A.N: Was slightly disappointed by slow trickle fo reviews, but have updated nevertheless. Big shout out to ArdnaidOcirg, 3Emma, TwilightObsession, xxxpurplexxx1 for their loyal support and lovely reviews!
Q: What is a frenulum piercing?
A: Intimate piercing in the nether regions of the male. May I be so blunt? Piercing in the penis. Sorry, no other way to put it!
Q: Will you tone the language?
A: Will try to. Cannot make her instantaneously angellic, but am currently using less harsh profanities.
So, once again. Five reviews please! Is good incentive for me to write. :P
P.S Check out my one-shot called Christmas Eve Endevours, if you feel like a quick festive account of ExB under mistletoe. Tee-hee.
assonance-asphyxiation.
Chapter Fourteen
Alexx was such a homosexual watermelon. Now he had a painful, illegal dick piercing and a lifetime grounding sentence. Instead of being a socially awkward, gangly fifteen-year-old who was painfully shy of girls, he traipsed around with intimate holes. Jasper pretty much died with shame on our bathroom floor and I had never seen Alice's face so frigging purple, ever. She pretty much exploded with anger and hissed cuttingly at Alexx who looked slightly scared, but only for his nether regions.
"Alexander James Whitlock, I will kill you!" Alice bellowed.
Alexx cowered in his borrowed clothes. He wore my father's jeans, which actually covered his butt for once and a long sleeved shirt which was a bit big for him. He even wore Edward's boxers and I was under the rouse that they were silky red. But Edward and silky red? No, he was too prissy. But then again I didn't know anything about his 'activities' and I didn't want to either...gag.
"You've tainted our reputation. I must bow my head in shame." Jasper said in a pained voice.
"Alexander, you will go with us and have that fucking blasphemy removed from yourself! Do you understand?" Alice seethed.
Jasper flinched at the expletive and patted his wife's shoulder to calm her down.
Edward jumped up and grabbed his trench coat from the coat room, "Okay then! Let's get going before they close down."
Damn, he must be desperate to get the hell out of there because it was only two in the afternoon. I followed his lead and pulled on my own black coat and made my way outside. Edward and I drove together along with Alexx who didn't want to be in a confined space with his apeshit parents.
"How did you even get it done? You're like ten years underage!" Edward asked looking bewildered.
Alexx nodded his head smugly, "I have my contacts."
I turned around and raised an eyebrow at him, "Contacts? You're the biggest loser I've ever met!"
"Now, now." Edward chided but he bit his lip from laughing.
"Losers do not have dick piercings, by the way." Alexx answered casually. God, he was so casual about his bits and pieces.
"Alexx!" Edward hissed and drove faster towards the mall.
"How can you get something like that from a mall?!" I asked incredulously.
"Money, baby." Alexx replied.
Alice, Jasper and Alexander [Alice and Jasper were using the official name tactic as a sign of disgrace] diverted to the piercing shop to get everything sorted out and then get a check up for my cousin - STD's and all that shebang. Edward and I decided that we'd rather skip that gruesome shit and wandered around the mall instead.
"I have the premiere of my movie coming up in couple months' time, so I need to get a tuxedo. Wanna help me pick?" My Dad asked.
Like I had anything else to do, "Yeah, sure."
We frequented the elite boutiques hidden on the first floor of the shopping centre where people such as my Dad often bought their clothes in bulk. The assistants were all females dressed in trendy clothes and were plastered with make up. Their hair was impeccably straight and they were all very attentive to my father. Too attentive.
"Hi, I'm Lauren, how can I help you today?" One of them asked in a sickly sweet tone and batted her crisp eyelashes at Edward.
For the first time, we had come shopping without Aunt Alice and that was bad; Edward didn't know what to say, or do. What kind of clothes did he want? Did he even know?! He just looked at me helplessly as if I was some fashion diva.
"We'd like to see all your Armani, Hugo Boss and Versace double-breasted tuxedos please." I requested expertly.
Lauren lead us to the dressing room, batting her eyelashes -again- at Edward and swaggered away.
"Erm..wow! You sounded like you really knew what you were talking about!" My father exclaimed, looking impressed.
"Meh. I watch T.V, Dad." I replied.
