Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story. All rights and much respect go to Crown Media, Hallmark, Brian Bird, Michael Landon, Jr., the actors, creators, and writers of the show "When Calls the Heart."
Chapter 14- Patience, Persistence, and Perspiration
Elizabeth initially felt a rush of relief flood her once she realized that Carson was truly gone. She glanced around the room and observed the sheet on the floor covering the stain where he fell, but the blood splattered on the wall below her college sorority picture brought the implications of her actions to light.
Her shirt rode up slightly on her back and Jack observed bruising just above the waistband of her pants. Her torn clothing was evidence of their struggle and Jack took the throw from the back of her sofa and draped it around her shoulders. He grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, soaked it in warm water, before returning to the den and cleaning away the blood as it trickled from her lip. Her right eye was swollen, her back and her cheek were bruised, and although he saw no other physical injuries, he feared that the emotional ones would most likely be more damaging.
She stared at the wall finding it impossible to turn away. Jack watched as Elizabeth seemed to morph before his eyes. Initially talkative, she was suddenly distant, withdrawn, and although the room was warm, her body felt cold.
"Elizabeth," Jack called out in a hushed tone. He spoke her name several times but she didn't respond. Realizing what had caught her attention, he moved in front of her blocking part of the blood speckled wall from her view. "Let's get out of here," he strongly urged.
He walked her into the kitchen and asked her to stay while he ran to her bedroom and gathered some clothes and her prized possession, Onyx. He put her bag by the door, and headed back into the kitchen. As he opened the door, he found her huddled in the corner by the stove crying.
Onyx followed him in and as quickly as her body could move, she went to Elizabeth. Although Elizabeth didn't acknowledge Jack, her arms immediately found their way around Onyx.
"I love you so much," she cried as her face was buried in the fur around Onyx's neck. She drew back slightly and took in Onyx's appearance, easily remembering the part that Carson had played in it all. Her emotions vacillated between anger and thoughts that he got what he deserved to guilt and shame for being the person who took away his life.
Jack bent down and gently took her arm…
"Let me go," she snapped at him as she yanked her arm away from him.
His tone was soft, "I'm just trying to help."
"Don't you think you've done enough?" She snipped back at him.
"What do you mean?" He asked, clearly confused by her anger towards him.
"The gun; if you hadn't gotten me the gun I wouldn't have shot him," she yelled, trying desperately to hurt him.
She in fact did hurt him. Jack stood in one spot in stunned silence as Elizabeth and Onyx walked out of the kitchen. He momentarily closed his eyes and released a harsh breath before venturing back out into the den.
Elizabeth grabbed her bag, opened the door and she and Onyx were in the hallway amongst a crowd of her neighbors and gossipmongers before Jack could catch up with her.
Jack had to break through the crowd who had surrounded her, asking everyone to step back and to give her some space.
Once the crowd learned that Elizabeth had shot and killed Carson, Abigail released a thankful sigh. Comments from others in the crowd consisted of…
"Didn't you know he was stalking her?"
"At least she's safe."
"I heard he raped her. Poor thing."
"Well, he got what he deserved."
Arguments soon erupted within the crowd as other comments began to fly…
"WOW, he seemed so nice."
"I heard she dumped him for that guy right there."
"Oh so she thinks she's GOD?"
"She's nothing but a murderer."
They finally made their way through the crowd, passed the courtyard and into the parking lot of the complex. "You need to come stay at my place until we figure all of this out," he insisted as he reached down and grabbed for her bag.
She pulled away, "Jack I'm capable of carrying my own bag. Didn't you hear all of those people? I think I'm GOD, so I can do anything."
"Elizabeth, they don't know what happened. It wasn't your fault. You have to believe me," he begged her.
"You don't know what I did, Jack. It is my fault," she stated as she turned and opened the door to her Explorer.
"You don't need to drive. I'll take you and we'll get your car later," he stated as he took her bag from the back seat of her vehicle.
"No Jack, I need my car now," she insisted.
"Okay, I'll follow you to my place," he stated as he gave in to her demand.
They pulled out of the parking lot and headed down Laskin Road toward his apartment. Elizabeth made it through the stoplight at Birdneck Road, leaving Jack to watch her disappear as he sat at the light.
"We need to be alone, Onyx. Let's go to a hotel," she stated as she drove past the intersection leading to his apartment complex.
Jack took off from the stoplight once it turned green, feeling the truck tires spin underneath him. He pulled into his apartment complex expecting to see Elizabeth's vehicle, but she wasn't there. He pulled into his parking space, shut off his engine and took out his phone from his pocket.
Elizabeth heard her phone ring and glanced down to see his face upon her screen.
