Thank you ever so much for the reviews and the amazing words of love you guys have given me throughout this fic! It makes my heart feel so happy and so joyful! I truly love writing this and it makes me even happier to know you guys are enjoying it too, so keep them coming!

McDreamy is coming back, slowly but surely... :)

Derek pulled over on the parking lot a few feet away from the gravesite. He could make out the beautiful gate and the stunning trees adorning the yard and he couldn't help but think that was the most beautiful resting place known to man. He started walking towards his father's home for all of eternity. He started playing all of the beautiful memories they shared, cursing himself for not visiting his dad sooner, or even more often. He knew he was probably disappointed, wanting nothing more but answers as to what made his son change so radically, so dramatically. The wind was blowing gently in New York City, the heatwave felt in Las Flores was no where near the slight hot weather felt on the East Coast. He crossed the imponent gate which looked two thousand feet tall and started making his way towards his father's grave. Michael Shepherd. His father. His inspiration. His...hero.

Whenever Derek sat down and allowed himself to think about what his life had become, he couldn't understand what made him become this shell of a man; a man who'd rather hurt someone than love them, leave someone rather than care for them. He hadn't always been like this. Once upon a time, his family had known a man open to love, to friendship, a good boy whose life rotated around love, commitment and the promise of a life together with a woman he'd end up marrying in the future, kids running around the house, coming home after a long shift at the hospital to his wife, some love making and debriefing about what their days had hold. All at once, with no prior warning, all his priorities shifted. Gone was the carefree young boy who went frog hunting, who wasn't afraid to be outside and get muddy. He spent his days curled up in bed with a book, only coming out as a favor to his mother. He never understood why...he never grasped why things took such a horrible turn for the worse. All of his family pointed out his father's death as if that was the most obvious answer in the world, but Derek was reluctant to believe.

"Hey Da," he managed to choke out. "I...um...it's been a long time since I've been here, I know it has. I'm sorry, I am so...", he trailed off, blinking back a few tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. "I am so sorry. I really am. I guess I'm still waiting for you to barge through the front door and take me fishing, or shed some light on what I should do. I...it's been over 20 years, Da. You're probably fishing up there, in a big, holy lake or something," he laughed, only it came out choked, his eyes far too misty. "You could put a good word in with the Big Guy for me, Da. I...I think I need it."

"I wish...I just wish you were here. We could have...We could have had such an amazing relationship, Da. I definitely would have been a different person. I definitely wouldn't be the horrible monster I know I am. I know that, Da. But you're not...you're not here and I'm alone. I have Ma and the girls but I feel alone. I had to carry the cross, the weight of the family on my shoulders for so long. I'm so sorry I went away but...I needed to breathe. I just needed to breathe," he cried freely. "But I...I came here to ask for your advice. I need you today, Da. I need you today and you're not here. I need you to pick me up and tell me to be who you raised me to be and move forward. But instead I'm here. Look at me, Da, I'm in my thirties and I can't be in a committed relationship," he whispered. "And I can't help but think my life would've been so different had you lived...so different, Da. None of this is fair. None if this makes sense to me. This is too much," he sobbed.

"I never thought pain could go this deep. Da...I think I just never grieved you. At least that's what Ma has always said... She's doing good, by the way. Ma is doing great. She's amazing. She's actually an inspiration, you know?", he smiled through his tears. "You married the best. There's no upping her. She raised all six of us when you...when you died," he choked out. "I guess you probably want to hear about your girls, too," he said, softly. "Well...Nance is good. She is the biggest pain in the you-know-what ever, but she means well. She's a kick ass OBGYN, by the way. You'd be proud. But then again, I know you'd be proud of all of us, no matter what we chose to do in life. Um...Kath's good, too. She's a shrink, which is also a pain in the bum. You can't frown around that house without getting the whole microscope observation from her...but she's good. She's had a rough couple of months, but she's standing strong. Just like you taught us," he smiled sadly.

"Ems...oh, Ems is a force of nature. She was sick, Da. She was sick...breast cancer," he said as he took a deep breath. "I will never forget the day she came home for our Sunday family dinner, looking pale and scared. Ma was cooking her famous meatloaf, Ems' favorite dish. She...she usually smells dinner right upon stepping through the door and normally let out the most amazing laugh, but she didn't that day. She didn't...she didn't laugh. Ma took two looks at her, noticed her pale appearance and instantly knew something was horribly wrong. She kinda has that sixth sense, you know? I'm sure you do," he laughed gently. "Who am I kidding? You probably knew every aspect of her personality. But yeah...Ems was sick. She told the whole family that night, and we all pulled all the strings in the world to get her to be treated by the absolute best. Now, two years later, she's cancer free. She was always so positive, though. She never lost hope. She was going through chemo, her beautiful brown curly hair falling off chunk by chunk and she still smiled. She winked at me, she actually...she actually winked at me and soothed me when I broke down. Da...I just had to break down. I couldn't be strong anymore. I knew you'd want me to, but she...she could have died, Da," he sobbed. "I...I think I learnt you've got to live each day as it comes, even though that didn't translate nearly as well as I hoped for, as I live every day not giving a crap about whatever will happen tomorrow. But I'm trying my best, Da...I really am."