--
Picking out tuxes was even more boring than it sounds. Lauren came with every tux the shop housed and even had the nerve to ask for an autograph. Not very professional, Lauren. Edward looked a bit annoyed but gave a her a half-assed scribble anyway. Lauren seemed a tad disappointed probably because there was no phone number underneath. That reminded me of Aunt Rosalie's request. She had asked for his autograph on a picture of himself and asked for any other merchandise that was lying around.
We left the boutique, breathing a sigh of relief as my father towed two very fancy and expensive suits, full with shirts, ties, cufflinks and shoes towards his Volvo. I had helped him pick a charcoal Armani suit and a sheer black Hugo Boss tuxedo suit as a back up - you couldn't go wrong with a classic black suit.
"Thanks; I would have made a fool out of myself if you hadn't been there." Edward grinned.
I blew him off coolly with a wave of my hand [blasè was cool], after he signed a few autographs for people who had noticed him. Luckily, no paparazzi hounded us today. Maybe it had something to do with that weird black beanie my Dad was wearing...
"So do you have a date for this premiere?" I asked, yanking his weird hat off. He was ten years too old for it, even though he didn't look that old.
He gave me a sidelong glance and scowled at the beanie in my hand, "No..."
"Who are you going to take...?"
He shrugged, "I might have to hire someone because I don't think Beth will go, seeing as she's engaged and all..." He replied.
"Hire?! That is so tacky, Dad." I sighed.
He shrugged again and gave me a weird look - as if I knew, "Well I have no other option. My co-star is bringing her husband and I don't really have many female friends."
"Probably why you resort to my romance novels." I muttered.
Unfortunately, he heard me. Edward stopped abruptly and looked rather hurt. I instantly wanted to take my words back, but he had to realise that female romance novels were not the way to go!
"Erm, sorry." I mumbled and got into the car.
He shook his head, "Actually, that was a very good book! Can you get me some more like that?"
I wanted a hole to erupt underneath me and swallow me whole. This was even worse than...nothing! Nothing could be worse than this.
"Err, umm, sure. But can I request something from you in return?" I stuttered.
His hands gripped onto the steering wheel as we sped through the streets of Seattle, and he nodded carefully.
"Well, Aunt Rosalie really wants your autograph, but I was wondering if we could go see her in person since you're not filming anymore? She'd forever love you."
Edward breathed in deeply and ran a hand through his wild hair, "Give me some time to think about it."
I nodded, glad that at least he was considering it.
We were stuck in a long traffic jam along the main intersection in downtown Seattle. After the epicly long journey I had made to Phoenix by car, I had come to hate extended periods of time in an automobile. And, extended periods were classified as fifteen minutes and above. We'd already spent twenty minutes stuck in the ridiculously long line, and I was getting agitated. Edward put some music on to sooth my nerves but I ended up smashing the stereo shut. Our tastes didn't mingle; I liked rock, Hip-Hop and a bit of reggae whereas Edward liked weird classical shit and oldies like Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley. God, he wasn't even alive in their times.
My father gave me an annoyed glance and then cleared his throat, "So, how have the psychologist meetings been going?"
I shot him a withering glare. It was all his fault that I was stuck with some oppressive, draconian woman who went by the name of Dr. D. So frigging ominous. She wouldn't tell me her name or anything about her until I admitted that there was something wrong with me. But, there was nothing wrong with me! I was perfectly fine, just slightly misguided. But nothing worthy of Mental Asylum admission! She wanted me in rehab. Evil biatch.
"Really bloody shit. Dr. I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-my-name thinks she's so mysterious. She thinks if I admit I'm looney then you can put me in rehab and I'll be all better. And everytime I open up to her, she'll spell her name out for me. A letter each time. I don't care what her frigging name is!" I ranted.
Edward had the cheek to snigger. "What a rant. How comes you speak at top speed relentlessly with me but when I pay for you to speak to someone, you go mute?" He asked with a lightness in his eyes.
I huffed and looked away. The moron had a point.
He pulled the Cullen I-Am-Smugger-Than-Shit expression and smirked at me, "You know I'm right."
"Go away. You're too self-satisfied and annoying for my taste." I stuck my tongue out.