"Jack, we're going to a hotel," she remarked.
"Elizabeth, please don't. I can help you," he insisted.
"How Jack? Killing comes easily to you. It's part of your job. Not me. I'm not made up like that. The most I ever killed was a fly, and I buried him in a box in my backyard. I can't do this, so please understand. We need to be alone right now," she demanded.
"Why are you trying to hurt me?" He asked as he wiped a tear before it escaped his eye.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to. Just give me this time please. Maybe we can talk in a few days," she stated before disconnecting the call.
"A few days?" He remarked before realizing that the line was dead. He immediately dialed her phone back, but she didn't answer.
He called her several more times as he sat in his truck, but received the same response, her voicemail. He walked into his apartment and plopped down on his sofa. He knew he was breathing but wasn't so certain that the air was actually filling his lungs. He felt lightheaded and sick to his stomach. He loved her, that wasn't in question, but he had to admit to himself that always having to fight for something made him wonder; if they were truly worth it?
He picked up his phone and sent out a text…
"U aren't answering my calls. R u OK…?"
"Please don't push me away…"
"Elizabeth, I'm going crazy here. Please talk 2 me…"
He leaned over on the arm of the sofa, covered himself with a sheet, and waited for his phone to light up with a response, but none came. Somehow, miraculously he fell asleep.
Elizabeth and Onyx walked into their hotel room, wondering why the desk clerk offered to call her a police officer and was hesitant to rent her a room. She stood at the sink and glanced in the full length mirror quickly realizing that she had specks of blood all over her clothes, and her lip had continued to bleed. She stripped down to nothing, jumped into the shower and began to scrub harder and harder as the water fell over her body. Her skin was red and streaked with lines, partly due to the hot water, but mostly as a result of her nails digging in, trying to remove at semblance of his touch from her body.
The cut on her lip caused her mouth to burn as she tasted the saltiness of her tears when they fell in a steady stream down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and could feel Carson's hands on her body as she slid down the wall, eventually sitting in the tub as the water continued to cover her.
As the temperature of the water cooled, she stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel. Onyx never left her side, trying her best in her own physically challenged state to provide comfort some Elizabeth.
Onyx couldn't get up on the bed, so Elizabeth fixed a pallet for them both on the floor. She got Onyx situated before reaching into her bag and pulling out her journal.
She sat on the side of the bed, opened her journal and attempted to convey her feelings onto paper…
"I vacillate between anger at myself and thankful that you are gone. Inside I feel that I planned this, hoping that you'd push me, take me to the darkest of limits where I would be unable to return. Where removing the threat would be my only choice and that I'd be thankful for the opportunity.
You loved me, unhealthy or not, it was what you had to offer and I accepted it, even if only superficially. I allowed you to think that I could be yours and brought you in to my web of lies, taunting you to get what I wanted. I then turned on you, pulled the rug out from under your dream, and basically laughed in your face. I guess I can't blame you for lashing out at me, wanting to hurt me as I wanted to hurt you.
I could have waited, gone along with your plan to be together, knowing that everything would have been righted in the end. But we were my mistake and my obligation to resolve. I handled you, our relationship, and this situation poorly. Now you're gone and everywhere I look I see your face; I hear your voice, and I feel your touch, your eerie touch. You should have stopped! Why didn't you stop?
I have no right to ask for your forgiveness and I don't expect it. I hope you can now find the peace you searched for so desperately but unfortunately found to be so elusive."
She grabbed a pillow and lay down beside Onyx. Elizabeth wrapped the blanket over them, hugged Onyx tightly and closed her eyes.
The room was dark; she reached in her bag and pulled out her pink revolver. With no further thought, she fired twice as they both lay in a pool of blood.
Jack woke suddenly, screaming as sweat poured from his body. His heart was pounding in his chest; he was unable to control his erratic breathing and his blanket was somehow tangled around him. Never before had he experienced such a profound nightmare. The emotions were so strong that initially he wasn't even certain where he was. The visual in his mind was so real and the only calming thought was that he remembered her revolver being confiscated by the police. "It had to be a dream," he prayed.
His eyes darted back and forth across the room as he attempted to focus. "It is worth it; you are worth it; we are worth it," he yelled. As he headed for the door to his apartment he remarked, "You aren't pushing me away. Not this time."
Jack grabbed his keys and ran for his truck. His entire body shook as he attempted to unlock the door. Once inside he sat motionless. The vision of Elizabeth and Onyx dead on the floor made him frantic, "Where could she be?" He thought. He suddenly realized that since Onyx was with her, she would only stay at a Red Roof Inn.
Elizabeth picked up her phone and dialed…
"I'm sorry. I know it's late, but I need to see you…" Elizabeth sat quietly as the person on the other end of the phone spoke.
