Typical Disclaimers Apply
A/N: These next few chapters go out to Souless-Tears!
Snape drinks coffee at night and in the afternoon, that's why he's always out of his room to catch people at those times. Also, because this chappie's full of memories this sign: 0o0o0 denotes a fade into, out of, or change in memory.
Here's a curious little note on some of my story stats! (If you could really care less about this, just skip to the actual chapter. I won't mind.) I was just checking them earlier, and, as it turns out, this story is already longer than Hooray for Not being Dead, Fired, or Eaten, and it has just as many reviews! And I'm only half-way through it! The only story longer (actually by the time I post this chappie this will be my longest story) is A Wedding to End All Weddings.
--
For a moment he thought she was Esme. Dismissing her had nearly torn him apart, and seeing her again could make his life worth living once again. Ever since her dismissal, he'd kept to himself; only leaving his office when necessary and barely speaking to the portraits. All of the troublemakers seemed to have disappeared. He had nothing to do, so he drank. Not enough to leave him sloppy and uninhibited, but enough to make him forget her. His inability to drink seemed to have left with Esme. The house-elves were loyal; they'd get him whatever whiskey or wine he demanded. They were devoted to the school, although the disappearance of one of his favorites, and elf named Dobby, unnerved him slightly.
"Bloody bugger, can't believe him. Open the fucking door!" Ginny screamed, kicking the stone gargoyle guarding Snape's office. She resembled her sister more than ever. Screaming profanities was always one of Esme's favorite activities.
"Miss Weasley," he said, clearing his throat, "why are you outside my office at midnight when no one in that school has seen you for nearly a month?" She turned around sharply, seeming lost for words. He noticed her flushed cheeks and red eyes and began to feel panicked. "What is it? Is someone here? Who did you see?"
She shook her head, finally gasping, "No, no one's here. It's….it's Esme. She was attacked in the halls."
Snape went very, very white. This couldn't be possible. She'd left. Someone else had been attacked. His mouth filled with sawdust. He struggled to speak, finally choking out, "Where?"
"Outside the Room of Requirement. Across the school." He ran off just as she'd done nearly ten minutes earlier. Ginny sprinted to catch up with him. When they were finally shoulder to shoulder he gasped:
"Which curses?"
"Cruciatus, three times and," she took a sharp breath in, "Sectumsempra. Just once."
"Oh God…" They ran more in silence, taking stairs four at a time, pushing over suits of armor, and passing through ghosts, not even feeling the rush of cold over their bodies. They sped around a tight corner and both stopped cold.
There lay Esme's body, bathed in moonlight, white splashed with red, surrounded by black. Even with her back towards them, they could still see blood dripping out of the wounds. Snape walked with a purposeful quiet, as if he believed that stepping too hard would wake her. He leaned down to examine her body. The stones of the castle disconnected and crashed around him. Suits of armor fell. Students and portraits screamed in his ear. Esme wasn't breathing. "Get Madam Pomfrey," he whispered, struggling not to cry. Ginny left wordlessly, taking one last look at her sister and disappearing.
Once Ginny had gone, he knelt over her broken, bleeding body. The song slipped from his lips as he moved his wand over the gashes. A few of the shallower ones healed quickly, but the deepest ones, the ones that had split open first, made no attempt to close. He waved and muttered with more and more fervor, but it led to no avail. Tears came to his eyes, and he lifted his wand for one last time when Madam Pomfrey grabbed his wrist.
"Poppy she's been—" For the first time in months someone looked on him with genuine kindness.
"I know, Severus," she whispered. "Miss Weasley told me." She knelt down next to the body with Snape. "Who did this? Why was she even out here?" She saw that Esme wasn't breathing and waved her wand quickly, "Anapneo." Immediately Esme emitted a soft sigh, her chest finally rising and falling.
"She had a fight with Sirius, and she ran out," Ginny explained.
"Is it possible that he did it?" Snape questioned softly.
"No!" Ginny cried. "He'd never hurt her! He loves her!" She recovered her composure, "Anyway, I saw, it was Alecto. She just spotted her and attacked."
