Author's Note: Thank you so much for the great response to the last chapter. Reading everyone's thoughts makes this so much more fun.

I was late posting this chapter, but the next one should post on time. I'll see you back here Wednesday or Thursday.

- Cris

Conversations with My Killer
Chapter 14 - Those Words

I loved him. Every sick, twisted thought in his head tripped a wire in mine. I wanted to watch him kill a million people and bathe me in their blood. This was the best and worst realization of my life. It was more agonizing than deciding to die to reach my forever. The truth was clear in my heart but being savaged by the arguments in my head.

I needed him to help me figure this out. "Just because you want something, doesn't mean you should take it."

His temper was infamous. He rarely lost it, but when he did, he reacted badly and never with much thought to the future. I got a taste of that tonight. He didn't understand that I wasn't rejecting him. I was trying to talk my way through this, but I didn't get a chance to explain before his anger blindsided us both.

Jasper balled a fist into my shirt and lifted me off my feet. I clawed at his hands. "What the hell are you doing? Let me go."

He paused for the longest second of my life. "Should I let you go?"

I peeked over to the right. There was nothing beneath me. No. No. No. "Jasper, don't do it. Please. You don't understand. I -"

He dropped me.

I was never one of those people that feared the sudden stop at the end of a long fall. I feared the space between losing your footing and making the hard impact. Seconds could feel like a lifetime. I didn't have seconds.

I had zero chance to comprehend what happened before something hit me. I went from falling down to flying sideways. We hit a wall with enough force to knock the wind out of me. Whoever caught me had their arms locked around me in a bruising hold.

A female's voice. Esme. "I've got you, Bella."

Did she, or was I dead? I saw Jasper and then nothing. I couldn't be dead. If I was, he would have me. Heaven was like that. It gave you what you wanted.

And what kind of screwed up girl wanted a vampire who dropped her off roofs, pushed her off cliffs, and threw her into the ocean? He was death. I wanted death.

No. Not death. Life. A different kind of life.

A life without love. No family. No children. No growing old. No sunshine. No friends. Nothing.

A question. "Did I hurt you?"

Not Esme. Him.

Not him. Me. I hurt myself.

"Don't let me go," I pleaded.

"I won't, sweetie."

Minutes passed as I let the world fade away and focused on Esme. She was strong like the others but still gentle. Her touch made me think of clouds. They were heavy but still light. She was exactly what I needed.

A loud cracking noise startled me. More came one after another. I held tighter to my savior. "What is that?"

"Jasper knocked down a few trees."

"He shouldn't do that. Trees are beautiful. We need trees."

"Yes, we do."

It was dark and now light. We were in the house. There were more voices. One was missing. I turned to look for him. Jasper was separated from the family. His corner. Blank. Empty. The lack of animation stung.

Rosalie wasn't blank. She was screaming something at him. They went at it. I barely listened. Carlisle and Esme were checking me out.

Where do you hurt? My heart.

How do you feel? Fragmented.

Your heart rate is elevated. At least I had one.

They declared me healthy and undamaged. "Is that a joke?" I asked.

Blank expressions. They didn't get it. I had never been more damaged. Esme saved me, but pieces still hit the ground. Jasper dropped them.

Disposed. Trash. Unwanted.

Not true.

More screaming broke through my thoughts. Rosalie was really letting Jasper have it. He watched me and ignored her. His eyes said he was sorry, but his expression and body language showed disinterest.

Rosalie finally stopped with the theatrics.

Jasper spoke. "I was teaching Bella to save herself."

"Did you also teach her to fly when we weren't looking?"

"Good point. Humans are never very successful at flight, but they do paint a pretty picture when they hit the ground. Let's call it an art lesson instead."

She went for his throat. He sidestepped her. "Use your brain. I knew one of you would catch her."

"What if we killed her in the attempt? She is fragile. You can't toss her around like a toy just because she doesn't give you what you want."

"I did not toss her around. I dropped her. I've only ever thrown her twice, and she survived."

This was one of those special moments in life where everyone looked to me for answers. They had a dozen questions, and all were thrown at me seemingly at once.

When did he throw you? Why didn't you tell someone? What else has he done to you? Is this why you've stayed away from the family? Has he threatened you? How long has this been going on?

Jasper didn't take kindly to any of it. "Be very careful about what you are implying. I have not abused the human."

"You just dropped her off the roof of the house," Rosalie roared. "And she's not just a human. She's our sister."

