(A/N: I'm so sorry for the gap in updating. After this chapter, only one more to go, plus the epilogue. Both this chapter and the next one should wrap up any loose ends. By the way, all the Japanese names have some meaning. And I know Noako is said to be a boy's name, but in high school, we had a Japanese exchange student with this name. She wasn't evil or anything, she was super nice actually and its always stuck with me. I try to thank all reviewers, but can't respond to anonymous ones, so thank you very much Aozora. I really appreciate the response and thanks again to FMAohshc and Bokmal14. I hope that everyone that is reading this enjoys it.)

(Also, in Full Moon manga notes (vol. 7), Arina Tanemura says that Izumi's mother's name was Kana and she kept the locket mentioned in this chapter.)

-

Takuto stared at Izumi's grave in confusion. He knew Izumi had come here, his car was still in the lot, but he could not find his son anywhere. He had called for him and searched the whole cemetery frantically. It was raining and who knew what state Izumi's mind was in nowadays.

He had phoned Mitsuki to clue her in about the unsettling situation. Something was not right and it gnawed at the pit of Takuto's stomach. He begrudgingly left the cemetery and its nearby vicinity after fruitlessly searching for well over two hours.

At home, both he and Mitsuki agreed it would be best to call Meroko and let her know Izumi had gone missing. She never answered. Mitsuki assumed this meant Meroko was probably working and would try again later. Even later, there was still no answer.

"Meroko always answers or gets back to us within an hour," Mitsuki quietly mumbled to Takuto that night as they both stabbed and played with their food at dinner, neither having much of an appetite.

"I know," Takuto was also quiet. Both remained silent, suspecting the other to be thinking the same thing. If Izumi and Meroko had both gone missing then the Underworld was probably involved and they would not find Izumi anywhere no matter how much effort they put forth.

The next day they decided to swing by Meroko's apartment to see if their suspicions would prove true. At her door, they found another person knocking.

"Hi," Mitsuki greeted her.

The woman turned to them. "Hey, are you looking for Meroko, too?""

Mitsuki and Takuto exchanged a quick glance. It was hard for them to imagine Meroko having much of a social life. "Uh, yeah, we are. No luck?"

"No, I work with her, but she never showed up." She paused, looking thoughtful. "I've worked with her for a little over two years and she's never not called in if she was sick and she's rarely called in period. I'm worried about her." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Hana, by the way."

"Hi, Hana, I'm Takuto and this is Mitsuki," Takuto introduced them, each taking a turn to shake Hana's hand. "We can't get in touch with her, either."

"Man, if she doesn't show up soon, I'm gonna be reporting a missing person," Hana said worriedly.

--

Takuto and Mitsuki returned to their house, that unsettling feeling only increasing throughout the day. Izumi's school had called to report his absence as had a couple of concerned friends.

Takuto looked over at his wife. "Hana's going to call the police," he said aloud, unable to keep the bit of awe out of his voice. If this was the doing of the Underworld, what on earth were he and Mitsuki going to tell the police? He doubted every person on the police force would accept that his son had suddenly been swept away by shinigami. If that were the case, he thought grimly. There was also the chance that Izumi could have just been fed up and took off. But he had left without any of his stuff or his car. It was looking more and more likely that he had returned to the Underworld with Meroko.

Then there was that one other horrible possibility. Maybe Izumi had found some secluded area and just ended it all. Takuto shuddered at the last possibility, praying with all his might it was untrue. Meroko missing as well actually offered some form of comfort as both he and Mitsuki knew she wouldn't attempt suicide nor would she just vanish into thin air without notifying them if possible.

-

Hana did call the police. Takuto had debated having Izumi "drop" out of school and not mentioning anything to the police, but when more friends called, he knew he was going to have to play along. Otherwise, someone else would report it and that would look even more suspicious.

At first the police simply treated the case as a runaway since Izumi had been of the age where he could leave home if he felt like it. Him having just been released from the hospital fresh from a suicide attempt also left the police a bit grim about the whole thing. At any rate, there wasn't any evidence to suggest a crime had been committed and the police were at a loss.

