Being home was good for Erin, the panic attacks she'd been having several times a day at the hospital dropped off almost instantly. It was easier to know she was safe when she was in the place she'd called home for years. She was still very far from okay though. The images of what happened still ran though her head constantly, she still wanted to sleep all day. If Jay wasn't there nagging her to get up and do something she would sleep all day.

Jay had the opposite problem to her, he didn't want to sleep. He was obsessed with keeping busy, with getting moving, exercising, rehabbing. They still hadn't talked to each other about what had happened, Erin flat out refused to and Jay had finally stopped asking. He still wanted to know but he was sick of fighting with Erin every time he tried to bring it up. They were existing in each other's presence, Jay constantly moving, the apartment was spotlessly clean, there was always a meal cooked, Erin sleeping, only moving when she had to, both of them self-medicating.

They both thought the other didn't notice, but they were trained detectives, it was their jobs to notice these things. Erin started with sleeping pills and pain killers all prescribed by her doctors, but she took more than she was supposed to. Jay used his contacts to get what he needed; he was working his way through all the different uppers around, trying to find what worked best for him.

…

Erin sat up in bed, reached for her bottle of pain meds and tipped out the last pill, "shit," she thought looking at it. She reached for the sleeping pills; there was only one of them left too. It was more than a week before she was due to get a refill. She reached for her phone and scrolled through the numbers; she picked one of her CI's and typed out a message.

"We need to talk," she wrote, "where can we meet?"

She was treading a fine line here but she didn't care. Jay was in the living area cleaning again, she could hear the vacuum going. She reached for her crutches and pulled herself out of bed, she needed to get Jay to leave the house, he would ask too many questions if she just said she was going out. Instead she walked out the bedroom and headed straight for the kitchen, she opened the fridge and pulled out a beer, the last beer, she smiled, "easy" she thought.

"Jay are you going out today?" she asked making her way from the kitchen to the lounge. It was a little challenging using the crutches and carrying the beer at the same time but she managed. When she reached the sofa she flopped down, put her legs up and opened the beer.

"Probably," Jay said turning off the vacuum. He was balanced with a crutch in one hand and vacuum in the other, "why, do you want to come out?"

"No," she said not wanting him to think she actually wanted to do something, "we've just ran out of beer."

"Oh," he looked at her shaking his head, "I can get you some more beer. Is there anything else you want?"

She thought for a moment, there were lots of things she wanted but not many Jay could actually get for her, "cheese," she said finally, "and some crackers."

"Okay," he said letting out an almost laugh. He lent the vacuum against the wall and hopped over to her. "I can get you those things, just as soon as you let me have some of your beer."

He pulled the bottle from her hand and took a big gulp. "Hey," she said in mock surprise. He handed the bottle back to her and gave her a kiss.

"I think I might stop by the gym on the way home," he told her, "I'll see you later."

He pulled himself off the couch, grabbed his crutches, and backpack and headed out the door. As soon as he was gone Erin pulled her phone out, her CI had written back. They were to meet below one of the train stations. She quickly finished her beer, grabbed her own backpack and made her way out of the apartment.

…

This was the first time Erin had been outside of the apartment by herself since the abduction. Walking down the street towards the train station her senses were on high alert. A car backfiring a few blocks away sent her heart racing. She thought she should turn around but she wanted the pain killers and sleeping pills more. It took her a long time to make it to the train station, while she could get around on the crutches, she couldn't move fast and this was the most moving she'd done in weeks.

She caught the elevator up to the platform and hopped on the first train to arrive. She caught it three stops before getting off and transferring to another line. Where they were meeting was out of the way but not too out of the way, they'd met there before but always when she needed some intel for a case. Never in her life did she think she would meet them to buy drugs. She'd thought her days of addiction were behind her but then she'd never imagined this happening to her. At her station she stepped off the train and caught the elevator down to ground level, and began making her way behind the pylon.