"I can leave now and be there by morning. Thank you," She stated as she got dressed, gathered Onyx and headed for her Explorer. She stopped momentarily to contact the school sick call number, requesting a substitute for the remainder of the week.
She loaded Onyx into the Explorer, got behind the wheel and snapped her seatbelt. She turned the key but heard nothing. Several more times she tried, but still nothing. She rested her arms on the steering wheel and cried, "Really? Come on…please start!" She turned the key several more times but still nothing.
Jack stopped at two hotels in the vicinity, threw his FBI ID up on the counter and demanded information. He was told that she had not checked in and he didn't see her Explorer at either place, so he asked for directions to any other Red Roof Inns in the area.
He pulled into the third Red Roof Inn, just outside Virginia Beach, and observed her Explorer sitting on the back side of the complex. He ran into the office, again threw his ID on the counter, and showed the clerk Elizabeth's picture.
The clerk readily remembered Elizabeth and stated that he was concerned about her renting a room there. "I'm actually not surprised that the law is after her."
"Why, was she okay?" Jack asked.
"She looked rough. Her lip was split, and her eye was swollen, but I'm afraid that whoever she tangled with got the worse end of the deal. Her clothes looked like they were covered in blood," the clerk added.
"Did you call the police?" Jack was anxious and had little patience for the clerk's lackadaisical attitude.
"Nope. We respect the privacy of our clientele," the clerk replied.
"What room is she in?" Jack demanded.
The clerk quickly provided that she was "in Room 117. I'll come with you so you can get in."
Jack held his hand out and grabbed the card key from the clerk. He ran down the sidewalk along two sections of the hotel, turned the corner and stopped as Room 117. He approached the door, and knocked, but there was no answer. He stood at the door, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply before slipping the key in the card slot lock.
Jack observed the green light on the lock and turned the handle, slowly opening the door. His heart stopped as he observed a palate on the floor, blood splattered clothes in the trashcan, and an otherwise empty room.
Thankful that his dream was not a reality, he sat in his truck away from her room, attempted to calm his breathing, and he watched for her to return.
Hours later, Jack woke to the sound of his phone ringing and vehicles passing by.
"Hello…"
"Jack, its Hank. Are you okay?"
"Why?" Jack asked as he attempted to force his body to wake up.
"Did something happen between you and Elizabeth?" Hank inquired; he was obviously concerned by her appearance, and observable injuries.
"Why? Do you know where she is?" Jack blurted out.
"Jack, she has a busted lip, her eye is swollen, she's bruised and she's distraught," Hank stated as he did his best to keep his own emotions under control. "Please tell me that you didn't do this to her."
"Hank, I love her. Of course I would never lay a hand on her like that. Is she okay?" Jack responded.
"She's here, Jack. She arrived a while ago and she's talking to Margaret. What happened?" He asked.
"Wait, how is she there? I'm sitting in the hotel parking lot and her Explorer is here."
Hank advised, "Apparently it wouldn't start. She was in a rental car."
Jack looked through the tree line and observed a rental car business next door. "Is she okay?"
"She been crying and it's warm in the house, but she's wearing her coat and won't take it off. What happened?" Hank inquired again.
Jack took a deep breath, wishing that he could be like a Jeannie and immediately blink his way to her. He stated, "She was seeing someone before we got back together. It wasn't serious and she broke it off before we started seeing each other."
Jack continued, trying to relay the essential information quickly. "He started stalking her; she didn't take it seriously, but I knew that he was becoming more violent. She couldn't go anywhere without him showing up, and I wasn't with her all the time, although I tried to be."
"She's a mess, Jack," Hank advised.
Jack inhaled, still worried and upset, but thankful that she was with friends. "Hank, I think the final straw came when I got into a fight with him, and he had me arrested."
"Oh, I'm sorry. That had to be horrible," Hank replied.
"I can handle that part, but what scared me to death was that she was alone, and he could get his hands on her," Jack explained.
Hank felt a knot in the pit of his stomach as he thought about her refusal to remove her coat, "What's she hiding," he thought. Hank hesitantly asked, "Jack, I hate to ask…was she sexually assaulted?"
Jack felt his chest tighten as he closed his eyes, trying his best to keep his tears from spilling over his eyelids. Hank could hear Jack's strained breathing, but he didn't respond.
Jack's voice became harsher as he continued to speak, "She made some arrangements with Carson but I don't know what they were. All I know is that Carson came to her apartment. Things didn't go well for either of them, and he attacked her."
