Hey guys! So bear with me I know it has been a little while, I just struggled a little (a lot) writing this chapter. I really don't like writing dark Alex, but it had to be done! Please let me know what you think! Shout out to chillthebeans for helping me write it! Enjoy!
Fifty eyes fall on me when I take shaky steps through the brothel, dagger in hand. But only four matter. They look hopefully at me. Like children wishing for Christmas presents. My heart crumbles as I shake my head a little at them. I watch their faces fill with anguish and agony. I walk faster, not ready to face them. I walk straight into Vlad's room. I see the shock on his face.
"Sasha-"he starts. I interrupt.
"I don't have your money, but ill double it next week." I say slamming the letter opener on his desk. He is speechless. I am scared he won't give me the drugs. That was the only thing I was counting on. They were the only thing that would push the nightmares away that had been haunting me for weeks.
/
My nightmares were filled with my father being murdered in front of me, losing everything I loved, having no one left. Lately even Josh had entered them beating me and raping me. They haunted me every night. I couldn't escape them by myself. The drugs were the only escape. The only thing that brought me comfort was that my nightmares were not as bad as Natasha's.
Two dreams troubled her. She didn't take to them well either, she talked in her sleep. Screamed is more like it. One dream was about her son being ripped from her arms over and over again. The other one, while not as scary, put us all in danger. One morning after she had stumbled in high she told me about it.
"I dream of escaping, going up to the roof and flying away on butterfly wings."
"I know." I say tears welling up in my eyes. I knew we all wanted it out. It was all I thought about, the only thing that could get me through the day. It was now even taunting us in our dream.
You know butterflies are proof you can have a second life." She says dreamily, close to sleep.
"Yes I know." I say tucking her into bed. She said that every night from then on out.
/
He pulls the needle from his desk drawer and motions for my arm. I take him and myself by surprise. When I reach for it and push the plunger in myself. Satisfied I take a deep breath for the pain that inevitably waits for me back at my mattress.
I don't make it there. I crumble just outside his door. The weight of the world, while now gone, washed over me. I was not strong enough to hold it anymore. I let it take control of my body, mixed with the drugs I was out cold and it didn't bother me. I passed out, the last thing swimming in my vision was the looks of disbelief on my two friends, then the blackness completely override my body.
My eyes flutter open and I am hit with a pain I have never felt like in my life. My stomach was cramping so bad, and my head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn't think straight. I hear muffled voice saying my name. They become clearer and clearer as I wake up more.
Next thing I know Irina is throwing herself st me.
"Sasha we thought you were dead." She exclaims. I feel like I am dead.
"What? Why?" I ask still groggy and in pain.
"You have been out cold for a whole day." Natasha says quietly, looking at me funny. I just continue to blink and look around. Everything hurt so much.
"What happened?" Irina asks, her eyes begging for answers. I begin to tell her about my encounter with Josh when Natasha gets up and leaves, abruptly. I stop and look at Irina.
"What is wrong with her?" I ask, worried.
"She…has been worse lately, more nightmares. The drugs have a worse effect on her. No hope left. After you came back empty handed…" she trails off. I swallow the guilty lump in my throat, which brings on another round of pain.
"You should go see Vlad. He wanted to see you when you woke up." Irina says quietly, staring a Natasha sitting in the corner by herself. I nod and another shot of pain goes to my head. I couldn't live like this, I only knew one answer to the pain and I was hoping Vlad could give it to me.
/
Why? Why would he do this to me? I was his favorite. I lay in my bed writhing in pain. Now that I was hooked after months of refusing thee drugs now he decided to withhold them from me. He sucked. I could barely process the thoughts with all the pain in my head, my stomach and in my heart. The past few hours had been awkward. It is like Natasha was holding it over my head and I was getting tired of it. I was especially aggravated from all the pain I was in. Finally I sit up and turn to her bed.
"Say it." I almost yell at her.
"Excuse me?" she says, her voice rising octaves higher.
"Say what is on your mind." I command, my Russian accent is suddenly returning through the anger and pain.
"I have nothing to say, but that we trusted the wrong person." She says angrily. I sit there speechless; she thought this was my fault.
"Maybe you should have gone." I spit back at her.
"Or maybe you should have done your job." she yells back. All eyes are on us now as we continue screaming.
"You think after been being held at knife point you could have done it?" I ask her.
Irina tries to calm us down but I am on fire, all this pent up anger and pain coming all out at one time. It is helping though the pain starts to recede, like this yelling and anger is bringing on detox. The heat from all the sweat I was working up was certainly helping.
Natasha tries to come up with a comeback but she is stunned. We both sit there for a few minutes breathing heavily after our screaming match. At the same time we both go to apologize but she just throws herself at me in a big hug.
"I am so sorry." She says shaking with sobs.
"Me too." I say into her hair. And I was. She did not deserve that. I was a monster. But after all was forgiven we seemed to grow closer than ever.
Each morning we struggle through each daily horror together, the three of us. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. I lose concept of all time. I move motionless through most days trying to rid all the pain of my body. None of us can live without the drugs. I wish I was stronger, but I am not. All talk of escaping has ceased, everything had changed. The one thing that had gotten me through this hell; the only thing I had thought about, no longer even crossed my mind. We all floated through the days.
Until one day, everything changed.
Thoughts? Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I am really excited about the next chapter! Reviews are love!