A/N SM owns these characters.

She collided with me and my ideals collapsed under the weight of her kiss. It was hot and wet and soft and sensual and the minute her tongue invaded my mouth I lost all perceptions of time and space. My left hand found her hip. My right palmed the space between her shoulder blades.

There was no awkwardness. It was not frenzied. It was a dance. A tango where our lips and tongues and lungs moved in perfect synch. My pulse played the part of the percussion section, the breeze the woodwinds. The swaying tree limbs acted as conductor, providing us with background music to the most incredible and mind-blowing kiss I have ever experienced.

Her fingers knitted into my hair. I could feel her rise millimeter by millimeter as she stretched to her tiptoes. Without another thought, my arms wrapped tighter around her, the left leaving her hip for her hair, the right, almost digging in to her spine. I wanted… I needed to bring her heart as close to mine as possible.

She moaned. I reciprocated. The combined vibrations flowed through me. My tongue. My throat. My lungs. It faded once it passed my knees. The oxygen exhaling from her button nose was intoxicating, increasing my desire to engulf her further. It was seductive. Sensual. Perfect.

She tasted of brown sugar and honey and a suggestion of fruitiness. The combination our saliva blending together formed the most exquisite flavor imaginable. As my tongue savored this perfect wine, I noticed something vaguely familiar.

After a moment or two or ten something clicked and I deepened the kiss just to verify what my head was alluding to.

Sugar.

Honey.

Fruit

Fruity just like the Fubar drink Paul was passing out.

Shit. I moaned in disappointment.

Bella misinterpreted my vocalization and shifted her weight so that she was leaning into me. She grazed the right spot and caused just enough friction that my body responded instantly. An uncontrollable hiss rolled from my lips right into her mouth.

I was at war. My body, my heart, my lips wanted to push this further. To take every kiss and touch and whimper her soul gave me. I wanted to melt into her and forget where we were and the world around us. I wanted her. I wanted this so bad my whole fucking being ached and twisted with need.

But my brain. My God damn mother fucking brain sounded the retreat. Yelled for the troops, my lips, my tongue, and my other body parts to fall back. To part from her and force my lungs to take a deep breath in an effort to clear out the desire that overwhelmed me. But the fucking commanding general didn't factor in the lust filled air that only made my dick impossibly harder.

I leaned my forehead into hers. Her hair tickled the sensitive skin of my cheeks.

"Bella," I gasped, hoping. No praying. Making a bargain with God. I'd trade my soul right now for her to understand what I was doing without having to say the words.

"Please," she begged before planting hot kisses on the hollow of my neck, her wet lips leaving imprints of moisture and lipstick on skin and collar.

"Make me forget," she murmured.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Fucking kill me now.

"Bella," I sighed into her hair. My hands moved up to her shoulders and softly caressed her arms. She buried her forehead into my shirt. I could feel a button press into my skin. I buried my nose in her hair while taking deep breaths of strawberry shampooed tresses. I was glad I couldn't see her eyes. I would have caved in an instant if I had to see her eyes. But I had to be strong. I could let this go further.

"Not like this. Not here. Not now."

She loosened her grip from my neck and slid her fingertips down my arms until they reached my hips, leaving tingles in their wake. For a moment, I thought she understood.

But then her fingers began caressing around my beltline and into my waistband, slowly extricating my shirt.

"I need this. Edward, I want you." Her voice was soft and so fucking sexy it was driving me insane. My resolve was holding on by a thread. A weak, pansy-assed, fucking thread.

"Bella. Please," I pleaded. Now I was the one begging. I needed her to understand. I didn't want to spell it out. No one likes the truth when they are drunk.

She raised her head up and pierced me with her eyes. They were glassy and wide.

"Why?" I asked, stalling.

"Because you are the only one. You are the only one that can make it disappear. I don't smell him when you are this close. I can't feel him when you touch me. I need to forget. I need a new memory. Give me a new memory."

