AN: I own nothing but the plot and the characters you don't recognize. Please REVIEW!!!
Chapter 14—Song Beneath the Song
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me
Jessica felt one tear slid down her face, followed by another and then another, until she was sobbing in Sirius' arms. She wrapped her arms around his torso and held onto his body tightly while muttering things under her breath.
Sirius held her body tight against his and rubbed her back soothingly. He rocked her body back and forth, while whispering words of encouragement into her ears. Sirius kissed Jessica's temple lovingly, giving her the extra support she needed.
"I can't do this," Jessica cried into his chest.
"You can," he whispered earnestly into her ear, "You can do this, love. I know it."
"I can't Sirius. I don't have the strength or will-power. I'm going to blow-up the entire world." She wailed.
"No, you are not going to blow up the world."
"I am. I am. I know it. And I can prove it. I remember when I was walking down the street and I just happened to pass the Saks. And I swear I was just window shopping, but I went inside and I saw the cutest pair of Prada pumps and I had to have them." She said with wide, tearful eyes.
"They were the Láme Knot Pump…I mean Jersey láme ruched open toe pumps with knot detail on the vamp, with a four inch covered heal…and they were the last ones in my size, Sirius, I had to have them." Jessica said reciting the details of the shoe like it were the simplest definition in the world.
"But I didn't need them. I mean they were $495 and my rent was due in two weeks, which meant that I was about $525 short, which meant that I had to work a week in my friends bar singing, which was not fun."
"How much is your rent?" Sirius asked softly as to not upset her further.
"$2290, I live in the Upper West Side. I would never be able to afford it on my salary, but my parents pay half, so my half comes to $1145, which is a pain to come up with every month. But it's better than the full amount. My parents insisted that I live in either the Upper East or West Side, something about not getting murdered or robbed. So I really could not afford those shoes."
By this time Jessica's tears had subsided, but she continued to lay curled up in Sirius' strong arms.
"I'm an impulse shopper." Jessica said silently.
"Well your shopping habits and your magical capabilities are two very different things. And you had enough will power to find a way to get the rest of the money for your rent. So that lets me know that you can do this," Sirius declared, looking deep into Jessica's eyes, "You can do this."
"I can't."
"Yes you can. And the first way to make sure you can do it is by cutting the negativity act and start believing in yourself. I understand that you're afraid and I know that this is a lot for you to handle, but I need you to be strong." He said holding her firmly by the shoulders and looking intently into her eyes.
Jessica took a shuddering breath before nodding slowly. "Okay Sirius," she said weakly.
"Miss. Huxtable, there are a few more things we need to talk about, before your training can begin," Dumbledore said with a calming smile.
"Okay Mr. Dumb-le-dore," she said, her tongue tripping over his name.
"Please, call me Albus," he said chuckling.
"Alright," Jessica said smiling shyly.
"Now, Jessica there are a few things that I forgot to tell you last night. My old age is beginning to catch up to me," he said laughing lightly.
Jessica tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace, for she remembered the things he had told her the previous night and how those things had dramatically changed her life.
"There are two more powers, which are tied to one another, which I failed to mention to you. They are collected within the Museance and Moleculance power-lines."
Jessica closed her eyes in annoyance, "What if I don't want these other powers," she asked softly.
"My dear, one can not choose the powers they want or do not want," he said with tranquil blue eyes.
"Now I've already told you that when a Sha-adi Museance dances or sings, she puts men into a trance. Well this trance allows her to perform the Inanimé Respirer or the Baiser de mort. The Inanimé Respirer involves breathing a deathly breath into the man's open mouth. The breath then slowly pushes all of the air out of his lungs, which suffocates him. It is a slow and painful death. It is my understanding that Sha-adi's only use this form of magic when the man has committed a heinous crime against the Sha-adi or her people."
Jessica's eyes widened in alarm, but Dumbledore did not seem to notice her distress because he continued to speak.
"And the Baiser de mort is something like the Inanimé Respirer, but it is much quicker. The only difference is that the Sha-adi actually places a kiss on the man's lips. The kiss forces the air out of the man's lungs. He dies within seconds of the kiss."