He bellowed with laughter and shook his head in mirth at my expense. Fathers.
Alexander, as I now must call my cousin, and his parents had returned to our house after the removal of his...thing. He seemed a little melancholic but it was nothing a little Carlie Time couldn't fix. Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper both made a mad dash for the alcohol fridge and yanked out a couple beers and vodkas as if they owned the place. Edward pulled out some beer for himself and all three of them got settled in front of the flatscreen. I suppose Alexander's debauchery must have taken a toll on their stress levels. Jasper had pleaded with me to get Alexander out of his sight for a couple of hours before he committed bloody murder. I, who despise blood with a passion, agreed whole-heartedly and even called Jake over to spend some time with us.
"Hey Carlie! Hey Alexx!" Jake called as I let him enter the door. He gave me a quick kiss and bumped fists with Alexander.
"Jake, you cannot call him Alexx anymore. He committed a henious crime and must be referred to as Alexander." I said with mock solemnity.
Jacob turned to Alexander and raised an eyebrow, "What did you do, bro?"
Bro? Huh, since when did that happen? Even Alexander and I didn't refer to each other as bro's! Or sis's...
"I got a piercing." Alexander replied smugly.
Before he could go any more R rated, I cut in with PG-13 material, "Down there. Don't ask anymore questions until I'm out of sight."
Jacob looked a bit disappointed but agreed nonetheless. He'd get a chance to ask him when I went to the toilet or something. Besides, Alexx was eager hear about Jake's drunken fiasco where he was locked in a black room. He woke up like a screaming six-year-old and was filmed by Billy. It was the perfect blackmail. We slowly moved towards the living room where the grown-ups were congregated but I remembered that I was under strict orders to keep Alexander away from there.
"Stay here." I instructed Jake and Alexx and skipped into the room myself.
Edward was slouched in his favourite large leather reclining chair with a bottle of beer in each hand. Alice had an uncharacteristically masculine can of lager in her small hands and she sat inclined towards the T.V, peering at the screen with glazed eyes. She had no idea what she was watching, because it was wrestling. Alice and wrestling did not co-exist. Jasper lazed back in his seat, also armed with a couple of cans and looked around in contentment. Contented to be in an Alexx-free zone. I sniggered. Suddenly, he shot upright and belted out in laughter, clutching his sides. Moments later, he was flaccid again. Smashed.
I walked carefully over to Edward and tapped him on the shoulder, "Yo, Drunk-butt, can I get some money?" More appropriate would be pisshead, but I valued my freedom.
His head rolled around and he grinned at me, "I'm not dwunk!"
Yeah and I was Pamela Anderson.
"Hand over the cash." I sighed.
"All you want is my moneh! Moooooneeyyyy! Well, here ya go!" He slurred and handed me a wad of cash from his pocket.
I laughed at the bills - tonnes and tonnes of one hundred dollar bills. When Edward would wake up, he would throw a hissy fit at his entire wallet being MIA. Dumbass. I shrugged and took it anyway.
"Thanks Daddy!"
"Daddy schmaddy." He muttered.
I met Jake and Alexx outside the room who were witnessing the exchange. Their eyes boggled at the money and they got a devilish look in their eye.
"We're gonna bust this shit on everything in sight!" Alexx yelped gleefully.
Jake shot him a look, "No, it's Carlie's money so she decides." I smiled widely and kissed him softly on the lips. We started pecking each other's lips before Alexx intercepted and pushed us away from each other. Guess he didn't like PDA.
We ambled through the house, searching for something to occupy our bored minds. However, two teenage boys did not find much to amuse themselves in a seventeen-year-old girl's seldom used house. I gravitated towards my car, which was ready for me to drive to anywhere I wanted. The possibilities of escape were endless.
"Let's go for a drive." I suggested.
Jake perked up by the prospect of outdoors and Alexx just seemed to go with the flow. As we loitered on the gravelly area outside my large place of residence, we contemplated as to which car to take. There was Edward's Volvo; Jasper's Cadillac; Jake's GMC truck and my lovely little Volkswagen GTI. In addition, my father's Aston Martin and BMW M3 sat tempting in the side garage. The choices were amazing.
"Which one will we take?" I asked my comrades.
