It's Friday, which means it is time for another chapter of my favorite Merlin story! YAY! But before I get into it (it will be another script chapter, by the way, and really help the plot along), there's something I want to tell you. It's about how I first met Merlin. And I think you need to know it, because my first time seeing the show was pretty memorable.

It had been a hard Friday. School was hard. Life was hard. And I was bored. I decided I wanted to watch TV, but there were no shows I liked on, as I discovered when I checked all my channels. But I was restless, and reading a book was not going to cut it. (This was before my fanfiction days.) I made a life-changing decision then, folks: I decided to flip channels.

This might not seem so crazy, but I'd never been allowed to do that growing up (a lesson a learned well when I stayed a fraction of a second too long on a channel that involved a sword, a scary lady, and an eye…). This would be my first time resorting to flipping channels. But I was going to do it anyway.

The first few channels had nothing, so I flipped idly to SyFy. I didn't know it, but this was the day they were showing the Merlin marathon—every episode of season 1 before they began showing season 2 in a few weeks.

The first thing I saw was two men (two pretty cute men) sitting across from each other at a table. On a mountain top place. With two cups in between them. I heard them talking about the poison in one of the cups, trying to reason out how they could know which one was which.

Bless me, do you know what my first thought was? No, not oh look at the prequel to King Arthur. Not Merlin's adorable.

But I thought: What? Is this some sort of remake of The Princess Bride?

Yes. The Princess Bride.

Then after listening a moment, I thought, A bad remake.

Arthur said Merlin's name.

Merlin? Like King Arthur? ... An Arthurian remake?

I watched as Arthur pointed into the distance (oh, I thought, don't fall for that, Merlin. They did the same thing in The Princess Bride!) and drained the cups.

I was already hooked. But I regret to say it took me way to long to accept the fact that it wasn't Princess Bride. I was still confused at the end of the episode. I watched the rest of the series and became unconfused.

Do you realize what this means, though? It means, while most of you thought Arthur was a prat for a long time, I knew right away he had a good heart. In the next episode I saw Morgana's inner evil. In the next I saw that Uther wasn't totally inhuman and that Nimueh doesn't stand a chance against Merlin. So hah. Take that. I knew it from the beginning!

But I'm sorry, I just took way too long telling you how me and my "bf" met, when I'm sure you didn't care that much. I needed to get it off my chest. One more thing: next review will be #100! YES. I feel so successful. So, however the next reviewer is, I will write you a poem like thing with your name. Maybe something like:

Knowledgeable.

Inspiring.

Truly

Touching.

Youthful.

Outstanding.

Or maybe something else, I don't know.

Onto the story! YAY, again! I will be making it slightly more script-like by CAPPING names, okay? I'd forgotten they did that so you know your cue.

Curtain

Act One, Scene One

(MORGANA runs into the throne room, gasping as though she'd just run a long way. She is no longer wearing the silly outfit KITTY O put her in, but rather her normal way-too-tight silver dress. You all know the one. The spray-on dress. She stands in the doorway for a moment, looking disheveled, and EVERYONE turns to look at her. This probably has less to do with they panic in her eyes and more to do with that dress… She looks back at them a moment in silence.)

MORGANA, THE EVIL LITTLE PRETENDER: Everybody out! Out! I need to talk to Uther! Now!

(The KNIGHTS, who are in conference, just stare. UTHER stands up.)

UTHER, THE THICK-SKULLED KING: What is it, my dear?

MORGANA: I want everyone out. This matter is urgent.

(KNIGHTS, because they are incapable of making their own decisions and too stupid to get out of the way of a desperate woman, turn to UTHER for help.)

UTHER: You heard her! Everybody out! Or do you not value your lives?

LEON, WHO SHOULD BY ALL RIGHTS HAVE BEEN DEAD AT THE END OF SEASON TWO: (stand up in panic) Oh, no! I'm getting out of here before the evil pretender stabs me in the gut with a weapon and tosses me off a wall!