Snape dropped his eyes to his palms, and Madame Pomfrey said briskly, "Well, let's not worry about all that now. Ginny, go back to wherever you were staying before you get hurt. Severus, put a Disillusionment charm on her and get her up to the Hospital Wing."
"No," he murmured.
"What?"
"It's the first place they'll look. They'll kill her if they find her. Take her to my office."
They placed the charm and left, Snape cradling Esme in his arms. Ginny returned to the Room of Requirement, where everyone was waiting anxiously. Sirius rose to say something, but she just shook her head sadly and crawled into bed. It was then when they all knew that tonight was probably the last night they'd ever see Esme.
When Madame Pomfrey and Snape reached his office, many of the portraits rose to see what was happening. Snape shook his head and lay Esme down on a soft, gold sofa. Pomfrey shooed him away and summoned curtains to surround the area while she worked.
Snape slid to the floor and placed his head against the cool brick wall. The moment he closed his eyes, memories came rushing at him like a train…
0o0o0
"Isn't she beautiful?" Narcissa Malfoy beamed, showing off her newly adopted baby to a teenage Snape. He looked at her awkwardly.
"Um, yes." He'd never been around babies before. Did they all have that sort of malicious, evil look in their eyes?
"Her mother was died in birth, poor dear. Stayed alive long enough to name her. Didn't even have a husband," she shook her head as if an unwed mother was the most scandalous thing she'd heard of. Then again, knowing Narcissa, it probably was….
0o0o0
"Sorry to call you on such short notice, Sev, but we've just been called away," Lucius said apologetically, attempting to fasten his cloak and kiss his daughter goodbye at the same time. Meanwhile, Narcissa gave him her typical directions.
"Now she's been very energetic lately, so you may want to play outside with her. And she seems awfully fascinated by the peacocks, but keep her away from them. I'm always afraid they'll peck her eyes out," she shivered at the thought.
"Play football with her. She loves football," Lucius said, finally picking his daughter up and handing her to Snape. He'd been babysitting for them ever since she'd been adopted. At first it felt odd, but they didn't have anyone else to go to: Bellatrix was frightening and they weren't speaking to Andromeda. After four years, little Esme pretty much adored him.
Lucius and Narcissa rushed out the door, leaving Esme and Snape is their dust. Snape looked at the little girl in his arms, "You ready to go play?"
"Yeah!" she cried, scrambling down and toddling towards the back door. "Let's go play! Let's go play!" Snape laughed, rushing after her.
It would be nearly eight years until he saw her again.
0o0o0
"Slain, Esmeralda!" A slim, short, dark-haired girl walked calmly up to the Sorting Hat.
Hmm, Snape mused silently to himself from the High Table. She kept her own name.
"GRYFFINDOR!"
Oh shit. Lucius will not like this.
The next day, he'd looked over to see her happily writing a letter to her parents. The pleasant smile on her face and the way she and the other Gryffindors were laughing together nearly broke his heart. When Esme noticed the way he'd been staring, she turned to look back, her eyebrows scrunching together. She scrutinized him for a few moments before turning back to her new friend and shrugging. She hadn't recognized him.
0o0o0
"I have an unfortunate announcement," Dumbledore said grimly, addressing the staff. They'd all been summoned into the staffroom; no reason had been stated. "As many of you know," he looked directly at Snape, "the young, adopted child of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy was recently sorted into Gryffindor." The room stayed silent, everyone uneasy about the direction this was taking. "A few days ago, I received a letter from the Malfoys, asking for the names of the young lady's parents." He paused, "Esmeralda Slain is a both a direct descendant of Marcus Slain and the illegitimate child of James Potter." McGonagall turned rather white and Flitwick gasped audibly. "I expect she will do great things. However," he shook his head sadly, "Lucius Malfoy does not. Earlier today I learned that he had gone to the Ministry and denounced himself as her father. As of nine a.m. this morning, Miss Slain no longer has a family."
"Oh, oh no," Sprout shook her head sadly. "Albus, what are we going to do? How can we tell a child her parents have disowned her?"