Jacob's strong arm ensnared my waist as he pulled me into his side and rested his chin on my shoulder, "Whichever one you like." He murmured into my ear. Just his hot breath fanning on my skin caused me to alight with desire. I turned my face and attacked his lips violently, in an attempt to satiate my need for the time being.
"Easy there! Virgin eyes in the vicinity!" Alexx yelled. I abruptly pulled away, my face glowing with chagrin.
"Sorry, bro. When you'll have a girlfriend, you'll understand." Jake said in a reassuring manner.
I raised an eyebrow and snorted, "Alexx and girlfriend? Never. The was born a pervy player."
Alexx had the decency to look hurt, "Actually I am completely virginal! And for that jab, I get to pick our car!"
I sniggered and muttered to Jacob, "Yeah, and a dick piercing is the epitome of chastity."
My boyfriend's eyes grew wide as saucers as he registered my words. I was supposed to let Alexx tell Jake himself, but oh well. Jacob sputtered, choked, hyperventilated and then stopped at an incredulous expression.
"Alexx, you got a piercing down there?!" He yelled to my cousin who stood beside a monster red GMC truck.
"HELL YEAH BABY!" He shouted back.
Jake clasped my hand in his and lead me to his car. I wasn't surprised by my cousin's choice of transport, but I was still disappointed. I wanted to drive my car, or even Edward's, just to spite him. Boys will be boys.
Jake leaned forward to bump fists with Alexx and they shared a mutual muttering of "Respect" as they did so. I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly and went to the passenger seat.
"Where to?" Jake asked as we drove aimlessly around downtown Seattle.
"Fuck knows." Alexander shrugged from the backseat. I turned around to glare at him for using profanities. Then I remembered that I was at equal blame.
I had a sudden flash of good-idea-ness. "I need to get Edward some books. You'll never guess what type."
"Don't tell me, pornos?" Alexx guessed.
"Ew, no. I think he can buy that himself."
"What kind, then?"
I sniggered, "Romance novels. Like Marian Keys, Stephenie Meyer and all that shizz."
Alexx let out a low whistle, "Hell and I thought my dad reading fashion magazines was weird."
"That's because Aunt Alice is a fashion designer - Jasper is bound to come across one at some point. But a raunchy romance novel?!" I emphasised.
"His source of release." Jake muttered.
I slapped his arm.
We'd been driving around for a while and hadn't discovered any bookshop. Not even a Borders or anything! The evening sky was dawning over us quickly and many shops were beginning to close down. We grabbed a few milkshakes from a random diner near my house before I spotted a quiet little neighbouring shop. The lights were still on, but it looked largely empty. While Jake and Alexx argued over what flavour of drink I would want, I peered into it, only to see it was a privately owned bookshop. Due to my love of books and eagerness to get away from the quarrelling morons, I headed into the shop.
The shelves were filled with every type of book I could ever have imagined. The latest releases were set neatly at the front, whereas they ancient leather-bound passages from another century rested peacefully towards the inner part of the shop. A few sofas resided on the left hand side, with a soft brown coffee table in the centre. Ornaments from another era dotted the reading area as large artistic tapestries covered the walls. The floor was unusually covered with a cherry red carpet, which looked plush and unused. It hurt me to see how unpopular this place was.
At the front, behind the desk which was organised neatly into piles of sheets and other baubles, stood the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. It wasn't in a sexual sort of way - she was just that breathtaking. Her beauty was otherworldly; as if she didn't belong in such an ordinary city as Seattle where everyone seemed to be tanned and blonde, despite the gloomy, overcast weather. The woman looked up at me as I approached her desk. Her eyes were hazel, with flecks of gold and brown swirling in the middle. I could only tell this from my distance because her doe eyes were so big. Her facial features were soft; the curve of her well proportioned nose, her full lips which were naturally deep pink and her soft flowy lashes casting mysterious shadows on her round cheeks.
Gah, I sounded like a pedophilic lesbian.
But, there was something maternal about her. Probably her age - she looked around her late twenties of early thirties. Or maybe it was her kind smile, that welcomed anyone regardless of who they were. Her hair wasn't visible, but from the few wisps that escaped her hippy bandana, it looked light brown or like caramel. It reminded me of Granmah Esmè.