"A sister? You let Edward beat her down mentally until she was barely able to acknowledge to herself how unhappy she was. Take a good look at her. She is stronger than ever. If my methods do not meet with your approval, tough shit. They meet with hers."

He finally spoke to me. "This is how we are together. No one will understand it, but it only matters that we do."

Jasper was right. This was how we were. From the cliffs to visiting the dog shelter, he used fear to teach me. I knew this and came back for more no matter what he threw at me. Only this time, there was no lesson. He dropped me because he was angry.

More from the peanut gallery. I usually liked peanuts. Tonight, not so much.

Rosalie was the loudest nut in the bunch. "Are you going to say something or stand there like an idiot?"

No one said anything. I glanced around the room. They were waiting for me. I was the idiot.

More of her mouth. "If he kills you, it's your fault."

I wasn't letting that stand. "Wrong. It's his fault. He is capable of controlling his temper. So point your finger at him and keep it well away from me."

Her nostrils flared in a most unbecoming way. "It's lovely to meet your backbone. Will your brain arrive late, as well?"

My brain was just fine. "Dial back on the bitchiness. I'm not required to agree with you about Jasper or anything else."

That earned me an approving smile from Jasper. I wanted to rip his face off and feed it to him. Dropping me. Art lessons. Fuck him.

The sudden burst of anger knocked me sideways. He had been controlling my emotions again. I had been numb from the second I saw him. This was him. He wanted a reaction out of me, and I refused to dance to his tune.

Jasper fed off other people's pain and fear. As messed up as it was, he felt more secure in his blood red world where violence and suffering were the norm. It was love and trust that made him feel threatened.

The realization dampened any of the fury I felt. A non-reaction would hurt him far worse than a temper tantrum. What good did it do to rage when the other person wanted the harsh words? I wasn't even truly mad at him. I was sad for him.

"Emmett, will you please drive me home? My nerves are shot."

"No," Jasper answered for him. "I'll take you home."

Keep it cold. "You've preached to me about putting your own survival above everyone else's. All I'm doing is following your example. Emmett would never hurt me. You don't care if you do or not."

He moved to my side but was careful not to touch me. "I do care, and you know I can keep you safe."

I knew he could, but that wasn't the point. "It's not your job to keep me safe. I have to look out for myself."

"Wait. Don't go."

"You should be happy, Jasper. I don't trust you anymore. You can leave me alone now. I don't want to see you tomorrow. I'm not sure I ever want to see you again."

I survived the drop. I wasn't sure I would survive the rescue. Holy hell, my body ached. I went to bed last night thinking I came out unscathed only to wake up this morning and not be able to get out of bed.

Jasper's name was now a curse. This was his fault. My back. My chest. My arms. My neck. Nothing was happy. Nothing.

There was a knock on my bedroom door. Charlie. "Bella, you up?"

Up. Down. Dead. "I'm awake."

"I made breakfast. Pancakes and bacon."

Charlie rarely made anything in the kitchen other than a mess. There was no way I would miss this. "I'll be down in a second."

I descended the stairs slowly. Other than putting on a robe, I made no effort to make myself presentable.

My dad was already shoveling food onto his plate. He waved a fork at me. "I made you extra bacon."

I gingerly took a seat at the table. "Thank you."

"You look rough today," he observed. "You sick?"

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know."

He stopped mid-chew. "You're never sick. What's wrong?"

My only answer was a painful shrug.

"Not good enough, kid. Talk to me."

"It's not important."

Charlie murmured out a half-hearted acceptance. "Uh huh."

We ate in loud silence. He had questions. I wasn't offering answers. This was becoming a pattern with me.

After I finished my plate, he slid an extra piece of bacon over to me. "You take it."

I was a bacon fiend. It brought out the daughter in me. "Thank you, Daddy."

The rare use of the endearment made him grin. "Can we talk now?"

"Was this your plan all along? You butter me up with pancakes and bacon. I spill my guts."

"It worked when you were ten. Remember when you came home from the park with a new haircut but wouldn't say which of the kids chopped it off?"

How could I forget? "I was the one who cut it, but I was scared you would get mad at me."

"I never understood why you were afraid. It's your hair."

He always said it was pretty. Something in my head made me believe he wouldn't like me anymore after I messed it up. To this day, I only trimmed it once a year.

Someone knocked on the front door. Panama alerted us with some rapid fire barking I could have done without. Charlie got up to answer the door.

"If that's Jasper, I don't want to see him."

My dad returned to the kitchen a few minutes later with a bouquet of sunflowers. "He said he's sorry."

