Chapter 14
Between eighth and ninth grade
"He came over again today?"
"Yeah...and stayed for, like, fifteen minutes."
"That's the third time, right? What the heck do they talk about?"
"The same kind of stuff…it's weird. He knocks on the door saying he wants to make sure she's feeling okay, and then she asks how the tree planting job is going. But he finished with it yesterday, so I dunno what they're gonna talk about next."
"You think he'll keep coming back? It sorta seems like, um...well, do you think he might…like her or something?"
"He better not."
Edward sounds mad about that, and I'll bet he's scowling over there on his side of the fence. We're both sitting on the ground with our backs against the wood. In one spot, a few of the slats have rotted, so they're thinner. It's almost like we're touching, especially when he moves and I can feel the vibrations through the boards.
"He seemed pretty nice to me…not that it means anything, though." I add the second part quickly when he makes an irritated noise.
"I don't know what's going on, but if my dad starts getting even a little idea that he's coming over, well…it'll be ugly, and not just for her. Sure, I haven't seen her smile like this in a long time, but it's not worth making him mad. She should know better."
"But what if Carlisle can help—get all of you away from your dad and stuff? Isn't that what you want?"
"First off, I don't trust the guy…not that it matters, because there's no way he can help us. Mom's too afraid of Dad to leave. And, he's got her so mixed up in the head that she doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. She thinks it's his job as the head of the house—that he's just trying to make sure we stay on the right path to Heaven. He punishes us so we learn from our mistakes."
"That's crazy!" I exclaim. "What sort of terrible mistakes do you make that you've always got bruises and cuts? And why does Esme look so sick—like she's not eating or sleeping enough? Don't tell me it was just the fall down the stairs, because it's more than that."
He doesn't answer me, and I sigh in frustration. I don't get why he doesn't seem to want help. If someone offered to take me away from life with Mama, I'd be gone in a heartbeat.
"Okay, well, what if Carlisle can change her mind? You said she's smiling, right? Maybe—"
"It's not gonna work!" The force of his yell rattles the fence. He lowers his voice right away, but it's still just as intense. "I might not go to school and get out into the world like you do, but that doesn't mean I'm completely stupid! I know what'll happen. This isn't the first time someone's tried to 'help,' and it always ends up bad for us.
"A couple years ago, a person at church said something about how tired Mom looked. For some reason, Dad was sure she'd been complaining to others, so he told her she needed to 'bear her burden in silence." He taped her mouth shut and said if she was so tired, she should rest. Then he threw her in a closet and locked the door. He didn't open it again until three days later."
"Oh no." My words come out in a whisper.
"Oh yeah." Edward lets out a bitter laugh. "Of course, that's nothing compared to what happened when he thought one of us called CPS. Let's just say I'll never look at camping the same way again."
"But you told me you were praying and reading the Bible out there!"
"We were—well, Mom and me did. Dad was, um…he had to make sure we were doing it right."
I don't know exactly what Edward means by that, and it would probably be better if I didn't. I already get sick over the things I do know about.
"How'd he even find out about CPS?"
"Mom told him. She won't hide anything because she sees it as lying, which is a sin."
I can hear the annoyance in his voice, but I have to ask him one last question.
"You say your mama won't leave, but…what about you and Mary Alice? What if Carlisle could find a place where the two of you would stay together? What if he—"
"Would you shut up about it?" Edward spits out, causing me to startle. "I told you I'm not leaving my mom behind. Maybe yours is a worthless human being who hates her kid, but mine isn't. Mom might be…confused…about some things, but I know she loves us. I'm sick of you thinking you know what's best for my family when your own is so messed up. I mean, do you even know who your dad is?"
My throat tightens at his words, and I have a hard time breathing. It feels like he climbed over the fence and kicked me in the stomach. My eyes are hot with tears, but instead of letting the hurt take over, I get mad. Like, really mad. I turn around onto my knees and then shove at the fence where he's sitting with all my strength.
"I'd rather have no family than a fucked up one like yours!" I'm shocked at the bad word that hardly ever comes out of my mouth, but I'm too worked up to stop now. "Your dad's a psycho, your mama's brainwashed, and Merr-merr is probably messed up for good because you were too scared to get help. How sad is it that my friends tried harder for her than you did?"
Through the cracks and holes in the wood, I can see that he's turned around, too. We're staring at each other, both breathing hard with red faces and watery eyes. He furious, but at the same time, there's just as much hurt in his expression as I know there is in mine.
Suddenly, all my anger is gone.
"Look, Edward, I'm really—"
"—a pathetic bitch. Yeah, I know."
My mouth gapes open.
The sneer on his face is easy to see, even with the fence between us. Something inside me breaks apart, and then I'm cold all over. But just as fast as the chill comes, it leaves my body, taking all emotion with it. I'm not mad anymore, and I don't feel the need to cry. I don't feel much at all.
I'm too numb and too empty.
"Whatever," I say, my voice flat. "I'm over it. All I do with you is worry and wait and then worry some more. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you and your problems and your whole messed up situation." I climb to my feet. "You're right, I shouldn't be getting into your business. You told me that more than once, and I'm finally listening. I'm out now…okay? I'm out for good."
I stand there for several heartbeats, but Edward doesn't reply. He only stares at the spot where I was sitting, his face still twisted in anger.
Shrugging, I turn around and walk to the door of my house.
I don't look back.