Absolutely, Completely, Hopelessly

Date Written: 7-25-06
Date Uploaded: 8-23-08
Last Editing: 7-25-06
Rating: PG
Series: Bleach
Spoiler Warnings: post ep. 19 (ch. I have no idea…) The timeline here is shot to hell. Sorry.
Author: Izzi
Additional Notes: I can't say I completely understand the dynamic between Ichigo and his hollow-thingy (I wasn't paying close enough attention to important chapters- I guess if Rukia's not around, I get restless)… Anyway, here it is in all its kind of messed up, sort of OOC glory.
This was actually the first drabble to be written for CSS, but until now it wasn't deemed good enough to post. We're desperate.

.x.x.x.x.

He could see her. She was curled up in the closet. Rukia had fallen asleep early and forgotten to close the door. He knew he should get up to close it himself for privacy's sake, but he couldn't bring himself. He was finally warm in his bed, and he'd be damned if she was going to change that. Of course… it was nice to have her back there. It almost felt… normal.

Sometimes at night, when he was just about to slip from consciousness, he could hear the voice. It was harsh, insistent and impatient, demanding to be heard. It was his voice. He'd convinced himself that it was the hollow. That thing had somehow infiltrated his mind this far, both a part of him and a separate, living entity unto itself. He wished it wasn't there. He wished that it would get out of him.

But somewhere along the line of rationality, it had to occur that maybe it was just him… Maybe his subconscious was working in overdrive since she came back. Maybe it knew something he didn't.

Either way it was a pain in the ass. Tonight in particular.

"You're completely brainless." It hissed dangerously.

"What are you talking about? I just want to go to sleep…" His response was to roll over, as if it would block out the voice inside his own head.

"You haven't even realized." It laughed coolly.

"Realized what?"

"You haven't realized about her…"

"Her who? …Rukia?" Of course, hers was the first name that came to mind. Coincidence.

"You're absolutely, madly in love with her." It sneered. "And your stupid emotions are getting in my way."

"What?!" The very thought made him draw back. "She's obnoxious and bossy and annoying…"

"And she taught you everything you know about being a shinigami. She's saved your ass more times than you can count to, Kurosaki. But that's not saying much."

"She hangs around too much…"

"She lives in your closet!"

"Where else am I supposed to send her?"

"Inoue's, Urahara's… with Renji." There was a smile to the final name, as if it knew what was coming.

"Yeah right, like I would…" He rolled his eyes, catching the trap a moment too late. "… she… she… she makes everything more complicated!"

"You're completely crazy about her. Now quit the act."

"Shut the hell up. I think I would know." He huffed one more time and rolled over again.

"Ichigo?" His eyes snapped open again. He could barely see her in the dark, but she was stirring. "What's going on?" The notes of sleepiness clung to her voice, the syllables dragging.

"Hmph." He grunted in response, but felt a prick of guilt a second later. His voice softened. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep, Rukia." She complied easily.

The voice picked up again. "You're the only one who doesn't see it."

He was silent. He didn't close his eyes again. All he could do was lay there and think.

He cared about her, sure… he was willing to admit it. She was his friend and he surely accumulated a debt to her over the time they'd spent together. She was a good person, despite her flaws. She was smart, loyal, and she'd risked her life for him more than he probably deserved. If not for her, he wouldn't have his family, his powers, or his life...

He decided to watch her carefully, just for a moment, just because she made the voice go away. She was asleep already. He could see the gentle rise and fall of her shoulder as she breathed. Her black hair was like silk in the moonlight. Her face was peaceful, an almost smile turning up the corners of her lips. It made something between his chest and stomach tighten snugly.

"You're hopelessly in love."

He carefully removed the blankets and silently covered the distance between them. She didn't move as he stood in front of her, but the displaced air blew a rebellious strand of hair into her face. Her nose twitched. A nearly imperceptible smile covertly made its way onto his lips. He could barely feel his hand as it rose and brushed away the strands. She sighed contently. His insides tightened again.

He stood back a step. "Shit…" In the single instant he realized… he really was absolutely, completely, hopelessly... What a bitch... making him fall in love like that. The voice in his head went silent as he crawled into bed with a smile.