Sunflowers. Most men would have gone with roses. "Did he say anything else?"

"Nope, and I'm guessing you won't either."

Actually, I would. I had no one else to talk to, and I trusted my dad to give me advice without making it about what he wanted. "I don't know what to do about him. I like him more than I should even when I know it's wrong."

Charlie pulled up a chair and sat down next to me. "What's wrong about it?"

"He pushes me all the time. I hate it."

That ruffled him up. "Pushes you? Explain that before I lose my temper."

"He pushes me to figure out who I am rather than let other people tell me who they want me to be. It's a constant challenge with him. He'd rather show me ugly truth than give me pretty lies. It's not always easy to take."

"I'm guessing your feelings get damaged along the way."

All the time. "It's not intentional. His background makes it difficult for him to be sympathetic to others."

"He's only nineteen, Bella. You can't expect him to have everything figured out."

Nineteen? Sure. We could go with that.

Charlie moved us to touchier ground. "What about Edward?"

"We're done. I'm only wearing the ring until I'm able to tell him face to face. It seems right to let him know before everyone else figures it out."

"Have you told Jasper that?"

"He knows where I stand with Edward. We've talked about it several times."

There was a heavy sigh that told me I screwed up somewhere. "Bella, Jasper isn't going to believe you're over Edward if you keep that ring on. Not to mention they're brothers. This is a very difficult situation, and it has to be bothering him. You can't expect him to always handle it with grace."

That was putting it lightly. "Are you taking his side?"

He patted me on the back. It was all I could do not to howl. "I'm taking your side, and I know he makes you happy. If you don't want to be with him, I'll be supportive of that decision too."

"You're a good dad. Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm not done yet. I want you to think about what you're doing. If you're jerking these two boys around, you need to stop it. They have feelings too."

"I know."

"I'm not sure you do. Jasper looked like he lost his best friend. I'm guessing that's you."

It was me.

I suffered through four long days without Jasper. This time he didn't leave town. He arrived every morning with a new bouquet of flowers. Charlie made sure to spend several minutes talking with him. They were buddies now. I wanted to smack them both.

Today I decided to avoid them both and sleep late. I should have thought of this days ago. Avoiding them both was much easier from my room. At least, it should have been. I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I assumed it was my dad and told him to come in.

Jasper was not my dad.

My morning growl came out meaner than I intended. "What do you want?"

"You can't drop the whole family because you're mad at me. Emmett misses you."

"I'll call him later," I said through a yawn. "Go away."

He didn't much care. "It's noon. Get up."

"Leave me alone"

He pulled my covers off me. "Up. Now. I won't take no for an answer. Not today."

I didn't move. He grabbed my feet and pulled me off the bed. I landed on the covers he pulled to the floor.

"Are you insane?" I screamed.

"No, I'm pissed off. You won't even give me a chance to talk to you."

"You dropped me off the roof of a house."

"And you didn't let me explain why. How is that fair?"

His side? "What can you possibly say? Oops, she slipped."

"I had to get you away from me before I killed you. Dropping you was the best option I had at the time. The family was already outside in case you lost your balance. I knew one of them would catch you."

He didn't know. He hoped they would catch me. "That doesn't make it okay."

"It was better than choking you, which was my first instinct."

"Cutting you into pieces is better than pushing you into a volcano. Should I do it?"

"Yes. I can be put back together. Lava is not so forgiving."

That gave me something in common with it. "Take me to Hawaii. There's something I want to show you."

Another smile. I almost missed the days when he only had one expression. It was easier to stay detached from him. As it stood now, I was completely screwed.

"I want you to leave."

"I want to chew on your inner thigh, which goes to show we can't always have what we want."

Why couldn't he stop doing that? "Don't talk about me like I'm a turkey leg you buy at the fair. It doesn't make me want to see you."

Jasper's frustration came to the surface. "How do I fix this? I brought you flowers. I spent time with your father. I apologized. I gave you space. What else do you want?"

Him. I wanted him. A good him. Someone who told me how he felt instead of making me guess. "I want you to leave."

"No, you want a declaration of love and lies. I won't claim to love you when I'm not sure if I do. I won't promise to never hurt you when I know I might."

Exactly. "By all means, keep proving my point."

He sat down next to me and pulled my covers up around me. "You care about right and wrong. Is it right to judge me by the same standards as a human male? Death and violence are common occurrences in my life. Both are as natural to me as breathing is to you. It is a reflex to lash out at the source of my anger. That night it was almost you."

