Chapter Fourteen: Burning Love
Warnings: Minor sexual harassment, disfigurement, miscarriage
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Russia's POV
I have become accustomed to the stench of a corpse so the smell does not bother me in the slightest. In fact, Japan is much better in this state. I could stroke his oily hair all day, which is what I have been doing for a little while. It feels wrong for my hands to be dry at this point with me constantly running my calloused fingers through his hair. Twisting the strands, rubbing the top of his head, and letting my fingers wander towards his face every now and then is heaven for me. Ah, you look so beautiful! I could look into those glazed over eyes for ages!
Oddly enough, neither America nor Germany have made a sound. I am unsure as to whether they are sleeping or if they are frozen in place. Do they fear my beautiful Japan? While he may be pale as a ghost, he is not frightening like one.
"Oh, Japan, you do not need to fret," I whisper. "Even if America and Germany dislike you in this form, I will still love you regardless. You are much better like this anyways since you cannot say awful things when you can't talk!" I pull Japan to my chest, rubbing circles into his back. "They are not worth your tears, my dear. There is no reason to cry when we are together."
"Oh dear, you are absolutely frigid! Shall I warm you?" I coo, "If this blanket over us is not enough then perhaps we should exchange body heat. I hope you don't mind me taking off your clothes so I can warm you faster." As I start to pull his shirt up, I hear America stir.
"Okay, man, that is the last straw!" he yells. "I don't know how I've managed to tolerate the weird shit you've been doing to him, but you are not taking his clothes off! He isn't even alive so stop acting like it! Besides, I know for a fact that you two are not together. Knowing Japan, he would not want an acquaintance taking his clothes off! Hell, I don't think anyone would want that!"
I falter with my words, "I-I do not know what you are talking about! Japan loves me very much so I should be able to do what I please! He will not mind it!"
He rips the covers off and tries to pull Japan off of me. "You're fucked in the head! Leave him be so he can heal and have a say against this creepy shit!" Tears bud as I hold Japan closer.
"Japan cannot heal without me! I keep him happy and he keeps me happy! He will go mad without my love!"
America shakes his head, continuing to hold Japan by the torso as he pulls. "It's the other way around, Russia! If you really love him then you'll let him get better!"
"No! If he h-heals then he will act odd and reject me! He is obedient and happier when he is unconscious!" I scream, sobs hindering my words. Snot dribbles from my nose and I sniffle.
"The version of Japan you love is all in your head! You're crazy!" Taking advantage of my weakness, he gives a final pull and takes Japan away.
I jump out of bed and tug on America. "Please don't take him away! He's all I have!"
He looks at me with hatred in his eyes. "You don't love Japan at all. The only thing you love is his dead body." He turns away and I let go, unable to keep fighting him. Choked sobs rack my body. My lungs burn while I try to take in a bit of oxygen with each hiccup. I clench the blanket and soak it in my tears. My vision is blurred, but I can still see Japan being forced to lie in America's bed. What a slut! He only took Japan away so he can have him for himself!
"Y-You monster! If it's wrong for me to share a bed with Japan then why is it right for him to be in yours?!" He glares at me, rage building up.
"I have to protect him from freaks that think it's okay to lust over a corpse," he growls. "I'm not letting him out of my sight with you acting like a lunatic."
I feel a fire burn in my chest. Anger builds up like steam trapped under a pot's lid. "You are a dirty whore! You are only keeping him away from me because you are jealous of our love! If that is how it is, then you are no better than me!"
His brows furrow at my response. He tucks Japan into his bed before yelling, "I am not the one that has spent the past few days stroking his hair like a maniac! You're obsessed with him, and I'm only keeping him with me to protect him! I know that sharing a bed makes him uncomfortable, but I know he would rather share a bed with his friend than cuddle up with a stranger! Now, you better back the fuck off or there will be consequences." He slips into the covers with his back turned from me. If he thinks that I am afraid of him then he is dead wrong. He should be fearing me right now! I will make him regret taking away my dear Japan!"
"Hello, Captives!" an annoying voice bellows.
"Goddammit!" America yells. He sits up in bed and watches the TV. I sit up as well, though Germany does not stir.
"It's been a little while since you've heard my voice, hasn't it? It's been even longer since someone has been tortured, and I'm getting bored of sitting around. I think it's about time I stop holding off. While I can't lay a finger on Russia, Japan, America, and Germany, that doesn't mean I can't indirectly torture them. I bet it would cause great pain to see a loved one suffering, wouldn't it?" He cannot hurt my darling Japan, but China is not protected from his wrath. He would not dare hurt China!
"Now, I think it's about time I focus on a nation that has been spared for too long. Without knives, you can't keep killing yourself like before, can you? China, it's about time you start to suffer too." His robotic voice distorts his cackling. No, this cannot be real! China does not deserve pain!