Jessica sat on the couch with her mouth hanging wide open, she desperately wanted to cry, but she knew she had to remain strong; Sirius had asked her to.
"Sirius," she breathed out quietly. "So when we kiss there's a chance of him d-dying?" Jessica asked her voice catching.
"Only if you want him to die, these gifts are not active all the time. They can only be used when the Sha-adi wants to."
"So he won't die," she asked with hope.
"My dear, everyone dies. But he will not die at your hand, unless you want him to."
Jessica stood from the couch and made her way to the exit, but before she left she heard Dumbledore's voice call to her, "He loves you very much Miss. Huxtable and he can help you through this. You just have to give him your complete trust."
"He already has it," Jessica said before exiting the library quietly.
Jessica, about three steps outside of the library, turned sharply around and reentered the library.
"How do you know that it's me?" She blurted out, breathing harshly. This question had been burning within her mind since the "talk" yesterday evening.
Dumbledore smiled knowingly, for he had been expecting the question, "Because you have the mark of the Sha-adi ruler."
"What mark?"
"The mark on the right side of your stomach, it is what you believe is your birthmark. If memory serves me correct, it is in the shape of a crown and has a slight gold tint."
Tears welled into the corners of Jessica's eyes. It finally hit her.
'This is real,' her consciousness whispered softly in her head.
"Okay Jessica, Remus, Harry, Ron, and I are going to start helping you train," Sirius said standing in front of her.
"Alright."
"First, we're going to practice Formance. We're going to focus on the force field and depending on how far we get will determine when we move onto shifting your appearance and when we practice invisibility."
"Okay," Jessica said taking a warrior stance, "I'm ready."
"We're going to throw objects at you, such as pillows, books, empty containers, knives, and I want you to stop them from hitting you by generating a force field. Ready?"
"No," Jessica said indignantly, "So, you expect me to let you throw random objects at me and just be okay with it?" she said talking slowly.
"Yes," the four men said in unity.
"Jessica, we're going to start off with the softest objects first and then move on to the more dangerous ones once you learn how to block the less deadly objects. It's safe, the four of us are all highly trained wizards—"
"Harry, Remus, and I are, but I'm not sure about Sirius," Ron said laughing at his own joke.
Jessica's eyes widened in apprehension after she heard Ron say this, Sirius turned to the redhead and gave him a deadly stare, while Harry smacked him on the back of his head.
"What?" Ron asked.
"Ron," Sirius said gritting his teeth, "Are you aware that we are training Jessica today?"
Ron nodded his head.
"And are you aware that she's already afraid, because she doesn't understand everything that's going on around her," Remus asked giving the redhead a disapproving look.
Again, Ron nodded his head.
"So, telling her that the person who is training her is unqualified would increase her fear, you arse," Harry said looking at his friend incredulously.
Ron's eyes widened in shock and he was amazed at his own stupidity. He immediately began to apologize.
"Jessica, I'm sorry. Sirius is very qualified, it was just a joke. I was only trying to lighten the mood." He said with red ears.
Jessica shook her head quickly and took a deep breath, before retaking her defensive stance.
"Okay love, just be on the lookout and be ready. We're going to circle you and the objects are going to come at different times and from different people," Sirius said stepping back from her as the others took points around her.
Harry, standing in back of her, took the first shot and made contact making Jessica wince. Ron then took his chance and was given the same reaction as Harry.
Remus looked at the brunette and viewed her as a student in class. He, having researched Sha-adi's, noticed the problem she was having right away and he knew the perfect way to correct it.
"Jessica, close your eyes and concentrate on stopping everything from touching you. Let your senses tell you where the attacks are coming from," Remus said, "Think of the objects as items that are trying to harm you. Either stop them or die."
"Okay," Jessica said taking his advice and shutting her eyes.
"Drown out all distractions and concentrate on stopping the spells, jinxes, and curses from hitting you," Sirius said taking over for Remus who prepared to magic the pillow at her right side, "Listen to the magic inside of you, it will show you what to do."