Well that made everything okay. "Goody goody gumdrops. We can be best buds again. Let's hold hands and skip through the streets coated in the blood of a dead baby. It'll be snappy."

"I don't know about the skipping, but we can hold hands."

How was it possible that the part about the baby whooshed over his head? "I was being sarcastic."

"I wasn't." There was a pause. "I can hear your neighbors having sex."

Damn. Just damn. "They're in their eighties. I don't need that visual."

"I can hear them and feel them, but it doesn't make me want to have sex with you."

I would hope not. Shit. "Could you go now? I need to vomit."

"You're ill?" He slapped a hand on my forehead. "You don't feel warm to me."

I crawled away. He came right after me. "Hold still, Bella."

I tried to push him back. "Stop touching me."

"Not until I know what's wrong." He moved his hand down to my stomach. "I know you're not menstruating. You're also not breeding. Why else would you feel nauseous? Food poisoning?"

"You're the one making me sick, you perv. Old people sex is gross, and don't talk about my period. Damn, we need some boundaries."

"Can I talk about your breath and body odor? You smell foul."

Grrr. I hated him. "Get out of my room."

Jasper jumped up to his feet and went into my bathroom.

"That's still part of my room, you daft donkey."

He turned on the water in my bath. "What's with the donkey?"

I cursed too much. I needed to stop. It wasn't ladylike. It was coarse and unnecessary. "Edward was right about my language. I don't want to talk like you."

"Saying it in your head doesn't make it better. You should hear Alice. She's a foul little beast."

It was a family trait. So was wearing down my defenses. I wanted Jasper here. Today. Tomorrow. He could drop me off the Eiffel Tower or hold my head under water. I'd always want him with me.

I wished I could go back in time and give myself a warning about loving this confusing master of murder. I think I was more upset with myself for caring about him than I was with him for being an ass. Now that I'd been dropped off a building, I could safely say that the experience was not as bad as loving someone who didn't love me in return. There was no Esme to save me from that.

My mind was numb as I watched him run his fingers through the water. "Come tell me if this is too hot. I can't tell."

I would never get rid of him. "You're not going to leave, are you?"

"Give me an hour. If you still want me gone, I'll go."

I could do an hour. He would leave. The world would still suck, but I would eventually find peace with that. It would probably take me a decade or three, but I could do it.

I brushed my teeth and tried to pretend we were a normal couple. Were we even a couple? I wasn't sure what we were. Together but not. Different but the same. What the hell were we?

I was technically engaged to his fake brother. There was no ignoring the weight holding down my arm. It was wrapped snug around the ring finger of my left hand. I never did like my engagement ring. I thought it was pointless. Anyone needing to know I was engaged already knew. Of the ones that didn't know, they probably wouldn't care.

According to Charlie, the ring mattered a great deal. I thought wearing it was the honorable thing to do, but this didn't necessarily make it the right thing. What if it really was the root cause of Jasper's doubts and the anger that built up because of them? I knew he came first to me, but there was no way for him to know that.

It didn't help that when he did voice his objections to the ring I mostly ignored them. It was unreasonable to expect him not to have a problem with that.

I twisted the ring around my finger. It was as cold as the person who gave it to me. And just where the hell was Borneo Bob? Why should I feel beholden to someone who essentially abandoned me? There was no note, no phone calls, and nothing to even tell me he was coming back. He was gone. Jasper was here.

I looked up at the mirror and noticed him watching me. His eyes moved down to my hands where I was still messing with the ring. "Why won't you take it off?"

"Tell me why I should."

Tell me how you feel.

There was a screaming pause before he answered. "I can feel it when I hold your hand. It brushed over my skin when I was kissing you. That ring may not mean anything to you, but it cuts me every time I see it."

There was what I needed. It wasn't a declaration of love, but it was something I could hold close to my heart.

I slid the offending bauble off and set it on the sink. "Better?"

"Very much so."

I agreed for the most part. "Does it make sense that I can still feel it? I thought I didn't like it, but maybe a part of me did."

"We'll find you another ring."

A person could interpret that a million ways. I decided it was best to leave it alone.

Jasper came up behind me and rubbed my arms. "Why does it make me feel worse seeing you bruised than it does when I see the remains of someone I killed?"

"Does it?"

"Yes. I want to twist Esme's head off and kick it across a field. She should have been more careful with you. I know this is ultimately my fault, but I still want to hurt her."

"What happened to humans painting a pretty picture when we land?"

He kissed my shoulder. "I only said that for the benefit of the family. It is better if they question how much I value you."

"After that night, do you really believe that's in doubt?"