"An agent friend of mine and I got to her door as we heard the gun fire. We got inside and I found her on the sofa curled up in a ball," Jack remarked. "Initially she seemed fine, but then she turned on me with such anger. She's trying to hurt me, and I've gotta say she's doing a good job of it. I know she's trying to push me away."
"You can't let her do that Jack. She needs you whether she knows it or not," Hank responded. "I hate to ask Jack, was she sexually assaulted?"
Hank could hear the emotion in Jack's voice when he responded, "I don't think so, but I don't know. She won't talk to me. Hank, I know it isn't right, but if he weren't already dead, I'd kill him with my bare hands."
Hank quickly fell into counseling mode, "Jack, you need to focus your energy on her, not on your anger. Besides, I believe she has enough of it right now for both of you. The only difference is she is angry at herself, and she thinks she's nothing but trouble for you."
"That's silly, she is everything to me," Jack remarked.
"It's not silly to her," Hank interjected. "I do believe that she loves you, but Jack, part of loving someone is that you want the best for them. She's questioning her worth right now."
"Hank, my life meant nothing while she was gone, I knew it but I didn't want to admit it," Jack commented. "I was angry and I blamed her. We've spent too many years apart; I'll do whatever is needed to get her to understand."
"So you do love her?" Hank asked.
"That is a stupid question Hank. You know I do," his tone was harsh.
"I'm glad to hear it. I don't know everything they're talking about, but I did hear Elizabeth say that you deserve so much better than her," Hank advised. "She needs you, Jack."
"I need her too. Please don't let her leave," Jack replied as he plugged Hanks address into his GPS and headed for I-95.
Once he hit the interstate, Jack called Anthony…
"How's Elizabeth?" He asked.
"I'm not sure; she disappeared," Jack replied.
"Disappeared?"
"Yes, I'm on my way to find her, but I need a big favor… well, two favors actually," Jack sounded upset.
"Anything, what can I do to help?" Anthony asked.
"On the left side of my desk, in the deep drawer is a file. It's on Carson Shepherd…"
"Wait, isn't that the guy who attacked Elizabeth?" Anthony interjected.
"Yes, I need you to call in whatever favors you can to get information on his wife. Anything like hospital visits, criminal charges, anything…" Jack stated. "I didn't find anything before, but I have to have missed something."
"I'm on it. Oh, what's the second thing?" He asked.
"Sign me out for the rest of the week. I may be back sooner, but I'm not coming back until I know she's okay," Jack stated.
"Okay, I've got it," Anthony assured him.
"Please hurry and call me when you find out anything," Jack remarked.
Hank walked back into the den and brought Margaret and Elizabeth fresh cups of coffee. He glanced at Margaret and winked and she smiled in return. Hank turned to walk away but Elizabeth called out to him.
"Are you busy Hank?" She asked.
"Never too busy for you; how can I help?" He replied as he handed her a box of tissues. Hank sat down and allowed her to talk, keeping to himself the information that Jack had provided. "May I ask, where's Jack?"
Elizabeth found it difficult to make eye contact, feeling guilt ridden and ashamed. She picked out a thread in the carpet and talked as her eyes never drifted, "Because of me, he went to jail. I know he loves me, and I love him, but isn't it possible that love isn't enough?" She wiped her eyes before glancing in Hank's direction, "He was doing fine before I came back into his life. In no time I have him arrested, and jeopardize his freedom and career. I'm not good for him."
"He may have a different view. Don't you think you owe him the courtesy of talking about it together? Remember what happened the last time you made a decision for the both of you," Hank stated knowing that Jack was on his way there and hoping that she wouldn't want to leave before he arrived.
"OK, so what did you do?" Margaret cautiously asked.
"I was wearing a microphone and Jack's friend was in a van down in the parking lot listening in. I wanted to get Carson to admit that he had lied about the fight; that he lied about Jack pulling his gun on him. I needed to get Jack out of jail," she stated as her breathing became more unsteady. "Besides," she added, "I'm the reason he was sitting in jail. Carson left a visual in my head of Jack having to fight inmates that he'd had arrested, and I was afraid for him. I had to do something."
Margaret and Hank remained quiet, so Elizabeth continued.
"He promised to drop the charges against Jack if I married him…"
"Married him? Seriously, you weren't going to, were you?" Hank asked.
"No, of course not, but I needed to get him to confess on tape, which I got," she replied. "But then he realized that my suitcase was empty and I had no intention of going with him, and he started dragging me down the hall to the bedroom."
Hank stood up and offered to leave the room so she and Margaret could continue talking.
"No Hank, it's okay. He didn't…I believe he would have, but I got away from him," she stated shyly trying to hide the blotchiness that she felt rising from her chest and moving up toward her neck.