Remus sent the pillow at her with a small force and watched.
Jessica concentrated on her senses. And everything became silent around her. She listened to the air around her; she felt the air around her. Jessica felt something in her core, urging her and guiding her. She quickly turned to her right because her being guided her in that direction. She knew her intuition was correct because she felt a change of wind coming in that direction.
Jessica threw her hands up, palms outward, and felt a warmth rush from her palms. She opened her eyes in time to she the cushion collide with a silvery-blue wall. The wall looked extremely weak, almost as if it wasn't there at all. Jessica was sure that had Remus thrown the cushion any harder it would have torn right through and smacked her right in the face. But she continued to look in awe at the wall until it shimmered away, because she could no longer hold onto it. Jessica took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she felt a wave of exhaustion take over her.
Sirius, not seeing the fatigue in her face, rushed at Jessica and engulfed her into his arms, giving her a heated kiss in congratulations.
"I knew you could do it love," he whispered softly in her ear before lowering her to the ground and resuming his previous position. Sirius cleared his throat in embarrassment as Harry and Remus gave him an amused look. "Okay, we're going to try it a few more times and then we'll take a rest."
The quintet demonstrated the exercise a few more times, before deciding to call it a day. Jessica was thoroughly exhausted by the end of the practice, but she was proud that the force field was stronger than the first one she conjured, even if it was only by a small amount.
Jessica, aided by Sirius, climbed into bed. Her eyelids felt heavy and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep them open.
"Don't go to sleep yet, love. You need to eat something, it will help you regain some energy," Sirius said fishing around in his drawer for the bit of chocolate he stole from Remus earlier in the week.
"Aha," he said with triumph, "Here baby, eat this until I come back with some food," he said handing her the mound of milk chocolate.
Jessica looked at the chocolate with lust, it had been two weeks since she had had some chocolate and she had been having major cravings.
She took a small bite of the chocolate and felt warmth rush through her body as the morsel touched her tongue. She moaned appreciatively.
Sirius turned his head back to Jessica as he heard the moan of pleasure come from her lips. "Are you cheating on me with a bar of chocolate?" he asked jokingly.
"I think I may be," she said weakly, although she sounded as if she was regaining some strength back.
"Well, I may just have to take that back from you," he said walking over to the bed.
"It'd be a fight to the death," she said munching away on the chocolate bar.
"Oh really?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Well then I guess it's good for you that you aren't feeling well or else I'd have to take you down," he said stroking her hair lightly, "I'll be back soon love, just don't go to sleep until you get some food in your system," he said placing a small kiss on her forehead before walking from the room.
Later on that evening, after she had a short nap, Sirius held Jessica in his arms tightly. She looked deep into his eyes, daring herself to speak her mind and ask her question.
"Sirius, what do you see in me?" she asked softly.
"What do you mean?" he asked with a furrowed brow.
"I don't know what I mean; I just want to know what you see in me, what you think of me. I guess I want to know why you love me," she said sighing.
"My life has changed so fast in the last forty-eight hours and I'm confused about so many things, about you, my powers, and everything the last two days has held. I just need to know something, anything. I've changed so much, I'm not who I once was. And I know I can't go back, so I need you to tell me, I need you to tell me who I am," she said staring at him with uncertainty.
Sirius stared at her through veiled gray eyes, contemplating her. It was true, she had changed, she was no longer the confident woman he had fallen for and instead she was this shy, lost girl.
"I love you," he began, not knowing exactly what to say to her. For the first time, words failed Sirius Black, and at the worst time possible.
"You…you're…you're Jessica. The woman I love. And yes you have changed, you've lost your poise, now you know your destiny and you're letting the fear of it cloud your vision. You're letting fear take your confidence." He said stroking her cheek with his palm.
"But you are still the girl who took me in all those months ago; you're still compassionate, kind, and caring. You're still funny and witty and a smart arse. You're still a gifted musician. And I know once you master your powers your confidence will return to you."
