kitten in this Hell when he hadn't seen any in ages. How she was taking care of her, what she was doing with her. He even gave her the same advice she had given him about Pounce, making her scoff as they watched the entrance for any sign of Hawke and the others.
She could hear Varric laughing at something and Fenris quietly snickering accompanied by Hawke's own snarly grumbles. Hart couldn't help but wonder what they found so funny in the Deep Roads, considering the fact that Bethany was with her Wardens now.
She brushed the question off, deciding it was nothing worth knowing since she already knew the important parts of this little adventure.
If they were laughing and poking fun, then that was fine. At least it meant they were getting over it already.
At any rate, was it really her business?
"So your Warden-Commander gave me a little mission to do," Hawke said conversationally, untying a long sword from his belt and tossing it at her. "He left me a note and said to give 'Starfang' to you and if I didn't, he'd come back to kill me," he added dryly and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Well, Faustine wouldn't need it, considering where she'll be going and Titan is more deadly then you can imagine, so I'm not surprised he left this for me." Hart said, unsheathing Starfang to inspect it.
In truth, Titan loved this sword. Even though Faustine had found the meteorite, he had claimed it and had one of the blacksmith at Vigil's craft it into a long sword for him.
So it say she was surprised he had left it for her was an understatement. She was floored, especially as she held Starfang in her hands.
"You had something going on with the Warden-Commander and Warden-Captain?" Varric sounded amused, the slightest bit lecherous. It made her annoyed, giving him a glare as she sheathed Starfang again. "No, there was nothing between me and Titan. He was in love with someone already, and I was in love with someone. I was one of the very few people he trusted, the same as Faustine and Alistair. Some might even say Faustine's brother," she said, a frown on her face.
"Besides, how could we be involved when it was clear that Titan was in a relationship with Alistair?" Hart relished in the looks of utter shock on everyone's faces in revealing that little tidbit.
"Titan was gay?" Anders sounded astounded as he stared at her and, in Sheba's case, dropped her to the ground. "You never knew your Warden-Commander was gay?" her lips twitched wickedly and watched as Anders flushed, ducking his head down.
"He was involved with the other Warden?" Hawke's brow furrowed and Hart turned her attention to him.
"He still is, but from what I know of, they both disappeared and are on personal business at the moment." she shrugged, "I don't know where or how long they're gone, but maybe Faustine would know, since she promised she'd meet up with them soon," she watched as they accepted her lies, could see Sheba come sauntering up to her to sit by her legs.
"But why did he call you his?" coming from Fenris, Hart wasn't very surprised.
"Titan and Faustine are very possessive people. Once they know you and trust you, you're family and thus theirs. So with them, it's not unusual to be called 'Mine'. If you don't believe me, you can always ask Anders, since he was one of the Warden's that was there."
When everyone was distracted and Sheba had crawled back into Hart's pouch, she snuck off and stuck to the lingering shadows.
Honestly, it was getting easier and easier to lie to them all.
Maybe it meant she didn't care as much as she thought she did, or she was distancing herself from them. Hart didn't want to know at all, so it was something she gladly avoided as much as she possibly could.
What she was really concerned about, however, was that she hadn't had a visit from Torpor since their deal. Something she was more then a little frustrated with since she had analyzed that she was more concerned for Torpor, something that still nagged at her.
Torpor was a pompous jackass, so why was she concerned?
She didn't want the question answered, especially since their deal was her spending a whole day with him. On a date, doing whatever the hell he wanted.
The thought of having to work with Torpor instead of killing him made her sick, but now? Now she was used to his presence, and didn't mind his company. She didn't even care that he'd pull her from a dream randomly just to see her.
It made her wonder about her mental health, coming to at least see a powerful demon as an acquaintance, or an ally.
She dreaded the day when Torpor grew to be a friend.
-End-
Still wondering if this is the longest chapter.
'Cause I mostly stay in the 2,000's and this is almost 5,000.
Anyways.
What did you think?