Elizabeth finished talking, inhaled deeply and released her breath. It sounded as if a flood of emotion was leaving her body in one quick rush of air.
Hank encouraged her to talk more, hoping that she would realize that she had no options, "Elizabeth, he was committing extortion."
"What?" Elizabeth looked perplexed.
Hank smiled softly, "Think about it, Elizabeth. Extortion doesn't have to only be about money. From what you said he agreed to recall the charge against Jack if you married him, and he wouldn't do so until you actually went through with it, right?"
Hank gave her a moment to process what he was saying.
He continued, "Elizabeth, he was using your love for Jack to get what he wanted, and when you changed your mind, he went after you."
"But I hid the gun under the cushion of the sofa. I think I wanted him to push me; to try to hurt me so I could kill him," she hesitantly admitted. "I wanted him dead, and that can't be right."
"Elizabeth, we all have bad thoughts. No matter how hard we try, we will never be pure in that way," Hank remarked. "Even the best people can be pushed by fear for their safety. Besides, Satan shows himself in many forms and often times its through people."
The room was quiet for a moment until Hank asked, "If he had accepted your decision not to go away with him and started to leave, would you have shot him?"
"Of course not Hank; I'm not an animal. I thought he was going to kill me, or…or…worse. I just wanted him to leave me alone," Elizabeth's tears continued as her voice wavered.
"There's your answer, Elizabeth. You fired the weapon to protect yourself," Hank advised. "You should feel proud, not necessarily in the final outcome, but in the fact that you saved yourself. If you hadn't, the alternative would not be as positive."
Margaret wrapped her arms around Elizabeth and pulled her close, "Shh, it's not your fault. None of this is your fault."
Hank spoke up, "Besides, you're here, so can we assume that you weren't arrested for the shooting?"
Margaret and Hank sat quietly, allowing Elizabeth to ramble on, making sense or not, just encouraging her to release everything.
"No, I wasn't arrested, but it's probably just a professional courtesy because I was dating Jack," she stated, not realizing how absurd that sounded. "I'm damaged goods, Hank. He won't want me; I don't even want me," she whispered.
"I don't know why I did it," she stated.
Margaret put Elizabeth's hand in hers, "Could it be that if you hadn't he would have killed you?"
"No, I mean that I shouldn't have invited him over; I shouldn't have said I would run away with him, and I shouldn't have taken things into my own hands," she explained. "Jack tried to tell me that he would handle it, but no, I decided that I needed to handle it myself."
Jack's GPS showed another thirty minutes of driving before reaching Hank and Margaret's house in Reston, Virginia. His heart kept pounding loudly and his body couldn't help sweating profusely. He assumed that Hank would have called him back if Elizabeth had left. He could only pray that she would still be there by the time he arrived. Jack kept glancing at his phone wondering if he had missed the call from Anthony, but there was nothing.
A few moments later the call he had been waiting for came through…
"What did you find out?" Jack stated before even saying "Hello."
"Jack, she's lucky she got out of this alive," Anthony responded.
"What? What is it?" Jack demanded.
"Jack, I'm confused…" Anthony remarked.
"About what?" Jack replied
"Well, not so much by what is in the file, but…well, Carson's wife's name is Amanda, but she spelled her last name S-H-E-P-H-A-R-D. It makes a big difference when you're looking up hospital records. When you spell it with an 'E' there are no hospital records. However, when you spell it with an 'A'…" Anthony stopped.
"When you spell it with an 'A' what?" Jack stated in a stern tone.
"Jack, that poor woman; how he never got caught is beyond me," Anthony replied.
"I need to know everything. Please don't leave anything out," Jack could feel his palms begin to sweat, his blood pressure rise, and his breathing become more rapid and shallow.
Margaret and Hank's boys ran in the house with several friends as the adults stepped out onto the porch to continue talking. It was a beautiful day, and each of them were looking forward to sitting in the sunshine.
It was warm outside and Elizabeth eventually pulled her jacket off revealing the welts on her arms made by her own fingernails as she tried desperately to remove the feeling of "him" from her skin.
Margaret gasped, "Oh my Elizabeth, what happened?"
Elizabeth drew her body in, rubbing her arms up and down, "I couldn't get the feeling of him off me. I scrubbed and scrubbed and he was still there, touching me," she rested her elbows on her thighs as her hands covered her nose and mouth.
Elizabeth looked off in the distance at the swing in the center of the garden at the back of their property. "Would it be okay if I spent a little time alone in your garden?"
"You aren't going to run off are you?" Margaret asked.
Elizabeth managed half of a smile, "No, I appreciate everything. I'm not…we're not going anywhere." Elizabeth clapped her hands and called Onyx back over to her.