"All they know is that I want you. Anything more is still up in the air."

"For them or for you?" I challenged.

Jasper stiffened. "For them. Take your bath. You'll smell better."

I could feel his emotions modifying my own. I felt calmer than I should, almost absent from the moment. I agreed to his request without even thinking about it.

"May I sit next to you?" he asked.

Now that one shocked me awake. "You want to watch me bathe?"

"Yes, but it wasn't what I had in mind for today. I will keep my back turned. All I want is to talk to you. I swear."

"For someone who doesn't want me to trust them, you sure ask me to do a lot of things that require trust."

"Yes, I do."

The simple response made me laugh, something I hadn't expected to happen again with him. That was the thing with us. With rare exception, we flowed effortlessly from one extreme to the next.

I gave him my answer. "Give me a minute first."

Bathing with him inches from me was as awkward a situation as I anticipated it would be. Neither of us was talking. Jasper was messing with Panama, but it did nothing to lighten the mood.

"Tell me a story. Tell me anything," I suggested.

"I don't have good stories."

There had to be something. "You like vampire baseball."

"I also like vampire bowling."

"How is it different?"

"We use heads."

Eww. "Human heads or your own?"

Did I seriously just ask if he used his own head to bowl? "Wow. That was a really stupid question."

"It's not stupid. I've actually seen someone do that. They played rather poorly, but it was amusing all the same."

A dozen questions came to me. None were normal. "Is it wrong to ask about dismemberment? It seems like it should be."

"Ask whatever you want. I won't tell anyone you're curious."

Nor would he judge me for my interest. Even knowing that, it still felt weird to ask my first question. "Can you still function without your head?"

"Yes and no. The first time it happens your body goes into shock, which is what happened when I crushed Edward's throat. It's a very efficient way of immobilizing your target."

I remembered the day when I witnessed that very thing. "That's why on the day of the baseball game you went for the nomad's head first."

"They didn't have scars from a previous decapitation, but one was still a bigger threat than the other two. He was the one I targeted."

This made for an odd conversation, but it was better than the awkward silence. "You told me before that you lost your head in a training exercise. Explain that."

He bent his head to the right and pushed his hair to the side. "Can you see this scar?"

I sat up and leaned over to look. It was very faint, but I could make out a thin line along the side of his neck. "Yes."

"The more times you lose your head the better you become at operating without it."

This was horror movie territory. "I don't see how that's possible."

"Venom is not like blood. It adjusts to the host's needs. In certain parts of the body, it takes on a viscosity similar to molasses. In others, it resembles saliva. It infects every part of us. These individual parts all function as a whole even when apart from one another."

Host? The word made me want to gag. "I don't like the idea of you being a host to something. It means I'm not talking to you but to some liquid parasite I can't see."

"It was a poor choice of words. I'll try to explain this better. During our change, the venom bonds with us. We retain our individual characteristics but take on new ones as well. My personality is primarily my own. My strength and thirst are the venom. The killer is both. I am both."

It was still gag worthy. "So what happens to the lost parts?"

Jasper held one of his hands out and flexed his fingers. "A freshly lost arm will twitch and even grab at you. The body wants to be put back together. The venom demands it."

"You could be the ultimate multitasker. I could hold a conversation with your head while the rest of your body is downstairs making me dinner. For the record, I want tacos tonight."

He laughed. "I love that you can see the humor in this. And no, we will not be taking me apart. Our venom cries out when we are injured. It echoes throughout our bodies like a siren's call and fries our nerve endings. You learn to manage the pain, but it is not a sensation we enjoy."

"It burns like that even when you get bit, right?"

"Yes." His finger moved to another scar across his throat. "Here is another one. To you, these are barely visible even with good lighting. To us, they practically glow."

"Wouldn't that be a deterrent. You've survived so much. Only a fool would fight you."

"That is the case for some. Others consider me a challenge they can't resist."

I imagined a group of vampires searching him out. It was a chilling image. How many had tried to kill him just to see if they could? What if someone succeeded?

"Does that happen often?"

"Just this last week. Humans have boxing. We have fights to the death. Call it entertainment for the undead. I've made a fair bit of money gambling on my life."

I was horrified. This was what he did when he left. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"There are situations in life where all your options are terrible. It doesn't change the fact that you still have to make a decision. You stand up, make the choice, and deal with the consequences."

I didn't accept that. "What good are the Volturi if they don't enforce their rules? Vampires are not allowed to kill each other."

