Just Another Love Song
Beat 14: Losing It

"I can't do this anymore."

I think my heart just stopped. Did he just say…

"After three years, I let myself think that I really might love you."

Dear Lord…

"But I can't keep lying to you and myself. Not anymore."

"Are you…are you joking? Please tell me you're joking Yuki!" I cry. I think I'm going to have a heart attack right here and now.

"Actually I am."

I feel my face meet the floor. "BASTARD!"

I lift my face up when he starts laughing. God he's so fucked up sometimes.

"Why the hell would you do something like that?"

Yuki smirks as he lights up another cigarette. "Well they say shock is good in these cases."

"These cases? What the hell are you going on about?"

I think Yuki has officially lost his mind.

"You know, like a pinch."

"Huh?"

"To wake up."

My head snaps up and blink. My eyes move around the room, taking in the emptiness. Just how I must have left it when I fell asleep. God what a dream. Everything felt so real, like Yuki had just come in and…

Damn I need to sleep in a real bed soon. I peel myself off the floor and glance at my watch. It takes a few minutes to convert the time over, but after I do I realize I've slept long enough to miss my return flight to Japan. Shit. I might be a little late getting to work Monday after all. I rub my still aching wrist and glare at the gun on the floor as I stumble past it. No sense staying here, I think I've done all I could possibly do with out killing myself or becoming an arsonist. Hell, at least I know now that if I haven't lost my mind already, I'm slowly heading that direction.

I don't know why I dreamed Yuki would come here. It's not like it'd be THAT easy for Tohma to track me down. I paid cash at the airport, disguised myself, and never got a chance to tell anyone where I was going. Not even Mom knows. So the likelihood that Yuki would just show up like that is well…

It's impossible actually. I sigh. But up until that last bit, it was kind of nice. Stepping outside I pull Yuki's coat around me a bit tighter. Shit it's gotten colder out. Thankfully it doesn't take too long to hail down a taxi and get to a hotel. I don't really care about missing work Monday; all I want to do right now is get a decent night's sleep. With any luck, I might be able to keep my cold from coming back.

Unfortunately for me, I have to use my credit card at the hotel. Creepy, over-paranoid American bastards. Oh well. No doubt by morning someone really WILL be on a flight here. I'm sure Tohma's got a watch on my credit cards, which is a little un-nerving to say the least. But as I sink down into the soft hotel mattress, I really could care less about it.

The phone ringing wakes me up and I have to almost literally pull the pillow off my face. Taking a quick look at the clock I'm shocked to see I've slept for almost fifteen hours straight. Good God I must have been worse off than I thought I was.

Considering how shitty I felt, that's saying something. The phone, though, is giving me a headache and it takes a few rings before I decide to answer it instead of throwing it against the nearest wall.

"M'llo?" I'm sure I sound like shit, but I couldn't really care.

"Mr. Shindou? This is the front desk sir. You have a visitor down in the lobby."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair as I try to sit up on the bed. "Send 'em up."

"Yes sir."

I replace the phone on the hook and half-crawl half-stumble to the door. I unlock it and crack it open then head into the bathroom. I hear a knock as I'm splashing water on my face and trying to fix my hair a little bit. It's not really helping any. I still look like shit.

"Door's open!"

I hear it shut with a small click and sigh. It's not Yuki. I've no doubt he's pissed to all hell right now and that door would have slammed shut if it were him. I take one last look in the mirror before stepping out of the bathroom.

To have my eyes overloaded with pink.

"…Ryuichi?"

He pulls Kumagorou back and grins. "Found you! You play a really good game of hide and seek, Shuichi!"

I blink. Maybe I'm dreaming again. This is the LAST person I thought would show up.

Though I have to laugh. International hide and seek kind of sounds like fun.

"You look so surprised to see me! I bet you didn't think me and Kumagorou would find you first did you?"

Ryuichi looks really, really happy about this. Which is a little weird all on its own.

"Um…how did you find me Ryuichi?"

"Credit card!" he grins. "Poor Tohma hasn't thought of that yet!"

I sigh. Come to think of it, why would he? I almost never use my credit cards for anything. Only Ryuichi would look for the one thing I probably wouldn't even bother with. This is insanity at its finest. He darts off into the room and flops on the bed, placing the little pink bunny on his head before smiling at me. I must be dreaming again.

"So what now?" he asks. "Is it my turn to hide?"

"Ryuichi…"

"You really shouldn't play dangerous games like that, Shuichi."

The change of voice and look is instantaneous and, as usual, throws me off guard. I swear this man can jump back and forth on moods faster than anyone I know.

"Why were you running away?" he asks.

I sigh and sit down on the bed next to him. "I wasn't running away. I had something I needed to do."

Ryuichi raises an eyebrow and picks up my swollen wrist. "Was this part of it?"

"Accidentally, yes."

"Did you do what you needed to do?"

I think back to my conversation with Kitazawa and my odd little rant and dream at the building. Yeah, I doubt I could do more than that right now if I tried. Actually, come to think of it, I feel a lot better about the whole Yuki/Yuki thing now. He might not have let go of it yet, but I think I have. And maybe for that, I can really help him now. It hadn't really occurred to me until getting here that I was dwelling on what happened to Yuki as much as he was. No doubt though, there are still a few things I need to think about. Things I've been avoiding for a while now. But right now, all I want to do is go home and talk to Yuki.

"Yeah." I smile. "I'm done here."

Ryuichi grins and bounces up off the bed. "Let's go then! I have a private plane waiting and it's got all kinds of yummy stuff on board!"

Oh thank God. I can't remember the last time I ate. I stand up and Ryuichi puts his hand over his nose.

"But first Shu, you really need to take a shower."

Damn. I just knew I'd stink before the end of this.

"I'll go get you some clothes! Jump in the shower!" he says and disappears out the door.

I'm half way in the shower when I realize that Ryuichi is getting me clothes. I can see the tight leather pants and mid-drift revealing fluffy white shirt now.

Shit.