"Ma said your...", he took a deep breath. It was hard to choke out the word. "Your death changed me. She said I was no longer the little boy she knew she raised. I don't know if that's her way of telling me she's disappointed or if she's trying to kick my ass and actually make me change my ways. Probably the latter...she's always had the ways to wake me up when I needed her to the most. She's Ma, after all," he laughed softly. "But I moved away from New York, Da. I needed that break. I went to California, to Las Flores to be more precise. I'm sure this ain't news to you seeing as you see everything from up above. I know you're with me every day, Da. But anyway... I moved there and I met Meredith. She's...she's young, Da. I'm not gonna lie, she's young. She's only seventeen years old. She's still a baby by my own standards, and I don't know what possessed me to pursue her. I used to lay awake at night and curse my inability to walk away, I swear it was like some magnetic force kept pulling me towards her. I think she helped matters by showing up unannounced at times," he laughed softly.

"Anyway... I think I like her. Maybe even lo...," he gasped. Love? "I...I'm sorry Da. Love is such a foreign feeling to me. I know it didn't use to be. Ma was telling me that story about how I told you guys I loved Sally Fairfield when I was just six. It's funny that now, almost thirty years later, I can't replicate that same feeling, that same wish to be with someone. Well...that's not true. I want to be with Meredith, but Da...I'm holding myself back. I'm holding myself back because Meredith deserves someone who holds no damage to their name. Me? Da, I'm so damaged. I'm too damaged, I'm damaged goods."

"God knows I want to give her everything, Da. God knows I want her to have everything she deserves...and she deserves the world. And me? I'm just a broken man," he paused, and chuckled softly. "And I know you're trying to kick my ass from wherever you are right now, Da. I know you would hate to see me put myself down, you always told us we were worthy of everything we set out to achieve. But you don't understand, she's...she's just so amazing, Da. Nothing I can give her is enough."

"I hurt her, Da. I hurt her so much, more than I have ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. You should've heard her gasps of pain when I said I couldn't love her, Da. She was so broken but I couldn't make myself give her hope or love. I couldn't. Except... Except all I want to do right now is love her. All I wanna do is pour my love into this relationship, start all over, get myself sorted out, be a loving man...a good man. The man you raised. The man you wished I'd become. I wanna be that man, Da. For you, for Ma, for Nance, Kath, Ems, Amy and mostly Mer. Mer. She is...she's everything. She's everything you'd want me to find, even if she's young. You'd love her Da. You'd... Just give me a sign, Da. Give me a sign," he collapsed on the grass surrounding the grave, the words that had faded over the years, his father's presence still very much there. The sobs overtaking his body were overwhelming, they came from deep within, a place awaken for the first time in years. He was feeling. He allowed himself to feel...and he felt love. Like a mighty storm stirring from deep within, he felt love.

The breeze was blowing softly in New York City, the large oak tree blocking the sun rays gently swayed in tune with the wind blowing and he felt the sun hitting his head. He gently whipped his head around, his eyes meeting the sight of the sun shining from between the branches. It was breathtaking. It was shining down on him. He didn't believe in much, he didn't have much faith...but right there and then, he felt his father's tender hands comforting him. He knew he was there. His hero was there, and he loved him. Love. "I...I do love Mer, Da. I love her. I love her. Love... I love her," he whispered, a small smile playing on his lips, tears still falling slowly from his soft blue eyes.

His gaze dropped down, meeting the beautiful daisies blossoming around his father's grave. "Thank you, Da. Thank you for listening to me. You...you've always had the answers. You've always been my hero," he smiled softly. "I love you, Da...I love you and I miss you every single day of my life. Nothing will ever be the same without you, but now I'm going on to build what you built. A love built to last. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'll see you soon. I promise."

With those final words, Derek dusted off the dirt in his pants and moved to stand up, his hands moving slowly over his messy curls and then over his growing beard. He knew this was it. It was time to make the wrong things in his life right. He was tearing down the walls.

Meredith has just gotten out of the shower when she saw her phone beeping on her bedside table. She figured it was Cristina trying to drag her out of the house, or even Finn trying to get her to go on another date with him. He had been restless in his pursuits, trying to convince her to give them a go. She just couldn't bring herself to be with anyone else, but she figured time would heal her wounds. She moved quickly to the bedside table and picked up the phone. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw a text and Derek's name flash on the screen.

"Wait for me."

More than this life, there is love
There is hope and this is real
Let love tear down these walls