Her voice was beseeching. Her eyes were hopeful. Her body was willing. And I didn't move.

This was Bella. Soft. Willing. Passionate. And totally intoxicated.

I stood there long enough for her to work my shirt out of my pants. Her fingers grazing the skin just above my hips were enough to snap me out of my trace.

"Bella. Stop." I grabbed her wrists to stop her and took a step back. My movement caused her to sway, but thankfully my hold on her arms helped her regain her footing. Confusion crossed her face, but it only lasted for a millisecond. I could feel her arm muscles flexing under my grip.

"Why?" she snapped.

In the back of my mind I could hear a bell chiming in warning. I should have listened, but I didn't.

"It just that…this isn't right," I reasoned.

"What's not right?" she asked as she wrenched her arms out of my grasp. Her actions caused her to again wobble. I tried to reach out to help, but her eyes told me not to even attempt it.

"I just think you've had too much to drink."

"I'm not drunk. And I know what I'm doing."

"Bella. This isn't right."

Her face contorted. At first I thought she was in pain, but then I realized something entirely different was happening. Holy shit. I swear a bolt of invisible lightening burst through the sky and Bella mutated before my eyes. That is the only explanation I could think of for the horrific transformation that turned Bella into the snarling creature before me. No longer was she soft and passionate and willing. She was now vicious and angry and scary.

"Why isn't this right? That's never stopped you before." Her voice was biting.

"What are you talking about?"

"Last year," she spit at me. "Last year, you fucked anything with two legs and a hole."

I knew my past actions could come back to bite a big chunk out of my ass. I just never in a million years thought Bella would be the one to do it.

Her words stung. No, they fucking pierced my flesh. It would have hurt less if she punched me. Damn. I wish she had punched me. This was far beyond anything I've ever I've ever felt. I could deal with physical pain. And from the ferocious look on her face, she wasn't done.

"Oh. Wait. This is because you don't like sloppy seconds?"

Her eyes were so vicious and feral that my gut reaction for self-preservation finally kicked in.

"You're drunk Bella. You know what you're talking about."

"The hell I don't. You just don't want me. You've fucked almost every twit on this campus, but you won't fuck me."

"Stop it, Bella!" I ran my hands through my hair, trying desperately to calm down. To revert back to the reality where we were just kissing and everything was perfect. I think I even spun in a tight circle physically trying to backtrack.

"You don't want me because I was rap…"

"Shut up. That has nothing to do with this. You don't know what you're talking about," I yelled at her. I couldn't help it. Her anger and words and the alcohol just collided in my brain and my lips formed the words before my common sense could interfere.

"Admit it. You don't want me."

"You don't know what I want. You're too drunk to even listen to me," I snapped back.

Her eyes, wide and unfocused, were now brimming with moisture. She drew a breath, a deep one. Her expanding lungs caused another shift in her equilibrium, and she wobbled in a desperate effort to regain her footing.

My arms twitched, longing to reach out to her, no matter how pissed off I was at the situation. But her eyes told me to keep my distance.

Anger coupled with humiliation was broadcast in the lines stretching from her clenched jaw. Hints of defeat were also visible. Her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides. Her breath coming in frantic gasps. Her lips quivered. Her eyes. Oh, her eyes. They screamed a thousand things and nothing at the same time. I knew they were brown, but right now they looked pitch black. She hissed at me and I couldn't help but tremble with defeat and despair.

Turning on her heel she took off for towards the door to the frat house. She wasn't graceful, but she was determined. And all I could do was stand in her wake wondering how the night had turned from heaven to hell in the span of a minute.

This was so wrong and so fucked up. I needed to stop her. She was drunk. And angry. She thought I didn't want her.

My heart split in pain. How could she think I didn't want her? How could she not know what her skin and lips and laughter and eyes did to me? How could she not see how captured I was by her and how much her storming away from me was tearing at my soul.

I had to stop her.

