CHAPTER 14

"Amelia," Meg asked, looking into my yes. "Are you alright? You seem awfully distant."

I stood back stage of the theatre with the rest of the dancing girls, waiting for the rehearsal to start. I had so much on my mind I could barely handle it. What had happened with Christine before had be more confused than I had ever been in my life, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I hadn't seen Raoul since our encounter the day before and I had no idea was he was doing, and on top of it all, I had missed nearly all of the practice for the dance conservatory. I really had no idea what I was doing and I was embarrassed beyond all belief. Meg could tell instantly that I wasn't focusing at all on what we were doing.

"I'm fine…" I said, stretching my leg upon the bar against the backstage wall. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Are you nervous about the dancing? I really thin you'll be fine, we went over everything and you knew most of it already anyway."

"It's not that Meg, please don't worry about it. It's nothing that you need to concern yourself with."

I put my leg down and excused myself from the other girls. Walking backstage, I walked down the hall towards the dressing rooms. I leaned against a wall and closed my eyes, taking a breath and trying to collect my thoughts. Hearing a noise from the room next to me, I peered in through the cracked open door. There I saw Christine, closing the mirror behind her. I caught my breath… and stared for a moment in complete awe.

She was down there… with Erik… why had she gone there? Had she found him? What did she say? What did she do? As she came towards the door I snapped out of it and darted around the corner. As she left the room, she collected herself, brushing a few tendrils of hair behind her ears. Her eyes were red and lightly swollen, her cheeks were flushed; it was obvious that she had been crying. What had happened? It was driving me mad. I watched as she made her way down the hall and out of sight. Taking a moment, I collected myself; I couldn't let myself over react. I couldn't jump to conclusions; I had no idea what happened.

I made my way down to the lair, stepping off the boat and onto the land. It was quite obvious to me that I would have to kiss my ballet career goodbye, since I had put everything before it since the day I had gotten to Paris. I peered around looking for Erik, not seeing him anywhere. I walked up the steps and looked onto the floor, singing the De Chagney family ring sitting there. She picked it up and sat it on the side table. Peering into his bedroom, I saw Erik sitting on the end of his bed, head resting in his hands. I slowly made my way into the room, fearing the worst.

"Erik?" I asked quietly. His head whipped up and he looked so relieved to see me, as if he was afraid it was someone else.

"Amelia…" he said, standing up. He rushed to me, taking me in his arms and kissing me. He seemed so needy, so rushed. I kissed him back, holding his face gently in my hands.

"Erik," I said, stopping the kiss. "What on earth is going on?"

"What are you talking about?"

"…why was she down here?" I asked him, still holding his face. His eyes seemed to glaze over a bit.

"what—you saw her?"

"Yes Erik… I saw her." I said, trying to control my emotions. "What is going on?"

"Amelia," he said. "Nothing is happening, I swear to you."

"Why was she down here Erik? Why was she so upset and why are you do flustered? What did she say to you?"

Erik looked down, tears coming from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He gently shook his head; I wiped them away with my thumbs and lifted his head to look at him.

"Erik?" I said once again, waiting for a response.

"I came down here and found her, she'd come down before I had. She was rummaging through everything on the table…"

He pulled away and backed up, sitting back on the bed. I sat beside him, one arm around his back, the other holding his hand.

"She said she came down to see me, and I told her she needed to leave and go back to Raoul. She asked me why I begged me not to make her go. Then she began to go on to say how she made a mistake all that time ago, how she couldn't get me out of her head… she told me that she wanted me…"

My heart seemed to lurch inside my chest and my hands went limp. I looked down at my lap for a moment, then took a breath and looked back at him.

"And?"

"She told me that… that she loved me…"

I let go of his hand and looked at him. Part of me wasn't surprised at all, after all that she had said to me earlier, but I still couldn't quite register it. And what was worse was that I couldn't read his reaction to any of it, I couldn't tell how he felt or what he was thinking and it terrified me. He seemed surprised that I had pulled away from him; he seemed scared.

"She told you she loved you?"

He nodded slowly. I didn't say anything for a moment, sitting there in silence. Then, I sat up off of the bed and walked a few feet away from it. I turned to look at him, his face still full of fear.

"I…" I started, not really knowing what to say. "I'm not sure where to go with this."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Well… isn't this what you always wanted?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Christine… you always wanted her to feel that way about you and now she finally admits it. Isn't that what you wanted?... doesn't this change everything?"