"Unfortunately, sleeping gas does not discriminate and everyone in that room will end up falling asleep, though this gas will not last as long as it did when I moved you into different rooms. I'll see you in a moment, China. It'll be very fun for me, not so much for you." The TV turned off, cutting his sinister cackling to a halt. My poor China does not deserve this! No one but me should be near him, especially not to hurt him! He is mine and mine alone!
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China's POV
It was as if I had awoken from a simple nap when the gas finally left my system. Unlike my constant cycle of death I have been experiencing, waking up from the sleeping gas feels gentle instead of the heavy soreness all over the body that is experienced upon waking up from death. My arms and legs are slightly numb but otherwise fine. I try to rouse them but find that I cannot move. What was happening before I awoke? I know I was given sleeping gas, but everything before that is fuzzy.
I open my eyes and see pristine white walls. A hospital? Why am I in a hospital? My question is answered as the cloaked man enters the room with a large bucket. Oh, I was kidnapped. After the many years I have been tortured on this Earth, I have become indifferent to these kinds of situations. The younger nations are still squeamish, though I have faced so much that it makes me numb to it all. The callousing of the soul is common among those that have lived as long as I have. Will I ever die? I have outlived countless humans and have seen the deaths of many nations, yet I still stand. It is as though nothing on this horrible Earth can let me die.
"What do you have planned for me?" I ask. I am not strong enough to fight, nor brash enough to scream insults at him, so I merely give him a dull stare. I am too tired to waste energy on fighting a force that I cannot defeat; lying here obediently is the best I can do in this kind of situation.
Even behind the mask, I can tell he is enthusiastic. He has been squirming with anticipation since he entered the room. His words break as he tries to contain his laughter. "D-Do you know what these a-are?" He chuckles for a moment. "T-These are hot coals! Hot coals! I-Isn't it funny how these are often used in s-saunas?" He pauses again, cackling manically. "Something that usually b-brings people pleasure is being used to give pain! Y-You'll be writhing in pain! Your flesh will melt!"
I smile at him softly. "The thought of my pained face seems to be your heaven. It's a shame you will not see much of it." He stops his snickering to set the bucket down and turn to me.
"What do you mean I won't see much of it?! Burning hot coals on bare flesh is agony!"
I give a condescending glare. "You cannot torture someone who has grown numb to pain. I have been alive for millennia and faced many brutal interrogations at the hands of enemies. My body may scream, but I myself will be indifferent."
"Let me have this!" he screams like a child. "You know what? I was going to ease you into the pain, but fuck you!" He uses metal tongs to pull out a coal and chuck it at me. Ironically, the coal falls off in seconds, leaving me no time to react. It stings, but not enough to warrant a scream. This man is incredibly inexperienced in torture. Even as a prisoner of war, the one torturing me never lost his temper despite the fact that I had killed hundreds of his men. This man does not even show his face to me, yet he has the nerve to act like I have ruined his life. I do not even know who he is, let alone what I may have done to aggravate him. Surely, he must only be interested in obtaining ransom money under the guise of being someone I may have wronged in the past.
Even without a face to look at, I can tell by his staggered breathing that this is not close to over. If his first response was to throw a hot coal at me, what comes next? Will he keep throwing coals like baseballs, or will he choose to properly torture me? He pulls another burning coal out of the bucket, but instead of throwing it, he approaches me. His walk is now calm and collected, the sudden shift eerie. His hips sway as if he is a fashion model on the runway.
His passive glare is fixated on my reaction to what he plans to do next. Slowly, he moves the coal towards my face, leaving it less than a centimeter away. The heat it radiates is already burning my cheeks.
"It seems as though you are tougher than I anticipated. If that is the case, I must burn more sensitive areas to get the response I desire. Maybe some disfigurement will make your plain face more interesting." He cocks his head slightly before roughly pressing the hot coal into my cheek.
A bloodcurdling scream comes in response. For a moment, my vision goes white as the burning spreads. The coal is still pressed onto my cheek, letting more searing pain connect to my skin. The flesh feels like it's going to cave in and fall into my mouth. He presses harder and the malleable flesh bends like dough. Once he's satisfied, he rips the coal off and the melted cheek is ripped as well. I scream harder, my throat already feeling raw. Blood rapidly pools in my mouth only to pour over my jaw. Sweat drips from my forehead and mixes with the overflow of blood.
"Not so tough now, are you?" He chuckles quietly as he replaces the coal with a fresh one. "Hmm, where shall I place this one?" He looks at my body like a pig on the market. "Ah, your chest would make a lovely canvas." Unlike the first, he quickly presses the coal against the left side of my chest, nipple included.