The police had explored the area Izumi's car had last been at the cemetery. They had asked Takuto about the grave that said "Lio Izumi," one officer having spotted it and having a bad feeling about it. Takuto had explained they had named their son after the boy. The police had been confused and the whole thing gave them a bad feeling as it seemed Izumi had just up and vanished in that cemetery. Takuto wasn't sure, but he suspected they might have even dug up Izumi's grave to make sure a fresh body wasn't in it. None of the officers wanted to stay on the case and they were relieved that Takuto and Mitsuki weren't as adamant as some other parents. Granted, it was suspicious, but they tried to reassure themselves that Izumi probably just ran away to start a new life. At his age, it might have been irresponsible, but it wasn't illegal.

Takuto was grateful that the police weren't as interested in Izumi's case as they could have been. Or they hadn't been until they linked Meroko to the couple. Then they were very interested and Takuto suffered through heavy headaches, being interrogated and polygraphed. Media buzzed around the story and Takuto worried he might really kill someone. Apparently being a famous singer and having a runaway son and having a woman linked to you disappear mysteriously all at once caused quite the story. After a couple months, the interest died out as the police could not find any new leads and all new information on the possible whereabouts of either Izumi or Meroko dried up, leaving the police puzzled at how two people could just vanish without a trace.

One good thing did come out of all this and that is the couple and Hana became good friends as they all found themselves short a friend. Takuto and Mitsuki found themselves short a child as well, so Hana's energetic personality and drive to always be doing something was a nice distraction.

Several months after Izumi and Meroko's disappearance, Mitsuki and Takuto both found themselves in the cemetery, staring at Izumi's grave.

"I can't believe he's gone," Takuto muttered. Everything had died down and the couple had come to terms with the fact that Izumi and Meroko had most likely been swept back into the Underworld.

"I know. Meroko, too." Mitsuki sighed sadly. "I guess if they're angels again, they can't communicate with us anymore."

They had not heard anything from either of their friends or from any one else related to the Underworld. Takuto nodded grimly. "I know, I just wish someone would tell us if they're okay or not."

"Do you think they're angels again or do you think they moved on?" Mitsuki asked. She tried not to think of her conversation with Meroko at the hospital earlier in the year. She didn't want to imagine either one of them becoming ghosts or fading from existence.

"I don't know," Takuto replied, frowning at the grave as he thought about it. There were fresh roses on the grave. He had assumed that Meroko had been the one placing roses on the grave, but she was gone now. Where were the roses coming from? He knelt in front of the grave and fingered them gently. "I don't know," he mumbled again softly.

"What's wrong, Takuto?" Mitsuki asked, squatting next to him.

"These roses are fresh," he explained, the puzzlement clear in his voice. "I had been here before and I always thought Meroko was visiting his grave, but....."

"It's not her," Mitsuki finished, glancing around. "I wonder who it is."

"Does the place have a caretaker? We could ask," Takuto suggested, unable to rid himself of the curiosity regarding the roses.

-

"Hi, there, haven't seen you around," an elderly man greeted them. He held his hand out, "My name's Shinakio."

"Hey," Takuto responded and introduced himself and Mitsuki. "So, you take care of the cemetery?"

"Yes, once a week, I stop in and make sure everything's doing well," he explained. "Sometimes I stop in twice a week, but its hard to get out at my age," he said with a slight grin. "Its lucky that you two popped in on a day I was here."

Lucky, huh? Mitsuki thought sadly. Luck hadn't been much on their side lately.

"Can I help you two with something?" Shinakio asked politely.

Takuto nodded. "Yeah, uh, we were wondering if you knew the person who put roses on a grave out there."

"What's the name of the deceased?"

"Lio Izumi."

"Ah, the little boy. Yes, I do know." He leaned back a little and studied both of them before going on, "I do."

Takuto and Mitsuki both started at this news. Mitsuki recovered first. "Uh, if you don't mind my asking, why?"

"Did you know the boy or his parents?" Shinakio inquired, genuinely interested.

"Uh, not too well, but we are kind of like old friends of the family," Takuto improvised on the spot, "My parents knew his father," he lied, figuring the man wouldn't be asking him to produce pictures or a record of his genealogy. "I was just, uh, curious."

Shinakio tilted his head a little, considering something. He finally made a decision and gave a slight nod. "Well, I had been wondering what I would do with the trinket and the journal. I suppose this is the work of fate," he muttered more to himself than the couple before him.