"Change everything? Why would it change everything?" He stood up and tried to come toward me. I put a hand up to stop him, backing up against the wall.

"Please Erik…" I said, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. "Please just be honest. I know how you felt about her. Everything that happened a year ago was because of how much you loved her… there's no possible way all of your feelings are gone…"

"Amelia—"

"Erik…" the tears were running down my face. "I'm not going to stop you… I can acknowledge what is going on here, I know how you're feeling right now… I'm going to leave now… and you can go back to what you want… you can finally have what you really want."

"No!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me. I resisted, tears running down my face. He fell to his knees and pulled me close to him, holding me around my waist. I couldn't handle it; I was so confused. I couldn't bare the thought of losing him, I couldn't even think about it… but I just couldn't believe that he would ever give up the chance to be with a woman who he had been so enamored with before.

"Erik…"

"Don't leave!" he begged. "Please… I can't let you just walk away, I won't…" He stood up slowly and met my eyes. He held my face in his hands. "I loved her… I did… there will always be a part of me that will know her as my first real love… but I can live without her. I lived without her since the day I lost her. But you… I can't live without you… I'd die without you. It's more than an inability… I can't live without you and I don't want to. I won't even try…"

He held me there still, wiping the tears from my face and not letting me go. I shook my head, almost in denial. I just couldn't believe he'd choose me over her.

"Amelia… you're the greatest gift god has ever given me… you have no idea how wrong you are… I can't imagine ever taking her back and letting you go…"

"How can you be certain?" I asked him. "Are you sure?"

He looked into my eyes longingly, brushing a tendril of hair behind my ear gently and lifting my chin to better meat his eyes.

"You want to know if I'm sure?" He asked, pausing. Then after a moment, he pulled me in and gave me the most amazing kiss we'd ever shared. It was a gentle and soft, yet passionate and mind numbing. I sunk into him, giving in completely. When the kiss ended, he looked back at me with soft and steaming eyes. "I'm sure…"

*****

I stayed with Erik for the rest of the night. We made love that night; sweetly and softly, holding each other and exploring every last thing about each other. I felt horrible… after doing what I did, putting him in such a compromising position. But he seemed to not care the slightest bit once we were laying in hi bed in each other's arms. I lay on top of him, placing kisses up his chest, up his neck and up to his lips, then looked into his eyes. He smiled at me lightly, bringing one to my lips as well. He kissed me on the forehead and then I laid my head down on his chest.

"Erik?" I asked, softly.

"Yes, my love?" he stroked a hand gently over my hair, stopping at my back and keeping his hand there.

"There's another problem we need to remedy."

"And what is that?" He asked, tilting his head down to look at me. I lifted my head to meet his gaze.

"Raoul…" I said, frowning. "He's been like a ghost these past few days, I just don't know what to do. And if he finds out what's been going on with Christine… I just can't imagine what that would do to him…"

"Christine is not well… she isn't the same person she used to be." He adjusted to sit up and I sat beside him. He put his arm around me and pulled me in close. "It's my fault…"

"No Erik—"

"No, it is. I know, I can admit that. The whole situation has traumatized her and caused irreversible damage. But whoever this person is that she's talking about, whoever she thinks she's in love with, it is not me." He looked at me and did a half-hearted smile. "She loved the Phantom, not Erik. She doesn't realize that. But she's going to do harm to herself, Raoul, everyone involved in the situation if we do not do something."

"So will Raoul… He's still completely disgusted in me for getting involved with you… he just doesn't understand."

Erik sighed and rubbed my arm lightly with his hand, placing a kiss on the top of my head. Then he leaned over to the bedside table and took a small case out of the drawer. It was a small black box; a ring box.

"I wanted to give this to you now since I didn't have it with me when I asked you…" He opened it to reveal a beautiful ring; diamonds and rubies together on a gold ring. It was an antique, I could tell. It was so beautiful. My jaw dropped as he took it out of it's case and slid it onto my finger. "I got this when I was a young boy, in Persia. I traveled a lot as a boy, not really having anywhere to call home… this was one thing I always treasured. I want this to be the symbol of our engagement."

"It's beautiful Erik." I said, smiling and kissing him. "It's absolutely perfect."

"Just like you." He said, kissing me on the forehead.

"No," I said, resting my head against his chest and holding onto him. "Just like you…"