(The rest of the KNIGHTS appear to think this is an excellent idea, and LEON and the KNIGHTS scurry from the room as fast as they can.)

UTHER: Now, Morgana, tell me, what is the matter?

MORGANA: Kitty O! The same thing that is the matter with the rest of Camelot!

UTHER: Who? Is she a new servant?

MORGANA: I wish! You can fire servants.

UTHER: Oh, I never fire servants. Never. They make wonderful extras and disposable characters when I'm feeling particularly stupid and want to get someone poisoned… Or when I get into a giant magic war with people dying left and right.

MORGANA: That's not the point! The point is that this Kitty O is no servant! I don't even know what she is! (A/N: Amateur writer, thanks.)

UTHER: How has she been pestering you?

(Just then, the door to the throne room opens and ARTHUR stalks in, followed by MERLIN, who is lagging behind. He, MERLIN, is dressed as normal, neckerchief and ragged clothes, but with one major difference. There is a pair of sunglasses sitting on his head.)

ARTHUR, THE INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGED YET LOVABLE: (as he storms in, speaking over his shoulder) I don't care how you feel about her, Merlin. The woman is becoming a menace, and we need my father to get rid of her…

MERLIN, WHO LOVES KITTY AND DOESN'T HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER: (distraught) But, Arthur, you can't just arrest her! What did she do wrong, really?

ARTHUR: Shut up, Merlin. (Turns to his father) Father, I need your help getting rid of an evil sorceress.

MERLIN: An evil sorceress by a mere technicality!

ARTHUR: Shut up, Merlin! I'm trying to complain!

UTHER: (standing up) What? There is a sorceress loose in Camelot? Why haven't you arrested her? She must be executed!

(MERLIN looks a little paler.)

ARTHUR: Well, Father, it's a good deal harder to catch a sorceress than you seem to think. I mean, if they're any good, chances are that they won't be hiding in Gaius's chambers, which is where we always seem to have to look. They'll actually be hiding. Plus, I never even knew what I was supposed to do when I found one. Arrest them? Great. So what do I do if they blast me with magic? Block it with my sword? I mean, we never did cover that exactly.

UTHER: Well, to tell the truth, I kinda don't know. Why do you think I gave this job to you? I was depending on your dumb luck to save you. You seem to have a lot of that.

(MERLIN rolls his eyes behind ARTHUR'S back.)

MORGANA: (impatiently) Hello? We shouldn't be talking about Arthur's dumb luck! There are more important things to talk about!

MERLIN: (grabbing at straws) You mean, like how that same "Dumb Luck" keeps saving him every time you try to have him murdered?

MORGANA: Shut up, Merlin. Of course I didn't mean that. I meant this Kitty O. She's terrorizing all of Camelot. We need to get rid of her!

UTHER: What should I do? Is she very powerful?

MERLIN: (reluctantly) Well, no. (A/N: Well, YEAH!)

(The door opens and nervously GWEN steps in. UTHER looks at her, confused.)

UTHER: It's Morgana's maid. What is she doing here?

GWEN, THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY TAKES MY ADVICE: (nervously) I'm not sure, but I think I'm here to complete the cast… All we need now is Gaius, and Kitty O hasn't terrorized him as of yet. Your Majesty.

UTHER: (bewildered) She's been bugging your maid, Morgana? What exactly is this… what's her name?

ARTHUR AND MORGANA: Kitty O.

UTHER: What exactly is this Kitty O doing to annoy everyone so much? How does she have the audacity? Is she invincible?

ARTHUR: She left me a rather embarrassing list of rules, introduced me to…. (shudders) fanfiction…

UTHER: (to himself) That? Terrible stuff.

ARTHUR: And she erased my memory, wrote me rather nasty memos, and… and she made my manservant sing a song about my teddy bear.

MORGANA: She threatened me! Kept telling me she knew what I was. And she attempted to assassinate me once! She also taught me a class, but then turned right around and helped my enemy!

