Chapter 14: Changes
"Your face is well known among the nobles, even before all this happened." Lady Isolde explained as she picked up a pair of clippers. "With those wanted posters everywhere, you and Alistair need to be cautious. Denerim is a big city, of course. But you can never be too careful."
On the outside, Farah hid her pain. It was silly, but she didn't want her curls to be cut. Her father used to go on and on about how she had her mother's hair: long, dark, curly, and beautiful. So much of her old life had already been lost, or rather ripped from her. Even giving up this trivial thing bothered Farah.
"What about her gorgeous face?" Bodahn asked with a sly wink to Farah, causing her a small giggle. "What will you do to hide that?"
Lady Isolde ignored the dwarf's question and began her work. Farah watched helplessly as her long wet curls fell to the ground. She wanted to rip the clippers from the Arlessa's hands and throw them into the fireplace in the room. Instead, Farah just sat there as one more thing changed in her life. She knew it was childish to be upset about having her hair cut, but Farah couldn't help it. With no time, Lady Isolde was styling Farah's new do. Farah didn't really see the point in actually styling it. She would just get sweaty and gross soon anyway.
"There!" Lady Isolde exclaimed. "Done."
Farah rose out of the vanity chair and turned around slowly to face the mirror. She closed her eyes tightly, dreading what she might see. Facing the mirror, she dared to peak. Farah looked through squinted eyes at first, then opened them fully. Her hair was still damp, but Farah couldn't believe what she saw. Her once long curls were short and bouncy. Her hair was cut past her shoulders and was drying fast. Lady Isolde had even put a broach to pin back her new curly bangs. The broach was a white songbird. Farah stared at herself in silence. She noticed for the first time the differences in her body as well. All the traveling and fighting was making her leaner. She still had a thick waste, but muscles were becoming more prominent. Farah couldn't complain. She had to admit, she looked good and well rested for once.
Lady Isolde cleared her throat inspecting her work, "If only you didn't look so much like…. A Cousland." Lady Isolde smiled sweetly at Farah through the mirror. Her comment warmed Farah's heart.
"Well, milady… I believe someone will like this new look." Bodahn smiled slyly. Farah blushed at the dwarf's implication. "Now, I should find my boy. If we're leaving soon, we better prepare."
Farah turned around quickly, "I'll find him, Bodahn. He and Nolan went exploring. I'll send him your way." Truthfully, Farah wanted some time to herself. Traveling wasn't really a private experience.
"You look so much like your mother, Farah." The Lady sighed, "Now, I must get back to the business of the bloodmage being set free. Certainly, those guards saw something before they were knocked out…" Farah couldn't help but giggle silently, she'll never know. Lady Isolde left, and Farah followed, leaving Bodahn alone with his thoughts.
Farah made her way through the halls of Redcliffe feeling a little bit like her old self, besides her new hair. She donned another dress. This one was lavender, long, and flowing. It had many layers that fought against the cold. Lady Isolde insisted she took a bath and papered herself before they left for Denerin in a couple of hours. Farah appreciated what the Arlessa was trying to do. She was trying to make Farah feel like the lady she was. The problem with that was that she wasn't the same Farah Cousland she used to be. She was a Grey Warden now: a Grey Warden with impossible things to do and battles to fight. Being a 'lady' was out of the question, but Farah would allow the Arlessa that. It took her mind from her unconscious husband.
Farah made her way to the main floor of the castle, exchanging a few polite words with the servants and guards as she passed. The rest of her party were scattered about the castle getting things ready for their trip to Denerim. Alistair had traveled to the village with Teagan to check on things before they left. Farah wasn't sure what Sten and Morrigan were up to. They were probably somewhere plotting against Farah. She had never seen Sten so… displeased with her course of action. If Nolan had not stepped in, Farah feared what the giant would have done. Morrigan just made icy comments of disgust and disbelief. Leliana was as excited as a child with a new toy and ran to her room to chant or pray or something. Bodahn was supportive as always while Sandal just went along with his father, as usual. It was at that time that Wynne, the mage Farah and Alistair met in Ostagar and saved at the tower, stepped up and offered her services. For Farah, it was a no brainer. While one mage is great, two is better. Wynne was also talented in healing spells, something Alistair was thrilled about.
Farah knew chasing a legend was… crazy at best. But what choice did she have? The Arlessa cornered her and Alistair, pleading with them. Farah had no choice but to say they would search for the Sacred Urn of Ashes. Arl Eamon was the only man in all of Ferelden that could turn this whole mess around. Loghain threatened civil war at a time when the lands should be uniting to fight the darkspawn. Farah was furious with his selfishness, and knew the only answer was the save the arl, no matter how crazy the means were.
"I like you, doggie." Farah heard as she turned the corner. She picked up her pace and followed the voice. Farah entered a room filled with books. It was trashed from the walking corpses or at least Farah hoped that's who did it. There were torn books everywhere, and a smashed desk in the middle of the room. Sandal and Nolan were rummaging through it.
"Nolan! What are you doing?" Farah chastised her hound.
Nolan popped his head up, and wagged his short tail, wearing his best innocent puppy face.
"Look what doggie found." Sandal held out his hands. A chantry amulet rested in his palms. Farah's eyes widened as she took the charm from the dwarf's hands. Farah flipped it over in her hands inspecting it from every angle. She had to be sure of what she held. The amulet was shattered, but had been pieced back together by someone…
"Where did you find this Sandal?" Farah asked without taking her eyes from the trinket.
"There. Doggie found it there." Sandal pointed to the desk Nolan was still exploring.
Farah patted the young dwarf's head and walked over to Nolan. Judging from the room and the official looking papers scattered on the broken desk, Farah guessed this was the arl's study. Farah bent down and searched alongside her hound. After digging through the desk's contents, Farah found a note with Alistair's name on it. She opened the aged letter and read it to herself.
