Dear Diary
Chapter fourteen: Baby, thinking of you keeps me up all night

XXX

A/N: Oh Gai, you don't even know how lucky you are.. Millions of fangirls around the world would love to be in your shoes right now. Sleep or no sleep ;)

Mswan, thank you for another chapter Beta'd. Thank you for being so amazing that I can just relax and know that you will fix all my mistakes. You're really something else ^.^

I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)

XXX

Dear Diary,

I will keep this short, since I am very tired. But today… Today was magnificent. My first date ever, and I had the immense honor and pleasure that this date was with none other than the man that I have loved for most of my life: Kakashi Hatake.

He truly is amazing. Picked me up right on time, as promised. I know that for Kakashi, that is incredibly difficult to do. I was waiting by the door, unsure whether I should stand there waiting. For all I knew, I could be standing there for over an hour! But my nerves had gotten to me and I could not bare the thought of waiting for him anywhere else.

But he really was right on time. For me. I know he did this just for me. And I repaid him by scaring him, disregarding his instincts and hurting him. Quite literally; I bruised his face. His perfect, gorgeous face. But I should not dwell on that. I think I'm allowed to dwell on the face, but I do that too often already. But the bruises… Kakashi told me not to worry about them. That he actually… Liked them. Thought it looked artistic. I am not artistic, I am just strong. But if he likes it, I will gladly accept the compliment.

He had planned on a picnic, and that was even more wonderful than him showing up on time: So thoughtful. I took him to the little clearing that I love so much. I vowed years ago that if I ever got the chance, I would show him that place, did I not? But only if he loved me too. And he does. Honestly does.

I am tired, but my head is too full of Kakashi. Too full to think I will be able to sleep. I keep thinking about the kisses, the touches, his TONGUE. Oh yes, his tongue. In. My. Mouth. And I am pretty sure I felt it on my neck as well, later. There was a lot of cuddling, and kissing and touching an most of it is a blur by now. I wish it wasn't. I wish I could preserve each second and take it out whenever I want to think about it. Whenever I want to. Which is not now. Now I would very much like to be able to sleep.

I will just lie down now, and hope that my body is tired enough so the sleep will come.

Sincerely, Gai M.

XXX

Walking up the stairs to my apartment, our fingers are still entangled, our bodies so close together that our shoulders brush against each other at almost every step. I am quite certain that Kakashi is doing this on purpose, not that I mind. He doesn't let go of my hand as I search for my keys in the pocket of my flack vest. Doesn't let go of my hand as I open the door. On one hand, I want to invite him in. On the other hand, I am tired and feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I don't want to let him go, but I want to be alone. Presumably, something in my posture must have given me away, because I can see him take off the mask. I smile, a kiss goodnight seems perfect. After that, I will go and rest up. This man is… Intoxicating. Leaning over, I softly kiss his lips, the first lips I have ever kissed. And what perfect lips they are. What a perfect man this is. When Kakashi finally pulls back a little, there is a loving smile on his face, a slight tease in his voice.

"Good night, Romeo."

I cannot help but smirk, "Good night, Adonis," I chuckle as he pulls a little face before covering himself up with that mask once more, "Are you going to bed yet?" I deliberately keep my voice quiet, knowing quite well what he will answer me.

"In a little bit. I have some friends to talk to."

Another soft smile, I can tell by looking at his eye. His hand brushes past my cheek for only the briefest of moments, and Kakashi turns on his heels. Walking away, he turns to me one more time, looking a little mischievous as he blows me one last kiss. I can feel a blush creep up, but he is no longer looking at me, all but skipping down the stairs. I smile, closing my front door.

For a brief moment, I just lean against the wood. My chest heaving as I try to steady myself once more. Kakashi makes me feel unstable, not in a bad way, but still. Eventually, I decide that my legs will not stop trembling completely, so I make my wobbly way over to my living room. Dropping myself on my couch, a fond smile tugs at my lips. Kakashi. Kakashi Hatake. He loves me. He loves me like I love him. It's… Unbelievable. But true. It really is true.