"I'm glad to hear that. You need to be with people who love you right now," Margaret responded. "We're here for you. Just remember that."
Elizabeth started toward the garden but stopped. She turned around, slipped passed them as she headed for the door, "I need something from my bag."
She stepped back outside with her journal tucked under her arm. She stopped and kissed each one on the cheek before displaying a semi smile that they hoped was the beginning of grander things to come.
Elizabeth walked to the end of the porch, but Hank called out to her, gathering her attention. He stated, "Just remember Elizabeth, as the saying goes, have patience with all things, but, first of all with yourself."
Hank held Margaret's hand as they watched Elizabeth and Onyx slowly walk toward the garden.
"Is he coming?" Margaret asked.
"Yes, he's on his way," Hank replied. "He loves her so much. I just hope she can forgive herself and trust in him."
They sat in the rockers on the porch with a view of the garden while they awaited Jack's arrival.
Elizabeth sat on the swing in the garden among the greenery and confused flowers that wanted to bloom in the warm winter sunshine. Onyx, still very slow, but mobile, found a nearby spot in the sun to rest.
Elizabeth pulled out her journal, flipped through the ever increasing number of entries until she found a blank page and she began to write…
"I'm thankful as the sun shines down upon me signifying a new dawn, a brand new day, a new beginning to my life. I thought I was smart; that I was the one playing you, taking you for that proverbial ride, only to rip the rug out from under you when you least expected it. I wanted to show you that I was stronger than you thought. That you could not take advantage of me, push me, or hurt me any longer. But I was wrong; I was so wrong. You knew my weaknesses; you knew what buttons to push; who to threaten and who to hurt. You wanted to break me, control me, and beat me down emotionally.
Removing you has done nothing to ease my pain. It will have done nothing but leave those who love you sad and uncertain, having no idea of the twists and turns your life has taken. Even from the other side you continue to challenge me. You continue to force me to question myself and my actions, leading to the ultimate betrayal, which will live with me forever.
I do understand that accepting situations as they are presented is much like watching leaves change color and fall from the trees. Seasons change, every year it's the same thing; you know it will happen, and nothing you do can alter the inevitability. I realize that things do happen for a reason… Perhaps it's meant to force us to grow independently; perhaps it's meant to teach us about the strengths we each hold inside, but maybe, just maybe it's meant to push us into making life altering decisions that we would not do otherwise. Just like the leaves, there are some things that we cannot change or control. There are some things we wish had ended differently, altering our course, and there are still other things for which we will forever feel responsible."
Elizabeth closed her journal and sat it on the table beside her. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face.
"Here he comes," Hank announced as he stood and headed out into the driveway.
Jack threw the truck into park, "Where is she?"
"She's in the garden," Hank replied.
"Is she okay," Jack asked.
"Jack, she's…" Hank started to speak but Jack left him once he gained sight of her in the garden.
He walked into the garden trying not to startle her. He was so happy to see her that he didn't even remember the hurtful things she had said to him. "Elizabeth…" he whispered as he observed her facing into the sun with her eyes closed.
Jack sat down on the swing but not close enough to touch her. "Are you okay?" He asked as he fought the urge to wrap his arms around her.
She said nothing but shook her head up and down.
The swing carried them effortlessly as they sat quietly. Even in their silence, their hearts spoke as their hands hesitantly joined. His thumb gently rubbed the skin on the top of her hand.
"Do you want to talk about it," he asked as he observed the marks on her arms.
She pulled her hand away and tried to cover her exposed skin.
"Please, talk to me. I want to help," he said softly. "What did he do to you?" He asked as his breath was caught in his throat awaiting her response.
She opened her eyes and glanced in his direction. She didn't see pity, disgust or disappointment in his expression. What she did see was a man who completely loved her, and all of her flaws, idiosyncrasies, and fears.
"No Jack; he didn't do what you think," she stated as her eyes filled and the tears spilled down her cheeks. "He dragged me down the hall toward the bedroom. I knew if he got me in there, that he'd…"
Jack felt sick as he listened to her having to recount what happened. As she spoke he could tell that she felt it was her own fault. "Elizabeth, Carson was…"
"Jack I know you didn't like him, but I think I just treated him badly and he snapped," she remarked.
"Elizabeth, he didn't want to let you go. And if it hadn't been you doing what you did, he would have killed you, I know it," Jack stated passionately.
She put her finger to his lips, "Shh, you need to know this."
"What?" He asked as his heart began to race.
"I put the revolver under the cushion of the sofa. I hid it Jack, so I would have it when I made him mad. I wanted him dead. The people were right; I am a murderer," she stated, certain in her own mind that she had planned his demise.