Dear Alistair,
I'm not sure what to say to you, for words will not make up for what I allowed to happen. I just want you to know that I am sorry. You mean more to me than you will ever know. I tried to make it right, but you wouldn't let me. I understand completely. I just hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. Please take your mother's amulet. I repaired it for you, son. Let it remind you of better times and hopefully give you reason to forgive me.
Eamon
Farah closed the letter and held it to her heart. Alistair would be overjoyed. "Good boy!" She squealed as she hugged her hound tightly. She then rose up and ran to Sandal. Farah bent down and hugged the young dwarf. "Thank you Sandal! You just made someone very happy!" Farah added a quick kiss on his cheek and told Nolan to take Sandal to his father. Farah had to get down to Alistair as soon as possible.
The young Cousland didn't want to waste time, so she left the arl's study and headed directly to the village. She used her sensing of Alistair to pin point where he was. She guessed he was near the chantry, if not in it. With a huge grin on her face and excitement in her heart Farah made her way to the chantry.
She spotted Alistair existing the chantry, chatting with Teagan. Farah picked up her pace. Alistair's head lifted and looked her way, as if he knew she was coming. Farah stopped directly in front of the two men, unable to stop grinning at Alistair
"Farah, is that you?" Teagan asked with his face twisted in surprise.
Farah tore her eyes from Alistair, "Yes it's me. Lady Isolde thought changing my hair would maybe throw the authorities off in Denerim. Alistair and I are wanted men after all." Farah winked at Alistair.
"Except you're clearly not a man." Alistair commented with a doe eyed look. Farah felt her cheeks warm, and her grin turn into a smirk.
Teagan laughed, "Indeed my friend. Please tell me you won't be wearing this to Denerim. You would certainly draw the attention of every male guard on the look for you."
Farah laughed, "I doubt that. But no, I will be donning my armor soon… So don't get used to this." Farah smiled to Teagan then linked her arm with Alistair's. "Would mind if I steal him away, Teagan? There is some… Grey Warden business we have to discuss." Farah's excitement over the amulet was making her bold. It was refreshing and more like her old self. Teagan nodded and excused himself politely. Farah led her fellow Grey Warden to the docks where they would have some privacy.
Alistair cleared his throat nervously, "Something on your mind?"
Farah grinned, "I have something for you." Farah lifted Alistair's hand up and placed the amulet gently in his palm then closed his fingertips around it. "I think you'll like it." Farah took a few steps back, waiting excitedly for Alistair to see his gift. Alistair's eyes shot Farah a confused look, but opened his hand in curiosity.
Alistair's eyes widened, "It can't be… Where did you find this?"
"In the arl's study. Nolan and Sandal found it while they were… exploring. Sandal gave it to me, and I knew immediately what it was. I found this with it. It's addressed to you." Farah held out the old letter and Alistair took it quickly and began reading.
Farah watched Alistair's face light up with emotion. She felt in his warmth a relief as his guilt washed away. A pain that Alistair had kept in his heart faded and was replaced with happiness. Suddenly Alistair stepped closer to Farah and drew her to him. Farah stood ridged at first in surprise, then slowly relaxed and returned the hug. Farah laid her head on Alistair's shoulder and closed her eyes. There was something about being in Alistair's arms that made Farah feel safe. It made her forget the world, the blight… everything.
Alistair loosened his grip but still held onto Farah. His copper eyes glittered as he smiled down at his fellow Grey Warden. "Thank you, Fairy. I thought this was lost to my own stupidity."
Farah stared blankly up at Alistair, "What did you call me?"
Alistair closed his eyes tightly, "I'm sorry… I-I didn't mean to call you… that."
Farah thought about it for a moment. "It's ok. My family called me that. I rather like it… Hearing it from you. Anyway, you shouldn't thank me. Thank Sandal and Nolan. They found it."
Alistair sighed and let go of Farah, much to her disappointment. Alistair walked to the end of the dock, looking off into Calenhad Lake. "I guess I'll have to do something special for them, and for you. Did you really remember me mentioning it? I used to people ignoring me when I babble on."
Farah walked to him and stood beside him, interlocking her hand with his. "Of course I remembered, Alistair. You're special to me." The words slipped out of Farah's lips before she could stop herself. The bold Cousland watched Alistair's profile, holding her breath for his response and searching his warmth.
With a pink glow in his cheeks, Alistair smiled, "I think I like the sound of that."
Farah let out a sigh of relief and grinned. She squeezed Alistair's hand and rested her head on his shoulder staring happily off into the lake. It felt good to be honest, to be bold. What was even better was that she wasn't rejected. Farah had always been strong and independent, never needing anyone, but Alistair made her feel differently. She didn't mind needing him, or wanting him. She certainly needed someone to keep her sane through the mess they had to fix. He made her laugh, and he took care of her without her even asking. Yes, Farah could no longer deny what was in her heart. She could at least admit it to herself, and rub it in Leliana's face. Farah giggled to herself at her thought.
"What's so funny?" Alistair asked, turning his head.
"Oh, nothing." Farah said, still giggling. "Come on. We should get back to the castle. I need to get out of this dress. It's too tight." Farah let go of his hand and tugged at her dress.
"I'll say." Alistair said in a low tone. "I know Grey Wardens have quite the appetite, but…."
Farah gasped.
"Don't hit me! I bruise easily!"
Farah balled her fist and hit Alistair as hard as she could. "Rude!" She said giggling.
"Ow! That actually hurt!" Alistair whined.
Farah laughed even louder, and was soon joined in by Alistair. Alistair then linked arms with his fellow Grey Warden and led her to the castle through the village. Farah had never been so happy.