Suddenly, all the pain and heartbreak I have suffered over the many years I have loved this man doesn't matter anymore. Suddenly, all I can think about is that he said he loves me. The times I have seen him with girls, the times I have unintentionally interrupted his dates, they don't matter anymore. He loves me. He told me he did. He told me he was never angry with me for interrupting his dates, foiling his attempts at relationships with those girls. He told me all he ever did was try to not think of me. In between our kisses, he told me so many things, and I told him so many things. I told him that I only challenged him to our first eating contest so I could see his face. He told me he wished he knew that back then. That he was genuinely uncomfortable under my gaze. But he also told me that he doesn't care about that anymore, that he never really blamed me for that – Kakashi was simply so uncomfortable about his own face. I chuckle. The man has nothing to be uncomfortable about. Not when it comes to his dashing good looks, not when it comes to his choices over the years.

I understand them. I understand why he did the things he did. I understand he always chose the option he thought would serve his comrades best. Even if, at times, it didn't. Hidden deep within Kakashi Hatake, there is a pure soul. I know this, have known it for years. And now, he has finally bared that soul to me. Maybe not completely yet, I realize we are both still a little anxious. We are both holding back only a little bit. That is alright though. We both need time to grow further into this relationship. I have always loved him, but I have never felt like I could tell him that. I have never before experienced what it is like to be loved back.

Experience… He has so much more of it than I do. If it were anybody else, that would be embarrassing. But somehow… It is not embarrassing around Kakashi. Yes, I feel a little insecure and I am mostly unsure how to initiate anything, sometimes I am unsure how to reply to his invitations. But I am never left feeling too awkward. I feel… Safe. I feel like it is alright to be green. Green, suddenly I chuckle. I wear green spandex, and I am green in so many other fields as well. All I really know are training and being a shinobi. I know I am a sensei also, but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if my lack of life experience might not be hindering my students. Kakashi has never had this particular problem, obviously.

I smile, remembering how he proved to me today that he is anything but inexperienced. The way his lips caressed my neck, the way he sneakily managed to coax my lips apart after all. A small chuckle escapes me. I honestly do not mind that he has had more practice with this. Briefly I wonder how awkward it might have been if neither of us had ever done anything like this before. Going on dates, kissing… The day would have gone very differently, of that I am certain. But no, Kakashi does know what he is doing, he simply does not flaunt the knowledge around. Using it just enough to make me feel comfortable, to help me relax. I really do love him so much.

As I lay my head to rest on the back of the couch behind me, I realize that I am thirsty. Today, my… Love – Wow that word still feels weird – brought a pitcher of juice and a thermos of tea with him. And enough food for four people to have a comfortable lunch. We devoured all of it together, but clearly those weren't enough fluids. I chuckle lightly, exchanging our own, more private, bodily fluids did not help the cause any either.

Pushing myself off the couch, I stumble over to my small kitchen. My legs are still shaking, but I believe it is most likely due to fatigue rather than – whatever you call what Kakashi's presence does to my body. Emotional fatigue, but physical fatigue also. Not that I did much training today but… My jaw hurts. I chuckle again. Something new to train in. And boy, am I enjoying the training!

I grab a bottle of fruit punch from my fridge, filling up a glass before setting the bottle back. I decide to just take the glass with me to my bedroom and go to bed. After placing the glass on my bedside table, I lift my mattress a little. I will drink my fruit punch as I write in my diary. Today is definitely worth mentioning…

XOXOX

I turn back to my other side. But sleep will not come. I keep… Thinking. Thinking about Kakashi. Not that that is such a new thing, I have had nights like those before. Mostly when I was younger, or after a particularly interesting challenge. But not like this. Never like this.

I keep feeling his lips on my neck, on my own lips. My cheeks, the tip of my nose – he kissed that too. I keep feeling his hands on my body, leaving burning marks on my skin. I keep seeing his face, his perfect hands as they picked our food from the wicker basket he'd brought along. His fingers curled around the mask, right before he pulls it down. I keep hearing his voice, telling me over and over that he is in love with me, that he has loved me for too many years, that he cannot live without me.

Not that I mind all that, but it is becoming a bit of a bother by now. I am tired, no exhausted even, and this man just will not let me sleep!

His lips, pulling the food from my fingers in a way that I can only describe as 'sexy'. I might not know much about the term, but it sure as hell applies to Kakashi. The way he moves, the way he speaks, his little chuckles, his smiles, his kisses. Sexy. 'A person that is pleasing to the eyes and is appealing'. He certainly is. Sexy. Kakashi Hatake is sexy. And annoying right now because I want to sleep! For heaven's sake, I am so tired…