Remy's Diabolical Plan

Chapter Fourteen: Remy is Diabolically Evil!

~X~

Remy sat at the kitchen island peacefully eating his breakfast. So far this morning, everything was quiet. Only half of the inhabitants of the house were up, but it was still strange for all of them to be so silent. Kurt was standing in front of the stove and flipping pancakes in a frying pan. Kitty was pouring everyone a glass of orange juice and while chatting to Rogue, who sat across from him and looked like her normal early morning grumpy self.

"Oh Rogue, I have a something to tell you!" Kitty sang in a sing-song voice.

"What?" Rogue grunted.

Kitty hopped happily across the kitchen and sat in a stool next to Rogue's. The bubbly girl's ponytail bounced behind her as she talked and Remy noticed with some interest that Kurt turned halfway from the stove to watch it as though mesmerized.

"Ok, so like, remember last night before we went to sleep and you left the room to go brush your teeth?"

Rogue narrowed her eyes in Kitty's direction. "Yes," she said as though she really did not want to hear the answer. It was all too obvious when Kitty was up to something.

Kitty giggled and then reached for her glass of orange juice, bringing it to her mouth and drinking it with deliberate slowness. Remy smirked when he noticed Rogue's eyes narrow a little more. She was getting annoyed.

"Ah, that's nice." Kitty placed the glass back down in front of her and slowly lifted a napkin to pat over her mouth. She paused when she saw Rogue glaring at her. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot you! So you remember that, right?"

"Yes," Rogue hissed.

Remy grinned. She really did hate the morning time. It was so endearing. Or at least he thought so.

"So I was lying there, right, and I like heard your phone ring." Kitty looked very mischievous.

Rogue's face paled underneath the light sunburn dusting her cheeks. "What have you done?"

"Oh, nothing!" Kitty grinned brightly. "I just talked to Jack and invited him to our Fourth of July cookout today!"

"WHAT!" Remy and Rogue both screamed at the same time. Everyone turned to Remy at this, including Rogue, who seemed to have forgotten that she was mad at Kitty for just that second and instead was looking in confusion at the man across from her.

Remy cleared his throat awkwardly and looked around at everyone. There had to be something that he could say to not make himself look stupid. Or to make Rogue think that he was at all opposed to her dating someone named Jack. Not that he even knew who Jack was or knew that Rogue was even dating him. After all, she might not be. But still…Remy didn't like hearing her name in the same sentence with another male's. It made him feel all…twitchy.

"Uh…" He said slowly, looking around at all of their staring faces. "Kitty!" He decided to stop his gaze on her. "You! That is just-just rude! How dare you do that to Rogue?"

They all still continued to stare. Finally Kurt turned away to flip his pancake but then turned back to look at him again. Rogue stared at him for another moment before turning back to Kitty. "He's right. You've gone too far, Kitty."

"How have I gone too far?" Kitty argued. "He said you two had a date on Friday."

"What!" Remy slammed a hand to the tiled surface of the island.

Once again, they all turned to look at him. Rogue's expression was confused and annoyed, but Kitty wore a secretive little smirk while Kurt seemed to be contemplating him through narrowed eyes.

Remy thought quickly. "-are you thinkin', Kitty?" He finished lamely. "Like Remy said, it's rude."

Rogue shook her head quickly before turning back to Kitty. "Un-invite him!"

Kitty looked like someone had just taken a present away. "What! NO! Why?"

"Because I don't want him here." Rogue crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. "Stop tryin to set me up all the time! You do know that some people actually enjoy being single, don't you?"

"Yeah!" Remy agreed.

"Rogue, come on!" Kitty wasn't backing down. "Don't be such a stick in the mud all the time. Having him over won't hurt you and it won't be a big deal. I invited Adam over; will that make you feel better?"

Three things happened in that moment. Rogue screamed, "NO!" Before looking confused and asking, "Who is Adam?" Kurt jerked his head around to stare intently at Kitty, and Tabitha came into the kitchen and said, "Pancakes again?" Remy was just wondering when and where they had found all of these boys.

"Adam's that guy that we met on the beach that day." Kitty answered Rogue. "Remember?"

