Chapter Fourteen

One Last Time

After a quick and light lunch, since everyone was anxious to continue, they resumed their places in the four chairs, knees touching and hands held.

"Okay," Mattie said to Annie, "just where do you want to visit?"

"Well, I'm sure you all remember when Salmoneus was pretending to be Lord Seltzer."

"Not really," Xena answered.

"Don't worry about it, it'll come back to you," Annie reassured her. "Anyway, he sold a warlord named Talmadeus some bogus armor and Talmadeus was going to attack the village where Salmoneus was running his scam. And during all of this, I was shot in the neck with a poisoned dart."

"Wasn't it Callisto who shot you?" Gabrielle asked.

"She did. But that's not why I want us to go back. The particular point I want to visit is in the barn where I was hiding from Talmadeus' men. The talmic poison had paralyzed my legs and was working its way up my body and there was a good chance that I was going to die."

Mattie smiled. "I think I know why you chose that exact point in time. And if I'm right, it was an excellent choice."

"Tell us," Xena demanded.

"I think it would be better for you, and for all of us to experience it. All right then. Let's get started. Slow your breathing -- in ... and ... out... in ... and ... out. Think back -- the old barn, Xena is lying on the straw, waiting for Gabrielle to return. Counting to ten. One ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six...."

Xena heard the barn door open and saw Gabrielle come inside.

"I made sure the guards were posted."

"Good -- now let's get everybody out of the factory. Tell them to go home, board up their houses, and stay inside. Talmadeus' focus right now is here."

"Xena, can you just stop thinking of everybody else for a moment? There's got to be something I can do for you."

"Don't worry about me. What did I tell you? Focus. We've got Talmadeus on his heels. You need to hit him at his camp. A direct attack will really make him cautious."

Gabrielle was having a hard time holding back the tears. "Xena, are you going to die?"

"It's not about me. It's about these people. That's why we're here. People like this used to be my victims. I keep that in mind every time we come up against a warlord like Talmadeus. It's the Greater Good -- remember that." Xena took a breath, and in a more somber voice said, "Gabrielle -- if it does happen, I want to be taken back home to be buried next to my brother, Lyceus." Then her tone became business-like again. "Go on, now. I'll be here when you get back."

And then they were back in the present, not quite as traumatized as previously, but it still made an impact. Then Gabrielle realized why Annie had chosen that specific situation. "That was the very first time you ever mentioned the greater good using those exact words!"

"You're right. Xena, anything ring a bell?"

"Yes -- and no. Every time we've gone back, it was like I was watching these things happen to someone else. But when we return, I know the memories are truly mine."

"But how are they affecting you? Do you feel any different -- any less evil?" Mattie asked.

Xena didn't answer right away. It was obvious she was trying to sort out her feelings. The three of them left the dining room, not wanting to make her feel like they were pressuring her to say what they wanted, hoped, she would say. They gathered in the kitchen in pretense of cleaning up after lunch. Xena slowly went into the living room and sat down on the sofa, not exactly sure what she was feeling, or was supposed to feel.

"Do you think it's done any real good?" Gabrielle asked, trying to keep her voice low enough to keep Xena from hearing.

"It's done some good, that's obvious," Mattie answered. "I just wonder how much, and for how long."

"Well, we can always keep going back if we have to," Annie said. "Even if the results aren't exactly what we want, she does seem to want to change."

Still unsure of herself, Xena looked up when she heard the front door open. Harry, tired of waiting at the office for them to call him, decided to lock up and come home.

"Hello, Harry," she said absently, then looked back down at her hands.

"The name's Har -- Hey! You called me Harry."

Xena looked up at him, then stood up. "I guess I did."

"So this means things worked out okay?"

"I suppose they did, as far as I can tell." Xena gave him a slightly wistful smile, then said, "I, uh, I want to apologize for calling you Joxer like I was. I was just trying to get your goat."

"Yeah, I figured that."

"But there's something you should know -- even though I made it sound like an insult, it really wasn't."

"It wasn't?"

"No. Even as I was being mean about it, I remembered how much Joxer -- you, cared about Gabrielle and me. And that even though you screwed up sometimes, you were always there, trying to help."

Harry was at a loss for words. This was totally unexpected.

"But if I do happen to slip up and call you Joxer, don't take the wrong way. We both know Joxer proved himself to be a true friend."

"Well, sure," he started to say, his bravado coming back.

Then Xena slapped him, just a bit too hard, but with a smile. "But don't let it go to your head."

Just then Annie, Mattie and Gabrielle, hearing voices, came into the living room.

"She called me Harry!" he exclaimed.

"That's good," Annie replied. "It means we've been successful, don't you think, Xena?"

"I do. I don't feel that anger waiting to explode, but there still is this -- blackness deep inside of me. I can feel it. And I don't want it there."

"But you need it," Mattie said. When she saw Xena's confused look, she continued. "Maybe you don't quite remember all the details, but after Caesar had us crucified and we died, we became as angels, and thanks to Eli, we eventually were returned to our bodies. But you lost that dark part of you, and your memory. You were totally lost."

"Some of that sounds familiar."

"There were two Chakrams, the one you had, and a dark Chakram. Both Ares and Kal, some other war god, wanted it. But only you could touch the dark one without being killed. You used the dark Chakram to kill Kal, then you joined the two of them together to make the one we have now. Your memory came back, and with it, that necessary bit of darkness that gave you your edge."

"So, you're saying the darkness inside me is good thing?"

"That's exactly right," said the intrusive voice of Ares, who had again appeared unnoticed.

"What do you want now?" Annie asked.

"I'm just here for Xena to make good on her promise to give me an heir, and for us to have a VERY good time in the process!"