So I followed. I caught her just before the threshold to the house. I grabbed the crook of her elbow and turned her back to me. She spun around with her hand extended, and before I realized it, her palm smacked against my cheek. The sound of the slap hung in the air between us.

"Don't fucking touch me," she sneered at me. Her eyes were filled with a fury I had never seen before.

I released her elbow. I had no choice. I stood there dumb-founded and defeated as Bella charged into the house.

The emotions of the last several minutes welled up within me like a fucking tornado. Euphoria. Elation. Bliss. Confusion. Dread. Anger. Hopelessness. It was too much to grasp and to hard to confront. This wasn't TV. There was no rewind button.

"Shit!" I yelled as I curled my fist and hit the wood siding of the house. I hit it hard, but it didn't hurt. So I hit it again, grunting as my hand made contact with the wood. This time I felt a crunch and a sharp pain, but it still wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed to dull the incredible ache that was growing in my chest. I pulled my arm back for another swing when a hand grabbed it and twisted it behind my back.

"Stop it!" It was Jasper, and his voice and strength were enough to halt my self-mutilation. With great effort he maneuvered me to the farthest reaches of the deck.

"You don't understand," I yelled, struggling against his hold. I twisted and stomped to no avail. I felt like a kid, being yanked to the corner by an adult except Jasper had my wrist and not my ear.

My stomach hit the railing and he spun me around. The look on his face only reinforced the knowledge that I was at his mercy.

"Back off or y ou're going to make it worse."

"You don't understand," I repeated. "She thinks that…"

"Right now, Edward. You could tell her the moon shines out of her ass and she'd still spit in your face and call you a liar. You need to let her cool off."

I gave three more twists of my body to try and wiggle free, but the fight within me was waning. With each movement I realized it was futile. Jasper was right and so I surrendered, sinking onto the deck floor. Jasper took a seat next to me and waited.

"What am I going to do? This is so fucked up. I don't even know what happened," I lamented, staring out into the night. Jasper remained quiet for a while before finally speaking.

"Well, you might want to start by talking to her when she's sober."

"Ass," I sniped at him. He smirked back. His effort to lighten the mood was marginally effective.

A few more moment passed in silence.

"Listen. I overheard some of what she said," Jasper started, pausing to eye me carefully. I knew what he was referring to but I was mentally spent and couldn't find the energy to close the door on this particular conversation.

When I didn't comment he continued. "It's not common knowledge but I volunteer at the campus hotline. I took a call a few days ago. It was a girl. She told me she'd been raped. Some of the things she said…they were really close to some of the things Alice mentioned about Bella."

I snapped my head to attention and stared at Jasper. His eyes were solemn, his shoulders slumped and sad.

"Was it Bella?" I asked, desperate to know. I needed to hear every fact, every detail that involved her

"I honestly don't know. And even if I did you know I couldn't tell you," Jasper confessed. I knew he took other people's confidences very seriously, but at the same time I could see him struggle with his desire to share this burden.

I nodded in understanding It was the only thing I could do. It was the same reason I didn't share Bella's name with Esme. I wanted to. It would have been helpful, almost a relief to have "counselor Esme" by my side. But I couldn't. Just like Jasper couldn't. We were both stuck.

"It was the morning after you all were hanging out at the house. That was when she woke up screaming. Alice woke me up." I confessed while staring at my feet.

"I remember. Alice didn't want to spend the night at my place." Jasper acknowledged.

"She was terrified Jazz. That morning, even with Alice holding her. I've never seen anyone so petrified and shattered."

"Do you think it happened the night before?"

"I honestly don't know. I didn't see her come home. I can't tell you what happened after she left the house."

"She was still there when Alice and I left. I think it was a few hours later that Alice wanted to go home to her room. She get's nutty like that sometimes so I didn't argue. I just walked her home. I think it was around three in the morning. I didn't hear anything when I dropped Alice off."

"Rosalie mentioned Bella leaving a little after you guys.

"Did she walk home alone?"

