A/N: Ha. You all think you know how it's going to end. Well, maybe you do. Yeah, you're all probably right. -sigh-

Chapter 14: Center Stage

"So he was living with you."

"Yes'sir."

"And you were..."

"Sleeping together, yes."

"And he attempted to..."

"Rape me."

"Well, I can't call it murder, really. You didn't want him to...ah, well, you know, and he tried to and you defended yourself. There'll be some messy stuff with the DA, and I'll have to have you come down to the station with me, but other than that, I'd say you don't have much to worry about."

Right.

They take me to the police station to take my statement. Kaiba is dead. I killed him. But I don't feel bad about it. He tried to rape me and this time I didn't want it.

"Do you want to make a call? Have someone pick you up? Otherwise, we can have someone drive you."

I call Joey. I can't call Yami. Can't tell him anything. But I can tell Joey everything. He listens quietly in the car, nodding in all the right places, cursing in others. I go all the way back. Back a year. I tell him how sorry I am. No one's said it yet, and I might as well be the first.

"I'm just worried," I say quietly.

"About what?"

"That I still have feelings for him."

"Kaiba?" I shake me head. "Oh, you mean Yami? Well, you're bound to. I mean, it's obvious you do. There's no point in lying to yourself, Yug. Fess up. Admit it. You love him." I look at joey, surprised. Is he really saying this to me? Letting me off the hook? Allowing me to accept Yami back into my life? He can't be.

But he is.

Am I allowed to feel things for him?

Am I allowed to feel at all?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I wake up with a headache and it's raining. Perfect, I think bitterly to myself. They took down the crime-scene tape and cleaned the place all in one night. I'm impressed. Someone even made my bed. I keep the shop closed today. I'm tired and I can't think straight. I need...something. Need a drink maybe. Or food. Food would be good. I'm about to eat when the doorbell rings. I don't even really think about who it could be until I answer it and see Yami standing there. I yell and shut the door in his face. Then open it again. "Sorry! Sorry, oh shit, I'm really sorry." He laughs. "Come in."

"Smells good."

"It's bacon and eggs. Want some?" He nods.

"I'll get it."

"No. I need this. I've had a hell of a night." He looks around.

"Where's Kaiba?" I freeze. "I have connections Yugi. I wondered where he was and they said they thought he'd been living with me, but I haven't been here. Only one other person in the world looks like me." He smiles. "Where is he?" I clear my throat.

"Funny story, actually."

Apparently not, though. He doesn't laugh. Doesn't smile. "You killed him."

"Yes."

"And you're not going to jail."

"I don't think so. I mean, he tried to rape me."

"But you let him before."

"I was done. Done with all this Kaiba bullshit. It was unnecessary. I didn't need it anymore. So I told him so. He went out, got wasted, and came back. Tried to rape me. What did you want me to do?"

"I would have done the same thing."

"Obviously," I mutter. He sighs and rubs his eyes. Looks at his watch.

"I have to go to work."

"Funny," I say.

"No, really. I have to go to work." He doesn't say anything else, just gets up. "Can I come back later?" I nod.

And when he is gone, I begin to cry.

Cry because I am alone and I can't seem to hold onto anything.

Cry because my friends are so close and yet, so far.

Cry because I killed a man.

Cry because I want Yami so bad it hurts.

It hurts everywhere.

And it can't end until I have him back.

And he has to know that.

There was once a time when I lived passively. I let things come and go, slide by and swim about. I moved as if dreaming. But not really dreaming. Just outside the dream. I took my time and I took no chances. I never let anyone too close but my friends. And then I met Yami. And he forced me to jump head-long into life. He pushed me, practically kicking and screaming, into existence. And I found, with time, that living with life was...pleasant. That it could be wonderful and beautiful and that pain was something that was supposed to happen. Not something you could escape. It came to you. Sitting here, in my kitchen, I embrace the pain. The hurt. And I realize that I have been living life. It the strangest way possible. I did was the old Yugi could never do. I let a stranger into my home and took him as my lover. When he tried to take without asking, I punished him. When the one I wanted came back, I pushed him away, then went crawling back for him. When life began to ache, instead of pushing it down, I have released it. It courses and ripples through my body, but I feel every bit of it. I become my pain, the cause of my pain. And I embrace that as well. I look up at my ceiling and imagine it as a blanket of stars. And a pleasant feeling runs through me. The pain dies away and I am left with warmth and joy. The anxiety is gone. I have truly begun to live and when I see Yami again, he will know that. He will see that I am no longer passive. I am no longer an onlooker, but the one on center stage.

And I love it.