Takuto and Mitsuki both exchanged a confused glance before giving him their full attention when he spoke. Shinakio motioned for the couple to be seated.

"I put those roses on his grave because I knew his mother and......." he trailed off a little, obviously having trouble trying to figure out where to begin the tale. "You know how he died, right?"

Takuto nodded. "He was hit by a train."

"Correct. A train. You know, one of my buddies worked at the train station when it happened. As a matter of fact, he was on the train." His voice got quieter, sadder. "He was one of the people who had to clean the train afterwards. You know, it was.... graphic. Scraping off human remains from the front of that train. I don't know what he saw, but it sure didn't sit well with him. He drank himself straight to death." Shinakio shook his head, oblivious to Takuto and Mitsuki's increasing expressions of horror. He went on, "I heard the train conductor wound up killing himself later.

I always thought it was a shame. When the boy had his funeral, the only person present was his mother. I say funeral, it was more like a memorial. Her son obviously couldn't have a casket burial, there were pieces of him splayed all over the train and the tracks. So, what was left of him was cremated, but the woman, Kana, she paid to have the plot and stone so he could be next to his father in a sense."

Mitsuki leaned forward, trying to keep her lunch in her stomach. She looked at Shinakio. "So, she spread his ashes over at the grave site?"

He shook his head. "No, you would have thought so, but she didn't. She kept his ashes in a locket, along with burnt pictures of the boy's father, and wore it until the day she died." He sighed again and looked at his hands. "I remember I felt absolutely horrible for her. Kana was out there all alone with the preacher, no other person present at her son's memorial and I knew from my friend what had happened, so I went out there to pay my respects. After the preacher left, she simply stared at the stone, expressionless.

I tried to comfort her and told her that it wasn't her fault, that the schools should work better on trying to educate children on the danger of trains and the tracks, but she refused the comfort. She said that he had known that trains were dangerous, that she had driven him to it. I didn't understand and she said something so very strange its always made me feel....uneasy. She said she was glad the train had knocked him out of his misery.

It was such a strange and heartless thing to say, I thought. I had asked if she wanted anything engraved on his tombstone, but she had refused, saying she had given him enough in life and hopefully, the name his father gave him would be the only thing to follow him in death." He shrugged. "I was already older then, but it still shocked me, because I'd never heard of someone speaking so harshly before. Usually, there were hysterical mothers, siblings, relatives, and tears all around at a child's funeral. But this one, just his mother and she came across as so cold. I'd never heard such harsh and cold words since, either."

He opened a drawer and pulled out a notebook. "Kana kept this journal when she fell gravely ill." He handed it to Takuto. Then he carefully grabbed a locket out of the same drawer and handed it slowly over to Mitsuki. "This is her son's, Izumi's, ashes and the burnt photos of his father. Kana had it on her the day she died. I think she wanted to be buried with it, but something just made me take it. It seemed too sad a story to keep buried, you know?"

"Y-yeah," Takuto stuttered, still having trouble absorbing everything. How could Kana have said such horrible things and been so horrible, but worn Izumi's ashes around her neck for years? It didn't make any sense, in his mind.

Shinakio leaned back, sighing again. "Yes, you know, that boy's death really did affect quite a few of people. It happened in a shopping area and people were around to see, you know? One young woman who witnessed it started a program to educate children on the dangers of trains, she was so upset over it. I've talked to her before. Another woman who researched the incident more, discovered that the boy had been abused and his mother had trouble making ends meet once her husband died, so she now operates a non-profit organization to help recently widowed mothers with children.

After reading Kana's journal more and really understanding what happened, I started a program to help troubled children before it got to the point where they would actually think to kill themselves. My son and daughter jointly run it now."

He sighed again. "I know it won't bring anybody back or help Kana or Izumi now, but I like to think its enough to stop someone else from having the same story. So, I always put roses on Izumi's site when I do my walk-throughs. Izumi's father obviously never could and Kana could never do so herself. I didn't want his memorial stone to be abused and neglected like he had been in life."

Shinakio shrugged. "I know you can't help the dead, but I think of it as a form of respect."

Mitsuki was not surprised that she was crying and she reached out and squeezed Takuto's hand when she saw the silent tears on his cheeks. After a couple moments, she spoke up, "We, uh, are you sure about giving this to us?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Could you maybe give us some numbers to connect with some of the people you mentioned?" Takuto asked. "We'd like to help."

