Chapter 14
Troubled Thoughts
"Shaved ice…" he thought as he walked around town. Coincidentally, just a few stalls away, there it was; salvation; he then sat on the pavement, observing each car, person, and who knows what pass by. As the ice cooled his palette, something struck him; a distant memory from the past; something he thought would never enter his mind ever again.
He was still a freshman in high school when it happened; he met the girl of his dreams. He remembered how she walked down the hall, the scent of her hair which blew in her self-produced wind left an airy path. How he didn't notice blood streaming down his upper lip, and how she laughed and pointed beneath her nose. He didn't understand it at first, but a few seconds later, the trance was broken and he noticed it only then.
Sophomore year came by and they were madly in love. It was hard to believe that his nose was bleeding every time she passed back then. That year, it was different. It was then did he experience another's body heat… in the boy's locker room after school. The feeling of someone's fingers running through your hair, being scratched on your chest with sharp nails, being pinned up against a wall; like a frog to be dissected for your biology class; he thought of it as an indescribable feeling.
Though what happened then seemed like a speck of dust, floating away in a different direction. His father's demands of high grades didn't allow much time to be just a regular teenager. Though he never forgot that tingling, indescribable feeling, the thought of her still lingered in his mind. How desperate he was for her, her body; he needed satisfaction, and he wasn't getting it from textbooks. Then there was prom, which in the end, he wasn't able to go to since he wasn't permitted. Then he began to wonder if she still thought of him.
Testosterone rose in senior year. He saw her again, but this time, it was different. He was in the mood, his father bought him a car and he had protection ready. He whispered into her ear. She only looked back at him with an expression of dejection. "I'm sorry…" those were the words she whispered back into his ear. Shattered and heartbroken he was, only to find out she found someone new. His name was Bruce Granger. He drowned in envy as he'd see the two together. "We were like that… weren't we?" was the question he'd ask himself every time they were together. It hurt every time he saw them. Like a dagger in the night, ready to find a new home on it's victim. He couldn't do anything about it; he was a deer in the headlights. Graduation simply passed by, like a cool summer breeze.
M.I.T.; that was where he passed after he was declared Valedictorian in high school, since this was the only school his father wanted him to enter, it's not like there was pressure… right?
Anyway, he arrived on the campus as a tourist. Not knowing where to go, a lost dog in a big world. Then, he bumped into a girl, blonde hair, blue eyes; the typical American girl. She showed him the way, and from their sprung a relationship that seemed would last a lifetime. Her name was Judy.
It was his birthday then, he remembered it so clearly. It was much intense than his first time. It made him feel special. He remembered how it was after his last class, he entered his dorm room and she was there, borrowing some of his notes. On her way toward the open door, it was shut in her face abruptly. He then approached her with a smug face. She put her books on the phone table near the entrance and she was carried to the bedroom, where the magic happened; overwhelming- a word worthy enough to describe the experience.
Even after college, he was still dating Judy. He brought her back to Japan. She met Voltaire, and he was convinced that out of all the girls his son has dated, she was the most dignified. The relationship lasted six years (including their years at college). It ended abruptly, like an eye that blinked. He never knew why, but he always thought it was him.
A few years passed and Kai was born. Everything that happened left his mind; this is the reason why he's alive, why he's sacrificing. He drove him to be the best; as he thought this, a smile began to form on his face, knowing that when he leaves tomorrow, he'll have a good reason and won't be troubled by guilt.