Hey guys! Please don't kill me for being so horribly late!
This has literally been one of the busiest months of my life. Updates may slow down from now on, but I promise I haven't forgotten about this story!
As I just said, I am INCREDIBLY busy this month, so this 'back from no updating' icebreaker is a tad… shorter. So sorry, but I hope you enjoy regardless!
Also, a way to fuel my motivation to get this written would be to help me with the very first step of chapter-writing, which is coming up with ideas. That makes my job a whole lot easier, so please drop a suggestion in the reviews or PM me, and I'd be glad to write a chapter in your honor!
Note: Merlin is 18 mos. in this chapter. (A year and a half) Final note: I know it's hard to understand Merlin's baby gibberish (by which I mean whenever he's speaking in English), but if you say it aloud or read it by how it sounds, you should be able to get what he's saying.
Chapter 14: Why?
"Mamaí?" Hunith smiled as she heard the tiny voice pipe up from behind her. She turned and smiled at her young son.
"Yes?" She was trying to encourage his use of English with her, but he seemed determined to keep Gaelic with her and English with everybody else.
"An féidir liom eitilt?" He continued in Gaelic. She blinked, not expecting that question. Merlin, noticing her startled pause, turned his head towards her with a curious gaze. His piercing blue eyes met her brown-blue speckled ones, and she sighed.
"No, Merlin. The birds outside can fly, because they have wings; we cannot because we don't have wings." The boy seemed to think on this for a moment before returning his head to his arms, watching the birds that flew past the window.
"Why?" he asked in English.
"Because that's just the way we are made." She answered patiently. A few more moments went past before she shrugged and returned to making the bed. He had been following her all day, even when she had volunteered to clean the monarchs' bedroom while they were away for a few days.
"An gcaithfidh mé a daidí?" This question made her drop her sheet with a start, and she whipped around to face him to see that he hadn't moved.
"Sweetheart, your real father is no longer… with us. But Arthur is trying to be, don't you think? We all love you very much." She could see the water building up in his eyes as he looked to her with a forlorn look.
"W-why?" He sobbed. Confused, Hunith ran forward and picked up, holding him to her for comfort.
"'Why' what?" There was a short pause before he sniffled and turned a red-rimmed gaze to her.
"Why daidí weave ush? Why ish he not hewe, duz he not lub me?" He whimpered pitifully. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she hugged him tightly once more, beginning to pace around the room and rock him.
"Oh, my dearest. Ní raibh Papa ag iarraidh a fhágáil linn. Ní féidir sé a bheith le linn, ach loves sé dúinn. Is breá leis leat, Meirliún." She soothed, rubbing his back.
"Buh erybuyee ewse haz a daidí! Why no me?" By now he seemed to emotionally exhausted to translate his speech to Gaelic. Hunith's heart was breaking, but she firmly set her resolve. Taking a bent finger and using it to lift his chubby chin, she looked him right in the eye.
"Merlin, it doesn't matter what everyone else has or hasn't. It doesn't matter what they say. All that matters is that you have a family that loves you, and loves you very much at that. Don't let other people make you sad, okay? Because you have people who love you and love to see you happy. Can you be happy for me?"
She knew how as an adult, Merlin had been known for his cheerfulness. Unfortunately, that happiness and natural smile had been learned, had come with age and the maturity to laugh the cruel words away. Young Merlin did not have those skills yet, and only the fact that this wasn't her first time dealing with this situation made her better at handling it. It didn't make it any easier though, to see her child suffering and watching other children and their fathers with a 'hidden' look of longing in his eyes.
Merlin looked away before nodding, sloppily wiping the tears away with his sleeve and looking back up to her face, smiling widely. She tapped his nose with her finger and laughed.
"There's my Merlin." She cooed encouragingly before placing him on the ground and stooping in front of him. He sat on his knees and placed his hands on her arms, waiting for her to speak.
"Son, I know you miss your real father. I know that, even though you love Arthur," He nodded vehemently, looking very serious, "you still want your real daidí… Do you still have Kigrah?" She asked. He thought for a moment and nodded. Crawling over to the corner, he grabbed his bag and rifled through the various odds and ends (that only a child could find worthy of packing and carrying around) and pulled out the carved, wooden dragon. He passed it to her and watched intently.
She lightly ran a finger down the smooth beast's back. "Your daidí made this for you, many years ago." When she said this, he started getting very excited, flapping his hands and kicking his legs. "He made this to show you how much he loves you. Merlin, whenever you get lonely, or someone else makes you feel bad about not having your real daidí, just remember Kigrah and keep him close, and you'll feel your father there with you. Always remember that, okay? You are never alone." With that, she gently gave it back to him. He took it into his small hands reverently, much more respectfully than he had just minutes before. He stared, wide-eyed at the beautiful dragon sculpture that he had always loved. Here it was, proof that he had a daidí. That he was real. That he loved Merlin.
Squealing, he pulled it to his chest and hugged it.
"Fada liom uaim daidí agat, ach is breá liom tú. Fada liom uaim i ndáiríre tú, ach tá mé Arfur anois agus Kigrah mar sin ní bheidh mé brónach, agus is féidir liom a bheith sásta mar a deir Mamaí ba chóir dom a bheith. Maith go leor? Tá súil agam a chloisteáil tú é seo, daidí." And with that silent prayer, he went off to play, Kigrah right by his side.
I know, shortie. I am also aware that it's kind of mean to make him miss his daddy and forget about Arthur, but I think he would still miss his original father. He sees other kids his age with their fathers and knows that even though he has a similar relationship with Arthur, something's different. He can feel something missing.
Anyways, that's my rant for the day.
Argos: Thanks! Yeah, I had myself a little worried at first, too! It's great to get your reviews!
Translations:
Mommy?
Can I fly?
Do I have a daddy?
Papa did not want to leave us. He cannot be with us, but he loves us. He loves you, Merlin.
I miss you daddy, but I love you. I really miss you, but I have Arfur now and Kigrah so I won't be sad, and I can be happy like Mommy says I should be. Okay? I hope you hear this, daddy.
*** daidí- daddy
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