"I'm not sure," he said gravely. "Minerva, please bring her down to my office tomorrow afternoon. As her Head of House, I expect you to be there when I give the news," McGonagall nodded sharply. Dumbledore lifted his chin towards Snape, "Severus, I expect you to be there too."
0o0o0
Dumbledore smiled warmly at the scared first year in front of him. The poor dear had practically been shaking when she walked in the door, and now she was biting at her lip and trying not to meet his eyes. "You're not in trouble Esme," he said kindly. "We just called you in here to have a little…chat. About your parents."
"What about them?" she asked nervously.
"Well, Esme your parents were very open with you about your adoption, were they not?"
"Yes?"
"Yes, but neither your parents nor you were aware of your lineage. And that's turned into quite a problem. Perhaps if the Ministry had been upfront about your biological parents, we wouldn't have this problem… but it's not time to point fingers. You see, your father was on the side of the world that was fighting against your parents. He was probably your parents' number one enemy. Esme, your father is James Potter."
"Oh," she said softly. "Why does that matter?"
"Your parents are just so…strongly opposed to people like James, that they don't really want to be, oh gods, I can't believe I'm saying this," he gently pinched the bridge of his nose. "Esme, your father has disowned you."
"Oh."
0o0o0
"Esme," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "I'm sure you'll find that I've called you to my office today for a much happier reason than last time."
"I would hope so."
He laughed, "There is so much of your father in you. Esme," he smiled, "we've found a family who would very much like to adopt you."
"Y-you have?" she gasped.
"Yes. You may have met two of their sons: Bill and Charlie…"
"Oh my God," she said, her face splitting into a smile. McGonagall shared a same knowing smile with Snape. "Oh my God!"
0o0o0
"For your final defense…" he flicked his wand and a closet at the back of the room burst open. Esme's eyes widened as a horrible, black dementor floated towards her.
"Well, I thought it seemed rather gloomy in here, but I figured it was just you." She raised her wand, shaking. "E-e-ex…" the creature floated closer. "Expect—Expecto…" It closed in. Lockhart let out a high-pitched squeal and ran to the back of the room. Esme's wand slipped out of her hand as she fell to her knees. The dementor leaned down, its hood pulling back. A thin bit of silver escaped Esme's lips.
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Snape yelled, jumping up from the desk. A silver doe burst from his wand. He stared at it; it looked a bit…off. More violent than it had before. Its mouth ripped open and let out a terrible cry. The dementor floated away, back to its closet. Snape flicked his wand again and the doors shut. Then he went to Esme.
Her eyes were staring glassily at the ceiling. Her mouth was open a bit. She looked dead. He lowered himself over her, examining her delicate features. A soft face with a sharp chin. Ears that stuck out. Lord, she even looked like James. He leaned down more and, as if he were performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, breathed into her pale lips.
Something cold came over him, as if he'd just walked through a ghost. For a second he feared the dementor had gotten out. He'd named him Steve. No, wait, FOCUS! But a calm stillness washed over him, and he pulled away and slid Esme's eyelids closed. Lockhart was whimpering in the corner, turned away from the action. No one had seen. He'd send for her parents that evening. She'd live out the rest of her days in St. Mungo's.
"Hey." He turned quickly. Esme was up, pulling herself to her feet, straightening her robes. "What happened?"
"You passed out."
"Oh," she looked around her. "Do I still pass?"
0o0o0
"Albus, there is no possible way that girl can be my apprentice," he said firmly, facing the headmaster with clear determination.
"And why is that, Severus?"
"She's eighteen! Even if she acted her age she's much too young to be a professor! Not to mention the fact that she's rude and blatantly favors the Gryffindors!"
"Well, I think it's a wonderful idea."
"I thought she was going to Switzerland to study with that Von Straus bloke?"
"Severus, knowing Miss Slain, I can say that she is a wonderful choice to teach Potions alongside you. Yes, she may be a bit unpleasant toward the Slytherins, but ever professor favors his or her House a bit more than the others. You of all people should know that." Snape looked down guiltily. "There is no reason why she should not be a teacher, unless, of course, there's something you're not telling me."
