Chapter 13: Death on Two Legs

The grass was soft and prickly against my legs. The sun was warm on my skin. The breeze was comforting and cleared my thoughts. The wide, open space gave me breathing room.

My heart hurt and not just because it was damaged from my attack.

Although Jasper had urged me to focus on sensations instead of thoughts, it was difficult. Because I could focus on the calming sensations of nature all I wanted, but I couldn't ignore what I felt inside. And so I sat, useless, on the lawn close to the house, under the protective watch of Alice and Jasper. It was about two days after the attack and after my heart-wrenching confrontation with Edward on my so-called "death bed". I tried not to think about what had happened in the last two days, but I couldn't help it.

The first thing I thought of was the overwhelming feeling of: what went wrong? I thought often about my journey around the world earlier in the summer, and how that adventure had ended with me being on such good terms with Edward. I closed my eyes and saw him holding me in his living room, my head resting wearily on his shoulder as I clung to the purple rose he had given me, the one that meant eternal love.

Eternal love. Forever love. Immortal love.

Things had seemed like they had been back to normal then, so what had gone wrong? I wracked my brain endlessly, thinking from that moment in his living room until the moment I learned that Jacob had gone missing, trying to remember some detail, recognize some sign, of where it had gone wrong. Things had been fine, and then Jacob had gone missing, and all of a sudden we were sent spiraling down again, until we hit rock bottom.

And this was definitely rock bottom for Edward and me. A pitiful, hopeless, black rock bottom. I tried desperately not to think about the pain in his expression, his eyes, his voice – the pain that had caused him to physically sink to his knees and plead with me. And I couldn't help but think that I'd damaged things beyond repair. I could acknowledge now that it was partly my fault…maybe even mostly my fault, because he had been trying to help and I had been unfailingly stubborn.

But his leaving in the first place had had a crippling effect on me. It seemed that it had a stronger effect than maybe it should have had. But Edward had to understand that. Even though he told me over and over again that he had done it for my own good, I found that kind of hard to believe. I had found it hard to believe he'd loved me from the very start, because I was an ordinary, clumsy human girl and he was…beautiful and perfect and…ugh, I thought to myself, as his perfection overwhelmed me, like it often did.

His leaving had justified my unworthiness of him. And then he came back. How did he expect me to react to this emotional roller coaster ride?

I let my mind return to the present and how I had come to actually be sitting here, alive. Carlisle had saved me, for the time being, at least. I still wasn't in the best shape but I could function at least, and I wasn't on my…death bed. I hated that phrase more than anything, but how else could I describe it? I had spent the last two days in bed, with various visitors (none of which included the Volturi, thankfully). But I hadn't spoken to Edward since. I felt as if I had severed ties, ruined everything. And finally, sick of being in the house, I had asked Alice if I could just sit outside before I went completely insane.

Carlisle's plan was to consult the Volturi the next time they made an appearance, since they had apparently known each other a very, very long time ago. I realized now that my three days were up, but recent circumstances must have delayed the Volturi's eerie threat.

And so now all I could do was sit and wait. Wait to see what my fate would be and what would become of the broken, pathetic soul that I currently was. I found myself lying down in the grass suddenly, tired of my own thoughts. I wasn't even sure of how long I'd been sitting there, but it must have been a long time.

I was so tired. Although it wasn't the safest place to fall asleep, I felt okay. I felt I could sleep there, because Jasper and Alice were close by. The terrible were wolf was dead, and if there were more…I really didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore.

All of a sudden I awoke to the sound of angry voices. Startled, I sat up and looked towards the house. I was surprised to see the sun sinking behind the trees and the faintest stars already glittering above me in the darkening sky. It was twilight. I realized I must have been asleep for quite awhile.

I squinted into the shadows of the porch, where the door was open and the sounds of irritated, arguing voices were floating out. I saw Jasper sitting on the porch still, only he wasn't watching me. He held his head in his hands, as if he were trying to block out the sound of the fighting. I could understand this – he could probably feel every single emotion radiating from the house. And by the sounds of it, they weren't pleasant emotions.

I dragged myself up with all the strength I could muster and walked slowly and unsteadily to Jasper. He looked up as I approached and offered me a small smile, as I lowered myself down on the steps next to him. We sat and listened.

"Are you absolutely out of your mind!" I heard Rosalie's shrill, angry voice rise from the open door.