"What happened before we got there?" Jack asked, hoping that as she talked she would realize that none of it was her fault.
Elizabeth stared out into the woods, finding it impossible to maintain eye contact with Jack. "He dragged me down the hall toward the bedroom…"
Jack felt a pain in his chest. He released his tightly held breath with her next statement.
"I kicked him in the shin and he let go of me. I ran and…Jack it all happened so fast. The next thing I knew, he picked me up, threw me through the coffee table and onto the sofa," her body began to shake. She continued to stare off in the distance as her hands covered her mouth, "He wouldn't stop. He just kept getting closer. I think I asked him to stop; I don't know, maybe I didn't…"
"I heard you yell for him to stop before you fired the gun. You gave him every chance to stop," he assured her.
"He wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't he stop Jack?" She broke down and cried and without thought, his arms wrapped around her. She felt safe with Jack, and her body quickly melted into him.
"He was bad news well before you two started dating," Jack stated.
"What are you talking about?" She asked as she sat back and wiped her eyes.
Jack pulled out his phone and pulled up the text Anthony sent him outlining the information he had learned. "His wife was hospitalized over a dozen times for injuries that were suspicious. Black eyes, broken arm, broken ribs, separated shoulder, stitches in the back of her head, and a skull fracture are just a few of the injuries that landed her at the ER or in the hospital. She was interviewed by the social worker at the hospital several times for injuries that were consistent with a sexual assault, but she refused to talk. Even with him out of the room, she was obviously afraid of him and what he would do to her."
Elizabeth gasped and he had to remind her to breathe as she took in the revelations of this information.
"I'm sorry Elizabeth," he stated as the emotion at the thought of what Carson could have done to her overwhelmed him, "But I'm not sorry that he's gone." He admitted. "What happened to your arms? Did he do that to you?"
"Indirectly, I guess," she replied. She could see the confusion in his face, "I took a hot shower and had to rub harder and harder to get the feel of his hands off me."
"Elizabeth," he stated as the emotion came rushing out. "I'm so sorry I let you down."
She reached over and captured his cheek with her hand as she admonished him, "Jack, please don't ever think that you've let me down. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I guess I wanted to strike out at someone, and unfortunately it was you."
"How are they doing," Margaret asked as she handed Hank a glass of lemonade.
"They love each other; that's evident. They'll make it," he stated as he took Margaret's hand and brought it up to his lips.
"Does it hurt?" Jack asked as he gently grazed his fingers up her arm. He drew his hand back when he felt her body stiffen slightly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."
She swallowed hard and turned away from him. He watched as she began to spin the ring on her finger and he felt his chest tighten.
She looked back in his direction, "Jack, do you think it's possible that even though you love someone that maybe that isn't enough? I mean, in the short time we've been back together, I have singlehandedly gotten you arrested, injured in a fight and who knows what would have happened to your career."
He felt his breath catch in his throat, "None of that was your fault." He glanced down and reached for her left hand, "You aren't planning to take my ring off, are you?"
"Jack, maybe our time was when we were kids. Maybe we weren't meant to be together as adults," she stated as she stared off into the distance. "As for it not being my fault…I didn't have the right to take his life."
"Look at me Elizabeth. If you're going to say goodbye to me, the least you could do is look into my eyes," he demanded.
"I can't," she whispered.
He scooted closer; his finger under her chin assisted in turning her slightly to face him, as he spoke softly, "Why?"
They were so close that each one felt the breath of the other as they consumed the same air. Elizabeth stared at his lips, remembering the last time she kissed them, finding the memory to be overwhelming.
She turned away and lowered her head, "Jack, I told myself that I was going to fight for us this time…"
"Then why are you giving up?" He asked, his tone was strong, but his expression looked as if he were lost.
"Because I've been nothing but trouble for you since I came back into your life," she remarked.
He took a cleansing breath, hoping to get her to understand before she made the worst decision he could imagine. "Elizabeth, I got my life back when I found you again, and I know you felt it too. I don't want to go throughout my life without you in it. I didn't want to be without you back then, and I certainly don't want to be without you now," he stated with such emotion that his voice began to quiver.
He squatted in front of her, easily gaining her attention, "Elizabeth, I have wanted to marry you for as long as I can remember. I want to raise a family with you and only you." He took her face in his hands as his thumbs gently stroked her cheeks, "And I want to spend every day that God grants me on this Earth with you."
He continued as his voice trembled and he watched her tears fall, "If you don't feel the same way then I'll have to understand, but if you do, and I believe you do, then I'll fight until my last breath for you, for us. Please, you have to fight too."