Now that she thought about it, Rogue did remember. It was the boy with the red hair who had given her such an uneasy feeling. She couldn't remember much else about him other than that feeling he had given her.

"Unfortunately," she growled in a way that was reminiscent to Wolverine.

"Hey!" Kitty looked offended. "He was nice. But whatever, he'll be here tonight and he'll give you and me and Jack some company!"

"Oh dear god," Rogue covered her face with her hands and groaned.

The world was over. Just ask Remy. This was the end. This was where all of his dreams were shattered and all the flowers died. That boy was going to come in and sweep Rogue off of her feet and take her away, he was sure of it. Well, then again…maybe not if he had anything to do with it. Remy grinned evilly. Oh yes, things would be dealt with, LeBeau style.

"Kurt," he said happily, "you're pancakes are burnin'."

~X~

Kurt was a simple person.

He didn't like to argue and he didn't like to fight. He was the kind of person that could have a friendly conversation with just about anyone and make you like him without really trying.

And most people did like Kurt. He was nice and friendly and enjoyed making people laugh. It didn't take much to please him because he wasn't very high maintenance. How Remy and Rogue ended up screaming at one other every other day, he didn't know. He supposed it was because they were both so…passionate about…uh…their own opinions and beliefs. They didn't mind fighting. Kurt would do almost anything to avoid a fight. He liked being the kind of person that anyone could feel that they could easily talk to.

And honestly he couldn't say that he cared very much to argue, even if it was something that he really believed in. He just didn't feel like exerting the energy into it. Why fight when you could be peaceful and not scream your head off?

As nice and peaceful as Kurt was, he was also a very confused young man. There were several things that confused him. One the things that confused him the most was when his friends tried to say that pancakes and waffles were the same thing. They weren't the same thing! Not by a long shot. Waffles had those little squares and they were drier and they tended to get a little crusty around the edges when left too long. But pancakes…Kurt's mouth watered. Pancakes were soft and fluffy and the butter melted over them so easily, making it taste just right so that you could slowly pour some hot maple syrup all over them—

Kurt shook his head quickly. He couldn't let himself fall into a daydream while he was supposed to be cooking over a fiery grill. The results would most likely not be pretty.

But it was hard not to start dreaming about pancakes. It was one of the only things he ever fantasized about. Well, that and…But he wouldn't think about that. After reaching down and flipping over the steaks in front of him, Kurt nonchalantly scanned the backyard.

There was Scott, sitting on the deck steps next to Amara and having a friendly conversation. Jean was closer by, watering one of the rose bushes before bending and breathing in its scent. The only thing that Kurt could smell was the charcoal smell from the grill and the usual salty smell of the ocean air. It being twilight, the sun was almost down and the fireflies were flying over their heads. And judging by Tabitha's yelp, one had just flown into her face.

Kurt continued to look around and nearly jumped out of his fur when he noticed Remy had silently come to stand next to him.

He gasped. "Holy shi-"

"Its nice night out, dontcha' think?" Remy asked casually as he shuffled his deck of cards around in his hands.

"I guess." Kurt breathed slowly as he tried to get his heart rate under control. "Why are you sneaking up on me like that? And why do you look so evil?"

Remy grinned. "Oh, nothin, nothin. Did you see Rogue's date?"

Kurt's mood immediately darkened. "Yes. And Kitty's too. I think they're around front on the beach."

"Of course they are." Remy continued to grin. "The beach is romantic."

Kurt's face twisted into a sour expression but he didn't have any reply to this. Instead he studied Remy suspiciously. "Why do you seem so happy? I thought you…" Had a thing for Rogue was what Kurt wanted to say. But no one had ever actually spoken of this out loud. Kurt honestly wasn't even sure if anyone else knew about it. He himself had just started noticing it.

Remy had no idea that anyone else knew. He was sure that his secret was just that—a secret. And that was why he was confused by Kurt's half question.

"You thought what?" He asked curiously.

Kurt actually thought about calling him out on it for a few moments before he changed his mind. What good would it do anyway? Remy would just deny it. "Nothing." He said before picking up the steaks in front of him and flipping them over.

Remy shrugged. "Ok…so…I see you got your best face on."