"Definitely. Could you keep putting roses on the grave after I die?"

"Definitely." Mitsuki and Takuto agreed in unison.

--

Mitsuki fingered the locket, not willing to open it. She feared if she did, Izumi's ashes might scatter all around and she didn't want to chance it. Still, it was bizarre and a little bit frightening to think that the whole time they had been raising Izumi, his body had actually been in ashes in a locket, locked away in an old man's drawer. She knew they would never find a body for either Meroko or Izumi. They had been given beating hearts only for a short time in the span of eternity. There would be no new bodies to find, for Izumi's remains were in her hands and Meroko's remains were six feet under in a casket.

She sighed and stared intently at the locket, like Takuto, wondering how Izumi's mother could have possibly worn it every day until the day she died. They had always written her off as heartless and even Shinakio had that initial impression of her. Something must have changed, though, because Shinakio hadn't spoken harshly of her as he could have. He had sounded almost sympathetic when mentioning her name.

Why had she burned pictures of her husband and stuck them in the locket as well? Mitsuki stared at it dully as if it could answer her questions, but she feared it would be a question left unanswered for life.

"Izumi," she whispered to the locket, feeling wetness in her eyes again. She wasn't sure she could wear it daily, but she would definitely keep it. Maybe give it to Rei as a keepsake.

--

Takuto leaned over and reread the journal he had in his hands. At first, he had thought of trashing the thing, not wanting to know any thoughts that had formed in the mind of Izumi's mother. She had come across as so heartless. He simply couldn't bring himself to throw it away when he thought of how Shinakio had held on to it for so long. He couldn't when he thought of how this was the musings of someone who was flesh and blood to Izumi. He couldn't do that, it simply wouldn't be right.

He sighed as he leafed through it yet again, sadness clutching at his stomach. He was surprised, but he had actually come to feel some sympathy towards the woman. Wrong and misguided she had been, she seemed to have come to terms with it during her illness, which was when the journal was written. Some of the entries were simply about the day and the treatments she had to endure, the other patients, and concern about who would have to take care of her grave. Apparently, it had been Shinakio she had asked to take care of her funeral arrangements, providing him with the funds.

He flipped to the entries that stood out most in his mind.

I've been fighting this disease now for over two months. I guess I'm lying. I haven't really been fighting it. It's something I deserve. They say what goes around, comes around. Karma. God will do justice. I suppose this is justice being done. It's Karma. I'm getting what I should. But, it seems kind of cruel to say that because there are others sick with this disease and they are young or seem overly nice. But, I suppose my son didn't get what he gave. It's a type of thinking I don't really understand. But I do understand that I am a person who should suffer as I have spent the better part of my life making others suffer through my selfishness.

The other day, one of the nurses asked me why I always wore this locket. I told her it was to remind me to never repeat the same mistake twice. It's to remind me to never have kids again. Or, it was. Obviously, I am older now and not really physically fit to parent a child. But I was a parent and an awful one, at that. Well, not necessarily. I like to believe I was a pretty decent parent until my husband died. Then I just lost my mind and took out my anger and grief on my son. Our son. My husband would have been so sad and disappointed. I hope what they say is true and all your pain from this life is taken away when you die. I have wanted to rid myself of it so often, but I can't. I deserve to go on living, suffering. I hope my son is free of his suffering.

Sometimes I think my mind is sick, too. I feel jealous that my son got to escape life. Why can't I? But that isn't right. I drove my son to that. I did. I can't even write his name, it hurts too much and makes me realize what a monster I really am. Yet, I was never punished. No one sent me to jail or anything. It was just....a tragic accident according to the media. I don't understand why. Why have I always had to keep on living. This is obviously God's way of making sure I live to regret, like the saying, "You'll live to regret this!"

But, I suppose I can do nothing now, but beg for forgiveness and hope that my husband and son won't hold a grudge against me even in death. I suppose I am getting my hopes too high. I certainly don't deserve any form of forgiveness from anyone, especially my son. He was so young and I was so cruel. Sometimes, when I reflect back on that, I want to believe I have the memories of another person, but I know that's just my way of trying to excuse my actions. They're simply inexcusable. I was a bad person, unworthy of having a child. Even God could see that. So, He took my child away.