Her CI, a young man named Marc, was already there. "Lindsay," he called out greeting her, she saw his eyes run up and down her body, "what the hell happened to you?"

"Long story," she said having no interest in going into the details with him, "you carrying?"

"Depends," he said looking at her suspiciously, "what do you want?"

"O's," she said moving closer to him, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "and D's?"

"Wow, you serious?" he asked taking a step back, "you not wearing no wire or recording device?"

"No," she said shaking her head, "I ain't got my badge with me either. This is just between us." She leant against the pylon and swung her bag off one shoulder and around her front. "I can pay you."

He stepped forward, quickly closing the gap between, "put that away," he whispered, "you ain't got to pay me."

"Okay," she said not moving, "what have you got?"

"This," he said pulling out a small bag of white powder.

"You ain't got no pills?" she didn't want powder; she wanted pills she could put back in her bottles and pretend she'd brought at the pharmacy.

"Not on me," he said giving her a smile, "this is what they're all buying now. I can go get pills but it'll take time."

She didn't have time to wait for him to go get stuff and come back, "what is it?" she asked staring at the powder.

"Alphabet soup," he said giving the packet a tap, "my own secret recipe. It'll make you high as a kite and then put you right to sleep."

"Okay," she said taking the packet from his hand, "if I message you again, bring pills."

"Sure thing," he said stepping away from her, "but you won't want pills after you try that."

She slipped the packet into her bag as he walked away from her. She wanted to tell him there wouldn't be a next time but she was sure there would be, she didn't see herself getting off the meds anytime soon, she didn't want to. She liked the feeling of nothingness the meds gave her, she liked feeling numb to the world.

…

Jay still wasn't home when Erin arrived back at the apartment. She was hot and sweaty and exhausted from going out. In normal circumstances she would have gone for a beer but there weren't any. Instead she sat herself down on the sofa and pulled out the small packet of white powder she'd acquired.

It was a nondescript white powder, and she had no idea what was in it. She trusted her CI though; they'd known each other for a long while, if he said it was good, it probably was. She tipped a tiny amount of the powder out onto the back of a loyalty card from her wallet, brought it up to her nose and sniffed. It took seconds for the rush to hit her, a warm gooey feeling ran through her body. She let out a moan; this stuff was good, the hit was better than anything she'd got from the pain meds.

She tipped more of the powder out before putting the packet away in her bag. She didn't want Jay to see it lying around. He would lose his shit if he knew what she was doing; she could just see him now lecturing her, though she knew he was just as bad, almost. She turned the television on, made herself comfortable and then sniffed another dose of the powder. The second hit was better than the first, a deep moan escaped her mouth and a warm feeling completely filled her body. She rolled onto her side and clutched a lap pillow to her chest. Her eyes closed, she was going numb and loving every second of it.

…

Voight crouched down on a roof with a pair of binoculars; he was in a town two hours from Chicago, watching a house just down the street. The intel the FBI had put together over the last twenty four hours said that was the place Erin's father and his woman were living. Dozens of units sat covertly around the streets watching the house, they needed to make sure they were home before they made their move. He'd wanted to be on the ground, he'd wanted to be the one to make the arrest, but he was told his options were to stand back or go home. He wasn't running this operation, and his reputation had spread among the FBI agents in charge. They knew if they let him get closer, the suspects were more likely than not to come out dead. They wanted them alive; they wanted to give them their day in court.

A white van drove down the street and pulled into the driveway, the man and woman stepped out carrying bags of groceries. Over the radio he heard the Commander give the signal, all at once the ground units moved in. It took only a minute for them both to be arrested. Hank let out a sigh of relief and pulled out his phone. He made a call to the district to tell them it had all gone well, and they could go tell Erin and Jay it was over. As much as he wanted to be the one to tell them, he was hours away, and he wanted them to know as soon as possible.

AN: Finally got around to posting some more. This last month has been really busy so haven't had any time to add to my store of chapters. As always I do love seeing some reviews.