Kurt glared. But not just because of the teasing insult. On a hot summer day like this, when they were all relaxing and having fun, there was nothing more that he would like to do other than turn off his image inducer and feel the sun and that ocean breeze on his fur and be comfortable. But Kitty had decided to invite two normal people so that meant that he couldn't do what he wanted.

"You still didn't answer my question." He changed the subject. "Why do you look like-"

"Sorry, gotta go!" Remy turned and raced off, leaving a very suspicious Kurt behind.

Around front, Rogue was trying to count how many sea gulls were in that bunch that had just flown over their heads. One, two, three, four, five, blah, blah, blah, fifteen, and…was it sixteen or seventeen? She would be able to count them properly if they would just stop moving! And now they were out of sight. Rogue sighed and looked for something else to occupy her attention. Where had that stray cat gone? There had been one walking around the place earlier and it hadn't hesitated to leave them a 'gift' in the form of a dead mouse on the doorstep. Then later, it had left another 'gift' of a different kind on the driveway that Scott had stepped in. Rogue hated cats but she kind of liked this one; it was funny.

But the cat was nowhere to be seen at the moment so she would have to find something else interesting. She could always pay attention to whatever Kitty was chatting on about but it was probably something that would make her ears bleed anyway. Or she could actually look at her date. But then this would lead to another chorus of, "You're so beautiful! The beach is so lovely! Don't you love summer? I do! Wow, you're friends are so nice!"

There was nothing wrong with being enthusiastic…unless you were the kind of person that was enthusiastic about every. Single. Little. Thing. At this point, Rogue was kind of scared to look his way lest he start in on how deep and full of life her eyes were. This grated at her nerves. Her eyes were not deep and full of life, her eyes were green.

And Kitty's date…That same uneasy feeling came back when he re-introduced himself. She wanted to get away from him, away from his creepy leering eyes and his weird smile that for some reason made the back of her neck itch. And Kitty…Rogue didn't know what Kitty was talking about. She had blocked out her voice ten minutes ago.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah blah!" Her date was saying. Ok, her date wasn't saying that. This was just what her non listening mind told her he was saying. He smiled and nudged her lightly with an elbow before going on. "Blah, blah?" He laughed. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!"

Rogue flinched. Was he really saying blah now? She had been pretending for so long that this was what he really was saying, that her mind was now telling her that this was all he could say.

Kitty nodded, seemingly agreeing with Rogue's date and replied. "Blah! Like, blah, blah, blah! Blah, blah, blah, like, blah and blah."

That confirmed it. They really were just speaking nonsense now. But she continued to robotically smile and nod along, even though she thought it very strange that they were just talking the way they were.

Kitty's date looped an arm casually around Kitty's shoulder and Rogue's eye twitched for some reason. He smiled at Rogue, winked, and said, "Blah, blah, blah, I'm creepy, blah, blah."

And now she really wanted to leave.

She stood quickly from her seat on the porch step and said, "Let's go out back and see what everyone else is up to." But she was pretty sure it came out more like, "Let's go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

"Ok!" Jack the Ripper—or her date—said happily as he too stood up with her. "That sounds great! I bet if the front of this place looks this nice, I can't wait to see the back!"

Rogue didn't waste too much brain power on thinking about how that statement made no sense. Instead, she walked as quickly as she could around the house and through the gate to enter the backyard. The first thing she noticed was the delicious smell wafting through the air from the grill that Kurt was standing in front of. He looked up as they came over, nodding lightly in acknowledgment. Second was Tabitha running away from an on-coming firefly. And third was the incredibly annoying chirping from her date.

"Oh WOW! This place is stunning! Look at those flowers! And smell that honeysuckle! And whatever's cooking smells GREAT!"

Rogue fought back the whimper that threatened to come from her. Instead she rubbed her temples to drive back the oncoming headache. Kurt lifted an eyebrow and tried not to look too interested.

"That house is huge! Do you own it? OOO are those hibiscus?"

"I'm thirsty!" Rogue burst, perhaps a little crazily. She couldn't help that her eyes were wide and every line of her body was drawn and tense and her hair was a little messy now that she had knotted her fingers through it in agitation. She wasn't going to try to help it. The man needed to know that he was driving her up the wall.