Jasper laughed. "The events are unsanctioned, but I know they get a cut of the action."

I splashed him. "This isn't funny. You could die."

"I could spontaneously combust tomorrow, but it isn't likely. No one would even care."

I hugged him from behind with my wet arms. "I would care."

He rested his head against mine. "I know you would."

"Will you always have to fight like that?"

"Probably, but it's the best way I know how. By offering the challengers a chance to profit from the fight, it helps keep things fair. The alternative is a whole coven of vampires coming after me."

"I don't like it."

He brought us full circle. "I didn't like dropping you, but it was less risky than keeping you on that roof with me. You may not agree, but I know I made the right choice. You'll either forgive me or you won't. That's up to you."

This ended our talk. Jasper left the room closing the door behind him.

Deep breaths. Apply soap. Scrub well. Rinse. My hair came next. Shampoo. Rinse. Conditioner. Rinse.

Nothing felt normal. I couldn't remember the last time anything did. Once I finished, I dressed quickly and cleaned up the bathroom before looking for my hairbrush. It was gone. He had it.

I pushed the door open and found him on my bed. All of the bad thoughts from earlier were washed away. It was official; I forgave him. There wasn't any way I couldn't. There was no malice in what he did. He thought he was saving me.

Jasper gave me a hesitant smile and patted the covers. "You haven't combed your hair."

"You took my brush."

He picked it up off my bedside table. "May I?"

My legs answered for me. They took me right over to the bed where I sat down in front of him.

I fully expected to be bald by the time he was through with me. I assumed he would pull too hard and not even know it. I was wrong. Jasper carefully worked through the tangles without a single painful tug.

"My oldest sister hated taking baths. The only way we could get her to do it without fighting us was if I would promise to brush her hair. It's my only real memory of her other than killing her."

"What was her name?"

"Ann. I called her Annie. I thought brushing your hair might lead to another memory, but you're too different from her. Your hair is dark. The feelings are different. I don't see her. I only see you."

The brushing stopped. Seconds became a minute. Neither of us moved.

"My hour is up, Bella. Should I leave?"

"Never."

"Turn around."

Not gonna happen. We were doing great. "Do I have to? We've done really well without me facing you directly. The ring is gone. I learned more about venom. I know you had a sister named Ann. We're good right now. Why ruin it?"

"I have a question for you, and I'm not going to ask your hair."

Nothing good ever came out of questions like that. "Is it bad because my hair handles bad better than I do?"

"It's not bad."

I turned around to where I was facing him. "What did you want?"

Jasper lifted my left hand and examined my ring finger. "I know you love me."

Way to throw that out there. My confession came out in a whisper. "Yes."

"My feelings for you are less clear. I know I don't want to lose you. Letting you go the other night knocked me into a different world. It made me realize you are critical to my survival. I need you with me."

That sounded like love to me, but I wasn't going to push it. "Where are you going with this?"

"I need to know if it was the institution of marriage you objected to or was it marriage to Edward?"

An uncomfortable numbness overtook me. "Why are you asking me this?"

"I answer your questions. Please answer mine."

"Edward didn't want to marry me. He wanted to marry the Bella he thought I was. He doesn't even like the person I really am."

"That's his loss. Now answer my question."

I didn't like where he was going with this. "I objected to both. I don't believe humans can love forever. The promises are sincere at the time, but I know the feelings can fade."

Jasper nodded along with what I said before taking us on a new path. "Would you like to hear how our relationships work? You only have the Cullens as your example, and they follow human customs."

"I would like to know."

"In my world, mates are recognized as being joined without a formal ceremony or paperwork. Love usually exists between the two, but it is not mandatory. It is simply one part of a mutually beneficial arrangement."

"That sounds cold."

"It's nothing of the sort. We seek smart companionship. We want balance. A gifted vampire almost always desires a mate on par with their own abilities."

"Like Edward desired me?"

Jasper's jaw tightened. "One of the objections I had to your marriage was the lack of equality. He sought to control you. A true mate would only do that in the direst of circumstances."

"You said there is no formal ceremony. What do mates do?"

"There are no witnesses. Once a connection is made and recognized, vows are exchanged to solidify the relationship. One person will speak words of loyalty and respect. The other promises to protect and serve their mate. The vows are interchangeable because the couple is one."

Hearing this made me smile. "It sounds beautiful. Vampires have this stuff figured out. They could teach humans a few things. Don't you think?"

"Yes, I do."

I could feel Jasper's nerves. He took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Bella, I would say those words to you, and I want you to consider changing so you can say them to me."