"I love you for everything you are. I love you because you're kind and compassionate, but I also love that you are selfish with your candy—"
"I'm not selfish; I just don't like to share."
"I love that you're in denial about being selfish with certain things, I love that you write, I love that you're stubborn, I love the fact that you're an impulsive shopper, I love the inventive ways you thought of to torture your boss."
"I never went through with it."
"I love that you never went through with it," he said causing her to laugh.
"I love your laugh. And I especially love your smile, it brightens up a room, and I love your eyes. They're a gorgeous and deep brown and I never fail to lose myself within them. In a nutshell I love you because you're you."
Jessica smiled appreciatively at Sirius. His words gave her the confidence to ask for something she had been wanting since this morning.
"Sirius," she said taking a deep breath, "Will you sing me a song?" she asked in a child-like voice, full of want.
"What?" Sirius asked completely floored.
"A song, sing me a song," she said innocently.
"Love, I don't sing." he said softly.
"Yes you do. I heard you this morning, while you were in the shower. You were singing the song from my journal. You sang:
Everytime I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh
You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice
Chaque fois que tu t'en vas
You just bring me down
Je pretends que tout va bien
So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you," she said singing the last part to him softly, smiling.
Sirius smiled as he heard her sing, he then looked guilty for a moment, but the guilt was forgotten when she didn't tell him off for going through her personal things.
"What would I sing, I don't know what you want to hear," he said with uncertainty.
"Anything," she whispered.
Sirius stared at Jessica hard and long. He stared so long that she was sure he was going to deny her the request, but she was pleasantly surprised when she heard his baritone voice vibrate through her ears.
Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky
They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights
We're on the run I can see it in your eyes
If nothing is safe then I don't understand
You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man
One more day and it's all slipping with the sand
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand
Sirius paused here and stroked her cheek softly. He bent his head to hers and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. He stared at her intently before continuing with the song.
Guess we both know we're in over our heads
We got nowhere to go and no home that's left
The water is rising on a river turning red
It all might be ok or we might be dead
If everything we've got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding onto me
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see
You're all I see
Sirius ran his fingers over Jessica's face and he watched as her eyes fluttered shut. He pulled her body closer to his as the words continued to pour from his mouth.
The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm
Glass is breaking so don't let go of my arm
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met
All that we'll leave behind and all that's left
If everything we've got is blowing away
We've got a rock and a rock till our dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it's all we got but it's all I need
You're all I need
Jessica smiled beautifully at Sirius when she heard that. She whispered that he was all she needed before placing a chaste kiss to his exposed neck.
And if all we've got is what no one can break
I know I love you
If that's all we can take
The tears are coming down
They're mixing with the rain
I know I love you, if that's all we can take
"I know I love you Sirius," he heard Jessica murmur tenderly against his neck. She then closed her eyes allowing sleep to finally overcome her.
Sirius heard Jessica's breath even out, a clear indication that the events of the day had caught her. He smiled at her small snores and this time he didn't bother using the Silencing Charm.
A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground
We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down
The TV's playing it all out of town
We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown
Sirius placed a soft kiss on Jessica's forehead before drifting into a deep slumber.
"Twenty Four," sang by Switchfoot on the 'The Beautiful Letdown,' album.
"Till I Get Over You," sang by Michelle Branch on the 'Hotel Paper,' album.
"All I Need," sang by Mat Kearney on the 'Nothing Left to Lose,' album.
AN: So yes this chapter was major fluff but I was listening to all these mushy songs and it just ran forth. I hope it wasn't too gag me. But anyway please REVIEW! I feel that this chapter really shows what Jessica is thinking and feeling and how she's coping with everything. I hope you agree and I hope you enjoyed it.
ANN: SO while I was writing this chapter my sister called me and cussed me out. If it wasn't for two of the reviews I received that evening I don't think I would have had the will power to finish this chapter. So I want to thank Scriblerian and BlisfullyDizzyKidd. Thanks a lot you two.
So please REVIEW, because they really give me an extra push and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.