Once more, my vision flashes white. The sensitive skin quickly melts onto the coal with blood already dripping. My head hits the back of the hospital bed hard when I let out another shriek, changing my sight from white to black for a moment. The man cackles at my pitiful state and presses the coal in further. Everything around me is rapidly spinning when I open my eyes; closing my eyes does not stop the feeling of dizziness. I have forgotten how awful torture feels. I suppose it has been longer than I thought since I last felt such pain.
"Wouldn't you look perfect with burn scars all over your body? Of course, I'm not satisfied with just one burn on your face." He twists the coal on my chest, shredding the connected flesh, and yanks it off with a final pull. In my peripheral vision is exposed, bleeding muscle. Blood clouds my senses from the searing, dribbling wounds to the pool of sticky blood in my mouth that coat my breaths and lungs. The act of breathing is a miracle in this instance. Where I should have drowned, I am instead wheezing and struggling to catch a clean breath of air. Coughs and sputters splatter it onto the snickering madman's mask. Coughs drain my lungs only for a moment.
I continue to cough, throat becoming sore. Fresh blood emerges from the irritation. In the midst of my sputtering, another burning coal is thrust into my skin. This time, however, the coal is burning directly on my eye. My chest pangs as I let out a strong, agonizing scream. My eye melts into a soup underneath the eyelid and, once the eyelid is obliterated, the coal sinks into the socket. Sheer agony doesn't begin to describe the utter pain I'm in. I jerk my head away only for him to hold my head down as he pushes it even further. My body is quivering, spasms erupting all over me. He only continues to push it in. As he pushes the coal deeper and deeper, a click seems to go off in my brain like an off button. Who am I? Everything snaps to a dull gray. Wait, who am I?
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Sarah's POV
When others face hardship in life, they often turn to God in hopes that he will guide you to the right path. Growing up religious and only going to Catholic schools has an influence on a person like me. Even though I've had my doubts over the years, my faith in God has grown since I had to leave my husband, Travis. Certainly, God only hurt me this way in order to lead me back to his light.
With Katherine in her crib, I kneel at my bedside to pray.
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners. I ask that you guide me on this issue too small to bother God with. I hate the child in my womb, Mary. I cannot support another baby on my own, but I would not dare hurt the one inside me. I love Katherine with all my heart, yet I somehow can't love this one. I'm afraid of what's going to become of me if I do have this second child I can't afford. Many say to give the child up for adoption, but I feel that I will grow attached to the baby once it's born. Please help me with my issues. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen." Satisfied, I stand back up. I sleep peacefully knowing that everything will be alright."
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Beams of sunlight dance on my eyes as my ears are filled with a tiny cry. The sound of the birds singing their morning tune intertwines with the crying. How did she stay asleep the whole night? I pick her up from the crib and she calms down. Assuming she's hungry, I lower the top of my nightgown and bring her to my chest, though she turns her face away.
"Come on, sweetie, you have to be hungry now." I try to pull her towards my breast again, but she keeps squirming. I pull the gown back up and set her down on the changing table to check and see if it's just a messy diaper. Oddly enough, she's completely dry. She probably just wanted to be picked up. All her normal needs seem to be fine for now.
"It's okay, Katie Baby. Mama's here to snuggle you." I sit back down on the bed with her in my arms. While holding her, my heart pumps a little more, the warm fuzzy feeling building up. How can I embrace motherhood when I have an unwanted child inside me? How can a mother choose one baby over another? The tickling warmth is drowned out by dread. A pang of guilt hits me as I look into Katherine's soft, blue eyes. How could I ever want to get rid of an innocent baby before its birth?
Something inside my body shifts down, building pressure. I press onto my stomach and the pain gets worse. Before I can figure it out, I realize that my underwear is leaking blood. I put Katherine back into her crib and rush to the bathroom. The blood keeps dripping down into the toilet until a grotesque lump escapes. Curled into a ball, covered in blood, is what remains of my other baby.
Tears stream down my face and mix in with the mess below. I try to hold back my gagging but it's hard when you're seeing an ended life reduced to mush. Silent tears soon become aching sobs. My wish was fulfilled, my problem solved in an instant, but that unwanted life was the price to pay. I wanted to feel relieved, yet I can't stop feeling guilty. I'm so sorry I wished you away.
With tears clouding my vision, I couldn't see what was behind me. All I feel is warmth and safety. The warmth moves towards my ear and murmurs, "This one was not meant to be. Love the one you already have." Once it was done speaking, it faded like a mist. I smiled and wiped my tears, knowing that God is watching over me.
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A/N: I'm sorry for the hiatus. I've been busy with work but now that summer's here I'll finally have a day off. I want Sarah to become a more important character later on but not very important in the grand scheme of the story. Anyways, I'll see ya in the next chapter!