Fighting
We are now up to date – the past and present have met and melded. Things will now be a shuffling on...
~/*\~
LOVE – Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for.
~/*\~
"We need to talk about us," I told him bluntly.
He stared at me, before he nodded, though he looked depressed. I knew why – nothing good ever happens when I say that sentence.
Whenever anyone says that sentence.
We both sat down at the table, Jake was refusing to meet my eyes.
I grabbed his hands, and he looked up so suddenly that I was surprised that he didn't get whiplash.
"It's nothing bad. Just talking."
He nodded.
"I saw some of our friends. They explained what happened while I was gone."
Jake grunted.
"Hey, I get it. I still get to kill you though – killing yourself isn't a good idea. Under any circumstances."
"BUT YOU WERE GONE!" Jake hollered and leant back in my chair. I wasn't scared – not by his temper, not any more.
"YOU WERE GONE, YOU WERE DEAD!"
"Talk to me about it," I said softly, and he dragged his hands through his hands.
"You were gone," he repeated, not looking at me, his voice strangled by emotion. "Gone."
~/*\~
He sighed as he finished his past.
The tears I had shed during the first two years of our separation had long since dried, leaving me feel funny.
"So yeah, you're here." He finished lamely, smiling bitterly as he recognized how stupid it sounded.
"I'm here."
"What happened to you?"
"College."
"Come on Bells, I deserve better than that." My heart squeezed at the sound of my nickname.
I sighed.
"Well, I guess I should start from when I left with Edward. I was sitting in the truck next to him."
~/*\~
Jake was shaking slightly as I finished.
"So, it's been me? All along?"
I nodded, not meeting his eye.
"And you couldn't call? You couldn't write? But Quil, fucking QUIL gets everything? He got to hold you when you broke down, when you were needing someone. QUIL?"
"I TRUST HIM!" I yelled back, standing as he did so we could have a proper yelling match.
"WHAT ABOUT ME?"
"WHAT ABOUT YOU?"
"I FUCKING WAITED FOR YEARS FOR YOU! I PUT UP WITH VAMPIRES AND YOUR DEPRESSION AND A BLOODY WAR FOR YOU! GOD BELLA, YOU'RE IT! I LOVE YOU!"
"YOU PUT ME ON A PEDISTAL! I DIDN'T WANT TO FALL FROMY OUR EYES. GOD YOU'RE INSUFFERABLE!"
"I MISSED YOU! I PUT MYSELF THROUGH HELL FOR YOU!"
"You broke my heart," I whispered.
"How the hell did I do that?" his voice was dangerous now. "I fought for you – I fought my brothers, the council, vampires, racists, everything, and I broke your heart? Please, tell me how that works."
"I was broken. I wasn't worth fighting for. And then I fell in love with you – perfectly imperfect you. And I couldn't do it again. Not so soon. Not after the once-great-love-of-my-life had tried to kill me and had ripped me apart. I got over that, but I didn't want to do that to you. You'd already seen me at my worst. I knew I wasn't worth. You're too good for me Jake. I never deserved you."
Jake sighed. "Jeez Bells, thanks for the ego boost and all, but you are worth it. I wouldn't have done all that if you weren't worth it."
I sighed, rubbing my eyes.
"So, where do we go from here?" He asked, looking at me.
"I don't know. We both changed, stuff happened. But we can't start over, can we?"
"I wouldn't want to – I'm already in love with you, and it only took you 6 years to admit it. I couldn't handle another 6."
I chuckled at his bad attempt at humour.
"How about we start with a date then. No pressure."
"Ok, I'll pick you up from Charlies at 7 on Thursday." He said with affirmation.
I nodded. "I'm going back to Charlie's this afternoon." I told him.
He nodded. "Distance will help with the whole 'no pressure' thing."
I was about to walk away when Jake grabbed my wrist lightly.
"You really meant it? What you said back in Arizona? About the whole 'planning you life' thing?"
"It's always been you Jake," I said, not meeting his eyes. "Even when I was with Edward, it was always you."
I pulled away then and started packing my stuff.
I was too emotionally drained to care what reaction Jake had to my words.
~/*\~
Short, I know, but better than nothing. It's different to how it was supposed to go originally, but I like this way better