The soft tension in the air dissipated as soon as the entrance door swung open with a whoosh, revealing my boyfriend and cousin in they loud, obnoxious glory.
"Hey, Carlie, are you in here?" Alexx asked loudly, with an edge to his voice.
"Carlie, honey!" Jake called worriedly.
I felt my throat clog up with nervousness and embarrassment. I swallowed thickly and answered in a hoarse voice, "I'm at the front."
They appeared from the non-fiction section with relief etched on their faces. Jake sighed deeply and kissed me, only to be knocked out of the way by Alexx who crushed me to his chest, "Thank God we found you!"
I was taken aback by Alexx's sincere words and tiptoed to kiss his cheek, "You're awesome, squirt but there's no need to worry."
Alexx shook his head at the pet name, obviously disapproving it; he'd much rather be called Homie XX or AJ Whizz. Despite knowing where the fiction books were stacked, I went up to the counter to ask the woman where they were. However, as I reached her, I saw that she was speaking on the phone with a pleading voice.
"Mr. Newton, please give me a couple more weeks and I'll have the rent to you...no, no I assure you that I'll have the money by then...please." She grovelled on the phone.
There was an uncomfortable silence on her side, as she listened to this bastard Mr. Newton blabble on. Why couldn't he just give her two more weeks to get the rent in? But then I looked around the shop and realised why he was so reluctant. It looked like nobody had bought anything here within the past three months!
"Ah, thank you Mr. Newton. I am indebted to you. Goodbye." The woman breathed down the phone and delicately placed it back on its hook.
I felt some inexplicable rage towards this Mr. Newton for being so inconsiderate towards this lovely woman. Her euphoric aura could make even the most bitter and cynical people crack a smile. But, by the progress of the business, I could see why his practical side was winning.
I advanced towards the woman and smiled openly, "Hello, I was wondering where the fiction section was?" I murmured.
She beamed at me, her eyes twinkling like stars. It was unnerving; I had never met anyone apart from my family who could do that! She rose sinuously and walked gracefully towards the right corner of the small space, "Was there anything specific you were looking for?" She asked and my breath got caught in my throat. She sounded so familiar. I racked my brain for someone who had a similar tenor but I came up blank. I even considered Natasha Stanley, Nora Mallory and Sana Denali, but simply couldn't bring it me to have those abominations related to this congenial looking woman.
"Actually, I was looking for romance novels. My father secretly loves them so I thought I'd get them for him." I answered with a friendly tone.
She registered my words, before her eyes clouded over with what could only be ancient grief, "Is he too embarrassed to come himself?"
I laughed and shook my head. I don't think I should really tell her that my Dad is actually a famous movie star who is currently pissed out of his mind on cold beer and Jack Daniels. "He doesn't get out much and yes - anything like this would spread like wildfire."
Her tittering was akin to the bells of heaven; glorious. I really should stop describing her like this - people might get the impression I was turning lesbian over a woman ten years older than me. Gah.
She pointed to a densely packed section of books which were mainly pink or purple. They looked reasonably new or maybe she just did a good job of dusting them over. "How much is one?"
Her face morphed into an expression of concentration, "Ten dollars."
There were about forty, fifty books on that shelf. "I'll take them all."
Kind Woman gaped at me, opened mouth. She looked as if she was debating with herself over whether to be overjoyed or wondering if I was taking the piss.
"Are - you sure - about all these? I'll give you a discount!" She asked incredulously.
"Yeah, sure. And no discount; I'm paying you what you asked of me." I shrugged nonchalantly.
Just then, Jake and Alexx waded around the corner with an obscene amount of books in each of their arms. They peeked out the side of their piles with a sheepish expression, but otherwise remained unrepentant about their new finds. I grinned at them happily, they did me a favour by wanting all those books.
"Are those even books?" I asked Jake as he towed them towards the cashier desk.
He gave me an annoyed look, as if I was demeaning him, "Duh, Carlie! Well okay, like three are. The rest are comics and magazines."
I turned to Alexx, "What do you have? Please let it be PG-13 material."
He also gave me an irritated glare, "Hey now, I'm not the one who goes around sucking face spontaneously in front of youngsters!"