"No," he said to the floor, "there's nothing."
0o0o0
The red eyes glared down at him, piercing him to the soul. "Make it interesting. I want to laugh when I read her obituary." He felt his heart stop. Kill her? Kill Esme? I'll be doing it again. I'll be doing it all over again…
0o0o0
"You love her."
"Yes, I love her!" Snape exploded, "Of course I love her! I've loved her for years, but of course she was always too young and when we began teaching I felt the want to tell her of my feelings every day, but by then I was too old! Then she fell in love with Black and they're getting married, and whenever I think of trying to win her with a Love Potion, every part of me screams because the idea is so horrible and dishonest!" Tears came to his eyes and he felt his grip on his emotions falter. "It's the same thing as with Lily; I didn't say anything about how much I loved her, and then some other idiot married her. Then she died because of me. And now, even if it's not me who does it, the Death Eaters are going to kill her and if I can't love her all I want to do is protect her!" His voice hitched and the tears spilled onto her cheeks. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't go on and do everything these two old men wanted. He just wanted to stop.
0o0o0
"I love you Severus."
"I love you too—" Suddenly another voice ripped across his mind, angry and wild.
"I hate you!" she screamed. I hate you, I hate you, I…
0o0o0
"SEVERUS!" Madame Pomfrey yelled, shaking his shoulders. He looked up, gasping and muttering. She stared at him: he'd had his hands in his hair and tears had been spilling out onto his cheeks. Along with that, he was pale and exhausted. Severus Snape was not a pretty sight.
"Is she alive?" he asked softly, not wanting to hear the answers.
"Yes," Pomfrey's lips were pressed into a thin line. "But not for long." Before Snape could say anything, she continued, "She's lost too much blood to fully recover without long-term medical help. Not to mention that she was unconscious for so long because her lungs had filled with blood and she very well may have memory loss or brain damage. Severus," she whispered, "she has to go to St. Mungo's."
"She can't go there," he muttered. "They'll find her. They'll kill her."
"You don't the severity of this!" she said in a hushed tone. "If there's an attack she won't stand a chance! If someone were to use the Cruciatus Curse, or Sectumsempra, she'd be killed within the moment! Even if they don't attack for another year, her odds of surviving in battle are nearly zero. They can help her at St. Mungo's, Severus. They'll keep her safe."
"No," he murmured. "If we transport her to St. Mungo's, people will know. And they'll go after her, if only to get to the Weasleys. The best thing to do is to keep her here. Don't let anybody find out about her. If anything, tell them she's dead."
"I can't possibly do that!"
"If people know she's alive," he said, finally looking her in the eye, "the Carrows will find out. And they will kill her. And they will kill Sirius. And I can't let that happen."
She nodded, leaving quickly. Once she was gone, Snape walked over to the small body lying on the couch. Deep scars crossed over her face and neck; the rest of her was covered by the nightclothes Pomfrey had summoned. He reached down and stroked her hair, thinking, How could this have happened?
"How could this have happened?" Suddenly, Lily's voice began chewing away at his mind. "I'll tell you how this happened. It was you. It was always you. You knew she was here the moment you saw that girl in the halls. But did you say anything? No, not apathetic, couldn't-care-less Snape. You just let her go. And you weren't even surprised to see her. You knew that she'd never leave, not even if you sacked her. But did you care? Of course not! You were only thinking about yourself, and what you wanted! You wanted to be her great protector, and you were supposed to be, too! But look at her now, does she look protected? You've failed her, Severus. Now she's close to death and it's all your fault! In fact, this whole thing is all your fault. It's your fault she stayed at the school after graduation. It's your fault she's so damn stubborn—you just had to be such a strict teacher, didn't you?—and refused to lead the school. It's your fault she started the underground classes. And it's your fault that Alecto used Sectumsempra on her! If only you hadn't invented it. You know she's going to die. And if you can't live without her, then I recommend you do the same.
"No," he whispered, tears trickling down his face again. "It can't be."
--