I say that, but really, I guess even my own child could see I was unworthy of keeping him......

Sometimes, I wish this sickness would just hurry up and kill me. I've been going on for so long and there's just nothing left in me.

Taktuo leaned back, going over the words in his mind. She had obviously been a very confused individual and he wondered if maybe she hadn't had something wrong in the head, but her writing was fluent enough. Maybe she had just made horrible decisions during her time of grieving. Maybe she really couldn't handle her husband dying and leaving her with a child. Regardless, this showed she had some feelings. She couldn't even write Izumi's name in the journal. The whole thing reeked of sadness. He flipped to another entry that had caught his attention.

I'm writing in this journal again. The doctor said it would be healthy for me to write. I don't know why. I've never kept a journal before. I wish I would have before my husband passed away. I could have read about happier times. I haven't been able to have a husband again, it was just too painful to think about. Not to mention what man could possibly want a woman who had let her child throw himself....

The writing trailed off and there were some scribbles and stab marks as if she had become so upset she had stabbed at the paper with the pen, literally making tiny holes in the paper. A few pages later, on a fresh piece that had no holes, she continued the entry.

Well, I hope this is healthy for me. I don't know. It's been making me think more than I like to. About things I've tried to forget, but can't because if I forgot, then I wouldn't learn.

The worst mistake is the mistake that's never realized, or so they say. If you live life with no regrets, then did you learn anything from your life?

But, sometimes, I wonder, what's the point in that. I know you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, but what if they were so bad, there's no way you can really fix them. I mean, what was there to learn from my life when I think about it? Really, it was stuff I should have known, but didn't. Why didn't I?

How come my husband left me?! He said we would always be together, he promised. And I know it's stupid, I know he didn't want to leave me, but still, I find myself blaming him. Thinking maybe we should have never gone down that road if we didn't know how it would end. Because, even if his intentions were good, he paved a road to Hell for me. I guess what they say about good intentions and the road to Hell are really true..... And I stuck my son right on that path............

There were more stab marks and more violently this time. Takuto frowned at them. Kana had obviously bottled up a lot of her pain. He wondered if she had ever sought out counseling because she could have used some. He had originally agreed with her merits on good intentions paving the road to Hell, but Kana had surprised him several entries later.

I was going back, rereading some of my entries from earlier. I've been writing in here sporadically for the past ten months and I find it actually does help, despite my initial doubts. It's helped to organize my mind and clear my head and really get things out I had been wanting to say to someone for years. It was just I could never write before because I was so terrified someone would find and read it and realize what a horrible person I was. But knowing I'll probably be dying soon, I suppose I don't need to worry about that.

Maybe someone will find my journal and not make the same awful mistakes I did. Maybe if their husband dies, they'll realize they aren't the only one suffering and maybe offer their child some form of comfort, instead of driving them away and into death. I wish I could go back and change so much, but I cannot. I suppose even now, I could have made better use of the time I had left on this planet, instead of just asking God why he punished me and being envious and weary of happy people, instead of avoiding small children because they reminded me of my own loss, instead of being so sure of myself that I was supposed to suffer endlessly. Maybe I should have tried to help others, maybe I should have been less selfish.

It's amazing how at the end of your life, you truly realize how important others are and how selfish you've truly been. I've been acting like the victim, asking why my husband was taken away, asking why I couldn't have had a better personality, a stronger child, a better life. When I never acknowledge that maybe a lot of it was my own fault. My suffering was mostly because I chose to suffer. I could have been happy with what time I'd had with my husband. I could have watched my son grow up and have his own family. But I am selfish, only thinking of how unhappy life has made me.

And it's ironic, because you realize you knew all this in your mind your whole life, but your actions have shown that you did not truly believe or understand it. I guess that saying that actions are louder than words is one of the truest sayings of them all. Most people's actions don't back up their words and I definitely fall into that category. I've always known the words, but never followed through with my actions.

