The next afternoon Steve arrived at Norah's apartment. Anxious to see her and reassure himself that she really was back, he had wanted to rush over that morning, but had waited till later in the day, giving her a chance to rest and be alone. Bucky had pestered him all morning from New York, asking how she was and wanting to check on her, but Steve had insisted that she needed to be left alone. It took all of his willpower to give her space, but that was what she thought she needed, and he wasn't going to push her.
Knowing this was true didn't make waiting any easier.
Finally deciding that he had given her enough time, and receiving no response to his phone call, he headed to her apartment, not far from where he had been staying in D.C. Knocking lightly on her door, he waited a few moments for her to answer. Then he knocked again, harder.
"Norah?" He called, through the locked door. He knocked a third time, trying to keep his heart rate from speeding up any more.
"Norah?" he called again, louder.
Pulling out a set of keys, he quickly located the one she had given him when Bucky had been staying there. Pushing open the door he called out again, desperate to make sure she was ok, but not wanting to scare her if she was, he made his way through the living room. Nothing was out of place, and no one was in the kitchen or dining areas.
"Norah, are you home?" He called again, feeling his pulse thump through his veins, his breathing speeding up slightly. Then he heard the sound of running water from the bathroom. Relief flooded through him, and reassuring himself that she simply hadn't heard him because she was in the shower, he rapped his knuckles against the wooden frame and called through the door.
"Norah, it's Steve. Um... I was just stopping by to check on you, I'll be in the living room when you get out." He turned away from the door then, when he heard her call out.
"Steve?" her voice was weak, and he heard a rustle as the door swung open.
"Norah, are you ok?" He turned back toward the bathroom and stepped through the open door, a crease in his forehead and concern in his eyes.
She sat just outside the walk-in shower, fully clothed, but soaked through, her teeth chattered slightly as she sat, shaking, dripping, and breathing hard, her head leaning back against the wall.
Steve drew in a quick, hissing breath. "What happened, what do you need?" He sprang into action, snatching a towel from the shelf and wrapping her in it, crouching in front of her to look into her face. He reached up to brush the damp hair from her forehead and drew in another quick breath. "You have a fever, and you're shaking like a leaf. When did this start?"
"This morning" She said between spasms, "I think it's just withdrawal from whatever they gave me" she shuddered again, and he reached out, pulling her toward him and lifting her up. "Th-th-the cold show-shower helped bring d-down the fever." She said as he began rubbing her down with another towel, drying her hair and arms. "You should have called me." He said, grimly, "or called someone!"
"I d-didn't want anyone t-t-to overreact. I don't wan-n-n't to go to the hospital."
"Norah," Steve's voice was gently rebuking "They're there to help. They could make this a lot easier on y-"
"NO." Steve was taken aback by the force of her voice. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, making him meet her eyes. "I can't. I can't be in a hospital right now. The needles and the machines..." She shuddered from more than the chill, dark memories racing behind her eyes. "It's too much. I just... Please." Still shaking, she pleaded with her eyes.
Steve clenched his jaw at the pain he saw there. The fear. Sighing, he finally released her hand. "Ok. I understand, but you have to let me help you." She nodded an affirmative to this, still shivering and miserable, but relief showing in her eyes.
"First things first, now that your fever is down, we have to get you warm and dry" Steve was once again drying her off and wrapping her in a fresh towel. He pushed her down to sit again and stepped out of the door, returning moments later with fresh clothing. Helping her stand, he pulled the towels away and met her eyes. His checks slightly flushed, he took her by the shoulders. "You need to get out of those wet clothes, but you can barely stand up on your own, much less change" he said with a frown. "Do you trust me to help you? Is... is that ok, or should I call someone?" He looked slightly sheepish, but mostly concerned.
She smiled weakly at this "Of course I trust you" she leaned her cheek on his hand, still resting on her shoulder "more than anything".
He paused, and his hand lifted slightly to brush across her skin, his eyes tracing the lines of her face. Then another violent shiver wracked her body as she squeezed her eyes shut and he shook his head, setting his jaw and getting back to the task at hand. Pulling the soaked and clinging fabric from her shivering body, he ignored the tightening of his throat at the sight of her bruised and emaciated body, and focused instead on keeping her covered and warm.
Minutes later, clothed in dry sweats and a t-shirt, Norah sat wrapped in a blanket on the couch in the living room. Her body continued to shake, and the lights pierced her eyelids, shooting pain through her head. Her throat was dry, her tongue felt swollen, and she was so weak it was a major effort just to lift her head. She didn't remember ever being quite this miserable, with the exception of the Hydra base.
Steve entered from the kitchen with a steaming mug of tea and dry toast, which he placed on the coffee table before reaching out and pressing his hand against her head. "Fever seems to be staying down" he said, "but you're still shaking." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, warming her through the blanket.
"Tremors are a pretty common symptom of withdrawal" She replied ruefully, and then moaned slightly, hunching forward and pressing her palms to her temples. Steve's arm came around her back, his hand pressing gently against the tension in her shoulders. As the pain lessened somewhat, Norah lifted her head.
"Here." Steve handed her a few painkillers and offered her the hot tea. Norah took the pills from his hand and was instantly offered the toast. "You need to eat, or you're just going to get weaker" he said, still rubbing her back gently. "This may be a long couple of days, and you need to keep up your strength."
She glanced up at him, taking a tentative bite out of the toast and forcing it down with a sip of tea. "How did you get so good at taking care of people?" She asked with a tremulous smile.
"Well, let's just say I've had a lot of experience being sick and miserable, so I know what helps" Steve replied with a self-conscious shrug and a quirk of his lips, taking the empty plate from her and placing it back on the table. He turned to her again, this time lifting his hand to brush her cheek, "it hurts me to see you like this" he said, so softly she almost didn't hear it. Her misery filled eyes met his once again as tears gathered in their green depths and she hunched forward with a moan.
"I just want it to stop" she cried, hunching forward again "I just want to take something, to disappear into oblivion. To go back to that place where I couldn't feel anything - but I can't, I can't let them win. I won't let them break me. I won't give them that..." All this came out in a jumble of words, interspersed with gasps of pain and sobbing breaths.
"No." Steve said finally, grasping her shoulders and pulling her into his chest. "You won't, because you are stronger than them. You're my incredible, strong, independent, amazing, caring Norah, and you're going to get through this." He rocked her as she cried, pulling herself closer to his warmth, to the safety of his arms. Sitting sideways across his legs, she clung to one arm, the other wrapped around her back, face tucked into his shoulder. She felt his breath against her neck as she clenched her teeth against the pain.
"Shh.." he said in response to her shuddering groans "I've got you. It's going to get better, and I'm staying right here until it does."
Slowly, the pain began to lessen, the tremors still shaking her body occasionally, as she sank into the safety of Steve's embrace, and let herself get lost in the overwhelming weariness that followed.