I blushed beet red, but couldn't disagree.
Kind Woman's eyes widened at the colossal pile of literary works on her desk. She pretty much yelped with glee and began swiping them speedily. I gave her a wad of cash for my boyfriend and cousin's purchases, not really bothering to count. If I was only a hundred dollars over, she could keep the change.
"Carlie Renesmeè Cullen. You should always let a man pay his way through." Jacob chided.
I raised an eyebrow, "Since when were you so chivalrous?"
"He is since now! God, you can never win with women!" Alexx butted in and touched fists with Jake.
Kind Woman looked as if she'd seen a ghost. I put it down to her knowledge of us being on National television and being the children of famous people. There went my 'I'm-just-a-normal-kid' facade. She quickly recovered and handed the books over.
"So you're the kids that plagued the television for a whole week? How did your parents take it?" She asked lightly, but I could that tell she was burning with curiosity inside.
Usually, we'd brush it off with a generic comment or an implicit threat, but the way this woman asked, made me want to tell her everything. Jake was about to speak, but I cut him off.
"Yeah, we are. Our fathers were devastated when we went missing. But, we went for a good cause. Jake here sacrificed his safety to help me find myself. But we've learnt our lesson though." I explained.
Jacob looked a little shocked at my admission but covered it up with a smile.
"I'm glad. They must have gone through so much agony. The pain must have been excruciating." She mused. The way she said it, gave the illusion that she knew exactly how our fathers felt. The flaming emotion in her tone said as much.
"Anyway, here is my address and the deposit for the books. Could you have them delivered anytime soon?" I asked her.
"Oh! You didn't have to give deposit - I trust you. But thank you. I shall have them to you within a couple of days if that's okay?"
I nodded, I don't think Edward was done with the first novel and this army of paperbacks would last him a lifetime and a half. She handed me a business card and I slipped it into my wallet, beside the lone picture of my mother, father and I. The place where all my treasures were kept.
"And my name is Marie Charles." Marie finally introduced herself.
"You already know my name, but I am Carlie Cullen, this is my boyfriend Jacob Black and that is my beloved cousin, Alexander Whitlock." I replied.
We towed the stuff back to Jake's car and headed home, exhausted and eager to get into our books. Alice, Jasper and Edward lay sprawled on their respective sofas, looking like they'd camp the night, seeing as it was already nine-thirty at night.
Jake helped dump Alexx's books in the spare room downstairs before he kissed me deeply and went home. "I love you."
I grinned like a mad woman and pecked his lips a few more times, "I love you too."
Alexx and I threw a few blankets on top of our parents [or parent, in my case] so they wouldn't freeze through the course of the night. In fact, we even went as far as throwing their shoes off so they could get comfortable on each of the three-seater sofas. Well, Alexx did for Edward and Jasper whereas I stuck to Alice. There was no pongy smell like man feet. Alice blindly groaned and groped my face, mumbling, "Jazzy" and "baby." I shuddered violently and withdrew immediately. Edward seemed to get a good kick into Alexx's gut and it was comical to see my cousin wince with pain and scream soundlessly.
We camped out in the drawing room and even set up one of Edward's never used tents to fit the part. I pulled out some marshmallows and set fire to a few papers and icelolly sticks in an old bowl so we could toast the marshmallows and drink hot chocolate.
"Carls, why did you buy the entire rack at that bookshop today?" Alexx suddenly asked after shoving half a dozen marshmallows down his gob.
I didn't really know what to say. 'She looked so kind that I felt like throwing all my money at her'?
"Well...I don't know. I heard her having trouble paying her rent so I thought I'd help out." I answered.
He gave me a dubious look. Hell, I gave myself a weird look. "So you paid her twice the amount she asked and you plan to pay her more when she delivers the books?"
I sighed, how would Alexx understand? "Listen, she just looks like a good person, who needs a little help. Is it a crime to be generous?"
Alexx gave me a wary look, his blue eyes dulling with skepticism, "Okay, just be careful Carls. I love my big sister."
Those were the wisest and quite possibly the nicest words he's ever said to me. I leaned over and hugged him fiercely, "And I love my little brother."
But, I was sure, that there was more to Marie Charles than met the eye.