"Please," she tried in a slightly calmer (but still strained) voice. "Will you go get me a drink? They're in the cooler on the porch." If he didn't get away from her at that moment, it would most certainly be detrimental to his health…not to mention her sanity.

"Sure!" He responded brightly as though he had been waiting all night for her to ask this of him. Smiling, he walked off, leaving a very harassed feeling Rogue and a snickering Kurt. Rogue just watched his retreating form and somehow even the back of his head looked like it was smiling at her.

There was a shiny, giant fork sitting on the shelf of the grill that Kurt had been using to flip the steaks over with. Rogue's hand inched toward the pointy and possibly deadly object of it's own accord. It would be so easy…to just pick up the fork and toss it in his direction…and it wasn't like anyone was looking. Except that everyone was in the backyard and Kurt was slowly pulling the fork out of her reach.

Snapping out of her daydream, Rogue turned to Kurt desperately. "Hide me!"

"Right!" Kurt replied seriously. He reached over and opened the lid of the grill, releasing a cloud of smoke. "You get in here and I'll close it over you!"

"Kurt." She deadpanned.

"Before you say no, just think about it! It's the perfect plan! He'll be so busy looking for you, he'll never guess that you're on fire!"

Growling, she waved a hand in his direction before marching away. "Oh, so much help you are! Thanks for nothin."

"You're welcome." He said solemnly, pretending it was a compliment.

Rogue ran. Rogue ran quickly.

~X~

Devious, diabolical, and maniacal. These were all words that Remy was fond of. Mostly because at some point in his life, all three of these things had been used when speaking of him. Remy was devious, Remy was certainly diabolical, and Remy LeBeau was definitely maniacal.

Like, for instance, right now. It was a very evil thing to do, coming up so nicely to this seemingly friendly boy. It was not by any means considered nice to tell lies or manipulate or make one look stupid. But, as the saying goes, don't eat the yellow snow. And as the saying goes that actually pertains to this situation, all is fair in love and war.

Remy had never understood this saying…until now. He was going to win. He was going to get Rogue. And no freakishly enthusiastic boy was going to stop him. And it didn't matter if Rogue actually liked him back or not. He wasn't going to let this guy even think he had a chance.

The guy was heading for the cooler on the porch with a joyful expression on his face. Remy headed over in that direction also, leaning up against the wall of the house next to the drinks and trying to look cool. Wait, what was he thinking? He didn't try to look cool—it was just inevitable that Remy look cool with everything he did. It was a just a God-given gift he possessed.

So Remy (looking cool) pulled out a single card and flipped it around easily over the backs of his fingers. This, of course, made him look ten times cooler and the boy stopped to stare at this move with a look of fascination.

"Wow," he breathed, "That's amazing! Can you show me how to do that?"

"Oh, this?" Remy asked casually as he repeated the move.

"Yeah, it's really cool!"

Remy grinned. That was just what he had been thinking.

"All you do," he started to explain the boy leaned forward, "is hold the card in your hand-"

"Hold the card in your hand," the younger man murmured in concentration.

"-then look at it and think really hard-"

"Think really hard…"

"And if you want it bad enough, bam! You can do it!"

The boy looked a bit confused by this, and smiled uncertainly. "Uh…wait, can you explain it again?"

"So, you're Rogue's date?" Remy asked as though he hadn't heard his question.

"Yes!" He dropped the confused look and now donned a bright and happy one.

"Ah…Rogue." Remy dropped his eyes back to card in his hand, studying it thoughtfully. "It's a weird name, don't you think?"

"Oh, no, not at all! I find it refreshingly original!"

Remy lifted his eyes from the card in his hand to look at the boy's bright face…The bright face that he really wanted to punch. That was the same thing that he had said to Rogue when she had told him her name! Of course, when he had said it, he had been half joking. But seriously, Rogue was a weird name. He knew that her real name was Anna but she pinched anyone who called her that. And her pinches hurt.

"Right." He replied simply, deciding on not punching the young man in front of him. "Well, 'for you go, there are a few things about Rogue that you should know…"

To Be Continued...