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Chapter 14
She looks up at him from her brochures, watching him pace to the fridge, looking at the calendar.
She wants to know the reason why, why he left, why he left her. But she's afraid to cut the thin rope that's binding them together for now.
"Do you like it here?" She asks, peeling the label of the beer bottle she holds
"Yeah, I do." He responds
She's quiet for a few minutes.
They're sitting on opposite sides of the couch, Olivia running her hands through her hair, and Elliot playing with the label on his beer bottle.
"How come we're so fucked up?" She asks, staring at the wall in front of her
"Maybe it's some path, I don't really know anymore."
"It feels like one fire after another, constantly on repeat."
He's silent for a few moments.
"We were always so built up with the things that haunted us."
Things still haunt her.
He wants to know why he can see her cheekbones even more than he had before. He wants to know why she's lost weight, why she's lost the fight, why she's lost the light in her eyes. He wants to know the reason for the dark circles under her eyes.
"Were you happy with her?" He asks
"Who?"
"Serena, you know, when she wasn't drunk."
Olivia stares at the magazine that rests on her lap
"I was happy when she wasn't, she was a good mother, she loved me. I loved her. She didn't make herself a monster."
Elliot stares at her profile, watching her eyes focus downwards.
"What about you? Were you happy?"
She didn't know much about his father, only his mother.
"He was tough on me, always told me to be a man, but I think my dad was happy. I phrase it like that because he seldom showed much emotion. Hugs and kisses were a rarity for me growing up, and when they did happen, they often struck me as lifeless, something he did because he felt he was supposed to, not because he wanted to."
She finds herself silent.
"How come you're not sleeping?" He questions, making eye contact with her
"There's a lot of reasons not to sleep."
"What is it?" He pushes
"Everything." She gets up, pushing her self off the couch with her hands
"Why didn't you tell me about Sealview?"
She whips around, facing him, five feet away, his eyes burning into hers.
"Why didn't you tell me about your mother?" She snaps back
He is quiet, but comes back at her.
"It was always hard to talk to you. Still is. You always pushed people away."
"Fine Elliot, you're so goddamn stubborn but you know what Elliot, whatever you're thinking about Sealview, Harris didn't rape me. Fin got there before he did anything."
"I wasn't there, I should of been there to back you up."
"It's not your fault Elliot, I placed myself there at the wrong time."
"It's not yours either Liv. You gotta know that."
"Fine but I'm over it now."
He looks at her like she's unsure of what she's saying.
"Do you ever get scared?"
"Yeah. Sometimes. It's not like you're walking around terrified all the time, even when things are going to hell around you."
"It's just you're...reacting, trying to stay alive. Things are happening so fast that you don't have time to think much of anything except doing your job and trying not to die. It usually affects you afterward, once you're clear. That's when you realize how close you came."
She reaches for the glass of water on the table, and drinks from it.
"I should of been there."
"As bad as it was, I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive. I mean, I know it could have been worse-a lot worse- but for me, it was all I could have handled at the time. It took a while to sleep."
"You're still not sleeping, I can tell."
She knows he is digging into her, prying information from her.
"Just tired." She mutters.
But you could tell it was not just a lack of sleep, but a lack of hope and happiness that made her act the way she did.
She looks at him with dark eyes, being blocked from her, only having to keep trying to break her shell.
"I'm going to take a quick shower, you want another beer?" Elliot asks
"No, I'm good."
Elliot left the room, letting Olivia be buried in her thoughts.
He'd left her without a trace, and now he wouldn't say why. He didn't dare to let Olivia out of his sight, he needed time. He needed her to listen when he would explain.
He learned my secrets, scars, bruises, flaws, and then he left.
She sits on the couch, curled up with her knees to her chest listening to water run.
Just when things start going well I start planting land mines inside my life so
everything explodes and I'm left alone
And for some reason I'm convinced this is what's right for me. In misery, I'm home.
He walks out of the bathroom, entering the hallway and into the living room. She's asleep, her arms wrapped around her knees, protecting her self from the pain the world has given her enough of. Elliot takes the knit blanket from the chair near the couch, drooping it over Olivia.
" I'm sorry. " he whispers
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