(UTHER nods and looks at GWEN.)

GWEN: She wrote me some memos, too… and a letter of advice. Rather good advice, actually…

(UTHER looks at MERLIN, who sighs blissfully.)

MERLIN: She made me a secret agent. (He reaches up and pulls his glasses down over his eyes, smiling. He will wear the shades for the rest of the one-shot.) Oh, yeah, and she also made me fall in love with her…

(UTHER blinks, confused.)

MERLIN: Which is actually kind of a mean thing to do… And, if I were capable of it, I might be angry. Or I might not. She's pretty awesome. (A/N: Sorry, love. That's show biz.)

UTHER: What should we do to catch this… this… giver of advice?

MERLIN: I vote we do nothing.

UTHER: Don't be ridiculous.

ARTHUR: Merlin, we have to get rid of her, or she'll… embarrass me.

MORGANA: And she'll blow my cover!

GWEN: And she might tell me something the writers don't want me to know. Yet. And she threatened to kill me, too. If I cheated on Arthur.

UTHER: (straightening in surprise as it hits him) Wait…is this the same girl who left me that dubious secret admirer note?

ALL THE REST: Probably.

UTHER: Well, then, I agree! Her we need to get rid of somehow!

(Suddenly a new character enters the one-shot, because there was simply no other way of ending it.)

SARAHLUVSDWRH, THE TOTALLY AWESOME REVIEWER: This is stupid.

(EVERYONE turns and looks at her with varying degrees of alarm. MERLIN stares; GWEN squawks and clutches ARTHUR'S arm; UTHER falls back into his seat, grabbing at his heart.)

MORGANA: Who in the world are you?

SARAHLUVSDWRH: Kitty O sent me. She promised me that she would use me somehow, so here I am. Scientia-potentia-est's part is coming later, in another one-shot.

(UTHER pulls out his sword.)

UTHER: You are working with the sorceress!

SARAHLUVSDWRH: I am. I came to bring you a message from her, but if you run me through, I just might not give it to you.

MERLIN: What's the message?

SARAHLUVSDWRH: She said to remind you that, as she's writing this, she knows about this little conspiracy. And that she is perfectly fine with it. Go ahead and try to catch her, she says, but you won't. Because she's writing you.

UTHER: That is both creepy and hard to follow. What's this about writing us?

SARAHLUVSDWRH: Merlin will explain it to you; I don't really have time. But she just said to tell you. Also, she said to warn you that she will continue to write you memos and sarcastic one-shots. So you can deal with it. Any questions?

MORGANA: (raises her hand) Why did she send you to tell us? Who are you, her minion?

SARAHLUVSDWRH: Technically I'm her reviewer and reader—but aren't they almost the same thing? (A/N: KIDDING! KIDDING!)

UTHER: No matter what she thinks, we will find her! And she will be executed.

ARTHUR: Well… probably.

MORGANA: Maybe.

GWEN: Probably not…

MERLIN: Yeah, Uther, that's not happening. Kitty O's pretty slick…

SARAHLUVSDWRH: Now that we have that covered. Time to end the one-shot. Goodbye!

(And, like that, the character/reviewer goes poof! All gone. EVERYONE stares at where the small poof of smoke came from, bemused. )

ARTHUR: Now that this rather awkwardly put together, not to mention rather unfunny, scene is over, I have somewhere to be. Coming, Merlin?

MERLIN: (sighs in a lovelorn way) It might not have been funny, but it fixed the problem with the plot. Besides, I'd love her even if none of her stuff was funny!

ARTHUR: Shut up and come on, Merlin, before you make me sick.

(Still muttering about his Kit-Kat bar, MERLIN follows ARTHUR dejectedly out of the room.)

End Scene One, Act One.

A/N: Not my favorite or my best, but please forgive me and PLEASE review. (I've been spoiled now, and if I don't get the same amount as usual I may cry.)