"What are you thinking," Blake asks.

"I don't want to like any of them," I reply. The other Careers have been nothing but nice to us since they decided we should be entrusted with leading the group. "Especially Hadrian," I add, thinking of the boy from One who keeps winking and smiling at me.

Blake agrees without looking at me. He nods.

"But I do," I say quieter. I look at my district partner, wanting to see his reaction. I know Cato is scowling at me if he has heard this.

Blake only glances at me. It last a few short seconds, then he focuses on the water again. "Yeah," he says, nodding. "Me too." He sounds reluctant and slightly worried.

I wonder if this is the main reason girls are attracted to Blake. Alex can be cold, Cato can be scary, and Aidan just laughs with anyone. Blake is sincere.

He was good.

I'm no longer looking at Blake's side profile. I am looking into his eyes. Mine are wide open. His are dead and empty. They are no longer thoughtful. They stare at nothing.

He didn't deserve to die, I hear a voice spit at me.

I wake up, sweat covering my skin and my heart pounding. I shut my eyes and place my hands over them, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

I know that voice in my dream. Deep down, even my conscious knows how undeserving I am.

I land on the mat with an inelegant grunt. It's a huge wake up call. I've been spacing out all day. A hand is offered but I get up on my own.

"Are you okay," Jet asks, not offended that I ignored his help. "It seems like your mind was somewhere else this match."

"Yeah," I say, responding to his first question. "Let's go again."

"Are you sure?"

I just nod.

Jet and I have been training almost every day together since a couple of weeks ago when we officially met. He seems like a nice guy. He seems to get along with the others in our session, even the quiet Soldier Turner. I'm glad he doesn't take my quietness personally. Though he sometimes tells me stuff about him, he doesn't expect a conversation from me and most of our training is done in comfortable silence. I'm just not here to make friends. I want to get stronger so I can beat Snow.

For the first week, Jet would always wipe the floor with me. He wasn't brutal about it like Enobaria had been or most of my past training partners would have been, but he didn't slack off either. The people in our class were good soldiers and it seemed that he ranked near the top. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was an Alpha or a Beta when he was at the Academy. It used to make me question why he offered to train with someone like me. Though, now that I had improved, there was really no reason to complain. Jet and I had only been training together in staff matches but they had been helping with everything else too. I was back in shape and I felt more like myself now that my body was toned and strong again rather than frail and fragile.

I sweep Jet's feet out from under him with the staff. Even on his back he raises his weapon up to defend himself. I knock it out of his hands with mine. Then, I point the end of the long metal weapon near his throat.

Jet just grins up at me.

Recently, I had been beating him in our matches more than losing. It surprised me how well he took it since most boys from the Career districts had hated losing to someone like me. I was a respectful opponent, but it still hurt the pride of the boys from my district to lose to a girl. I had gained respect, admiration, and envy for that. Cato had always held pride for me. It helped that he was one of the boys that I could never beat. The thing is Cato never lost a match at the Academy. He had ranked highest in our Alpha class for a reason.

I take my time putting the staff back on one of the weapon's shelves. I don't want others, including my training partner, to see how strung up I actually am. I've had nightmares since the Capitol and they've only gotten worse. I've been losing sleep and no matter how much I try not to, my mind jumps to Cato, Clove, Blake, and other people I don't want to think of here.

I don't like thinking about them and the nightmares. I don't like that I've been spacing out and its been causing me to lose my focus and matches.

"Hey Finnick," I hear Jet say.

"Jet," Finnick Odair greets. "Hey Isabelle."

What does he want with me? I know Jet and Finnick have known each other from before the Rebellion started since they are from the same district. My training partner holds a lot of respect for the Victor. But Finnick hasn't even tried interacting me with since I joined the session a couple of weeks ago. I cover up my questioning look when I turn around to face them. "Odair," I say neutrally, addressing him the way I always had when we saw each other at Victor banquets and parties. It had helped keep a distance between us, something I hoped it still would do.

I have to hide a reaction when I notice Gale standing there too. I shouldn't be surprised, seeing as Finnick and him usually train together. I thought I would have at least heard his steps too though.

"Valentine," Gale says. His tone is friendly and teasing. He even grins at me, something he's been doing a lot lately. Ever since the incident with Primrose's cat a few days ago, he's been acting really nice to me. Too nice.

"Hawthorne," I respond icily. I try to scare him away by showing my dislike but it never affects him. He continues to greet me with a smile, which always just makes me scowl at him.

"What else are you thinking," he asks.

"What?"

Blake glances at me again. "You're still an open book. You might have most of Panem convinced with that icy Victor persona, but I can see there's something else on your mind."

"Isabelle?"

I look at Jet, who looks at me concerned. He's not the only one. I realize that I have just spaced out while Finnick was talking to me. He and Gale are also looking at me.

I'm silent. I thought I had been doing well at hiding it.

"Tell me. You know you can trust me."

"Uh," I start to form a response while also trying to shake the memory. I am aware that I am standing in Thirteen in front of Jet, Finnick, and Gale, but a part of me is also not there, back in the Arena with Blake.

"Isabelle?"

"Jet, give her a second," Finnick says.

"Isabelle." This time it's not Jet calling my name. A hand goes on my shoulder and suddenly I am fully present in the training room, looking directly into grey eyes.

I back away from Gale immediately. He puts down his hand, unfazed by my reaction to his proximity, and asks, "You okay?"

I nod.

"You've been zoning out all day today," Jet comments.

I'm about to explain but hesitate. What can I say? Yeah, I've been having nightmares since I got here and they've gotten worse. Now they haunt me when I'm awake too.

"You don't have to explain," Finnick tells me. "It happens with Annie too."

"What were you saying," I finally manage. I don't like having them stare at me. I didn't want to see their sympathy or concern. Though I am a little grateful when Finnick goes along with my moving on.

"I was actually talking about Annie. I wanted to thank you. She told me you helped her in the Capitol."

I raise an eyebrow, confused. "Annie? You mean Annie Cresta?"

"Yeah," Finnick says.

"Annie was in the Capitol prison?"

Finnick suddenly looks hesitant and a little cautious. "She told me you talked with her and kept attention away from her."

"I don't remember Annie being there."

Now both Finnick and I are a little alarmed.

"Maybe she confused me with someone else," I say.

"No. I even asked her more than once. She's certain it was you."

Annie Cresta is not known for stability or sanity, but with the way Finnick speaks about her, I even trust Annie's belief.

But how?

"Maybe you just didn't remember," Finnick offers. "There was probably too much already going on. You could have been semi-conscious the entire time. Gale did say he found you and you seemed pretty gone."

I look at Gale who stares back at me with an unreadable expression. He doesn't deny Finnick's description but he doesn't confirm it either.

"Yeah," I say as certainly as I can muster.

But I'm still alarmed. Now that I think about it, how is it that I can remember all the bad things in the Capitol—the painful interrogation sessions, the awful conversations with Coin, the dark prison cell—but nothing else?