"Rosalie, stop it!" Alice's voice rang out, matching Rosalie's in tone. "Honestly, what was he supposed to do?"

"There was another way, there is always another way," Rosalie bit out. "He could have thought for at least a second before he exposed himself to the tourists of Vegas and ruined everything!"

I was shocked that Rosalie was here, but even more shocked at what I was hearing. I turned slightly and found that I could see through the doorway. The entire Cullen family, minus Jasper who was outside with me, was in the handsome Victorian kitchen.

"It was kind of reckless, man," Emmett admitted, leaning against the refrigerator, obviously trying to support Rosalie.

"Stay out of this, Emmett!" Alice snapped at him.

"Relax, Alice!" Rosalie growled, coming to Emmett's defense, venom dripping from her pristine voice.

"All of you, please!" Carlisle said firmly, but quietly. "Arguing isn't going to help anything. We need to stick together and we need to come up with a plan."

"I'd say he just about wrecked any formation of a worthy plan," Rosalie said bitterly.

I couldn't help but look for Edward. I saw him, sitting in a chair against the wall by himself, almost isolated from the group. He looked so dejected, as if the fight had gone out of him. I wondered if he had been sitting there the whole time while Rosalie criticized him, taking it punch by punch.

I was having a bit of trouble grasping why Rosalie was being so hostile, but words from what seemed like an entirely different time came back to me. The entire family will be implicated if this ends badly.

"That's not true, Rosalie," Esme said softly from the kitchen table and I knew if she had tears, they'd be falling, by the sound of her expression.

Rosalie stared at Edward, who was avoiding her gaze. She looked so beautiful but at the same time, absolutely terrifying. She took a step towards him. "It is true. You've screwed every single one of us over, Edward. It's over. They're probably going to kill us all."

Edward leapt out of his seat so suddenly that I found myself shrinking back, although I was a good distance away from him. The dangerous gleam that had suddenly filled his eyes frightened me. And I couldn't help think that by his reaction, she didn't mean he had screwed them over just by running into the sunlight.

He had screwed them over by falling in love with me, a human.

"Don't say that," Esme whispered.

"It's completely, one hundred percent true," Rosalie murmured angrily, not taking her eyes off of Edward's. "Isn't it Alice?"

Everyone but Rosalie turned to look at Alice, who glared back at her sister with a vengeance.

"Alice?" Carlisle asked, urging her with his eyes to tell what she knew.

After a moment, Alice looked defeated. "Yes," she said quietly. "I saw it in a vision earlier today."

"Like I said," Rosalie confirmed darkly. "They'll either kill us all, or just exclusively you, Edward."

Without a word, Esme got up from the table and left the room gracefully, but with an obvious air of despair. I could tell she had heard enough. Carlisle followed her.

I tried to let what I had heard sink in. I turned to Jasper, who was staring bitterly at his hands.

"Is this because of me?" I whispered, feeling tears burning my eyes. The thought of any of the Cullens dead made me unbearably upset.

Jasper looked over at me quickly. "Of course not, Bella."

I looked at him in disbelief. "But what about what we just heard?"

"They aren't putting any blame on you, Bella," Jasper told me quietly. "Rosalie is blaming Edward for running out into the sunlight and exposing himself…"

"And for becoming associated with me, right?" I asked bitterly.

Jasper stared at me for a moment before answering. "It's not your fault, even if she does think that."

"But I'm the one who is making this so complicated! I'm the one who won't make a choice, who won't die or become a vampire." I turned away from him and wrapped my arms around myself. I was unconsciously trying to hold myself together, something I hadn't done since the days after Edward had left.

"That's not why," Jasper said quietly, gently putting a cold finger under my chin and turning my face so that I could look at him, so that he could make me understand. "That's an entirely different issue altogether. The one they were arguing about is simply that Edward exposed us."

I didn't say anything; I sat with him as he talked to me, distracting me and calming me down. But my thoughts were tangled and I tried desperately to sort them out. Alice had had a vision that the Cullens would possibly be killed, no doubt by the Volturi. And everyone had been so wrapped up with me and my inability to make a decision that they hadn't even been thinking about the exposure part.

Inside, I was unraveling. I was unraveling from my very core and formulating my own plan of how I could make this right again.

A/N: The title is another Queen song. 3 Thank you for reading and for the reviews. Any feedback at all is always deeply appreciated.