And that brings me back to an earlier entry. I wrote about how my husband had paved a path to Hell through good intentions. But, thinking on it, mulling over it, and pondering it without letting my anger get the best of me, I realize I'm incorrect in this. My husband did pave a path and even if it was to Hell, the fact of the matter is he never forced me onto it. I chose to walk that path. It's debatable if he even paved the path in the first place. Although a lot of paths are paved with good intentions, leading to Hell or Heaven, it still boils down to whether a person chooses to walk on said paved paths.

Although, I would argue that you definitely have a strong influence on the paths children take as opposed to adults. I was a poor example. I chose to walk on a poor path and my son followed in my footsteps.

I wish I would have thought on all this earlier in life instead of waiting right up until before I die. I guess I'm truly selfish to the core, selfish to the very end and only realizing too late.

Not that I ever could have made up what I did. But I could have at least tried to be a better person.

Well, I'm going to jump onto the bandwagon of "It's never too late!" The nurses were asking if I would be willing to sit with some other weaker patients who will be leaving shortly. To comfort them in their last moments. I feel like I'm a poor choice. I was there for my husband's last moments and I was hysterical. I was there for my son's last moments and I was useless. But I will be better now. I will not be selfish or useless. I still have a few months left in me yet.

Takuto felt a small smile on his lips as he looked at the journal. This entry was only halfway into it and the journal was thick. As it had turned out, Kana hadn't died within months of that entry. He wasn't sure if it was her determination to be a better person after her revelation, but she had managed to live for nearly two more years, apparently, being a great help to the nurses and a favorite among the other patients that were sick as well. She had even been released from the hospital for a long period, the doctors thinking she was healthy, but she still volunteered. Then she had a remission and had to be admitted again. She had chosen to die in her home, though, with a nurse, because she didn't want the sight of her wasted body to be a discouragement to the other patients fighting sickness.

She had a ton more entries after that, but most were about other patients and her concern for them and how they helped shape her into a better person. It had taken Takuto nearly four hours to read the journal thus far and he found he kept going back to those entries, pondering on them and trying to absorb what she had been saying because it seemed important to him. He had known most of it, but he didn't want to forget it ever, especially after reading her entry about how she had known in her head it was selfish, but had still acted selfishly without even truly realizing it. The entry left him pondering his own feelings as well. He had always assumed she was heartless and horrible and he had been quick to judge her. But, really, who was he to judge her? He wasn't God. He wasn't even Izumi or her husband, the two people who would have the most right to be upset and hateful towards her. How could he ever had thought it was okay to judge her when he couldn't even begin to relate to her. He promised himself that he would never be so quick to condemn another person again, despite how much he disagreed with their actions.

He finally went back to where he had been and read on until he got to the last entry. It took his breath away.

I fear my time is getting shorter. I'm anxious to see my husband and my son again and fall to my knees and beg for their forgiveness. I'm anxious and terrified of seeing God and begging for His forgiveness. If I'm granted it from both He and my family, I think that will simply be too much. If I were not already dead, I would probably die of happiness. I wonder if you can even die after you die. If there's even anything there. Or maybe..... No, I refuse to believe there's nothing there. I've been living my whole life waiting for this moment. I know there's going to be someone there.

My son. His ashes. I've asked to be buried with them, but I am suspicious that Shinakio might take them. He said it would be a shame to simply bury the necklace I've been wearing my whole life. I asked him why as the only reason my son was cremated was because there wasn't enough left of him to bury. Otherwise, he would be in a coffin right next to my husband. I've also requested he put me on the other side of my husband. I know sometimes people put their child in the middle, but I don't think I deserve to be anywhere near his memorial stone, even though his ashes have hung around my neck for years.

I suppose that makes no sense whatsoever. And maybe I'm still too selfish, wanting to be put closer to my husband than my son's memorial stone, telling myself it shouldn't matter because I'll be buried with his ashes. It shouldn't matter because I'm going to be dead. Is my dead body really going to care what side of my husband or son's tombstones I'm on? Probably not.

Still, I asked anyway.

It's silly. I know Shinakio will take away my son's ashes, but I suppose I don't deserve to be buried with any part of him and I don't deserve to be next to his memorial stone. I've been cruelly clinging to him and now, he will be completely free of me if he hasn't already been. In my death, I will have to let him go completely.

If there is one person I could see, one person I could apologize to, more than any other person, it would be my son.

My son, Lio Izumi.

I haven't written or said his name since his funeral. But, see, I never forgot it.

How could I?