And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

The hardest part - Coldplay

People say that curiosity killed the cat but what they don't say is that it was the stress of not knowing what killed the animal.

As hard as she tried, Anne could not help feeling nervous about that meeting with Frederick.

What did he want to talk about? Something regarding Marie and Charles? About his relationship with Lu? She definitely did not want to know about that. And the most fearful option for her was that he wanted to talk about them.

Anne was distracted during the last sessions of the conference and kept looking at her watch.

Five minutes before two, Anne nervously walked to the south entrance of the convention center, where she had agreed to meet Frederick and was surprised to see that he was already there.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hello," she replied.

"How was the conference?," he casually asked.

"It was fine, nothing particularly exciting today," Anne shrugged, trying not to seem nervous.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay. How is your leg?"

"It's better actually. Just two more weeks in a cast and then I'll get a boot."

"Good news, I guess."

"Yeah, right," he answered, followed by an awkward pause.

"Can we walk around a little bit? I don't want to talk here," Frederick suddenly suggested.

"Sure, let's go," Anne replied and walked with him to the nearest bench outside the convention center.

After another weird silence, Anne was about to say something when she heard Frederick exhale loudly.

"Oh god, this is harder that I thought. But here it goes."

Anne stared at him, bracing for whatever he was going to say.

"I want to apologize, Anne. I have been rude to you, ever since I came back to Boston. When we met at your sister's, I have made you uncomfortable with my comments and my behavior. I was being very immature and I apologize for that."

Anne definitely did not expect that.

Before she could say anything, he spoke again.

"Hell, no, Anne. You deserve more from me than this. I have to apologize for everything that happened eight years ago. For leaving like I did and breaking what we had."

When she heard that, Anne stopped breathing.

"I was a complete and utter idiot and I am really sorry. I don't want to make excuses for myself but I was young, stupid and very angry. I felt like you were abandoning me, I felt exactly like when my parents died and I could not bear it. Anger got the best of me and I just left and I should not have done that. Jonathan and Sophia were the first to tell me that I had done wrong but I didn't see it until much later. By then, you were long gone and I lacked the courage to look for you. I was ashamed and afraid."

He turned to her and held her gaze. His eyes were red and Anne had a flash black to that raining afternoon and her heart felt heavy.

"I was afraid of what you thought of me and what you might say to me. I didn't want to know that you hated me. I am so sorry, Anne. I know it's too much to ask but do you think you can ever forgive me?," Frederick finished.

Anne opened her mouth and closed it. There was so much to process and her mind was a mess.

"I don't know," she said.

Gathering courage, Anne finally spoke again.

"I am sorry that you felt abandoned but that's ultimately what you did to me. You dismissed my trials to mend things. Did your roommates tell you that I came looking for you? I was desperate to find you and you deliberately avoided me. My life fell apart and I had to pick up the pieces."

Angry tears ran down her cheeks. She had not imagined saying those things out aloud and to his face. And she was not done.

"To be fair, what happened was also a consequence of my actions. I should have talked to you about how I felt. I should have trusted you. I took a decision that impacted both our lives and I didn't consult it with you."

"Yes, you did. I wish you had talked to me. Why didn't you?," Frederick asked, "I was supposed to be your person, and yet you decided to follow somebody else's advice when we had an agreement about our future. You also left me."

"But you have to understand. At that time, I did not see a guarantee that we'd make it in California. What if I resented you for giving up my fellowship?"

"There's no guarantee about anything in life, Anne! We could not know what was going to happen. We could have been happy."

"Yes, maybe."

"Maybe we would have ended this same way," Frederick finished.

Time passed and they did not dare to speak or look at each other. Anne was trying to calm down but his presence affected her. Frederick was trying to find the words to make things better, unsuccessfully.

"I have to go," Anne suddenly said.

"Anne, I don't want to leave things this way," Frederick pled.

"Me neither, but I cannot deal with this now. I'm sorry," she finished and walked away.