She looked into his eyes. She saw passed the beautiful hazel coloring with gold flecks that seemed to stand out when he was upset. She saw deep into his soul, and she knew that good or bad, she could always trust that he would be honest with her.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her. He reciprocated as his arms swept around her waist. They were so close that their hearts were beating in time together. They each held on with such intensity, that neither one wanted to let go.
Jack felt her break down, as the strength of his arms supported her, his soft voice reassured her, and the tenderness of his hands gently rubbing her bruised back comforted her. "I love you Elizabeth. I will be here for you for as long as you will let me. Please don't give up on us."
"I do love you, Jack," Elizabeth whispered as their lips brushed across each other. "Ouch," she quickly stated as she held her hand to her injured lip.
Jack kissed her cheek, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry Jack. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault," she reminded him. "My lip hurts now. My conscience, however, may take a bit longer to heal."
She leaned her head against his chest and listened to the beating of his heart. He pressed his lips to the top of her head as she whispered, "You are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me, Jack Thornton. In all of the craziness that is my life, please don't ever forget that."
They sat quietly for a few moments before Jack asked, "Elizabeth, we have a counselor through the FBI; would you be willing to talk with her?"
Elizabeth stared off into the distance before turning to face him, "Do you think it will help?"
"She's helped me before," Jack admitted.
"You? What happened?" She asked.
Jack held her hand. Initially it was as if he did so to soothe her, but as he talked, it was evident that it was comforting to him.
He began, "Six years ago I was in a bank in Denver. I was standing in a line with a woman and her young son in front of me. Before I knew it, weapons were drawn," Jack's eyes were misty.
He cautiously continued, "I don't know if they were already in the bank or came in while I was occupied with the little boy. I just know that shots rang out. I covered the boy, but I couldn't get to his mother. They shot the security guard and the woman in front of her son before I ever drew my weapon. I shot both of the men, one died. The security guard survived but the woman died in my arms."
Elizabeth's eyes pooled as her tears began to flow. She wasn't crying for herself; she felt the emotion in his words and in the expression on his face. "I'm so sorry Jack."
"I'll be honest, I didn't want to talk to anyone; I didn't think it would help. I felt guilty; I felt like I hadn't done what I should have, what I needed to do," he admitted. "I often wonder about the little boy; how he's doing; if his father remarried, and if he's been able to move on. So Elizabeth, I do understand the guilt," Jack confided in her.
Elizabeth reached up and gently wiped the tears as they fell. "I'm sorry Jack. I had no idea," she whispered.
Not that she felt relieved, but she knew Jack; she was aware that he functioned like a normal human being. If he was able to return from the darkness, then she had hope that she could too.
Jack looked into Elizabeth's eyes, "I saw Maggie a few times, and she helped me see that I had done my best. She showed me that things aren't always going to work out like we hope, but in this situation, I stopped the gunmen and put an end to the incident.
Jack saw Elizabeth's attention completely upon him. He was on a roll, so he continued, "She got me to realize that I didn't start it. If they had backed down or not initiated it to begin with, no shots would have been fired and everyone would have been safe, including the robbers."
"I understand what you're saying Jack, but I invited him over under the guise that I was going to run away with him," she began.
"What?" Jack stated incredulously.
"I wasn't going to do it, but I thought if I got him there I could get him to admit that he had lied about you. Then Anthony was supposed to bust in and save the day," she remarked sadly. "We know how badly that turned out."
"It still wasn't your fault. If he had left without you, he would still be alive," Jack stated firmly. "So, are you willing to see Maggie?"
"I don't want to go to Denver, Jack. That's where Carson is from," she remarked
"No, she's now in our office here in Chesapeake. Will you talk with her? Please?" He begged.
"If you think it'll help, I'll talk to her," she agreed.
He leaned over and gently kissed her cheek, "I love you so much."
She smiled; it was an expression that he had missed seeing from her, "I love you too."
"Are you ready to head back?"
"Jack I can't stay there," she stated through a frustrated breath.
"I know you can't but I have a suggestion. What do you think about staying with me…temporarily? I know we'd have to sneak Onyx in, but we're getting married soon; we are getting married still, right?"
She smiled as his expression and the tenderness warmed her heart. "Yes Jack. If you still want me, I do want to marry you," she admitted.
Jack relaxed for the first time since arriving, "YES, I still very much want to marry you."
"So, what do we do about a place to stay?" She asked.
"Let's look for an apartment or townhouse to rent that will allow pets, and you can move in until we get married."
"Or I could stay with Susan. That way I know Onyx can stay too," she suggested.
"That sounds like a plan, but I have an even better one," he stated.
"Better? What's your plan?" She asked.
He leaned in and whispered, "I'd still like to get married soon, real soon."
To be continued...