"Yeah. Rose was pretty pissed at Emmett for letting her do that." I answered before relaying some of the information I gleaned from my lunch conversation with Rose and Emmett. Jasper seemed to be absorbing the information when he abruptly turned to me. His eyes wide.

"Edward. Alice mentioned that Bella had bruises. When did you notice them?" Jasper asked.

"Monday night," I said staring at Jasper, trying to figure out what he was getting at.

"I saw her with Alice Sunday morning. They were coming from the gym. She didn't have any bruises."

A light bulb, a lightening bolt and every other fucking metaphor for having an epiphany came crashing into us. I turned towards Jasper and he met my horrified expression with one of his own.

"The jam session at the house," we said in unison. A second later we were on our feet shocked by this new knowledge. The look on Jasper's face was so raw and pain filled that I had to look away. It hurt too much.

My stomach flipped and I had to choke back the bile that threatened to erupt and coat the deck at my feet. The nausea passed quickly, replaced by disgust and then rage. It was an absolute consuming fury that engulfed every cell in my body.

She was at my house. She was with my brothers. She was with people I knew for years. She was with guys I called friends.

She was here that night. She was here. Then she was raped. Then she was home. It occurred in that order. There was more to the puzzle. A fucking ton of missing pieces, like when, where, was it a brother or some random ass. Did it happen in the house or on the way home? Question after question. With each new query my temper approached critical mass.

I was shaking. My finger curled and my nails breaking the skin of my palms, my legs quivering. A hand with long fingers curled over my fist. Jasper's grip was strong. It was the only thing that stopped me from bolting into the party.

Jasper's head was hung low, his free hand furiously rubbing his hair back out of his eyes while the other squeezed mine. I didn't need to see his face to know what he was feeling. We were both feeling it. Although I doubt his rage was anywhere close to mine.

He finally stopped running his hand through his hair and turned towards me. "You can't go in there."

"Fuck off," I growled. There was no way I wasn't going to go in there. In there is where this all started. In there is where…

My body started to go numb with anger. Absolute irrepressible anger. The only thing keeping me from erupting was Jasper and his crushing hold on my arm. It was that tether that helped rein in my emotions enough to listen to him.

"Fifteen minutes ago Bella slapped you and told you to fuck off. She's drunk and you going after her is just going to make things worse. You need to let me get her out of there."

I fumed. I hissed. I didn't want to listen. I wanted to storm in there and throw Bella over my shoulder and take off with her. I wanted to save her. Because I wasn't there to save her that night and it took me too fucking long to figure out when and where this nightmare started.

But he was right. I had fucked up tonight. Bella was furious with me and even though I didn't understand it, I knew that approaching her would lead to disaster.

"I can't just sit here, Jasper."

"Give me five minutes," he stated. The tone of his voice left no room to argue. "I'll find her. I'll get Alice. We will make sure she is safe. Once she's with Alice, I'll come get you and you can follow us back to the dorm."

"Five minutes Jasper. That's all you get. If you don't have her in five, I'm going to get her and I don't care if she throws a fit. She's drunk and there is no way in hell I am leaving this house without her. I don't fucking care if she hates me." I stated.

Jasper nodded in understanding and then turned and strode into the house. The minute he crossed the threshold I started counting.

One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three...

There was no way I was going to wait five minutes, but I had to give Jasper a head start. As much as I hated it, and I did fucking hate it, I had to wait. Storming in there right now and grabbing Bella was not an option right now. Nor would beating the living shit out of everyone in the place who was there last Sunday.

I just had to wait. Give Jasper a little time.

I just had to be patient.

Fuck that.

I bolted into the house.

A/N The truth is slowly coming out, but there are more twists in store for you awesome readers. Be sure to check out Bella's Journal in a few days for her next entry. It gives some clues as to why Bella's on the deck to begin with.

Again, thank you Thank you Thank you awesome readers, now show me some love. I love to read your reviews.